Support for mums that feel stressed by their children

1. Help for Angry Mums
Anger is a part of life. But when it gets out
of control in a mother-child relationship, it
can cause serious damage. All mums have
moments of frustration when they speak
or act harshly toward their children and
later regret it.
Warning signs. If you were raised to
believe that feeling angry is wrong, you
may have trouble even knowing you’re
angry. Suppressed anger doesn’t just go
away — it tends to show itself in a variety
of sneaky, destructive ways.
Learning to recognize the physical and emotional signs of anger can
help you gain control. Here are a few responses that could indicate
the onset of an explosion.
• exhaustion
• shallow breathing or holding one’s breath
• tense muscles
• tight jaws or clenched teeth
• flushed feeling as your body temperature rises
• flushed face and burst of energy caused by a rush of adrenaline
• feelings of fear, helplessness, frustration or disappointment
• a taste for sarcastic or biting humor
• overcheerfulness
• procrastination
• boredom
If you’re struggling with your temper, ask yourself the following
questions and write down the answers in a journal.

2. 1. What are some of the physical and emotional signals that let me
know I’m going to blow?
2. In the past, what actions have helped me short-circuit my
explosions?
3. Has anything changed in my life recently that makes me more
vulnerable?
Next time you have an explosion, write down what happened to
trigger it. Think about how you might prevent a similar experience in
the future.
Emotional abuse. Not all abuse is physical. Some of the most harmful
forms of abuse can occur without a hand being laid on a child. A
parent has the power to stunt her child’s emotional growth with
words and actions.
While there is no universally accepted definition of emotional abuse, I
believe it is best described as “either a neglect of or an assault on a
child’s mind and emotional needs.” Emotional abuse often means
playing mind games of some sort. Four common manifestations of
emotional abuse are:
1. Rejection. Repeatedly treating a child in a way that suggests
resentment, rejection or dislike
2. Degradation. Insulting, ridiculing, name-calling and imitating in a
way that diminishes the identity, dignity and self-worth of the child
3. Terror. Causing extreme fear; threatening to destroy a child’s
possessions; threatening to leave or physically hurt a child
4. Unresponsiveness. Failing to provide care in a sensitive and
responsive manner; being detached and uninvolved; ignoring a child’s
attempt to interact; failing to show affection, care or love for a child

3. Many mothers have “unspeakable feelings” about their children.
However, if you’re struggling with very strong urges to hurt your child
— or if you fear you’re losing control — seek professional counsel
immediately.
Verbal abuse. Derogatory statements can severely damage a child’s
self-esteem and dignity. What we say to our children always needs to
be carefully weighed. Here are some of the most common forms of
verbal abuse.
Belittling (saying things that cause another person to seem
unimportant):
Can’t you button that coat right? You never get anything right.
I can’t believe you did that with your hair! You look like an idiot.
When are you going to learn to throw a decent pitch? Maybe if
you had some decent muscles, you’d do better.
Name-calling (using offensive names, especially to win an argument
or to communicate rejection or condemnation without objective
consideration of the facts):
Only a complete dummy would fail to pass that test.
I’ve never seen such a useless kid.
Close your mouth and quit acting like such a jerk.
You are such a mistake.
Comparing (suggesting that one person doesn’t measure up to
another):
Why can’t you be more like your brother?
I never had as much trouble with your sister.
Cursing (using profanity)

4. Shaming (implying that the other person is essentially unworthy of
love):
I don’t even want people to know you’re my kid.
You’re no good.
Threatening (implying physical violence):
I’d like to wring your neck.
I’m going to kill you.
Guilt (manipulating by accusing a person of malice):
How could you do this to me?
I guess you like hurting your little brother.
Negative predictions (making verbal comments — marked by
hostility, withdrawal or pessimism — that hinder or oppose
constructive response or development):
You will never amount to anything.
You’ll disappoint us just like your sister did.
You’ll never change.
Why bother trying? You’ll probably mess it up like always.
Scapegoating (blaming others for one’s mistakes and failures):
I wouldn’t have to yell so much if you kids acted better.
You’re the only reason I’m stuck at home and miserable.
Depression. Anger can be the sign of a deeper problem — depression.
It’s important to be aware of the symptoms and seek help if you are
struggling in this area. If you are suffering from any of the following
symptoms, please seek professional counsel. (This is not an all-

5. inclusive list.) If you have any questions or concerns, consult your
family doctor.
• persistent sad, anxious or “empty” mood
• feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness
• loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once
enjoyed, including intimacy
• insomnia, early-morning awakening or oversleeping
• loss of appetite or weight or both — or appetite increase and weight
gain
• decreased energy or fatigue
• thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• restlessness or irritability
• difficulty concentrating, remembering things or making decisions
• persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment —
such as headaches, digestive disorders and chronic pain
Humor and forgiveness. Laughter and sincere apologies are
tremendous remedies for relieving tension and healing relationships.
advantage of the fact that children are funny. Let tension escape
through a laugh instead of a tantrum. Cultivate the quality of your
humor and teach it to your children. Read the funny papers together.
Share silly jokes. Try to look for the humorous side of everyday
dilemmas.

6. Another helpful remedy is sincere apologies. When you realize you’ve
misdirected your anger toward your children, admit it. Explain what
you’ve done and say you’re sorry.
Consciously forgive your children for the things they do to make you
angry. A lot of us harbor little grudges toward our children because
they’re “always” doing something that upsets us.
We can lessen stress and improve relationships when we choose to
forgive our children. In your journal or in your prayers, specifically
name what bothers you and ask God to help you forgive. You may
then find that you need to ask your children for forgiveness.
Source: http://www.focusonyourchild.com/relation/art1/a0000337.html