4.  Conflict is neither good nor bad.
 Conflict is inevitable.
 Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers.
 In conflict both parties tend to believe that their opinion is fact.
 Too often both parties see themselves as innocent victims who represent the
side of truth and fairness.
 Too often both parties perceive all destructive acts carried out by others
completely blind to identical acts carried out by self or those on ‘my’ side.

5. Why we need to develop these skills to stay healthy !
“Assertive behavior is that is socially effective” (Gambrill in O’Donahue & Krasner, 1995)
Less physical health problems in assertive individuals (Williams and Stout, 1985 as cited in
Gambrill, 1995)
Assertiveness associated with better mental health (Wong, Yah, Lo, & Hung, 2003) and less
depression (Rolon, 1999)
Assertive patients tend to have better access to health services
Likewise, lack of assertiveness has been found to result in anxiety, disappointment, anger,
social isolation and physical symptoms.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs_OhBjgPIE&feature=fvwrel

7.  Patrick Passive might say, “If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could put your socks in the
wash?” Alternately, he might say nothing, just to avoid the conflict. His tone of voice might be soft and
questioning.
 Amelia Aggressive might say, “Put your #$* socks in the #$* wash. You are such a slob. The house
looks like a pigsty, because of you.” Her tone of voice might be loud and grating, and her posture might
be intimidating (fists, eyes glaring).
 Passive/Aggressive Susan might say, “I don’t mind picking up your socks and putting them in the
wash for you,” but then “accidentally” mix the white socks with a red shirt. Her initial tone might be
soft and overly nice.
 Arthur Assertive might say, “I feel very frustrated when I come home and your socks are on the floor.
I would really like it if you would pick up your socks and put them in the wash. The house would look
a lot better.” His voice would likely be firm, moderately loud, and his posture would be relaxed, but
straight.

8. A disagreement between two or more people over values, needs,
beliefs, perceptions, or expectations.
 This can end in strained relationships and sometimes violence
unless there are appropriate means to resolve and contain
conflict.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfC4u5GCy3I

9. Because we are all different, differences in points of
view are inevitable.
It has the potential to increase understanding, stimulate
positive change, and facilitate human relations, but it can
also lead to relational stalemates
http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=158855

10.  It is an everyday occurrence. Life is an
endless series of interactions that require
negotiation.
 Write down any set of interactions that you
had to negotiate in the past week.

11. Although the assertive style is
the preferred style, it may not
always be appropriate. There
may be situations when one of
the other styles is more
appropriate.
For example, if the
intruder is a three
hundred-pound bully,
let’s go for the passive
style!

12. A key attitude for anyone negotiating a conflict is to
“walk a mile in my shoes”.
Attempt to view the conflict through the other parties’ eyes.
This will help a great deal in getting past perceptions that
block resolution.

13.  Communication is the key to
effective negotiation.
 What you say is often less
important than how you say it.
◦ Tone
◦ Body language

14.  Understanding
and recognition do not mean
compromise and concession!
 Your own emotions and subconscious brain
can hinder your ability to negotiate
effectively.
 Develop a plan!

15. It de-emphasizes personalities in favor
of emphasizing the issues. In other
words, it separates the person from
the problem.
http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=158855

16.  The collaborative, or win-win, approach to negotiation
is usually the most effective and most rewarding for
both parties.
 However, there will be certain situations you will
confront where the concept of compromise, or give-get,
fits better.

18. 1. Stop. Cool off.
2. Talk and listen to each other.
3. Find out what you both need.
4. Brainstorm solutions.
5. Choose the idea you both like.
6. Make a plan. Go for it.

19.  Attempting to control the final
outcome of the decisions and actions
of the party you are negotiating with.
 To succeed in negotiation, focus on
the areas that you can control - your
actions, decisions and emotions.
 Manage your anger – do not
gunnysack!!!!

20. www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80747676/
 “Win-lose” approach
 In a zero sum game, the person who makes the first offer is
at a disadvantage
◦ sets the outer limits of price, other terms
 Improve zero-sum negotiation skills by:
◦ Understanding your objectives
◦ Understanding the other side’s objectives