MARRAGECONFERENCE 2023
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MARRAGECONFERENCE 2023
- 1. Biblical Foundations of Marriage Family Christian Center
- 2. How do you define marriage? Contract Agreement 2
- 3. The legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman). 3 Oxford online
- 4. Webster’s Dictionary 1828 The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children. 4
- 5. How does God define marriage A covenant relationship between man, woman, and God based on God’s faithfulness. 5
- 6. The Bible Begins and ends with a marriage Speaks of specific marriages Give rules Metaphor 6
- 7. The Bible Speaks Authoritatively Give rules Getting married Being married Violating marriage Ending marriage 7
- 8. Old and New Metaphors Marriage is the image of God and His people Kinsman redeemer Christ and His church Christ is the bridegroom, and we are his bride Marriage supper is a picture of the rapture 8
- 9. Big Idea If it’s important to God, it should be important to us 9
- 10. Jesus said Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4–6 (ESV) 10
- 11. Three things God creation God’s design Supernatural 11
- 12. The reference Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over [everything] on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:26–27 (ESV) 12
- 13. Man and Woman 1 3 God’s image Dominion Sexes
- 14. Adam and Eve Narrative then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. Genesis 2:7 14
- 15. Home And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. Genesis 2:8 (ESV) 15
- 16. Job The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Genesis 2:15 (ESV) 16
- 17. First “Not Good” thing! It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. Genesis 2:18 (ESV) 17
- 18. Two-part object lesson Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them… The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. Genesis 2:19–20 18
- 19. Think God bought man to the right conclusion 19
- 20. God’s solution to man’s aloneness So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:21–22 (ESV) 20
- 21. Part of marriage vows “Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.” ―Matthew Henry 21
- 22. First poem This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Genesis 2:23 (ESV) 22
- 23. God’s design for marriage Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (ESV) 23
- 24. The Supernatural state And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25 (ESV) 24
- 26. He Made Them Male & Female Family Christian Center
- 27. Big Idea We’re different by design 27
- 28. Mars and Venus? Opposites attract, then opposites detach, then opposites attack. 28
- 29. Sub Cellular Women xx Men xy 29
- 30. Physiological Men More muscle Dense Bone Stronger connective tissue More grey matter Women Greater endurance Quicker recovery Greater flexibility More white matter 30
- 31. Male Psychology Dominant personality Assertive Risk prone Thrill-seeking Emotionally stable Abstract thinkers 31
- 32. Female Psychology Sociable Sensitive Compassionate Polite Anxious Open to aesthetics Cooperative relationships Emotion-focused Better communicators Intuitive More expressive in body language and facial 32
- 33. Sensory differences Men Far vision Movement recognition Tolerate loudness Tolerate bad smells Women Visual memory Colors Attuned to sounds Process sound faster Fine motor skills 33
- 34. Biblical Differences Women need love Men need respect 34
- 35. Biblically Different 1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 1 Peter 3:1–6 (ESV) 35
- 36. Biblically Different Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) 36
- 37. Application Be aware Be accepting Minister to the difference Ask for guidance 37
- 38. 38
- 41. Here’s a thought Be careful about giving someone a piece of your mind, you may run out. 41
- 42. Arguments Objective is not to win 42
- 43. Understanding each other Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way… 1 Peter 3:7a (ESV) 43
- 44. Did you know Hormones mold language abilities Men are fixers Women want to be heard Men like report talk Women like rapport 44
- 45. Listen Up! Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19 (ESV) 45
- 46. Can you hear me now? Content 7% Tone of voice 38% Body language 55% 46
- 47. Different Styles 1. Different talking styles 2. Distinct decision-making process 3. Women give approachable body language cues. Men come across as credible 4. Women bring up sticky issues 47
- 49. Maximize the “HEAR” and now Avoid You-Messages You don’t care You are the problem Why can’t you You always/Never Use I-Messages I feel angry because I think I am hurt 49
- 50. Four Horsemen of the Relational Apocalypse 1. Criticism 2. Defensiveness 3. Stonewalling 4. Contempt 50
- 51. Giving what they need Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) 51
- 52. The Plague! Not listening Assuming you know Too subtle or indirect Emotions dictate response 52
- 53. We can handle the truth Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) 53
- 54. Fun Time 1. Listening Without Interruption 2. Expressing Gratitude 3. Sharing Withholds 4. Make Me a Sandwich 5. You’re My Hero 54
Notas do Editor
- World defines as Contract or Agreement
- The legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship (historically and in some jurisdictions specifically a union between a man and a woman). Church once defined marriage now the state does. It has and is being redefined. Not for the better
- The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.
- A covenant relationship between man, woman, and God based on God’s faithfulness. God designed marriage for humanity. As first described in Genesis and later affirmed by Jesus, marriage is a God-ordained, covenant relationship between a man and a woman. This lifelong, sexually exclusive relationship brings children into the world and thus sustains the stewardship of the earth. Biblical marriage — marked by faithfulness, sacrificial love and joy — displays the relationship between God and his people.
- Begins and ends with a marriage Speaks of specific marriages Give rules Metaphors for covenant relationships
- Give rules Getting married Being married Violating marriage Ending marriage The bible speaks of every aspect of married life
- Metaphors it is the foundational for the understanding of relationship and the formation of families Marriage is the image of God and His people Kinsman redeemer Christ and His church Christ is the bridegroom, and we are his bride Marriage supper is a picture of the rapture
- If it’s important to God, it should be important to us
- Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
- God creation God’s design Supernatural
- Genesis 1:26–27 (ESV) 26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
- God’s image Dominion Sexes
- Genesis 2:7 (ESV) 7 then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. Your dirt stay humble
- Genesis 2:8 (ESV) And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed.
- Genesis 2:15 (ESV) The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. Work
- Genesis 2:18 (ESV) Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
- Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them… The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. Hobby
- God bought man to the right conclusion
- Genesis 2:21–22 (ESV) So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
- ―Matthew Henry “Eve was not taken out of Adam's head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled on by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.”
- Genesis 2:23 (ESV) Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
- Genesis 2:24 (ESV) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
- Genesis 2:25 (ESV) And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
- Family Christian Center
- We’re different by design Matthew 19:4–7 (ESV) 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” These differences are not intentional by your spouse, but theses differences are designed by God
- Men are from dirt, Women are from men. Leo Godzich Opposites attract, then opposites detach, then opposites attack.
- There are genes on the Y chromosome that have no counterpart on X chromosomes, and, conversely, genes located on the X chromosome can, in some cases, be expressed at higher levels in females than in males. The differences between the sexes in body composition are well known: males typically have proportionately more muscle mass, more bone mass, and a lower percentage of body fat than women
- Men More muscle Dense Bone Stronger connective tissue More grey matter movement memory emotions Women Greater endurance Quicker recovery Greater flexibility More white matter send and receive messages. More connection between hemispheres This influences how you interact with the world
- Scientific American- On average, males tend to be more dominant, assertive, risk-prone, thrill-seeking, tough-minded, emotionally stable, utilitarian, and open to abstract ideas. Males also tend to score higher on self-estimates of intelligence, even though sex differences in general intelligence measured as an ability are negligible [2]. Men also tend to form larger, competitive groups in which hierarchies tend to be stable and in which individual relationships tend to require little emotional investment. In terms of communication style, males tend to use more assertive speech and are more likely to interrupt people (both men and women) more often-- especially intrusive interruptions-- which can be interpreted as a form of dominant behavior.
- females, on average, tend to be more sociable, sensitive, warm, compassionate, polite, anxious, self-doubting, and more open to aesthetics. On average, women are more interested in intimate, cooperative dyadic relationships that are more emotion-focused and characterized by unstable hierarchies and strong egalitarian norms. Where aggression does arise, it tends to be more indirect and less openly confrontational. Females also tend to display better communication skills, displaying higher verbal ability and the ability to decode other people's nonverbal behavior. Women also tend to use more affiliative and tentative speech in their language, and tend to be more expressive in both their facial expressions and bodily language (although men tend to adopt a more expansive, open posture). On average, women also tend to smile and cry more frequently than men, although these effects are very contextual and the differences are substantially larger when males and females believe they are being observed than when they believe they are alone.
- Men Far vision Movement recognition Tolerate loudness Tolerate bad smells Women Visual memory Colors Attuned to sounds Process sound faster Fine motor skills
- Women need love Men need respect
- 1 Peter 3:1–6 (ESV) 1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
- 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
- Be aware Be accepting Minister to the difference Ask for guidance
- Family Christian Center
- Communication transition from male-female differences in communication
- Be careful about giving someone a piece of your mind, you may run out.
- Objective is not to win Use I statements Sandwiching T is for time out. Notice the pattern1 If things get heated. Let’s take a time out. (20 min)
- 1 Peter 3:7a (ESV) Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way…
- Hormones mold language abilities-higher levels of estrogen increase language skills like having complicated conversations and explaining how you feel. Hormones cas=use men to have less connections between the halves of the brain. Men are fixers Women want to be heard Report talk- just the fact ma’am Rapport relationship building
- James 1:19 (ESV) Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; Be intentional
- Content 7% Tone of voice 38% Body language 55% Don’t text during a discussion
- #1: Men and women have different talking styles The way females and males talk is different. In what way? A female can talk about content and pay attention to the process of how it’s being delivered at the same time. Males can pay attention to the content, but not the process. It helps you appreciate why, when females are listening, they bobbed their heads like this. They make encouraging sounds. Hmm. Uh uh. What they’re doing is they’re indicating: I’m supporting the process as well as the content that you’re saying. Males, they’re afraid that if they bob their head, they may be interpreted as agreeing with whatever the content is. Both of them have to get that elephant out. The female oftentimes has to say this, “I’ll be bobbing my head. And I’m told that I make encouraging sounds all the time. I want you to know it doesn’t mean I agree with what you’re saying. It means that I’m supporting our conversation.” The male has to do the same thing also. “You know, I’ve been told that I don’t bob my head a lot when I listen. It’s because I’m concentrating, in no way am I trying to discourage you from talking, please continue.” As long as you get the elephants out, it’s okay if there’s a difference. Sometimes, the statistical information about males and females is exactly the opposite. And sometimes how we are at work is very different than how we are at home. #2: The decision making process is unique to one’s gender There’s a huge difference in terms of how decisions are made. Actually, what you’re going to find is females want to be involved in the decision-making process, not just the final decision, whereas males will tend to only want the final decision. So that’s why when my wife asked me, “honey what do you think about blah, blah, blah.” It’s a rather complex decision. I want to go away and think about, “I could, maybe we are, here’s another okay factor,” and so on. Then I come back and I just share my decision with her. Ooh, I’ve learned that that does not work. What she wants is for me to share, I feel this way and I feel that way, then she feels closer to me. So sometimes the difference between men and women is, do you share your ambivalent feeling more than one way at the same time or just your decision? #3: Women give off approachable nonverbal communication cues. Men come across as credible. Another thing that would be really helpful to understand is the difference between credible and approachable. Female’s structure of their voice tends to be that they tend to move their head up and down and their voice comes out very rolling. So they’re seen as being very, very approachable. Males tend to have their heads still as we mentioned earlier so that they are seen as being credible. Here’s, what’s amazing, completely unfair. If the male can learn how to be more approachable he has a shot at being seen as a new-age sensitive guy. Whereas a female that goes from being approachable to be incredible, the B word comes out, so unfair. But it is a difference between males and females. #4: Women bring up sticky issues more than men. The other thing that you may want to look at in terms of males and females, point number four is the idea of at home, when you have to bring up a sticky subject, kind of, eh, you don’t want to, females bring it up 80% of the time more than the males. That’s both in happy as well as unhappy relationships. What’s amazing about the male, is the male doesn’t like talking about those difficult subjects: he does what’s called stonewalling — you know the term — stonewalling, 85% of the time.
- Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding. It is an important first step to defuse the situation and seek solutions to problems. Eye contact; focusing on the other person Leaning forward a little or nodding Sitting still Letting the other person finish what he or she is saying without interruption Interested silence; giving a person time to respond Restatement Clarifying Summarize
- Avoid You-Messages You don’t care You Always You are the problem You never Why can’t you You are so Use I-Messages I feel angry because I think I am hurt When (X) happens I feel (Y) Don’t roll your eyes
- Criticism- playing the blame game and pointing fingers Defensiveness- not taking responsibility for your actions Stonewalling-blocking people out when they need you most Contempt- Sneering, jeering worthless or scornful
- Ephesians 4:29 (ESV) Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Corrupting 1 rotten, putrefied. 2 corrupted by one and no longer fit for use, worn out. 3 of poor quality, bad, unfit for use, worthless. Sometimes we are nicer to the clerk at Walmart Be nice
- Not really listening to what they are saying Assuming you know before they finish Being too subtle or indirect Letting emotions dictate your response
- Ephesians 4:15 (ESV) Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
- Listening Without Interruption- 5 minutes of what is stressing you out. We will take turns Expressing Gratitude- Say thank you for 3 things that your spouse does. Compliment them on an accomplishment Sharing withholds Make Me a Sandwich- Make a positive statement , make a request, make a positive statement You’re My Hero what fictional or nonfictional character does your partner remind you of and why. Or If our life together was a show or film right now, what type would it be or which one would it be?”