Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19
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The document provides strategies for effectively dealing with difficult people. It discusses creating a shared understanding, focusing the conversation on mutual goals and understanding different perspectives, making people feel psychologically safe to have open discussions, and using dialogue techniques like paraphrasing and asking questions to resolve issues and move discussions forward to action. The overall approach is to establish trust, clarify intentions, explore all sides, and work collaboratively to find solutions.
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Effectively Dealing With Difficult People 7 19
- 1. Effectively Dealing with Difficult People Victoria Wors Facilitator Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 3. Currently consultant to small and mid-sized businesses to improve communications within teams and between specific individuals using the Birkman Assessment tool
- 4. Retained Human Resources Consultant to Premiere Employee Services, a St. Louis PEOWors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 5. Acknowledgements Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High; Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler; 2002 Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 6. 4 Creation of Crucial Moment General Adaptation Syndrome model Developed by Hans Selye Explains an incident of “design” response Choose Well: ¼ second Choose well: New level offunctioning RESISTANCE EXHAUSTION ALARM Bad Day! Choices:FIGHT FLIGHT COPE AdrenalineRush Cortisol Loading Impaired levelof functioning Self-defeating loops sustained Normal Day
- 7. Who Are the Difficult People We Speak Of? Confronting employees with performance issues Talking with a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments Talking to an employee out personal hygiene Addressing a team member’s lack of commitment to tasks Dealing with a rebellious employee Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 8. The Power of Mastering Dialogue Open and honest expression of opinions, feelings and the ability to articulate controversial theories without fear of retribution. Di-a-logue or di-a-log n. The free flow of meaning between two or more people. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 9. Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning Individual Pool of Meaning Individual Pool of Meaning Shared Pool of Meaning Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 10. The Pool of Shared Energy is the Birthplace of Synergy Better Choices are made by all parties sharing in the pool of meaning Participants are committed to the final decision Shared Energy leads to faster, more committed action. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 11. How to Stay Focused Ask yourself these questions: “What I do I really want for myself”? “What do I really want for others”? “What do I really want for this relationship”? After answering these three questions ask yourself: How would I behave if I really wanted these results? Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 12. Refuse the Sucker’s Choice Do you feel you must choose Find the elusive “and” Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”) Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 14. Find your style under stressWors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 15. Exercise Instructions Consider the list of questions, before answering consider a specific situation at work and complete the questionnaire while thinking of how you typically approach this difficult situation. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 16. What Your Score Means Silence Violence Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 17. How to Make It Safe to Talk About Almost Anything When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”. When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 18. Decide Which Condition of Safety is at Risk Mutual Purpose. Mutual Respect. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 19. Apologize When Appropriate When you have clearly violated respect… APOLOGIZE Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 20. Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding When others misunderstand either your purpose or your intent. Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 21. CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose Commit to seek Mutual Purpose Recognize the purpose behind the strategy Invent a Mutual Purpose Brainstorm new strategies Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 22. State My Path Share your facts. Tell your story. Ask for others’ path. Talk tentatively. Encourage testing. Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 23. Explore Others’ Paths Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime Agree Build Compare Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 24. Move to Action Decide How to Decide Command Consult Vote Consensus Finish Clearly Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 25. How to Prepare to Deal with a Difficult Person Start with Heart Learn to Look Make It Safe Master Your Stories State Your Path Explore Others’ Paths Move to Action Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 26. Discussion of Difficult Cases Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
- 27. For Additional Information: Victoria Wors Wors Consulting, LLC victoriawors@worsconsulting.com www.worsconsulting.com Wors Consulting, LLC copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved
Notas do Editor
- When individuals come together each possesses their own “pool of meaning”, to develop understanding and agreement information from each separate pool must fill the Shared Pool of Meaning.
- As each contributor is exposed to more accurate and relevant information better choices are made. Since the information is shared the participants are committed to the final decision. The time spent in building the shred pool of energy is well spent as it leads to faster, more committed action.
- Start high risk discussions with the “right motives”
- As you consider what you want, notice when you start talking yourself into a Sucker’s Choice. Watch to see if you feel you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on. Break free of the Sucker Choice by finding the elusive “and” Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”) to find healthy opinions that bring you to dialogue
- Dual Processing, (watch for both content and Conditions)
- Pass out questionnaire
- Calculate your stress style
- When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”.
- Mutual Purpose. Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives? Mutual Respect. Do others believe that you respect them?
- When you are at cross purposes, use four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose:
- When you have a tough message to share, or when you are so convinced of your own rightness that you may push too hard, remember to STATE your path.Share your facts.Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to ActionTell your story. Explain what you’re beginning to conclude.Ask for others’ path. Encourage others to share both their facts an their stories.Talk tentatively. State your story as a story – don’t disguise it as a fact.Encourage testing. Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views.
- To encourage the free flow of meaning and help others leave silence or arguments behind, explore their Paths to Action. Start with an attitude of curiosity and patience. This helps restore balance and security.Ask. Start by simply expressing interest in the other person’s views.Mirror. Increase balance by respectfully acknowledging the emotions people seem to be feeling.Paraphase. As others begin to share part of their story, restate what you’ve heard to show you understand and that it is okay for them to share their thoughts.Prime. If others continue to holding back, prime. Make your best guess at what they may be thinking and feeling.Agree. Agree when you doBuild. If others leave something out agree to the portion shared then build upon that agreementCompare. When you differ significantly don’t suggest that others are wrong. Compare the two views.
- When dealing with difficult people you can turn your successes into great decisions and united action by avoiding the two traps of violated expectations and inaction.Decide How to Decide. Command – Decisions are made without involving anyone else. Consult – Input is gathered from the group and then a smaller group decides. Vote – An agreed upon percentage swings the decision. Consensus – Everyone comes to an unamimousagreeement.Finish Clearly, decide who does what by when. Make the deliverables crystal clear, set follow-up time. Record commitments and follow-up. Hold people accountable.
- Let’s discuss some of the situations you have dealt with in light of the processes we have discussed.