The Playbill for TORTanic. Performing March 24 and 25, 2023 at Ted Mann Concert Hall

2. DIRECTOR'S NOTE
The Ted Mann Concert Hall staff and crew;
Nubia Esparza, our faculty advisor, for her never-ending support;
Shane Chou, for her incredible graphic design skills & patience with hundreds of
requests from the producers;
Steven Vincent, for his costume alteration and construction;
Kate Long & Lea Chapoton, for being an awesome tech crew;
Justin Oakland; Mallory Harrington; Dom Detwiler; Jacque Randolph; Hannah
McDonald & Melissa Watton, for their amazing set design and construction;
And the Writing Committee, for creating this amazing show.
This production would not be
possible without the grants
generously provided by:
Ahoy TORT-feasors! It is my utmost honor to present to you the Theatre of
the Relatively Talentless’s performance of TORTanic. Celebrating twenty
years of shenanigans, tomfoolery, and desperate attempts to make law school
parodies of ABBA songs, we knew this year’s show had to be bigger than ever.
TORTanic marks a return to the big stage. For twenty years, TORT has served
as a welcoming refuge for law students seeking solace from the stresses that
come with pursuing a legal education. Speaking from personal experience,
TORT has forged lifelong friends and priceless memories. That isn’t to say
that participation doesn’t involve sacrifices of its own. Your average
performer tonight has invested over eighty-five hours of their precious time to
rehearsals (that’s almost a two-credit class).
For this year’s performance of TORTanic, we wanted to embody how humor
and a bit of insanity allowed law students for the last twenty years to persevere
through cold-calls, exams, and even a global pandemic. We are so grateful
that we are able to present this labor of love for you tonight, so please, sit
back, relax, and keep a lookout for icebergs.
~ Justin Oakland, Director of TORT
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
TORTANIC - 1

3. THANK YOU TO OUR
SPONSORS
THANK YOU TO OUR
FACULTY DONORS
Matthew Bodie
Carol Chomsky
Brad Clary
Prentiss Cox
Dean Garry Jenkins
Carol Rachac
Kim Ronning
Jean Sanderson
A special thank you to Prof. Mitch Zamoff for his long-
standing & incredibly generous support of TORT!
Diamond Level
Carlson Caspers*
DeWitt LLP*
Silver Level
Ballard Spahr LLP
Themis Bar Review
Winthrop & Weinstine, P.A.
Gold Level
Office of Advancement
Fredrikson & Byron, P.A.
Robins Kaplan LLP
Stinson LLP
UMN Patent Law Program
Platinum Level
Faegre Drinker*
*The first three sponsors received a special shout-out in the show
Interested in sponsoring next year's show? Contact
tort@umn.edu or visit our website at umntort.org.
TORTANIC - 2

4. TORTANIC - 3
TORT BOARD
Director: Justin Oakland
Assistant Diector: Melissa Watton
Producers: Wills Layton &
Grace Moore
Treasurer: Molly Kleist
Head Writers: Vanessa Hird &
Andrew Nicotra Reilly
Music Director: Dom Detwiler
Pit Director: Eric Sievert
Choreographers: Mallory
Harrington & Hannah McDonald
Costumer: Sierra Grandy
Tech Director: Eric Snyder
Cameo Coordinator: Mary Fleming
CAST
Jack: Jacque Randolph
Rose: Ben Parker
Narrator Rose: Vanessa Hird
Caledon: Caleb Nigrin
Molly Brown: Molly Kleist
Ahab: Joshua Fuller
Smee: Levi Seidel
Spicer: Mallorie Sckerl
Iceberg: Aika Riguera
Celine Dion: Joshua Grant
Lady Duff Gordon: Henry Maler
Ben Guggenheim: Cole Edick
Fabrizio: Lauren Butler
Ida Strauss: Grace Anderson
Cora: Samantha Barnhart
Ahab's Shipmates: Isabelle Daniels;
Sierra Grandy; Kendall Prior &
Andrew Nicotra Reilly
Featured Dancers:
Aika Riguera
Chloe Chambers
Cierra Johnson
Hannah McDonald
Mallory Harrington
Madeleine Kim
Meghan Zula
Shane Chou
Chorus:
Alex Jones
Andrea McGauley*
Charlotte Higgins*
Cheyenna González Pilsner
Leah Reiss*
Ray Mestad
Val Perkins*
Zanna Tennant
*Featured Singer
Writing Committee: Vanessa Hird; Andrew Nicotra Reilly; Lauren
Butler; Dom Detwiler; Sierra Grandy; Molly Kleist; Ayesha Mitha; Caleb
Nigrin; Justin Oakland & Zanna Tennant.

5. Petra Asani - Piccolo/Flute
Anthony Benz - Piano
Jordan Boudreaux - Drums
Will Brunner - Guitar
Dom Detwiler - Bass & Tuba
Fionna Ek - Bassoon
Rachel Esselman - Trombone
Rachel Glissmann - Cello
Will Huff Towle - Viola
Kira Le - Tenor Saxophone
PIT ORCHESTRA
TORTANIC - 4
Marine Loison - Flute
Hanhui Li - Keyboard
Mark Maier - Viola
Amanda Maharg - Clarinet &
Triangle
Ayesha Mitha - Flute
Caroline Moriarty - Violin
Kit Schultz - Trumpet &
Suspended Cymbal
Bill Yang - Violin
Eric Sievert - Pit Director
Joshua Fuller - Assistant Pit Director
Librarian Andrew Martineau
Career Counselors Joy Wang, Wendy Griak &
Jessica Birschbach
Dean Ra'Shya Ghee & Professor Jacquelyn Lutz
Professor Tom Cotter
Professor Perry Moriearty
Professor Brad Clary
Professor Scott Dewey
Dean Oren Gross
Dean Garry Jenkins
Thank you to all of our cameos! An extra special thank you to
Dean Jenkins, whose presence in our shows has been greatly
appreciated and who will be deeply missed.
CAMEOS

6. TORTANIC - 5

7. TORTANIC - 6
SHOW PROGRAM
Act I
Prologue: Mississippi River - "On a Boat Cruise in the Past"
["Journey to the Past" - Anastasia (Lynn Ahrens & Stephen Flaherty)]
Scene 1: Mondale Hall - "Torts on the Ocean"
["Cake by the Ocean" - DNCE]
Scene 2: S.S. DeWitt Riverboat - "Cruise"
["Juice" - Lizzo]
Scene 3: Upper Deck - "It's a Big Law World"
["Money, Money, Money" - ABBA]
Scene 4: Below Deck - "Law Cruise"
["Footloose" - Kenny Loggins]
Scene 5: Caledon's Quarters - "Bloomberg Has It"
["Rumor Has it / Someone Like You (Medley)" - Adele]
Scene 6: Front Deck - "Can't Help Falling in Love" (instrumental)
["Can't Help Falling in Love" - Elvis Presley]
Act II
Scene 1: Front Deck - "Law Rock"
["Crocodile Rock" - Elton John]
Scene 2: Rose & Caledon's Study Room - "Far from the Law School Now"
["Shallow" - Lady Gaga]
Scene 3: Main Deck - "Iceberg Ahead / Ship's Going Down"
["It's Raining Men / Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)" - The
Weather Girls / Cher]
Scene 4: Main Deck - "When I Ruled this Boat"
["Viva La Vida" - Coldplay]
Scene 5: Main Deck - "The Pen Will Write On"
["My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion] (as if we could perform
TORTanic without it)
Scene 6: Mondale Hall - "Don't Do Law School on Boats"
["Don't Go Breaking My Heart" - Elton John with Kiki Dee]

8. TORTANIC - 7

9. TORT-IONARY
A Note from the Writers: Hello and welcome to our 20th show, TORTanic! This is a show written
by law students about law school, and as a result there are a number of terms and references
our guests may find unfamiliar. But never fear, oh uninitiated! In yet another dazzling display
of their inexhaustible skill & creativity, our head writers have compiled this guide for you.
*Disclaimer: These definitions are not Webster-approved, peer-reviewed, or honestly even spell-checked. TORT
is not a verified source, and we should never be cited in any academic works.
1L, 2L, 3L: The names given to first, second and third year law students.
Aiding and Abetting: Helping someone with a crime. Don’t do it.
Al Gore: Notable dimpled chad hater. Environmentalist.
Barbri: Charitable organization that only charges more than $2,000 for Bar Prep review. Notable for
their status of not being Themis or Kaplan who do the same thing (thank you to our sponsor,
Themis)
Big Law: Large firms. Big law, big money, big hours. (Thanks to our Big Law Sponsors!)
Bloomberg/LexisNexis (Lexis)/Westlaw: Legal databases. People have opinions on them. They are
the same.
Bluebook / Bluebooking: The style of citation used in law. You guessed it, its arcane and difficult
and nobody knows how to do it.
Burden of Proof: What you must show to win your case. And no, showing you “got guts” is not a
burden of proof.
Case Brief: A mini guide to what happens in a case. You’ll do a lot of them your first year and then
buy Quimbee that will do it for you.
Chevron Two Step: Part dance move. Part statutory interpretation. Gives courts an order to defer to
agencies when interpreting anything.
Civil Procedure (Civ Pro): A 1L course that teaches you how to get into and stay in court. Though
once you get out, you might only remember Rule 11 sanctions.
Cold Call: A law student’s biggest fear. Being asked to participate in the middle of class without
(much) warning. Ever watch the Paper Chase?
Commercial Outline: Buy it, use it, trash it, fix it then buy one again. Outlines prepared by
companies to help you score on the curve – not higher or lower.
Curve: The law school grading scheme. You get an A, 3 of you get a B, 1 of you gets a C.
Donuts with the Dean: It happens once a month. If you read all of your emails, you know when it
is, and for everyone else it’s a day to steal a donut and make awkward eye contact with the people
who could get you in trouble.
TORTANIC - 8

10. TORT-IONARY
Ejusdem Generis: Something you learn about in Leg Reg for interpreting statutes. It's Latin for “of
the same kind.” Pig Latin translation: ejusdemyay enerisgay.
Esquire: Not to be confused with the magazine, lawyers are technically also called Esquires.
Expresio Unius Est Exclusio Alterius: Something you learn about in Leg Reg for interpreting
statutes. It's Latin for “the expression of one thing is the exclusion of the other.” Pig Latin translation:
expresioyay uniusyay estyay exclusioyay alteriusyay.
Garry Jenkins: Dean of the UMN Law School…for now! Led the school through some tough times,
including COVID. TORT superfan, and we feel the same way about him. Will be greatly missed. The
single reason all 3Ls agreed to get “Lawyer Leader” tattoos.
TORTANIC - 9
The Hague: Pronounced hay-g.
It’s in the Netherlands, epicenter
of international justice.
Famously pretty and infamously
Dutch.
Honor Code: We are all bound
by it. We all memorized it. It
provides ethical rules about
being a law student. Don’t get it
confused with Hammurabi’s
Code, it’s much longer.
IRAC: Issue. Rule. Application.
Conclusion. The structure of
legal writing most generally,
and the thing law students never
quite get right.
Latin: Primitus a parvis coetibus
habitantium secundum flumen
Tiberinum inferiorem, latine
cum augmento politicae
potestatis Romanae divulgatum
est, primum per totam.
Lawyer Leader: Catchphrase of
Dean Jenkins of the University
of Minnesota Law School, it
describes a lawyer who also is a
leader. It’s all fun and games
until a lawyer leads you into
being a leading lawyer.

11. TORT-IONARY
Lawyers Concerned For Lawyers: An organization you can (and should) call if you or someone you
know is having a tough time.
Learned Hand (Jive): Learned Hand (pronounced Learn-ED) was a former judge with the world’s
greatest eyebrows.
Legislation and Regulation (Leg Reg): A mandatory course about interpreting laws and
government structure, which begs the question – what are the rest of the classes about?
Manny’s: Steakhouse downtown that does in fact sell a $22 Manhattan.
Mergers & Acquisitions: Field of law where businesses race to the top to become one with other
businesses. Before there was gay marriage, there was corporate marriage.
Model Penal Code: A standardized set of criminal laws you will learn in law school. States have
variants, some don’t use it at all. A dream come almost true.
Moot Court Competition: All the fun of real court with none of the judges. Prepare arguments,
brief them, argue them. If you win, you still probably aren’t on Law Review.
MPRE: An ethics exam you take in law school where you learn you are not allowed to have relations
with your clients.
TORTANIC - 10

12. TORT-IONARY
Nickelodeon Universe: All the fun of an amusement park…but put it in a mall! And not just any
mall, but the incomparable Mall of America.
Notice and Comment Rulemaking: You must provide a period for the public to comment on a rule
in which the public includes: the ACLU, the Westboro Baptist Church, Greenpeace and people who
self describe as being “really into politics.”
Plant Wall: Plants installed in the windowless subplaza to bring light to law students’ days although
nobody really knows how the plants get any light in return.
Public Interest: Government, nonprofits. A category that encompasses Public Defenders and
Prosecutors. Make sense?
Robina Scholars: Public Interest focused scholarship at the U. Everyone knows one.
Rule Against Perpetuities: Learn it in property. Forget it until the bar exam. Disallows you from
controlling property long after the person giving you property dies. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it!
Titanic: It has come to our attention that some have never seen the Titanic. This show is based
(loosely) upon it. There are boats. There is Kate Winslet (spoiler – not a cameo). And there is pre-
problematic Leonardo DiCaprio.
Tort Law: Duty. Breach of Duty. Causation. Damages. Not to be confused with the law of desserts.
Or just deserts, that’s Criminal Law.
UCard: Your passport to all buildings on the University of Minnesota Campus that you will never
enter as a law student. If you come here,you too could have the right to tap that card to enter Wilson
Library.
TORTANIC - 11

13. 2022 CAST
Grace Anderson - Ida Strauss
As a real-life public interest student, Grace hopes her
portrayal of Ida Strauss serves as a profound
exploration of the class disparities within the
institution of education and the struggles of
navigating law school as... oh, who is she kidding?
Grace is a theater nerd looking to sing and dance her
3LOL away. She would like to thank TORT and her
cat Murphy for being the only two things that keep
her sane as she prepares for graduation.
Lauren Butler - Fabrizio, Writing Committee
Lauren Butler is a 2L who graduated from Muhlenberg
College in 2017 where she majored in theatre and French.
After college, she spent the next four years in New York City
acting in plays and films, modeling, and working at a French
immersion preschool. TORT quickly became one of Lauren’s
favorite parts of law school last year, and she loved being part
of it again this year. She is thrilled that her decision to make a
career change hasn’t meant an end to performing!
Chloe Chambers - Featured Dancer
Chloe is a 1L from Milaca, MN. She has been dancing
since she was 3 years old and earned a degree in Dance
from St. Olaf College. She is glad her joints are
(currently) still keeping up.
Samantha Barnhart - Cora
My name is Samantha Barnhart, and I am a 3L. After
graduation I am working for a prosecutor's office and am
ultimately interested in prosecuting human trafficking.
In my free time I enjoy getting outdoors with my
husband and dog. This is my third TORT production,
and I have really enjoyed being a part of this
organization. It's great to have a creative outlet with
other students that's only loosely law-related. We've
worked really hard on the show this year, and I hope you
enjoy it as much as we've enjoyed putting it together!
TORTANIC - 12

14. 2022 CAST
Shane Chou- Featured Dancer, Graphic Designer
Shane is a simulation of a 1L whose psychiatrist said TORT
would be great for her mental health as a creative outlet,
socialization, and the only exercise she’s willing to do.
Cole Edick - Benjamin Guggenheim
TORT debut. Cole is a 1L from Omaha, Nebraska where—like
many white men—he peaked playing Seymour Krelborn in his
high school production of Little Shop of Horrors. Before
Minnesota, he worked in social science research in New York
City, watching from the sidelines while all of his theater friends
achieved their wildest dreams. If only they could see him now.
Cole feels a deep emotional connection with rats that he hopes
you will experience tonight. He would like to thank Mom, Dad,
Dee, Rick, Cindy, Scott, Cam, Tina, and Lauren, Dan, Rob, and
Cal… and his mother.
Isabelle Daniels - Shipmate #1
My name is Isabelle Daniels, I joined TORT because I have a
crush on someone and I figured the best way to impress them
was by singing and dancing about law school. My crush isn't
in law school, but they do know their North from their
South, so I'll count it. Fun fact about me: one semester of
civil procedure gave me cystic acne and my house is
definitely haunted. (Aaron will you keep being my
boyfriend? I'm in love with you)
Joshua Fuller - Ahab, Assistant Pit Director
Originating from Helena, Montana, Joshua obtained a Bachelor of
Music in Vocal Education from Concordia College. There, he studied
both orchestral and choral conducting under the batons of Drs. Rene
Clausen and Kevin Sutterlin. Additionally, Joshua also sang in The
Concordia Choir, singing in Dr. Clausen's final choir before his
retirement. Joshua was vocally trained by Peter Halverson. Graduating
in 2020, Joshua served as the orchestral librarian and stage manager for
the Helena Symphony Orchestra for the following summer, before
fully endorsing the prospect of going to law school. A 1L, Joshua is
interested in studying contracts and business law. In his spare time, he
loves to play chess, travel, and spend time with friends and family.
TORTANIC - 13

15. 2022 CAST
Sierra Grandy - Costumer, Writing Committee, Crewmate #3
One time a childhood psychologist said, "Sierra is highly-
motivated but may over-estimate her capacity at present."
This likely will always be true about her. But she has
succeeded at her job as long as all of the cast is clothed and
she shows up in most of the correct scenes as the pivotal role
of “crewmate #3.” Additionally, and for no particular reason,
she feels it's important to point out that she does in fact
know who Al Gore is!
Cheyenna González Pilsner- Chorus, Backup Dancer
Growing up in Mexico City and Stevens Point, WI, I am a
current 1L at the UMN. This is my first time on a stage since
elementary school band performance but I am excited to share
this experience with all my classmates and with the
Minneapolis community!
Joshua Grant - Celine Dion
Joshua Grant is 1L who’s excited to serenade you throughout
the show and who proves everyday that gals with IBS have
the most fun. If the show stinks blame him! Toot toot!!
Charlotte Higgins - Featured Singer
Charlotte is a 1L who is excited to participate in TORT for
the first time. She likes to believe her case-briefing skills are
better than her dancing skills, but she promises to make a
good faith effort in both.
Vanessa Hird - Narrator, Head Writer
Vanessa is almost as overcome with emotion about this year’s
show as she was to perform a ballad in her final show choir
performance of high school. Other favorite writing credits
include: Off-Broadway - Beauty and the Bean (don’t look it
up on YouTube) and also Off-Broadway - 1L Legal Writing
Brief (no Best Brief award given). In the words of The Great
Dom Detwiler, “Hear ye, hear ye!”
TORTANIC - 14

16. 2022 CAST
Cierra Johnson - Featured Dancer
Cierra thought dancing in TORT would keep her young. So
far all its done is remind her she's no longer in her 20s.
Please send any donations of IcyHot her way.
Alex Jones - Chorus
Practiced theater at the Center for Kids Who Can't Read
Good and Who Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good
Too.
Madeleine Kim - Featured Dancer
Madeleine started dancing at the age of 4, and graduated from
the Fordham University/Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater
program with a Bachelors in Fine Arts in 2018. This will be her
first time on stage in 4 years and she is currently getting a
perverse sense of satisfaction knowing that the director of her
undergrad program just experienced a chill and has no idea why.
Molly Kleist - Molly Brown, Treasurer
Molly is a 2L and cannot wait to set sail on the TORTanic. She
is thrilled to have graduated from playing a bit part with a
Midwestern mom accent to playing a speaking role with a
Midwestern mom accent. Despite the rumors, she did not get
this role just because her name is Molly #notanepobaby. She
hopes you have a wonderful time and leave feeling *unsinkable*.
Henry Maler - Lady Duff Gordon
Henry is making his TORT debut. A theater nerd since childhood, he has a long history of
making a fool of himself on various stages and screens. Such antics include twisting his ankle
performing at a charity drag show and having a carton of ice cold milk poured on him in a
short film that was then admitted to an experimental film festival. He would like to thank his
mother Eileen for her continued support and love in the face of flamboyant homosexuality and
utterly unmarketable skills, his father Kevin for driving him to urgent care after the
aforementioned drag race injury, his brother Will for too many virtues to mention in a mere
playbill bio, his friend Alexa Feeney for her generous help with makeup and fashion tips, and,
of course, RuPaul for giving him the idea of turning to drag as a last-ditch chance at stardom.
TORTANIC - 15

17. 2022 CAST
Hannah McDonald - Featured Dancer, Choreographer
Hannah is a 3L who wishes law school was more like a TORT show
- more Fosse, less Scalia. When she isn’t dancing, you can find her
eating scones and reading a book (or ignoring her Pomodoro timer
in study room 255G, but keep that to yourself). Hannah is so
thankful for TORT and the fun memories it has brought her over
the last three years, and she hopes you enjoy the show!
Andrea McGauley - Featured Singer
Andrea was a theater major but she promises you will not be able
to tell. She was ready to put that artsy life behind her and focus on
the serious endeavor of law school. But Justin was her orientation
leader and he is nothing if not persistent. Andrea hasn't sang in
public since High School. Therefore, she highly recommends
audience members follow the renowned instructions of Leslie
Odom Jr.: hold your nose and close your eyes.
Ray Mestad - Chorus, Plant Wall
Ray Mestad is new to TORT and absolutely loved it. Especially
proud of his supporting role as Plant Wall. Huge thanks to
everyone who put this together and made Tortanic happen!
Andrew Nicotra Reilly - Head Writer, Mate
I come from a town without any theater, New York, so I was
really excited to see first hand what it can look like in
practice. When I'm not chasing my EGOT, you can find me
thinking about all the ways to write a TORT show that in the
loosest sense follows James Cameron's little known classic -
Titanic. I'm most excited for the scene in the show where we
spray the audience with water to emulate what it was like to
be on the ill fated ship. . .
TORTANIC - 16

18. 2022 CAST
Caleb Nigrin - Caledon Hockley, Writing Committee
Caleb Nigrin, a 3L from Nebraska, is gracing the stage one final
time as a conceited, snobby and overall unlikeable guy. While Caleb
is slightly concerned that every year he is cast as a pretentious,
entitled villain who may or may not learn his lesson, Caleb would
like to assure you, dear audience, that this is NOT a type-cast
(...hopefully). In his free time, Caleb enjoys Dungeons and Dragons,
weightlifting, and spending time with his adorable cats. Caleb feels
truly honored to be a part of TORT for the last three three years,
and he hopes you enjoy the show!
Ben Parker - Rose
Ahoy! Ben is so excited to star as Rose in TORTanic! Ben is a 3L
from Norman, Oklahoma. Ben draws most of his character
inspiration from when he nearly failed his college swim exam,
slowly doggy paddling the last lap. Ben would like to thank all of
his friends and family that have supported him throughout law
school and his involvement in TORT. Ben would like to especially
thank Celine Dion for being so influential in his life (apologies to
my mother who had to listen to me belting My Heart Will Go On
repeatedly). Enjoy the show and stay afloat! There’s only enough
room on this door for me… no one else could have possibly fit on
that door…
Val Perkins - Featured Singer
Val is a 3L, and this is her third year of striving to be in the
back of all TORT chorus numbers so she doesn't have to
remember the choreography. Her past performance credits
include "chorus member in a 2015 high school production of
phantom of the opera," "person who walks onstage with a
boom box," and "church choir member."
Kendall Prior - Mate #4
Kendall comes from a long line of seafaring Irish folk on her
Dad’s side and cold women from the arctic named “Iceberg” on
her Mom’s side. Thanks for always supporting me, Harvey and
Iceberg Prior!
TORTANIC - 17

19. 2022 CAST
Jacque Randolph - Jack
Jacque is a 2L from Dallas, TX. This year, she emerges from
her position in the orchestra pit to center stage, where she,
hopefully, faces less of a chance of getting smacked in the face
by the bass player. This role is dedicated to all the past
directors who incessantly pestered her to audition for their
musicals, to which she responded, "I wouldn't be caught dead
singing on stage." If you pay her $5, she may play dueling
banjos for you.
Leah Reiss - Featured Singer
Leah is a 3L from New York. After a twelve-year hiatus from
her acclaimed theatrical career (high school), she is thrilled to
be returning to the stage in her first TORT production. Leah
would like to thank all of you for coming and for not
commenting on her general lack of coordination.
Aika Riguera - Iceberg
Aika first learned to read from a karaoke machine and has been
an insufferable shower, kitchen, car, garage, literally
everywhere singer ever since. She is taking her brand of
unhinged scream-singing to TORT to fulfill her pop star
dreams and appease her long-suffering next door neighbors.
Mallorie Sckerl - Spicer Lovejoy, Future FBI Agent
Mallorie is a 2L from Iowa and Nebraska who chose
Minnesota Law solely because they have an annual
musical - or at least that's what her dad told all his
coworkers when he found out about TORT. While
Mallorie plans to pursue a career in public interest, she
will almost certainly never be an actual FBI agent. (Have
you seen her dancing? Not the most coordinated law
student we know - and that's saying something!)
TORTANIC - 18

20. 2022 CAST
Levi Seidel - Smee (your First Mate!)
I am originally from Moorhead, MN; and after completing my
undergrad at MSUM in Moorhead I moved to Minneapolis in
2020 to begin law school. After school I plan on sticking
around the Twin Cities area to begin my legal career. My
favorite part of being in TORT is getting to hang out with
my fellow law students in a non-legal setting. I find it very
rewarding to get to connect with my peers in a more casual,
fun, and creative environment.
Zanna Tennant - Chorus
Just an East coastie trying to find her way in the passive
aggressive wastelands of Minnesota. Before reluctantly going to
law school, Zanna dreamed of becoming a lunch lady. Sadly, she
never fulfilled this dream. So, she took the next best option:
pretending to be a lunch lady in an obscure law school theater
production. Thanks to TORT for finally letting her live out her
fantasy. It's almost as good as the real thing
Meghan Zula - Featured Dancer
Meghan Zula is excited to participate in her first TORT
production. Being a 1L, she is too busy briefing to finish
this bio.
TORTANIC - 19

21. PIT ORCHESTRA
Petra Asani - Piccolo/Flute
Petra is a 2L who is hoping to convey the beauty and
tragedy of romance at sea without ever having watched
Titanic. However, she hopes that she can do so by
channeling her love-hate relationship with Minnesotan
winters (how different are they from icebergs at sea,
really?) into her piccolo and flute rendition of life at MN
Law. Petra may also be responsible for the high-pitched
ringing in your ears from last year's show, Gunner's New
Groove, and warns you to prepare yourself for a repeat
performance.
Anthony Benz - Piano
From teaching middle school choir members about the
importance of black dress socks to having nervous
breakdowns in 455E, Benz is a 1L from Bismarck, ND.
Critics have raved, saying "he really can carry a tune" and
"Wow, does he ever not have a trenta iced coffee in hand?"
Jordan Boudreaux - Drums
Jordan is a 2L. Last year, he had a very long bio and
provided a very unprofessional picture. He swore that it
would never happen again.
Will Brunner - Guitar
Will has played the guitar for nine years. He enjoys playing
guitar in local bars during his free time.
TORTANIC - 20

22. PIT ORCHESTRA
Rachel Esselman - Trombone
Rachel hasn't played trombone in almost a decade, and it
shows.
Rachel Glissman - Cello
Hi, I'm Rachel, a 3L from Omaha, NE. Happy to dust off
my cello again for pit this year! I've enjoyed playing in
TORT over the last two years - who knows, maybe I'll
even keep it up after law school with all my extra free
time!
Fionna Ek - Bassoon
Fionna is a 2L at UMN who works in housing and
consumer/protection. Against their better judgment,
their undergraduate degree is in classical music, and
they're excited to be performing again!
Will Huff Towle - Viola
Kira Le - Tenor Saxophone
Kira is a 2L from Cedar Falls, Iowa who got talked into
playing the tenor sax for the first time after realizing her
cheek muscles had atrophied to point of being unable to
play one measly minute to audition on the oboe. She
peaked as a performer in high school, starring as one of
the Three Little Pigs in Shrek the Musical, Veruca Salt
in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Martini in
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. When not reliving
the glory days, Kira loves getting tattooed, daydreaming
about the Pacific Northwest, and laying down.
TORTANIC - 21

23. PIT ORCHESTRA
Marine Loison - Flute
Marine is a 3L and this is her first performance since her
mom’s yearly requested Christmas flute duets with her
sister. She hopes you enjoy the show!
Amanda Maharg - Clarinet & Triangle
Amanda is a 2L from Cincinnati, Ohio. Excited to be
playing the clarinet again after a 6 year gap. Glad to be
a part of TORT aka one of the few things keeping me
from crying every second of 2L year.
Hanhui Li - Keyboard
Hanhui is a 1L. She enjoys everything but classes and so
she does TORT.
Mark Maier - Viola
A 2L from Wisconsin who aspires to be a criminal
defense attorney, Mark makes his TORT debut this year.
Viola has been part of his life (albeit with a 5.5 year
hiatus thrown in) since 4th grade. As the law school’s
undisputed king of Halloween, he lent his talents to the
costume department as well. Mark also enjoys cats,
trivia, the Milwaukee Bucks and Brewers, chess, and the
horror genre. And if you want to learn obscure factoids
about US Presidents, he’s your guy.
TORTANIC - 22

24. PIT ORCHESTRA
Carolina Moriarty - Violin
Caroline is excited to join this year’s TORT Pit
Orchestra! Caroline is a 2L from Sioux Falls, South
Dakota, where she was a two-time talent show
performer, both playing violin, the more memorable of
which playing Orange Blossom Special while walking
through her school’s cafè-torium. Outside of law
school, Caroline enjoys wearing a Chiefs shirt on every
Sunday they play, (which is also every TORT
rehearsal), and questioning why there’s only one lane
from 394 to 94 when she’s going to be late to rehearsal.
Bill Yang - Violin
TORTanic is a very personal musical for me, because
I have seen boats before. Every time I saw a boat
growing up, I used to think wow, I should perform a
musical about this. But I also want it to be legally
entertaining. This is my childhood dream come true
to perform for TORT in TORTanic, a musical group
I first heard about 5 months ago.
Kit Schultz - Trumpet & Suspended Cymbal
Ayesha Mitha - Flute
Ayesha is a 3L from the Twin Cities. She has "played" the
flute for about ten years. Most notable is her performance
of Edelweiss at the Mall of America Middle School Band
Showcase. She is excited to be back for her third year in
TORT.
TORTANIC - 23

25. TORT BOARD
Dom Detwiler - Music Director, Bass & Tuba,
Writing Committee
Dom is a 2L, originally from Southeast Ohio. His
theatre career peaked in high school when he played
the Coroner of Munchkinland, Crow #2, and the
Tornado in "The Wizard of Oz." After dropping out
of music school, he went into LGBTQ+ political
work in Ohio before deciding to head North for law
school. In law school, he has seen a resurgence of
fame and fortune as a result of his performance as the
Theme Song Guy in "Gunner's New Groove."
Constantly pining for his days of artistic merit, Dom
has taken on the role of Music Director for this year's
show, with a goal of having fun and singing silly
songs with his friends.
Mallory Harrington - Choreographer, Featured
Dancer
Mallory is a J.D./Ph.D. student (a 2.5L??) from
Kansas City. As a TORT, co-choreographer,
she has deeply cherished forcing her esteemed
colleagues to line dance. Here's hoping the
institution of TORT is as unsinkable as Molly
Brown.
* Board Members who aren't in the cast
Mary Fleming - Cameo Coordinator
Mary is an avid TORT fan who somehow wiggled
her way into participating in a show that accepts
everyone. Mary has absolutely no theater experience,
so she took on the role of Cameo Coordinator.
Mary's dad told her that her 2023 resolution should
be to stop singing in the car with other people, so,
needless to say, it is best for everyone that she stay
backstage.
TORTANIC - 24

26. TORT BOARD
Wills Layton - Producer
Wills is very excited to be a part of the 20th
TORT production, and will always remember
the sleepless nights worried about fundraising
to pay for it. He has been involved in TORT all
three years of grad school, and will likely be
involved in TORT again next year. Maybe next
year he will perform! Stay tuned!
Grace Moore - Producer
Grace has somehow managed to be on the TORT
board all three years of law school without ever once
running for election. Cursed with a deep love of
musical theatre, but no singing or dancing skills, she
loves being a producer for TORTanic. Grace is
constantly in awe of the talent & dedication of her
fellow TORT-feasors, and she is so excited for the
20th show! Don't ask her about TORT's storage unit.
Justin Oakland - Director, Writing Committee,
Featured Dancer, Understudy for Every Role
While Justin has appeared in over 25 musicals
before he became tethered to Mondale Hall,
"Tortanic" marks his directorial debut. . .
Unless you count directing children's theater,
whose participants resemble law students in
their appetite, attitude, and tendency to require
lengthy naps. When he’s not suffering from
nightmares about the impending bar exam,
Justin can be found spoiling his dog Lucy,
baking for his legal writing students, and
stressing about whether his TORT bio is
adequately funny. Hi Avery! <3 (and Caleb was
type-cast).
TORTANIC - 25

27. TORT BOARD
Eric Sievert - Pit Orchestra Director
Eric is thrilled to be part of the TORT Pit
Orchestra for his third year in a row. He has
enjoyed leading the pit this year in pursuit of
its goal, which like for many other world-class
orchestras, is musical excellence, pure and
simple. Well… reasonable excellence, anyway,
given the limitations of a full law school credit
load. Which are considerable. In any event, he
is excited for the show and hopes you enjoy it!
Eric Snyder - Tech Director
Melissa Watton - Assistant Director
Melissa is thrilled to be part of the 20th anniversary TORT show.
You may have seen her two years ago in Super Smash Gophers
where she won the dance battle with her tap dancing. This year
she took her talents backstage as Assistant Director (otherwise
known as Justin’s Emotional Support Friend). Hi Avery <3
TORTANIC - 26

28. We hope you
enjoy the show!