Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring: Using EI Concepts to Enhance Your Mentoring Program by Don Peterson, Strategic Partners, Inc.

1. Emotionally Intelligent Mentoring
Using EI Concepts to Enhance
Your Mentoring Program
Presented by:
Don Peterson
Strategic Partners, Inc.

2. What We’ll Cover Today
 Review of Emotional Intelligence
 What it is
 Why it matters
 EQ Skills
 EQ Skills for Mentoring
For Mentors
For Mentees

3. What are Emotions?
Emotions are the pre-dispositions
to action.
--Julio Olalla
Actions I Can Take
Emotions
Actions I Can’t Take

4. What are Emotions?
 Produced by thoughts
 Experience physically

5. Neuroscience 101 – The Brain
Thalamus
Neocortex (traffic controller)
(we think rationally
over here)
Amygdala
(we feel emotions and
remember here)
Spinal Chord
(some sensation
enters brain here)

6. The Pre-Historic Brain
FLIGHT!! FIGHT!!
OR

7. The Amygdala Hijack
 Strong emotional reaction
 Sudden onset
 Later feeling of regret

8. “Take a Breath”
 Notice your instant reaction (What
are you feeling? How is your body
reacting? What are you telling
yourself?)
 Breathe!
 Intentionally go to your “thinking”
brain
 Express your emotions in a
constructive manner

9. “Take a Breath” Activities
 Count to three
 “Whoa! What’s happening to
me?”
 Name the emotion and where
it came from
 Name three things you like
about the person with whom
you are talking/fighting

10. What is EQ?
The ability to
sense, understand and use
emotions to more
effectively manage
ourselves and influence
positive outcomes in our
relationships with others

11. EQ, IQ and Personality
IQ EQ
Personality

12. Why EQ Matters
High EQ Skills:
 80% of high performers
 More important to job performance
than any other skill
 More influence on job performance
than IQ and experience combined
 20% more productive
 60% of workplace success

13. We are being judged
by a new yardstick;
not just how smart we are, or by our
training and expertise, but also how
well we handle ourselves and each
other.
-- Dan Goleman
Working with Emotional Intelligence

14. EQ-i Skills

 Intra-Personal  Adaptability
 Emotional Self-  Problem Solving
Awareness  Flexibility
 Assertiveness  Reality Testing
 Self-Regard  Stress Management
 Self-Actualization  Stress Tolerance
 Independence  Impulse Control
 Inter-Personal  General Mood
 Interpersonal  Optimism
Relationship  Happiness
 Empathy
 Social Responsibility

15. We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence is not an act, but a habit.
--Aristotle

16. Using EQ Assessments in
Mentoring Programs
 Before Mentoring begins
 Assess Mentors EQ
 Assess Mentees EQ
 Before matching takes place
 Review strengths and weaknesses
of Mentors/Mentees
 Review combinations of skills
before matching
 Use Mentee EQ assessment as
part of development plan

17. Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentors
 Intra-Personal  Adaptability
 Emotional Self-  Problem Solving
Awareness  Flexibility
 Assertiveness
 Reality Testing
 Self-Regard
 Stress Management
 Self-Actualization
 Stress Tolerance
 Independence
 Impulse Control
 Inter-Personal  General Mood
 Interpersonal
 Optimism
Relationship
 Happiness
 Empathy
 Social Responsibility

18. Useful EQ-i Skills For Mentees
 Intra-Personal  Adaptability
 Emotional Self-  Problem Solving
Awareness  Flexibility
 Assertiveness
 Reality Testing
 Self-Regard
 Stress Management
 Self-Actualization
 Stress Tolerance
 Independence
 Impulse Control
 Inter-Personal  General Mood
 Interpersonal
 Optimism
Relationship
 Happiness
 Empathy
 Social Responsibility

19. Before Matching
 What are the mentor’s strengths
and weaknesses?
 What are the Mentee’s strengths
and weaknesses?
 What EQ skills is the Mentee
looking to develop?
 What EQ skills does the Mentor
demonstrate?

20. Before Matching
 Consider combinations of EQ skills
, e.g.,
 Mentee is high in Assertiveness
and low in Empathy
 Mentee could be aggressive
 Is Mentor prepared to deal with a
Mentee who might be aggressive?

21. Mentoring Development Plan
 Pick ONE or TWO EQ skills to
work on
 Agree to new practices and actions
to develop skills

22. Self Regard
 Definition: The ability to
respect and accept ourselves
warts and all
 Importance: One of the most
powerful predictors of
competent behavior

23. Self Regard
 To build: An on-going process
of self-exploration that focuses
on grounding negative self-
assessments
 Benefits: An expanding
knowledge of identity that is
richer, more flexible, more
confident and more secure

24. The ABCDEs of EQ
A B C D E
Debate,
Activating Conse- Dispute,
Event Beliefs quences Discard Effects
2. What 3. What self- 1. What are 4. What is 5. How has
triggered the talk is going the un- the evidence doing #4
upsetting on? pleasant to dispute shifted your
situation? feelings and the self-talk? feelings and
behaviors? behaviors?
What new
actions are
available to
you?

25. Emotional Self
Awareness
 Definition: The ability to
understand what we are
feeling and why
 Importance: It provides the
springboard for the positive
development of the other EQ
skills

26. Emotional Self
Awareness
 To build: Ask ourselves questions
about our current emotional state
and our triggers
 Benefits: Eliminates or mitigates
the emotions that are getting in our
way, causing our own suffering
and the suffering of others

27. It Just Bubbles Up
1. Describe a recent situation in which you
were triggered by another person and
acted “badly”
2. Name the emotions you experienced
3. Describe the thoughts you had about
yourself, the other person and the
situation

28. It Just Bubbles Up
4. Describe how you responded to those
thoughts and emotions
(withdrew, became verbally
abusive, pretended agreement, etc.)
5. Describe the physical sensations as
you experienced the thoughts and
emotions
6. What do you want to do differently
when faced with a similar situation in
the future.

29. Interpersonal
Relationships
 Definition: The ability to develop
mutually satisfying relationships by
surrendering some self-interest for
the good of the relationship
 Importance: As naturally social
beings, critical to success and
survival

30. Interpersonal
Relationships
 To build: Improve your
listening, find areas of
common interest, read non-
verbal clues
 Benefits: Stress
reduction, increased
productivity and
creativity, greater enjoyment
of life

31. Happiness
 Definition: The ability to feel
satisfied with one’s life, to
enjoy oneself and others, and
to have fun
 Importance: Affects the
development and exercise of
all your skills

32. Happiness
 To build: Pay attention to
when you need to be right and
to your “wanting;” choose
happiness instead
 Benefits: The relaxation of our
self-importance; more
pleasure and less pain

33. No creature can fly with just one wing.
Gifted leadership occurs where heart
and head – feeling and thought – meet.
These are the two wings that allow a
leader to soar.
-- From “Primal Leadership”