2. WIN
I move efficiently
It moves erratically
We don't stand a chance
Any more
I see the neon lights
He drinks so he can see no more
And we all fall down
Again
This was hell
And you were proud of your creation
Because nobody
Told you what to do
This was hell
So glad you could make it
Because nobody
Even knew that it was you
I'm happy for the fun of it
They're happy, too happy to go on
We don't need to listen now
This was mine
And you stood on it
Because nobody
Gave you one of your own
This was mine
As many would tell me
Because nobody
Thought I deserved it.

3. THE EERIE MIST
I stare at you and can't help but notice
A strange blue colour enveloping your form
It seems to me that it seems to be
Like a misty snake slithering along.
It begins round your skull
Down, down to your toes
Where the snake just grows and grows
And the mist becomes thicker
You're in its strangle hold
Binding your ankles
Pinning them tight
So you and the sofa become one.
Now your eyes close
Or are they lost in the mist?
My vision is failing
And my heart rate increasing
All I have to concentrate upon
Is your vaguely twitching fingers
Which emerge from inside the snake.
Are you signalling?
Is this a distress call?
Am I to leap from my chair?
Hesitation, for a second
The decision - rescue, rescue
But now it's too late
As my own private snake
Takes a hold of my head
And it squeezes and it crushes
I have no might to fend it off
So I relax and let it continue
Allowing it some freedom
On its journey to my feet
Where it will tie me too
Chaining me to this room.

4. PARACETAMOL
I've let myself go
This is my sty
Where the blood pounds
Through my ears
Drips through my nose.
Never felt so unhealthy
Wasting days
Nothing being done
Just crap TV and hunger
My stomach has shrunk.
I'm not depressed
Only becoming unsound
Early hours of the morning
Spent cursing the noises
And I feel the threat
Of the panic
Attacks
I attempt an old trick
Of blocking it out
Pushing random thoughts
To the side of my brain
But again and again
My head
Caves
With the pressure
And I reach
For the paracetamol.

5. MINOGUE MORNING
Sat in bed
Woken by Kylie
They make their presence felt
And boy, do I feel it
Graze on the head
The curse of the Hobbit?
It's no surprising really
Don't worry too much
Fucking lazy
Fucking lazy
So don't worry too much
'Cos you're running out of time
Sometimes I wish
I didn't like you at all
The stranger things get
The exhaustion increases
Wearied bones and blank faces
The curse of the house?
It's not difficult really
I'm not just blaming myself
For the sake of it
Trying hard to be objective
I'm not willing to take it all
You're not putting a curse on me.

6. THE DARKER DAY
So that's it
So that's what happens when
The flood gates open
It seems fresh
Even when the salt crystalizes
And I almost enjoy it
Staring at the red, sore and
Shimmering
And I've no idea why
So it should be funny
That the more I cut
Myself Off
The more they can't be bothered
So reach
Out
To Me
I've spent all day in isolation
I'm aching and shivering
And keeping things plain
So I know
It's Sunday
Because it always is
Desperately alone
Very poor company
Watching the sun shine
Even at this time
It looks beautiful
Out there
But where would I go?
Best stay in
Deja-vu
Where are you?
And where did I go
So wrong?
As the dark creeps
Like a black silk scarf
That threatened to strangle
And squeeze the life
Out Of me
Out of the depths
Of salty suffering
Out of the path
Of the oncoming panic
And acidic taste
Burning me
But forcing out
A chuckle
Rather reluctantly.
I've spent all day in isolation
I'm aching and shivering
You're waiting
You're not here and I am
Waiting
So when relief comes
All we can do is stare.

7. POWER
You have
No comprehension
You drive
Me insane
I'm amazed
At my self control
Not a gift
I was born with
Even though
You plague my mind
I have to acknowledge
Your power.

8. VODKA EYES
Oh those vodka eyes
Those self pitying sighs
Go on and close
Those vodka eyes
Kiss me goodnight
With that mouthful of lies
I'll dream my vodka dreams
I'll scheme my vodka schemes.

9. CLOSE
If we're getting too close
You only have to get a gun
And we'll say no more about it
So we'll never say a word
Because these four walls
Bear a burden
Trying to absorb the untruths
They'd like it as much as I would
To have me put in my place
Told what to do
Why won't you tell me what to do?
To save me from thinking
Eating myself up
From one day to the next
With a rest on a Friday
When we raise a glass
With hearty cheap laughs
Exchange points of view
Repetitive, uninventive
Maybe we'll change
Well maybe we won't
But we can't smile any more
'cos our mouths have been stitched
By that evil witch
Who knows my every move
Every gasp I take
Every seed that’s sewn
Watched over and over
Until I begin to get too close.

10. LARGER THAN LIFE
The banister cracked
Nothing to break my fall
Carpet burned face
Dust covered, bruised
Head spinning
Head spinning
I see you grinning
At me from above
And today you seem
Larger than life.
I would do anything
To have you surrender
And feed my power trip
As the tension short circuits.
You woke me up today
A day like any other day
Except I couldn't breathe
Because you won't stop laughing
Laughing at me
Laughing at me
And what I'll always be
Which is useless to you
As like everyday, you seem
Larger than life.

11. LEAVE ME ALONE
What can I be today?
Who can I try and hate?
What is there left to say?
You don't give a shit, just say you do to feel good.
You don't push me to talk
Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk
You know you'd get bored
You don't have a fucking clue
As we move further apart
I create complications
Hating other people’s fun
Twisted, bitter and sicker
Your presence dehydrates me
So I wallow with you in mind
That can't be right
EXORCISE
You from within
The sub of the subculture
The pathetic
The hopeful
Un-energetic dreamer
Quiet?
Boring?
Unoriginal and alone.

12. PERSON
Misery doesn't consume me
Like perhaps it ought
Doesn't she know how to smile?
Can't she ever be happy?
Frustrated and powerless
A million feelings trapped in here for you
There's no possible reason
Why you should appear
When I close my eyes
And wish you through that door
In cloud cuckoo land
The beer is pretty cheap
But I'm scared of heights
So I won't be coming down
Reality and I are not the best of friends
I prefer a decent riddle
Simple avoidance of the truth
Withdrawing to the shell
I appreciate everything
But am not at all grateful
For the fact that
People know my name at least
There she goes
And there she goes again
It's her remember?
Nah!
Well, she's the one that-
Oh I dunno
But it's her anyway
Oh yeah
There she goes
And I do
Eyes firmly shut.

13. MOVE
Manipulation
Penetration
Make myself unpopular You've scared me half to death
Dirty days spent
In dusty rooms
Mites in the carpet Out of my tree
Raining and raining
Need to go out
No visitors for me In this smoky cave
Can't motivate myself
To move from this
Foetal position Puts a chink in my spine
Wait for the phone
With its silent ring
Don't ever wake me Don't come here again.

14. EMPTY HEAD
A small person stands alone
In blue fields
Which way to go?
Waiting, waiting, endless waiting
Where will you take me to next?
The world is a very big place
Someone once told me-
It's a mess, that's all there is to it
I've nothing to say, nowhere to go
When the words run out
In the empty space.
I'll follow you up the stairs
And back down.
Happy green, it's dew glistened sheen
Throw me away in to the useless air
Floating away on a paper plane
Make me happy again with your poisonous pen.
I saw a speck of dust
Magnified a thousand times
This is you
A piece of that blue
In the maze of crap and words.
Crush me, so
I can't breathe
Can't sleep
Broken, I want to hear your voice
To remind myself
That I'm alive.
Recycle the paper
We can live again
When the ink runs dry, refill the pen
When the words stop flowing
I'm the empty head.

15. EARLY
Sleeping pills
Make me laugh
Take me for what I am Line up in line
Show me your hands
Indigestion
Remedy
Smile at what I cannot be Wheel keeps turning
Day and night
Could you be quiet?
Empty the bin
Leave the room, come back in Chicken and rice
Said I wasn't nice
Carpet burns
Dripping wet
Snow on TV I'd eat your words
If you told me to
Smoke patterns
Eat an apple

16. SECONDS BEFORE THE BLACK HOLE
My only fear is missing things
My only crime is wanting
My only love is myself
My only hate is panting.
Why did you tell
So many lies?
Well who were you then?
What did you try to disguise?
I don't even miss her
I was scared I would ache
Can hardly remember
How she looked
How she'd taste.
I'm not ready
But impatient
Rooted to the spot
You're more than determined
I'm as lazy as I ever was.

17. AVERAGE
Hands are shaking now
Dry martini got me weird
What are you doing on your own?
Falling asleep sipping water.
Need to see myself in the mirror
Remind myself why I'm here
Scared of recognition
How did I get to be so average?
My blood is running clear
Like I'm crying from head to toe
Shall we call up a stranger?
Can I make you miss me?
My friend was on the telephone
And I wanted to speak
My voice ran out on me today
Left me for another mouth.
One lump or two?
Another day will go pretty soon
I'm not clever or stupid
But I can walk to the shops and back.
I think you could break my heart
If you put your mind to it
Mid winter, mid summer, happy glimmer
At the bus stop in my room.