Michael Klejman, Bill Smith and I (Katherine Popaleni) developed this power point and used it in our presentation to delegates at the Ontario Assoc. of Not for Profit Homes and Services for Seniors. Many of us struggle when we want to bring up a sensitive issue with others (peers, colleagues, family, friends, neighbours etc.) Our awkward, uncomfortable feelings can lead us to react in the moment or put things off for fear of damaging the relationship. The reality is that the issue does not disappear, and, if not addressed, it can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships. The power point outlines a new approach that will help you handle challenging conversations with confidence and success. The PP outlines a 3-stage model for 'coaching' your own conversations constructively. While the focus of this group was health care, the model can apply to different kinds of workplaces as well as in personal relationships. Hope it's helpful. Katherine Popaleni

1. From Challenging to Constructive: A
Practical Guide to Difficult
Conversations
Ontario Association of Non-Profit Homes &
Services for Seniors, 2013
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2. Introductions &
for spending your valuable
time with us today!
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3. Today’s Agenda:
Common communication challenges
2. 3 part model to help address
situations that are uncomfortable or
awkward .. ones you want to avoid,
but can’t/shouldn’t.
3. Group work – at your tables.
4. Apply model to case study.
1.

4. Why This Topic?
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5. LeadershipTool
It will help you:
 Build your interpersonal communication skills
 Regulate your emotions
 Positively affect the “high emotions of others”
 Demonstrate respectful leadership
 Build cultural (ethnic, occupational, gender,
ability, generational) sensitivity & inclusion
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6. Result …
As leaders, these are the
expectations placed on you…
TRUST + STABILITY
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7. It’s not Kathy’s fault!
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8. Human Attribution Error
Tend to ascribe our behaviour to
circumstances
Tend to ascribe behaviour of others
to their character
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9. Small Group Exercise:
In a small group, generate some
examples where you have
noticed the human attribution
error dynamic operating in
your own life. (family, work,
neighbours, friends).
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10. Human Attribution Error
An Action We Perceive
or Experience as
Negative
Them
Us
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They meant it negatively
(lazy, unkind, rude.)
We were forced to do it
(having a bad day, had no
choice.)
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11. So why is this a problem?
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12. So why is this a problem?
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13. Human Attribution Error &
Problems in Communication


Don’t find out the source of person’s
behaviour/situation

Make decisions or take action based on absence
of information

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Make assumptions
Treat the person with judgment and less
empathy/humanity
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14. Michael’s Blackberry ….
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15. Intent-Action-Effect Model of
Communication
Private Sphere
Intent
(reasons,
motives)
Effect
(impact,
outcome)
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Public Sphere
Action
(words,
behaviour,
decisions)
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16. What problems can this mode of
communication lead to?
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17. What steps can you take to improve
communication? (Say or do)?
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18. Small Group Exercise:
At your table, brainstorm and list:

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What steps could someone take to
connect when they notice this mode of
communication happening(what could
you say, do)?
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20. Conducting a Constructive
Conversation: 3 Part Model
 Part
1 – Interview yourself about
your perspective
 Part 2 – Interview yourself about the
other person’s perspective
 Part 3 – Develop an action plan
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21. Part 1: Your Perspective?
Impact: What is/has been the effect of this situation
with _______ on you?
What hot buttons of yours are/were pressed by
______’s behaviour/words?
What values and needs of yours are/were being
undermined/not met in this situation with _____?
Intent: What is/was your intent in this situation/dispute
with ______?
What motives do/did you have for your actions/words?
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22. Part 2: Your Take on Their Perspective?
Impact: What do you suppose may push/may have
pushed _______’s hot buttons?
How might ______ be affected/have been
affected by this situation/dispute?
What values/needs of _______’s are being/may
have been undermined or unmet in this situation?
Intent: What do you think _______’s intent is/was
in this situation/dispute?
What reasons/motives could _______ have/have
had for his/her actions/words?
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23. Part Three: Plan of Action
4 Steps:
1. How will I connect?
2. Key Messages?
3. Challenges?
4. Approach?
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24. Watertown Falls LTC Scenario
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25. What are your
observations and insights
re: using a structured
plan to guide your
conversation?
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26. Practical Applications
Where can you can you see
yourself using this intentional
approach/model?
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27. Thank you!
Katherine Popaleni & Bill Smith
www.respectfuldirections.com
905-975-2990
Michael Klejman
mklejman@sympatico.ca
905-883-6181