How to achieve happiness in marital relationship.

1. 12Fundamentals Of
“Must Do’s” of Every Relationship
12 F’s

2. Marriage in Islam
..they have taken from you a solemn covenant.4:21
 In Islam, marriage is a social and legal contract
between a man and a woman to dwell in peace and
love.
 Established according to Islamic guidelines
 Intended to strengthen and extend family
relationships.
 It begins with a search for an appropriate partner,
and ends with an agreement of marriage, the
contract, and the wedding party.
 It is also a form of Ibadah(Worship) because it is
obeying Allah(SWT) and his messenger(SAW)
 To spend one's wealth upon one's family with the
intention of reward is also charitable

3. Objectives of Islamic
Marriage
 And among His signs is this, that He created for
you mates from among yourselves, that you may
dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He
has put love and mercy between your (hearts):
Verily in that are signs for those who reflect"
(Quran 30:21).

4. 12 Fundamentals of a Happy
Marriage
2-Be
1- Be 3-Be 4-Be
Willing to
Forgiving Flexible Faithful
forget
6-Be 7-Be 8-Be a
5-Be Fair
Flirtatious Frank Facilitator
11-Be
9-Be 10- 12-Be
aware of
Flattering Fallible Fond
feelings

5. 1-Be Forgiving
When the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) asked his
companions, “Do you wish that Allah should
forgive you?” they said, “Of course O Prophet of
Allah.” He responded, “Then forgive each
other.”

6. Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; but
turn away from the ignorant (Araaf,7.199)

7. Be Forgiving
 Spouses must be able to forgive one another
 Must not hold grudges
 Must not be judgmental towards each other
 Situations will arise where we say or do
things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is
not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move
past it.
 This can only happen if we are not too proud
to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy
to forgive.
 If we hope for Allah to forgive us then we
must learn to forgive.

9. 2-Be Willing to Forget
 When we constantly remind our spouses of
all the times they have let us down or hurt
us, we have not truly forgiven.
 Things that happened in the past must be left
there and not be used as fresh ammunition in
new situations.
 Couples who use this technique usually fall in
a rut and become victims of their own
pettiness, unable to break free.

10. 3-Be Flexible
 Many couples unnecessarily make themselves
miserable because they are unwilling to bend
a little.
 We should not expect our spouses to be
extensions of ourselves; they are their own
person, with their own personalities and likes
and dislikes.
 We must respect their right to be themselves
as long as it does not compromise their deen.
 Being inflexible and not accommodating for
individual differences leads to a very stressful
and tense home atmosphere.

12. 4-Be Faithful
 It is commanded by Allah (swt) that we be faithful
to our spouses.
 Adultery is a crime in Islam that is punishable by
death.
 Maintaining friendships with the opposite sex
beyond the boundaries set by Islam is being
unfaithful to spouse.
 The latest trend of Internet relationships is also
contrary to Islamic adab and is causing serious
problems between couples.
 Once a sense of betrayal sets in repairing that
relationship is difficult.
 Betrayal of confidences. This is a trust issue and
when compromised, that eats away at the heart of
a marriage.

13. 5-Be Fair
 Usually when we are angry or displeased the
tendency is to not play fair.
 We try to convince ourselves that since we have
been wronged it is OK to be unjust in our behavior
and our statements.
 Allah (SWT) states in the Quran, do not be unjust
under any circumstances, even to your enemy, and
here we are talking about our life partners and the
parent of our children.
 To use words such as “never” and “always” when
describing the behavior of the partner is unfair
and puts the other on defensive.

14. 6-Be Flirtatious
 A sure way to keep romance in a marriage is to
flirt with your spouse.
 Many successful marriages have maintained a
youthful demeanor by adopting special names for
each other and secret communication styles.
 It is essential that your spouse always feel special
and desired.

15. 7-Be Frank
 Misunderstandings happen when
couples are not honest with each
other.
 Partners must feel safe to speak their
mind with due consideration to the
other’s feeling, but without
compromising their own views.
 When the communication is not frank
it hinders the development of
closeness and deep understanding of
each other’s inner self.

16. 8-Be a
 When choosing our life partner, we must as
the Prophet (SAW) advised look for a pious
Muslim.
 The reason is that, their first and foremost
goal is the pleasure of Allah (SWT).
 This commitment to Allah(SWT) makes them
an excellent facilitator for enhancing their
partner’s spiritual development.
 In essence the couple facilitates their family’s
commitment to Allah (SWT)) and His deen.

17. 9-Be Flattering
 Paying compliments and indulging in
honest flattery is a very inexpensive
way to win your spouse’s heart.
 Every one likes to be appreciated and
noticed.
 So being miserly about compliments
is actually depriving one self of being
appreciated in return.

18. 10-Fallible
 It often happens that our
expectations sometimes are so high
that we lose sight of the fact that we
are fallible beings.
 When couples start to nitpick and
demand the impossible they must
remind themselves that only Allah
(SWT)) is perfect.

19. 11-Be Aware of Feelings
 Prophet Mohammad (SAW) stated that Allah(SWT) forgives
all sins if we repent but not those we have committed
against others, i.e. hurt their feelings, unless the person we
have hurt forgives first.
 Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their
spouse’s feelings;
 They take them for granted and assume that the other knows
what they mean.
 It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous
to strangers than they are to their loved ones.
 One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt
the feelings of their spouses
 If they do they should apologize as soon as possible.
 Since one does not know when someone they love will leave
this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the
time?

20. 12-Be Fond of
Each Other
 So many times couples fail to work on developing
fondness for each other
 They ignore to see their spouses as people through
the eyes of their respective friends.
 Spending quality time alone doing and sharing
activities are ways in which one can develop
fondness.

21. And those who pray "Our Lord! grant unto us wives
and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and
give us (the grace) to lead the righteous
Furqan,25:74

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