This document summarizes a presentation by Dr. Kendall L. Stewart on strategies for effectively managing one's own emotional arousal when dealing with negativity. The presentation identifies three categories of challenges leaders face in dealing with negative people: their own sensitivity, uncertainty about what to do, and hesitancy to act. It then outlines several practical strategies leaders can use to manage their emotions, such as analyzing past performance, taking responsibility for one's own feelings, and stopping expectations that difficult people will change. The goal is to help leaders remain emotionally detached and in control when facing negativity from others.
2. Why is this
important?
• We all spend a great deal of
time managing negative
people.
• All leaders face challenges
with their
– Own sensitivity,
– Their uncertainty about
what to do, and
– Their hesitancy to act.
• This presentation will
address all of these
barriers to self-control.
• These challenges are not
easy to overcome, but they
can be mastered.
• Effective leaders will find a
way.
• This presentation will
suggest some practical
strategies for managing
your own emotional
arousal.
• After listening to
this presentation,
you will be able to
– Identify three
categories of
challenges in dealing
with negative people
– Describe three
practical strategies
for effectively
managing your own
emotional arousal.
– Explain why those
strategies make
sense.
– Explain how to deploy
those strategies
successfully.
3. What are some effective strategies for managing
yourself when dealing with negativity?
• Analyze your past
performance.*
• Identify your
vulnerabilities.
• Recognize your own
emotional arousal.
• Anticipate your instinctive
responses.
• Take full responsibility for
your own feelings.*
• Focus on remaining
emotionally detached.
• Suppress feelings instead of
venting or ruminating.
• Stop expecting difficult
people to change.*
• Clarify others’ unpleasant
feelings.
• Acknowledge the
counterproductive
emotional context.
• Tend to the wounded.
• Employ mental
distractions.
• Adopt the observer role.
• Make timely notes as a
distraction.
• Dictate a private memo.
• Consult with a trusted
mentor or coach.
• Become the dispassionate
investigator.
• Seek confirmation that
negative reinforcement is
indicated.
• Use role play to prepare for
confrontation.
• Give yourself credit for
progress.
4. Analyze your past performance.
• Why should you?
– Reminds you that great
leaders are born, not made,
but that the best leaders
work hard to burnish their
gifts
– Encourages leaders to focus
on their strengths
– Reminds leaders who is in
charge and who is
responsible
– Emphasizes the need for
continuous improvement
– Creates dissatisfaction with
mediocrity
– Sets the leader apart
– Renders life more satisfying
– Provides insight into one’s
instincts and
vulnerabilities
– Demonstrates that the
leader need not be held
hostage to others’ behavior
• How can you?
– Keep a journal.
– Create four columns.
•
•
•
•
What happened?
How did I feel?
What did I do?
What might I have done?
– Ask others to critique your
performance.
– Reflect on what a “perfect”
leader would have done.
– Identify your strengths and
opportunities.
– Focus on one significant
change at a time.
– Focus on your feelings and
their power.
5. Take full
feelings.
responsibility for your own
• Why should you?
– Reminds you that blaming
others for how you feel is a
common leadership failure
– Puts responsibility where it
belongs
– Decreases feeling of
impotence
– Diminishes the power that
difficult people have over
you.
– Inspires other aggravated
people to adopt the same
approach
– Makes you accountable for
fixing the problem
– Sets you apart from many
leaders
– Teaches others that
blaming others won’t wash
– Pressures colleagues to
take personal responsibility
too
• How can you?
– Talk openly about your
feelings
– Persuade others that their
feelings are their
responsibility.
– Reframe unpleasant
feelings as opportunities to
be in charge instead a
helpless victim
– Acknowledge your feelings
on the spot
– Admit that feelings color
perceptions—yours and
others
– Tell stories about how
uncontrolled feelings got
you off track
– Tell stories about other
leaders’ feelings
– Tell stories about how you
repaired feelingscontaminated feelings
6. Stop expecting difficult people to
change.
•
Why should you?
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
People are partial to their
expectations even when
patently unrealistic
This often predisposes
frustration and disappointment
Permits leaders to predict
behavior more accurately
History, not hope, is the best
predictor
Disinclines leaders to take
behavior personally
Decreases the odds of recurrent
disappointment
Forces leaders to face reality
Encourages leaders to face
their own patterns
Gives a sense of peace with
acceptance
Invites leaders to clarify their
expectations
•
How can you?
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Recognize your repeatedlyfrustrated expectations
Admit your unrealistic
expectations publicly
Quit complaining and start
explaining
Focus on proper management of
current behavior instead of
trying to change it
Predict future behavior and
encourage others to plan
Come up with an unrealistic
list of optional behaviors as a
humorous distraction
View the challenge of dealing
with difficult people as job
security
7. What have you
learned?
• Negativity is plentiful in most organizational
environments.
• The best way to manage it is to begin with
yourself.
• For most of us, managing our own emotional
arousal does not come naturally.
• For some of us, it is nearly impossible.
• But effective leaders understand how
important this is.
• They work hard at it.
• They rarely score a “10,” but they will not
settle for just scoring “1s” in incident after
incident.
• These strategies can help.
• But it takes real effort.
8. Where can you learn
more?
• Kendall L. Stewart, et. al. A
Portable Mentor for
Organizational Leaders,
SOMCPress, 2003
• Kendall L. Stewart, “Physician
Traps: Some Practical Ways to
Avoid Becoming a Miserable
Doctor” A SOMCPress White
Paper, SOMCPress, July 24, 2002
• Robert Bacal, The Complete
Idiot’s Guide to Dealing with
Difficult Employees , Alpha Books,
2000
• S. Michael Kravitz, Managing
Negative People: Strategies for
Success , Crisp Publications, 1995
9. How can we
contact you?
Kendall L. Stewart, M.D.
Medical Director
Southern Ohio Medical Center
President & CEO
The SOMC Medical Care Foundation,
Inc.
1805 27th Street
Portsmouth, Ohio 45662
740.356.8153
stewartk@somc.org
Webmaster@KendallLStewartMD.com
www.somc.org
www.KendallLStewartMD.com
