Raising Children in a Digital Age, St Thomas's Church, Fair Oak
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This document discusses raising children in a digital age and provides advice on various topics related to parenting children online. It addresses issues like cyberbullying, monitoring children's internet use, the role of technology in children's lives, and cultivating resilience and responsibility in children as they navigate the digital world. The document aims to help parents understand children's online experiences and intervene appropriately to support their well-being and healthy development.
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Raising Children in a Digital Age, St Thomas's Church, Fair Oak
- 1. Dr Bex Lewis, Director, Digital Fingerprint; CODEC, St John’s College, Durham University Fair Oak, 14/03/15 http://j.mp/raisechildrenST RAISING CHILDREN IN A DIGITAL AGE CC Licence 4.0 non-commercial @drbexl
- 2. Published by Lion Hudson February 2014 http://digital- fingerprint.co.uk/di gitalparenting/
- 4. “If we want resilient kids we need to understand what young people’s experiences are online, listen to their concerns, and intervene with their best interests in mind.” Jane Tallim, Co-Executive Director, MediaSmarts, Canada, January 2015 http://mediasmarts.ca/research-policy/young-canadians-wired- world-phase-iii-trends-recommendations UNDERSTAND!
- 5. “We’re doing this because all the research tells us that children and young people respond best to their peers. Whether they’re under pressure to take part in a dangerous prank, or to victimise someone, or whether they’re an online bully themselves, stories told by other young people are most likely to resonate and to help them cope, or change their behaviour.” Andrew Tomlinson, Executive Producer, Media Literacy, BBC Learning http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/aboutthebbc/entries/f1f50247-4902-4998- bf58-3e2d3c007587 BBC: BE SMART
- 6. LET’S “TWEET” EACH OTHER…
- 9. ARE FEARS JUSTIFIED? Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 10. Even though in practice, face-to-face communication can, of course, be angry, negligent, resistant, deceitful and inflexible, somehow it remains the ideal against which mediated communication is judged as flawed. Prof Sonia Livingstone, Children and the Internet: Great Expectation s and Challenging Realities. 2 009, p26
- 12. DIGITAL CULTURE: WHY IT MATTERS Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 15. TECHNOLOGY: THE TOOLBOX Image Credit: iStockphoto
- 19. YouTube
- 20. Blogging
- 22. CHILDREN IN DIGITAL CULTURE Image Credit: RGBStock
- 23. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 25. PRACTICAL ADVICE: PRIVACY & PERMANENCY Image Credit: RGBStock
- 26. To monitor or not to monitor?
- 27. IDENTITY, VALUES AND AUTHENTICITY Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 28. JUST BECAUSE YOU CA … DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD!
- 29. H.A.L.T. If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, step away from the keyboard/keypad and deal with that issue first. http://redcatco.com/communication/stop-posting-social-media/
- 30. Who sees this? 1. (God) 2. Parents 3. ‘Kids’ 4. Newspaper 5. Enemy
- 31. HUMAN BEINGS AT MACHINES, NOT “ARE MACHINES” Image Source: Stockfresh
- 32. RELATIONSHIPS (ONLINE) Image Credit: RGBStock
- 33. The Bullied The Bully The Bystander
- 34. The Bullied
- 35. SIGNS SPECIFIC TO CYBER- BULLYING? • Long hours on the computer • Secretive Internet use • Screen minimization • Refusing to log on or answer phone • Extreme possessiveness of phone, to which constant nervous looks are given.
- 36. EMOTIONALLY: •No shame: not their fault •Don’t threaten their (online) access •Spend extra time together: time for communication •Nurture self-confidence
- 37. PRACTICALLY: • Don’t respond • Keep copies of messages as ‘proof’ • Understand how to ‘block’ accounts • Talk to child re contacting school • Think hard before talking to parents of bully • Get phone number blocked
- 38. The Bully
- 39. MY CHILD A BULLY…? Someone will tell you Talks about other children at school negatively or aggressively Has money, toys, or other items that don’t belong to them
- 40. DISINHIBITION The bully doesn’t see the distress that they cause, feels safe from capture, and protected by the technology, able to say things that they would never say offline.
- 41. Zero- Tolerance?
- 42. ANY SOLUTIONS? •Explain what bullying is. •Monitor their e-devices •Ensure a consistent approach with school/youth-group •Are they avoiding being bullied by becoming a bully?
- 43. ANY SOLUTIONS? • Remove their Internet and mobile privileges (for a fixed period). • Encourage them to apologise and take responsibility. • Assign him/her a book to read about bullying?! • Get them to write an essay on the dangers of bullying?! • Assign him/her to community service or other time-consuming activity.
- 44. The Bystander(s)
- 45. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing Quote commonly (and probably erroneously) attributed to Edmund Burke
- 47. DIGITAL ALLIES
- 48. Increased time spent online will most likely increase exposure to negative experiences – but also the positive opportunities. Nancy Willard, a cyberbullying expert, calls for us to work on the “understanding that the vast majority of young people want to make good choices, do not want to be harmed, and do not want to see their friends or others harmed”. We can’t control their whole environment, online or offline, so parents need to give their children the capability to deal with problems as they come across them. Raising Children in a Digital Age, p.63
- 49. Stranger Danger 2012/13 550 UK Abductions Less than 1/5: unknown
- 50. INCREASINGLY MOBILE Image Credit: RGBStock
- 51. SEX TALK (PORN, PAEDOPHILIA AND SEXTING) Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 52. KEEPING WITHIN THE LAW Image Credit: RGBStock
- 53. HEALTH WORKS Image Credit: RGBStock Physical Setup Brain Changes Addiction Multitasking Conversational Ability Couch Potatoes
- 54. SCREEN TIME AND FAMILY DYNAMICS Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 56. DOES DIGITAL OFFER (LIFE) OPPORTUNITIES? Image Credit: RGBStock
- 57. Do it for them Do it with them Watch while they do it Let them do it for themselves. Will Taylor PROGRESSIVE RESPONSIBILITY Image Credit: RGBStock
- 58. GRANDPARENTS, TEACHERS & YOUTH LEADERS Image Credit: RGBStock
- 59. LOOKING TO THE FUTURE Image Credit: RGBStock
- 60. BOUNCE BACK? Image Credit: Stockfresh
- 61. What is your ONE takeaway action?
Notas do Editor
- 1 hour, approx 20 people, interactive.
- Intro Self… Went to reprint after 4 monhts, good reviews, etc. Director, Digital Fingerprint (Durham Uni)
- Lots of coverage, obviously hit the right timing … and still lots of interest this year on ‘Safer Internet Day’ … So, going to give a quick overview of the structure of the book…
- Social Media – all about RELATIONSHIPS – Twitter-like exercise Be checking out the post-it notes whilst people are chatting to each other…
- Let’s look at the post-it notes … what excites/worries, let’s see how far we get.
- Typically what we hear from the headlines = full of disaster, children are addicted to screens, being abducted via Facebook, giving away all their information, sexting, running up bills, becoming couch potatoes, watching porn, meeting strangers and bullying and trolling at every opportunity. I exaggerate, but then so does the news – which (by its nature) is focused on the new/the unusual and has left many people with a feeling that there’s very little that they can do … Set off to look into the research that’s already out there, + 120 questionnaires
- Dan Gardner ‘Risk’ – we’re the healthiest, wealthiest, safest generation in history, but the most terrified… example post 9/11 flights/road accidents… but not ‘newsworthy’ in the same way. Every new technology = moral panics (my experience with TV aged 17 … looked like I was addicted!) … and each seems to be the end of ‘the way we used to do things’ (invented tradition)…. A part of ‘technological determinism’.. (blaming tech rather than behaviour) Families have also changed – children have more role in ‘decision making’, the types of families we have have changed and come in many more shapes…
- What do we think about this as a quote … and also how much do we value written communication? discuss
- [What does this picture make you think?]
- Professor Tanya Byron, author of the Byron Report (2008), said: more I understood = more able to support/have confidence… What need to have respect for, as well as being excited by the opportunities…
- 3 mins (don’t forget USB stick) [What do you think of this video, and the things featured on it?] Digital Revolution affected all our lives whether choose to participate or not.. Huge huge huge numbers online, and the best way to ensure the resilience of children is to ensure that they are ‘digitally literate’ – that they are confident in how to use the technology that has become so much a part of our lives, and that we, as parents, or youth leaders, etc. are able to exhibit a ‘comfort’ with technology ourselves (and no one knows it all!) .. So let’s look at some of the tools. More recent puts Facebook at the top, but don’t like the design as much - http://youtu.be/jottDMuLesU!
- (from early 2014) … GO LIVE and watch the numbers go up… So, we want to think about how to choose the best platforms for a given subject / brand / group of books – we’re going to look at what you already have…
- Like electricity – don’t need to know inside/out to use it … same with technology these days.. But giving an insight into the current top tools (date book )… many of the top tools – e.g. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc have been fairly stable for several years now… The advice in the book particularly focuses on how to find the information to take control of your information (are a great many ways you can).
- Bit of an updated version … Reddit – news stories voted up … (Ask me anything) Secret – are known people but you’re not sure who is who… Jelly – use your existing social networks to ask questions/location, etc. Also note – WhatsApp! Highlights the need to help children make wise decisions about the technology that they use…
- FB = core for friends = busy, still growing (maybe not of as much interest to some younger users as others are on there, but still a functional platform) 1.3bn people using this Personal profile, page, group… (Find friends; Post status updates; Comment on others photos; Post & Tag people in photos; Leave public messages on the ‘wall’; Send private ‘messages’; Join Groups, Like Pages; Link to other social media; Set up events)
- Let’s look at one of the fastest growing tools out there… Got: New connections via shared interests Building your “brand” Pre/During/Post Event Conversations Breaking news Asking questions Sharing good resources Sharing pithy statements/quotes Being “polemical” http://www.landingnet.co.uk/blog/the-truth-about-all-this-twitter-ing-twoddle/
- Importance of ‘how to’ – factual/helpful, or BE CREATIVE … people have little patience in this medium, although research has shown that Think of the STORIES you have to tell, and how you might tell them – Events: Before/After Sermons: Quick Overviews/Responses People & Their Lives What can you “How To”?
- Personal tone often Who are you blogging for? How often can you blog? What style of blog will you use? What content can you produce? What do you want Google to find? Who else can you bring on board?
- Yes, children spending more time on technology – become cheaper/more accessible – but that doesn’t mean that they ‘misbehave more’ – there are new ways to do (old) things… The ‘myth’ of the digital native .. They are not so very different – still human beings – are not beyond our reach, just need some time to understand (avoid technological determinism re ‘the machine forces them (us) to behave in particular ways…. Advertising, consumerism, the digital divide – where do kids turn to for advice (their friends) – start to think how to make yourself more of a confidante.
- Talking to children about technology – many parents as nervous as talking about sex, but this is the most powerful tool/technique available… Ensure each negative statement about tech, etc. accompanied by positive where possible so doesn’t look like dismissing out of hand.. Internet Safety Agreement – work with kids to define one that works for your own family…
- Quick e.g. Could do as a school, or as a youth group (importance of peer influence = hugely influential – action learning rather than ‘top down’)
- Martha Payne (NeverSeconds) – her Dad still checks everything she receives first… (age 9) A brief overview of the changing capabilities of children – essentially younger = ‘walled garden’, older = deeper insights. Facebook = 13, many parents think 11 or think is up to them… Facebook influenced much – Zuckerberg believed privacy = dead, but children actually seem to be pretty intelligent about this – and if they aren’t – warning is not to go mad at them, but help them improve the situation.. The pros & cons of monitoring and filtering – can’t really just rely on the technology to stop things appearing in front of your children – none of the systems = as sophisticated as human beings.. (importance of TRUST) Location services/managing digital footprint…
- The pros & cons of monitoring and filtering – can’t really just rely on the technology to stop things appearing in front of your children – none of the systems = as sophisticated as human beings.. IMPORTANCE OF TRUST! Location services/managing digital footprint… Of value to younger members of family … not once get older – again – back to communication…
- What images of self are people projecting? How do you know what you stand for? Children need role models – if parents have mobiles attached to them, then have no leg to stand on when try to remonstrate with children. [Discuss: what are the values you’d like to see online .. And how do they tie with offline?] Importance of not seeing ‘online’ as ‘virtual’ – then people seem to think different rules apply, but it’s a part of our whole lives, and should be treated as such…
- Remember that anything that you write online – even in private messages, etc. are easy to copy & paste – and out of your control onve you write them down… quite a good benchmark is thinking of these people who might read it … it may place limitations on what you write – being open and authentic does not mean shove it all out without filters!! You may still post, but at least you will post with awareness that you may attract kickback, etc.. I think of – before I post – God, Your Mum, ‘The kids’, The newspaper, Your worst enemy
- Think before you post … does this truly represent what you want the business to say, and if you are doing this personally, how might this reflect (well/negatively) on the business // HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).
- Importance of online/offline Always remember that there is a human being at the other end of the keyboard - each uniquely created by God… and as is noted by many communicators is not what you’ve said, but what others have ‘heard’ … not everyone receives the message that you send in the same way .. And one message definitely doesn’t fit all… we’re in the world of what is described as “the long tail”, where rather than being able to send out a mass message, we have to have more concern with individuals (which I always hope we as Christians do anyway, but…. ) – Google searches for ‘niches’ (small keywords/multiple entry points, etc.)
- The word ‘friendship’ has changed as we now ‘friend’ others on Facebook – children can’t afford to not accept friend requests from those they interact with in the physical space (e.g. school) as has repercussions for offline life… (and most are offline connections) Huge amount of online etiquette – including who connect with, speed of response, what you like, etc.. Facebook depression (more/less socially active) ‘Stranger Danger’ (incredibly rare) – and as parents increasingly make friends online, again, seems ironic to say to kids ‘don’t’, rather than helping them do so safely..
- Cyberbullying – huge issue – speed, constantly, digital pile-on are core – the 3 roles – bullied, bully, bystander.. (Nancy Willard – is not something kids HAVE to live through…) Situation of particular concern = (Cyber-bullying)… want to focus on the 3 groups of people involved here.. Bullied – likely to spend excessive time online, or avoid it – maybe interactive nervously, numbers involved vary, but more ‘reliable’ research indicates about 20% affected in some way). Spend extra time with them, develop confidence, don’t remove devices, listen to them, not their fault. // Think about IF/how to respond, keep copies of messages, may be able to block a/cs The Bully – Disinhibition. Any solutions? Not easy ones, and part of a bigger attitude change – look at advice re bullying in general, but this is where removing access, and encouraging them to understand the harm/take responsibility = key. The Bystander – the importance of stepping in, rather than standing back … digital allies…
- Don’t want to use term victim, as are not powerless…. But this is the group that we are most concerned about as every individual case is a tragedy … but is it as bad as we fear?
- The familiar signs of bullying may be present .. But particular to cyber-bullying … 2010 statistics demonstrated that 19% had experienced ‘traditional’ bullying, whilst only 6% had experienced ‘online’ bullying – however – the two arenas overlap so much for children, important to understand both … but cyber-bullying rarely stands alone – human nature amplified… Research = those affected by bullying of any sort - from 5.5% to 71% (obviously press = worst figures), but these figures can cause their own problems. Nancy Willard = makes people think that it’s a ‘rite of passage’ – put up with it // not really causing harm… = means more get involved – whereas if we can show that most behave positively online, inspired to copy that instead… Policies by government, schools and parents are also dictated by a belief in the height of stats … the higher the stats – the more likely we are to limit access, want more surveillance – and call for bans on technology!
- “Ensure they understand that it’s not their fault, that they did nothing to draw this upon themselves, and there’s no need to feel ashamed.” Note that may be worth taking time away from (the situation) for a while to take a breath and think about how you are going to deal with things when you go back online … come back to some of that with bystanders in a minute…
- Advice from book – of course v. online focused… Encourage them not to respond, as this rewards the bully. Download copies of messages before deleting them, incase they are needed in future. Search for “How to block users/accounts” for the platform your child is using, although be aware that the bully may have multiple logins. Talk to your child about whether they are happy for you to contact their school (particularly important if their schoolwork is being affected). Consider talking to the parents of the bully (if known), although be aware that this can make things worse. If you do decide to take this route, write down the facts, decide what you are going to say, and try to remain calm. If illegal information is on another website, contact the web host: they have a legal obligation to remove it. Call your network provider to have a particular number blocked.
- So, let’s have a brief look at who/why bullies partake…
- People typically don’t want to think this… and these signs don’t mean that they are bullying, but it is time to open the conversation! http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/bullying_-_your_child_bullying.html
- Re – cyberbullying - Feels disconnected from impact of bullying (like WW2 bombers), and can find ways to justify it, often dehumanising the victim … it’s that danger of seeing the screen rather than the person behind the screen!
- Need help not banishment. Need to learn from their mistakes. If feel abandoned will seek others who will support how they feel. Shaheen, S. & Churchill, A.H., Truths and Myths of Cyber-bullying: International Perspectives on Stakeholder Responsibility and Children’s Safety, Peter Lang Publishing, 2009, p7
- Explain what bullying is. Talk about what they are doing, and why Monitor your child’s use of e-devices Talk to school/youth group about their approach to bullying for consistency Listen in case they are being bullied, or avoiding being bullied – and feels only way is to become a bully themselves. Note – a later resource (http://emdp.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Safe_from_Bullying-Youth_Activities.pdf) will give some suggestions for how youth groups can respond to bullying within their groups.. Most important – make space to discuss it!
- How effective? I’m not sure – will be interested to know what you think… For many, it won’t be as simple as this. Your child won’t necessarily want to sit and listen, and may be actively looking for opportunities to bully once more, waiting until late at night to access the Internet, shutting down their devices as soon as their parents enter. This may be good time to monitor what your children are doing online, and restrict their access to technology…
- Now, the group that’s typically not talked about…
- If we refuse to engage – what is that doing .. Can be scary, but this phrase is powerful..
- 2 min video from a military academy…
- Things move fast, so others can pile in – but can also use this to your advantage to get other friends, etc. to support you as well…
- ‘Stranger Danger’ (incredibly rare) – and as parents increasingly make friends online, again, seems ironic to say to kids ‘don’t’, rather than helping them do so safely.. Latest figures from UK = around 550 abductions recorded by police in 2012/13, less than 1/5 by a stranger, most are by people known to the victim (we get a different impression from the media!) http://www.childabduction.org.uk/index.php/the-facts
- Mobile = cheaper, more accessible, appropriate contracts – so now the tool of choice for many – including kids. FOMO/need to respond = little digifree time – is the mobile becoming an intruder on other situations – many have set rules re e.g. mealtimes, etc. Worries about e-babysitter – though “OK” for educational purposes.. Work with them as they download apps (and ensure password on – throughout = are simple things that can be done…) Ensuring mobile phone costs are managed, and what age (secondary school for most, smartphone GCSE..) No surprise, then, that Facebook is no longer a place for uninhibited status updates about pub antics, but an obligatory communication tool that younger people maintain because everyone else does: All the fun stuff is happening elsewhere. On their mobiles. Worries about shortform text = damaging use of English = more creative…
- Again = human behaviour exaggerated = more vulnerable offline, also online… Issues of the dangers of porn = complex, but tend to be condensed in the press… for years children have gone through ‘rite of passage’ – but now = easier to get hold of, more explicit, etc.. And changing expectations of what is normal sexual behaviour. Numbers of pedophiles difficult to determine as tend not to self-declare, and most stats comes from e.g. filtering companies… there is a danger, but more from those who are known – so good to be aware – and remember the technology can help you FIND children too… Sexting = age old pressure ‘if you don’t going to ditch you’ … so children need same advice to take care what share/when – as once out there – can spread fast…
- Seen as Wild West, but it’s not – laws still apply (usually the originating country) Plagiarism, music, film, apps… dangers of viruses with illegal info… far more likely than many of the other things we might expect (though can also be traumatising = e.g. breaking the family computer!)
- Need to set up desk properly … More worrying = pro-mia sites, etc. advice on how to eat even less, etc. Brain changing – everything you do affects brain change = not necessarily bad… Addiction – is it really addiction? Is it affecting schoolwork, attention spans? Can people really multitask? Are these things all bad or are we just holding onto things that we treasure? Conversational ability (more social) and danger of couch potatoes – use whatever interest online and take it offline…
- Standard advice = keep computer in a central room in the house – especially once teenage years = not really possible… Am Assoc Pead = consistently says 2 hours of screentime max … Bedroom culture; digital time out; reading online (is it about the book content or the book format?)
- Gaming – not so much my thing, but increasing complexity of games online – without an end point, and rewards for the more time spent online/just one more level… Some argue has increased dexterity, sociability, esp for autistic kids… Are worries is violent, addictive and expensive… similar fears about horror films, most of which disproved by media ‘experts’.
- Technology = prepares kids for the job market, OK to lurk & learn. Need for criticality (not always seen amongst early students) – need to be aware to avoid scams/Snopes, etc. Collaboration Social Justice (clicktivism/activism) Wide range of information Increased connectivity and collaboration Educational benefits Global nature of online New creative opportunities Learning criticality Increased accessibility for those with disabilities
- I spotted this on Facebook as I was coming to the end of writing this book. It was posted by Will Taylor (communications manager, youth worker, and dad), and seems to sum up what is required of parents in the digital sphere: Do it for them Do it with them Watch while they do it Let them do it for themselves.
- Parents increasingly taking responsibility for grandkids – need to be consistent – greatest growth = accessing pics Teachers = an opportunity for group space, but also teachers need to ‘take care’. Youth leaders = need for good boundaries, etc. but also look at the opportunities for peer review, etc.
- Only constancy is change … more visual, more audio, higher broadband speeds, more hacker attacks? Cannot make Internet 100% safe so need to give children confidence/skills – by giving them opportunities to engage online… and understand what they do have responsibility for.
- First and foremost, I think if children are confident that their parents (and other responsible adults, etc.) care for them, and are there to back them up, they develop resilience in all aspects of life. The more that parents, etc. understand the internet, the more they can help their children with this particular aspect of life (swimming pool analogy)
- What does an efficient and market-responsible social media strategy look like for our different business areas for 6 months; 12 months; 3 years? BACK to the content, as the platforms may change … and more and more social media interactions cost ££ - decide if prepared to pay for e.g. Facebook advertising, Twitter promoted tweets, etc. or is it all relationships for “free”?
- Final word – remember – there is always a human being at the other end of the keyboard… think before you type… Questions?