1. Active Listening
Agile Coaching Group
Viorica Milea

2. Agenda
• Not Listening
– Signs
• Practice
• Feelings
• Good Listening
– Signs
• Understand
• Active Listening
– Impediments
• Practice
• Feelings
– Skills
• Practice
• Feelings
• Conclusion

3. Not Listening
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What are the signs for not listening:
Just hearing
Uninteresting topic
External distractions
Mentally preparing response – rehearsal
Listening for facts
Personal concern
Language/cultural differences
Faking attention
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Criticizing the subject
Getting over stimulated
Listening only for facts
Not taking notes
Creating distraction
Letting emotional words block message
Stare at the cloths or accessories
Interrupting the speaker
Start judging, labelling
React to emotional words. (interpret emotional
words)
Tend to daydream with slow speakers
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Hearing – physical
process, passive natural
Listening- physical and mental
process, active, a skill
Listening is hard! You have to
choose to participate in the
process of listening.
1. Enumerate signs
2. Practice 2 pers 3 min each
3. Write Feelings:
.................................

4. Good Listening
• What are the signs when you
are a good listener:
• Maintain eye contact
• Move closer to the person, but
do not cross over any personal
boundaries
• Nod from time-to-time
• Say things like “yes” or “uh huh”
• Keep your posture open to the
person by keeping your arms
unfolded and uncrossed
• Keep distractions to a minimum
70% Thinking – 30% Feelings
Listening to the words of the
speaker and the meaning of
the words
1. Enumerate factors:

5. Active listening
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What are the impediments:
DAY DREAMING - Daydreaming is allowing your
attention to wander to other events or people.
It is a time when you stop listening and drift
away into your own fantasies.
REHEARSING - Rehearsing is when you are busy
thinking about what you are going to say
next, so that you never completely hear what
the other person is telling you.
FILTERING - Filtering is when you listen to
certain parts of the conversation, but not all.
JUDGING - Judging is when you have stopped
listening to the other person because you have
already judged, placed labels, made
assumptions about, or stereotyped the other
person.
DISTRACTIONS - Distraction occurs when
your attention is divided by something
internal to you (headaches, worry, hunger) or
external to you (traffic, whispering, others
talking).
70% Feeling – 30 % Thinking
Exercise practice each in a
group of 4-5 pers
1. Write impediments
2. Put them to practice
3. Answer questions:
1. Write skills
2. Put them to practice
3. Fill in answers:

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Minimal
Encouragements
Skills to practice active listening:
Minimal Encouragements - Sounds made, especially on the phone, to let one person know the other is
there and listening. Such as, “Oh?”, “When?”, and “Really?”. They help build rapport and encourage the
subject to continue talking.
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PARAPHRASING - In paraphrasing, you restate, in your own words, what you think the other person just
said. You can use such phrases as “In other words…” or “What I am hearing you say is….” In the following
spaces, try to paraphrase what the speaker is saying.
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Emotion Labeling
This is often the first active listening skill to be used in a crisis communication incident Commonly, we all
want to get into problem-solving too early. Too early an approach to problem solving is doomed to failure
because the subject is often not ready to reason and you have not listened enough to get all of the
information you need to assist in problem solving. Common phrases for you to use are, “You sound…”, “You
seem…” , “I hear…” (emotion heard by you). You do not tell people how they are feeling, but how they
sound to you as if they are feeling.
“Oh?”, “When?”, and “Really?”.
PARAPHRASING
,in your own words, what you think the other
person just said
Emotion Labeling
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, “You sound…”, “You seem…” , “I hear…”
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Mirroring (or Reflecting)
repeating the last word or phrase and putting
a question mark after it
CLARIFICATION
whether you were right or wrong
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CLARIFICATION - In clarification, you tell the other person what you thought you heard, learn whether you
were right or wrong, and then ask questions to clarify.
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Open-Ended Questions
The primary use of open-ended questions is to help a subject start talking, usually begin with how, what,
when and where. Note that “why” questions are not asked directly. “Why” questions tend to steer the
conversation toward blame and shut down communication. “Why” questions also tend to pass judgment.
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“I” Messages
“I” messages enable negotiators to let the subject know how he is making you feel, why you feel that way,
and what the subject can do to remedy the situation. This is a non-threatening approach and does not put
the subject on the defensive. “I” messages are used when communication is difficult because of the intense
emotions being directed at you. It is also used when the subject is trying to manipulate you and you want
him to stop the attempts. Negotiators also use this technique to refocus the subject and when they are
verbally attacked.
Open-Ended Questions
how, what, when and where
“I” Messages
how he is making you feel
Mirroring (or Reflecting)
This is the technique of repeating the last word or phrase and putting a question mark after it. This provides
very exact responses because you are using the subject’s own words. Reflecting or mirroring asks for more
input without guiding the direction of the subject’s thoughts and elicits information when you do not have
enough to ask a pertinent question. It is useful when you are at a loss for words and it provides an
opportunity for the subject to think about what you have said.

7. Complete the How you could...
What the speaker says
How you could paraphrase
“I think I am going to leave him.”
“What I hear you saying is that you are going to
ask for a divorce.”
“My partner (mother, boyfriend) never listens to
me”
“I desperately need a vacation”
“I hate my job (school)”
“I can’t decide if I should go to the party”
“I don’t know why but I’m crazy about you! “
“This project has to be done tomorrow. I don’t
accept any excuses! “

8. Conclusion
No listening
Good listening
Active listening
Distracted
Bored
Criticizing
Hear words
Hear facts
Use body language to show you hear
Understand the content
Understand the feeling
Confirm/Clarify the understanding with the speaker
Avoid bored subjects
Always looks for “What is in for me?” for any topic
Tend to enter into argument.
Doesn’t judge until he understands the whole context.
Listens for facts
Listens for central theme
Show no energy, fakes attention
hard, exhibits alertness
Is distracted easily
Avoids distractions, tolerates bad habits, knows how
to concentrate
Reacts to emotional words
Interpret emotional words, does not get hung up on
them
Tend to daydream with slow speakers
Challenges, anticipates, mentally summarizes, listens
between the lines

9. Write the names of three people whom you consider as good listeners.
Has anyone written the name of the person whom you don't like?
Is the name in any one of these categories- liked by you, loved by you or respected by you?
If you would want to be liked or loved or respected by others, how should you be?
• Why do we want to be
listened?
• Because we need to feel:
• Recognized
• Remembered
• Valued
• Appreciated
• Respected
• Understood
• Comfortable
• Listening is a way of
saying:
• You are heard!
• You are accepted!
• You are important!