Managing workplace conflict - by Robyn Gaspari, Director, Gaspari Consultants Pty Ltd

1. 1
Diffusing and Managing
Workplace Conflict
Presented by
Robyn Gaspari
P O Box 195 Chatswood 2057
Email: resolvit@gaspari.com.au

2. Twelve Skills of Conflict
2
Resolution
• Broadening
Perspectives
• Creative Response
• Collaborative
Win/Win Approach
• Appropriate
Assertiveness
• Empathy
• Cooperative Power
• Managing Emotions
• Willingness to
Resolve
• Mapping the Issue
• Developing Options
• Negotiation
• Mediation

3. Communication definition
• Communication is to do with
• transferring UNDERSTANDING
• FROM ONE PERON’S MIND
3
• TO SOMEONE ELSE’S
• The process is about Building Rapport
• Three essential elements for resolution
• Language Place Timing

4. Hot headed or cool headed
4
• “Hot headed”
• or
• “Cool headed”
• PPRROOBBLLEEMM SSOOLLVVIINNGG

5. Five Most Common approaches to
Problem Solving
• Habit and/or Choice
• Hot headed-natural habits
• Competitive-Win/Lose
• Avoidance-Withdraw
• Accommodating-Suppressing
• Cool Headed-learned choices
• Compromising-Based on fixed position of not losing/or not
letting you win over me
• Collaboration-Win/Win approach based on identifying real
needs and concerns
5

6. Collaborative Approach—
My needs and
Your needs
6
Go Back to Needs
• Remember - The Orange Story
• Don’t jump to the obvious solutions
• Examine needs to find the optimal solution
• Partners NOT opponents

7. Keys to Open Communication
• Focus on the issue not the person
• Respond rather than react
• Develop the art of asking appropriate questions
• Identify early signs or clues of conflict
• Make appointments—avoid ambushes
• Be sensitive to, respect value cultural differences
• Choose constructive not destructive outcomes
7

8. Communication Dynamics
8
Will you react?
Will you respond ?
OR

9. Effective Strategies
9
Take a deep breath
Remember we have two ears and one mouth
To gain a little time to recover our composure ask
simple questions like…..“Could you give me a bit
more information about that?” or “What makes you
think it happened that way?” or “Let me understand
where you are coming from?” or “Why do you think it
would work that way?”

10. Communication Skills for
Diffusing Workplace Conflict
• Managing own emotions—responding not reacting to
situations or individuals
• Creating a safe environment by helping participants to
manage their emotions
• Listening skills and reframing negative language
• Appropriate assertiveness
• Asking questions
• Being professionally detached—not emotionally attached
• Aware of values, dangers of stereotyping,assumptions,
transference
10

11. Identification of Current Feelings
• Exploring OOuurr RReessppoonnssee ttoo CCoonnfflliicctt:: FFiivvee
QQuueessttiioonnss –– FFiivvee GGooaallss
11
• DDoonn’’tt IInndduullggee!!
• DDoonn’’tt DDeennyy!!
• CCrreeaattee rriicchheerr rreellaattiioonnsshhiippss

12. Questions to assess feelings
• FIVE QUESTIONS: When angry/hurt/frightened
• Why am I feeling so angry/hurt/frightened?
• What do I want to change?
• What do I need in order to let go of this feeling?
• Whose problem is this really? How much is
mine? How much is the other person’s?
• What is the “message” I infer from the situation?
(eg he doesn’t like me, she doesn’t respect me)
12

13. Five Goals in Communicating
13
Emotions
• Aim:
• To avoid the desire to punish or blame
• To improve the situation
• To communicate our feelings appropriately
• To improve the relationship and increase
communication
• To avoid repeating the same situation
• If communicating my emotions is not
appropriate, what other action can I take?

14. Steps to manage the process of helping another
person manage their own emotions
14
They have some strong
emotions (anger)
Respond, Listen, Question, Reflect,
Empathise, Name Emotion, Less Voice
Intensity, Avoid Patronising
They will correct wrongly
named emotion,
Voice level drops
Empathy Established
Continue to Listen, Give feed back, clarity
understanding,
Drop voice intensity again
Their voice drops further
once they feel really heard
they can now hear you
You will be able to state your needs,
concerns, boundaries or limitations in an
appropriately assertive manner

15. Defining the problem by Broadening Perspectives
Getting the situation into their context
What is the presenting problem/issue/frustration?
15
What is below the surface?
Use the process to identify underlying needs and concerns that
need to be addressed

16. Avoid Ambushes—Make
16
Appointments
• Acknowledge their need
• Be honest about your availability
• Make an appointment
• At a mutually suitable time
• Have an agenda
• What do we need to discuss?
• How long do they need/can you spare
• If they don’t seem to be giving you their full
attention, ask yourself have I ambushed them?

17. Diffusing and Managing
Workplace Conflict
Promoting Positivity through your
interactions by:
• Shifting fixed positions
• Identifying effect on bargaining power by
using needs rather than fixed positions
• Really hearing their message
• Being appropriately assertive in your
response to his/her interaction
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18. Shifting Fixed Positions
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ABC Model
A
Fixed Position
B
Asking Questions
C
Find Hidden
Needs & Concerns

19. Bargaining Power vs Needs
19
Bargaining Power
High
Low
Low
High
Need vs Fixed Position

20. 7 Steps to Sending and
Receiving the Intended Message
20
• 1. The sender encodes
their message
• 2. The sender speaks
their message
• 3. The receiver hears
the message
• 4. The receiver
decodes the message
• 5. The receiver sends
back their short version
of the received message
• 6. The sender hears the
receiver’s interpretation
of the intended message
• 7.The original sender
decodes the returned
message and checks
agreement on the facts

21. Appropriately Assertive
Communication
21
• TTooooll iiss:: ““II”” SSttaatteemmeenntt
· Appropriate Assertiveness is used to bring
about change in another person
· Co-operation between the parties is
essential
· The purpose of an “I” statement is to
invite positive co-operation and to avoid
blame, defensiveness or resistance by the
other person

22. Appropriately Assertive
Communication continued
C Assertive Coommmmuunniiccaattiioonn SStteeppss ttoo pprreeppaarree ttoo wwrriittee
aann ““II”” SSttaatteemmeenntt
• 1.WWhhaatt iiss tthhee rreeaall pprroobblleemm??
2.HHooww iiss iitt aaffffeeccttiinngg mmee??
• 3.HHooww wwoouulldd II lliikkee iitt ttoo bbee ddiiffffeerreenntt??
• 44.. WWhhaatt ddoo II nneeeedd ttoo ddoo ttoo iinnvviittee tthheemm ttoo wwoorrkk wwiitthh mmee
ttoo ffiinndd aa mmuuttuuaallllyy ssaattiissffaaccttoorryy oouuttccoommee
CCoonnssttrruucctt yyoouurr ssttaatteemmeenntt ttoo mmeeeett tthheessee oobbjjeeccttiivveess
22

23. Appropriately Assertive
Communication continued
· Hints on success for using “I” statements
• Timing Place Language
• Remember the “three C’s” of constructing
an “I” statement. The communication
needs to be:
• Clean Clear Concise
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24. Strategies to Manage and diffuse
potential conflict and negativity
• Understand and value the preferred management
style of your manager
• Reframe negative language into positive language
• Employ critical thinking
• Adopt key attitudes for positive outcomes
• Define the problem using broader perspectives
• Promote positivity through your own interactions
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25. Management Styles
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• Directive/Peacock
• Authoritarian
• Getting the job done
• Consider appropriate
probabilities
• Emergency rules
• Quick decision-making
• Takes strong
positions
• Dictates—autocratic
• My results/goals are
best
• Feelings/concerns
implicitly attended to
• Goal oriented
• Power over—winners
and losers

26. Management Styles
26
• Cooperative/Geese
• Joint decision making
• Deal with objections
• Concerns/feelings
attended to explicitly
• Team responsibility
• Long-term consultation
• Increased commitment
to decisions
• Results in increased
productivity
• Ownership of solutions
• Job and personal
satisfaction
• All views have been
considered
• Power with not power
over

27. Management Styles
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• Autonomous/Duck
• Laissez-Faire
• Self-motivated
• Creative—loose
structure
• Open with
feelings/concerns
• Choose own options
• Individual responsibility
• Resents authoritative
intervention
• Personal achievement
• Self-reliant
• Trial and error approach
to problems
• Personal growth
• Empowerment or
Disempowerment

28. Management Styles
Democratic/OWL
Most effective results Representative input
within time and Apply guillotine to debate
issues constraints Minimise time wastage
Effective Research Conscientious
Developing action plans Facts and options considered
Rules and regulations Power shared—some
Best possible outcome disempowered
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29. Reframing Negative Language
29
• SSoommee PPrriinncciipplleess
• “You” vs “I”
– describe your experience of preferred action
• ““CCaann’’tt ddoo”” vvss ““CCaann ddoo””
– say what can be done
• “But” vs “And”
– add to instead of dismissing

30. Reframing Negative Language
continued
– “Should vs “Could”
– add choice rather than advising
• ORDER vs CHOICE
– Offer choice, or request
– BBLLAAMMEE vvss DDEESSCCRRIIBBEE
– Describe the action rather than judging it
30

31. Reframing Negative Language
continued
– GENERAL vs SPECIFIC
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Use an example
– NNEEGGAATTIIVVEE vvss PPOOSSIITTIIVVEE
– Find the upside, or state the preference
– SOLUTION vs NEED
– Take a step back to the original need or concern
– C James, 1992

32. 32
Critical Thinking
· Check for assumptions embedded in information, ideas & action.
· Pay attention to the context of information, ideas & action.
· Are sceptical of quick fix solutions, single answers to problems &
claims to universal truth.
· Open our minds to alternate points of view.
· See our own actions through the eyes of others.
· Become aware of the potential for distortion & bias.
· Value diversity in thought & action.
· Engage in the process of continually creating & re-creating our views.
· Do not take our identity, or that of others, as settled.
· Do not accept that things will always be the same & cannot change.
· Do not accept that we, or anyone else, have the ultimate answer to
ambiguities & problems
· Have confidence that our information, ideas and actions spring from a
process of careful analysis & testing

33. Key Attitudes for
Positive Outcomes
Culturally Aware Cooperative
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Diplomatic Hearing
Committed
Assertive
Sharing Power
Valuing difference
Flexible
Respectful
Empathetic Using Positive Language
Ownership of outcomes

34. Defining the problem: Ask
questions to broaden
perspectives
– Getting the situation into their context
– What is the presenting
problem/issue/frustration?
– What is below the surface?
– Use the process to identify underlying needs
34
and concerns

35. Use your own Personal Power
effectively to promote positivity
• Be conscious of power rather than deny it in the
name of neutrality
• Give advice to get parties to think rather than
stating opinions
• Exert influence equally—trust the process
• When one party needs support empower them—
do not disempower the other party
• When influencing a substantive outcome provide
information not pressure by stating your opinion
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36. Ground Rules for Diffusing
Conflict—so both can win
36
• Be willing to fix the
problem
• Say what the problem is
for you
• Listen to what the
problem is for them
• Attack the problem, not
the person
• Look for answers so
everyone gets what they
need.
Fouls
• Name calling
• Put downs
• Sneering
• Blaming
• Threats or getting even
• Hitting
• Bringing up the past
• Making excuses
• Not listening