By focusing on your personal development you can discover the source of your anger and create the changes needed to move past that anger. We all love to blame others for how we feel but I believe that we have full control over all our emotions, anger included.

1. http://bit.ly/14mHVkh April 26, 2013
Using Personal Develepment To Discover The Source Of
Your Anger
I just received an email from a subscriber in which they
shared with me a couple things they were struggling with
and I wanted to create a post in order to hopefully start
them on a path of personal development that helps with
their struggles, one being anger.
There is an entire industry that focuses on people’s
inability to control their anger. Some people do need
therapy to deal with these issues and that cannot be
ignored. However for most of us simply finding the
source of that anger and then choosing to take action on dealing with the source
will be enough to make a difference in our life.
I am confident in saying that the source of your anger is usually not the external
factors you believe it is but you. You are the source. That is what we are going to
explore today – how you are creating your own anger.
Control
You see I believe that all emotions can be controlled. We choose what to laugh
at, cry at and be inspired by. Anger is no different in the fact if we get angry it is
because we consciously chose to be angry. In most cases no one forced us to
yell, pound our fists, flip off the guy in traffic or storm out of the room.
Getting angry over things we cannot control or believe could happen but haven’t is
detrimental to our happiness. A lot of anger comes from a place of feeling like we
should be able to control something we can’t. This is such a waste of our time and
energy. Try to let go of the things that make you angry that you have no control
over.
This includes the traffic, the weather, the news, Bob at the office or the anger you
feel anticipating that something might go wrong. Anger is usually something you
are a manifesting inside long before anything actually happens. Let’s use traffic
as an example of an uncontrollable.
Before you even leave the house you are angry at how traffic is going to be. Why
do we get angry at the traffic? How does it make sense to be in our car giving it
to the traffic people whoever they are and wherever they are? They can’t hear

2. you! What a waste of precious energy. Why not look at traffic as the mini vacation
it can be. Listen to a personal development audio cd, comedy or whatever but you
have the choice to make it what it is.
You have the power to change how you look at life which in turns changes how
you live that life.
All those little things that bug you at the end of the day are just all you. You
cannot change those things in life but you can seek to improve your outlook on
them. Do you know who is really bugging you? Yourself and that little voice inside
you that is telling you to be angry.
The Little Voice
Let’s quickly examine this little voice just to be clear on how it plays a part in our
anger. Is your voice saying you should be mad because….
You don’t make enough money
You don’t have the career you deserve
You don’t have the body you want
Your boss doesn’t appreciate or understand you
People don’t treat you right
The list can go on forever but I am here to let you know that you control what that
voice is saying. The little voice wants to blame everyone else for why you feel
angry and take no responsibility. Stop blaming everyone else for what you don’t
have and see if it shifts the way you look at things.
At the end of the day everything we have is a direct reflection of the effort we
were willing to put into it. Maybe you are angry that you know you could try harder
but just don’t. I can’t be angry at myself for not being a millionaire if I don’t want to
put in the time and effort to become one. Maybe I will just be mad at the universe
for not handing me the money. Ya right!
Positive Anger
How can something as negative feeling as anger have any positive attributes?
Well the fact is anger is not always a bad feeling to have if you use it to create a
positive outcome. We assert ourselves better with a hint of anger but become
aggressive when we let anger control us.
Turn your anger into something positive that helps other people. If you take a look

3. at how a lot of change is created in the world it can usually be traced back to
someone choosing to be upset by an event in their life. If it wasn’t for those
people feeling a need to take action on that anger vs. dwell on it we may not have
people who work toward world piece, a green earth, join protective services or
combat cruelty to animals.
Using your anger to take action in a positive way is the best method for dealing
with that anger.
If you are not looking to change the world you can also exercise, exercise and
then exercise some more to combat the effects of anger. Once you become fully
self-aware as to why you are angry you will handle it better in the moment but until
then you need an outlet for all that anger.
This is especially true if you used to be physically active all the time and are not
as much anymore. People do not realize the benefit the regular exercise was
giving them because they never attributed exercise to reducing their anger.
Find something you love like running, yoga, martial arts or whatever you find gives
you that release. Your body will not only benefit physically but your emotional
health will shoot through the roof. If you are going to choose to let things anger
you then you might as well benefit from it.
Simply by adding back in the type of exercise you used to love to do you may find
some of that anger disappears. Who knows you may discover that the reason you
were angry with yourself is because you had given up a physical activity you loved
in the first place. You most likely will discover what you are blaming for “making”
you give it up.
Acceptance
First ask yourself are you angry at the fact you feel angry? The angrier you feel
the angrier you get. This is like adding gas to a fire expecting it to go out. Now is
the time to forgive yourself for feeling angry, for the outbursts and the needless
hurt you have caused others. Holding onto this will not allow you to make
progress.
Accept the fact you are angry and that you are responsible for your anger. That
may make some of you defensive and it is not meant to. I want you to feel a
surge of personal power instead now that you realize you are the master and
commander of your anger.
By acknowledging that yes you are angry with yourself for something you wish you
would have done or something you did that you wished you hadn’t you can be at

4. peace with it and start fresh. You will never deal with your anger by avoiding
admitting you are angry.
Do not be ashamed that you are angry because out of that feeling you will
become afraid to fully express your emotions in any way. Even when you have
mastered your emotions you will still feel anger sometimes but it will come out as
positive self-assertiveness not as a self-destructive behaviour like yelling or
overeating.
Accept yourself for what you are right now and move forward.
The Internal Source of Your Anger
I will be so bold as to say almost all of our anger has nothing to do with what is
going on around us and everything to do with what is going on inside of us. We are
usually angry at ourselves for something. Blame your lack of money on your
career all you want but realize that it is you who wakes up each day to go to that
career. No one is forcing you but you.
But Darrin, what about the bills, my family and my obligations? Yes we all have
those but that doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy to fulfill them. If you are
unhappy with an area of life get to changing it. This may involve you leaving your
comfort zone, taking on new skills and becoming someone you don’t believe you
are capable of becoming. I believe you can.
It can be difficult to break out of being routinely angry but I want you to see it for
the routine it is. If you wake up feeling angry before anything has even happened
to you yet then you need to discover the internal source of that anger. You are
preplanning being angry.
We all tend to apply all of our past feelings to situations and always want to
believe we already know what will happen so we can justify your anger. Just
because it happened yesterday doesn’t mean it will happen today. Even if it does
that doesn’t mean you have to react the same.
You never give yourself the opportunity for those situations not to happen or to
deal with them in a different way by starting your day angry. Even waking up
tomorrow choosing to only plan on reacting to everything in a positive way is a
good first step to take.
What you have is the responsibility to not let others anger you through their
actions. You are most likely angrier at yourself for letting them make you feel that
way vs. their actual act of angering, you intentional or not.
We are angry at ourselves for letting other people control how we feel.

5. Wake up each day and treat it exactly like it is – a new day. Free of the past and
only full of the future you choose to create. What would a day without anger feel
like to you?
Today we explored how the main sources of anger could be:
You have given up something you loved doing; you believe you should be
something more than you are, you are trying to control the things in life you
have no control over and you are letting others control your emotions.
There could be others so keep digging deeper until you find the source of your
anger. It could end up being one main source that has controlled all of your anger.
You never know until you take the time to do the work.
The only feelings we feel are the one’s we allow others to make us feel. Realizing
you have that type of control means you can consciously choose your life.
Take Action Request:
As you can see this is one of the more lengthy posts I have written and this take
action request will be more in depth also. If you struggle with anger please take
the time to do this.
Get out your journal and write down everything that makes you angry right from
the career you hate down to the fact your wife puts her socks on left foot first.
Every little thing you can imagine that you know rubs you the wrong way. Now with
that do the following:
Ask yourself why that particular thing makes you angry
Then ask yourself why exactly that particular answer makes you angry
Then keep going until the last answer sounds like “The reason I am angry is
because I….” this is where you find the source of your anger and can
acknowledge and take responsibility for it.
What I hope you discover is how you are choosing to let those things anger you.
This exercise should also help you come to the realization at how silly some of the
things are that you get mad at and really is just a matter of letting go.
Your Life Your Choice Your Design
Darrin Wiggins
P.S. – Here is a link I found that has more great information on how to discover

6. the source of your anger.
“Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage
leaves him less than he had been before – it takes something from
him.” – Louis L’Amour