Open adoption, in which there is some level of communication between the birth parents and the adoptive family, is becoming an increasingly popular form of infant domestic adoption and older child adoption in the United States.

1. Tips for a Successful Open Adoption
Open adoption, in which there is some level of communication between the birth parents and the
adoptive family, is becoming an increasingly popular form of infant domestic adoption and older child
adoption in the United States. Adoptive families are sometimes intimidated by the prospect of
retaining a connection with the birth parents. However, healthy open adoptions can provide the
adopted child with an essential link to the past, and can provide many other benefits to both birth
mothers and adoptive families. Following are a few steps you can take to forge this kind of strong and
beneficial relationship.
Get to know the birth parents.
Often, adoptive parents' anxiety over open adoption stems from their lack of knowledge about the
birth parents. In this vacuum, it is easy to construct all sorts of frightening and unrealistic scenarios
(such as the birth mother taking the child back). Alternatively, the adoptive parents may feel too
intimidated by the idea of the birth mother and/or father to establish healthy boundaries that would
benefit everyone involved.
The best way for you to dispel these anxieties and inaccuracies for yourself is to get to know the birth
parents. Your agency can help you set up this meeting and mediate it as well. By meeting with the
birth mother and/or father can allow you to see them as the human beings they really are, with their
own sets of strengths and weaknesses. Once you have your fears put to rest, you will be better
equipped to build a foundation of trust with the birth parents, and you will be better informed when
setting boundaries within the open adoption.

2. Establish a plan ahead of time.
Another way to establish a healthy open adoption is to agree on a plan ahead of time. One of the
adoption programs in San Antonio can provide birth parents and adoptive couples in the San Antonio
area like you with guidance and support as you develop this plan.
There are a few things to keep in mind when forging this initial plan. The first is that you, as the
adoptive couple, need to establish an arrangement with which you are comfortable. Creating an
agreement that includes arrangements that make you uncomfortable may lead to tension and regrets
down the road. The plan can always evolve and change as trust grows between you and the birth
parents.
Developing an open adoption plan with which you are comfortable may mean you start small. Working
out as many details as possible ahead of time such as how contact throughout the year is to be
handled such as if either side is comfortable with phone calls, or if everything is to be done through
email will help with things in the future. In the beginning emails and cards may be easiest, and then
as trust develops, you may feel more comfortable accepting phone calls and texts, etc. You can
always move to one or two supervised visits a year with the help of your agency if this a service they
provide and then move to unsupervised visits once you feel comfortable. Every relationship between
an adoptive family and a birth family is different, there are no set rules or prescribed time period that
a family needs to follow. Go with what feels right for your family.
In addition, it is important to forge an arrangement that both you and the birth parents can agree
upon. Often, one of the factors that the birth mother will take into consideration when choosing you
as her child's adoptive parents is whether or not you have similar ideas about how the open adoption
should precede. Being on the same page is vital for the open adoption relationship to work for
everyone involved.

3. Set boundaries.
Once the open adoption is in place, you should also feel comfortable setting and enforcing boundaries
when necessary. For instance, you may find that the birth parents are exceeding the limits of the
open adoption plan and that you are not yet ready to change the plan to allow more contact. Other
unforeseen circumstances may also arise that would require you to set boundaries.
In these cases, you may need to remind the birth parents of the arrangement or create some distance
between yourselves and the birth parents. You, as your child's adoptive parents, should feel
comfortable setting boundaries when necessary. At the same time, you should also remain aware of
the fact that birth parents and your child can still benefit from open adoption even in less than ideal
circumstances. If faced with a challenging aspect of your open adoption, you may benefit from
utilizing the post adoption services of your adoption organization to get guidance regarding how to
navigate that challenge.
Communicate openly.
Open and honest communication is essential in any relationship. The relationships that take place
within open adoption are no different. For instance, even after you set up an open adoption plan, you
should remain in communication with the birth family as circumstances, opinions, and feelings on both
sides change over the course of your child's life. It is this type of honest communication that can allow
the open adoption relationship to evolve in a way that continues to meet everyone's needs over the
long term.
Be open to change.
Finally, the most successful open adoption relationships succeed because of flexibility. As an adoptive
family, you should remain open to the possibility that the initial adoption plan might change. There
are many reasons this may happen. For example, as you get to know the birth parents, you may find

4. that you are more comfortable with them, that you trust them, and that you are willing to allow
greater contact between them and your adopted child. In another instance, a birth mother or father
who used to be an addict may beat their addiction and become stable enough to handle more visits.
When determining how an open adoption plan should change, your goal should be to create the plan
that will most benefit your child. For instance, perhaps your child's increasing interest in their roots
might mean that monthly instead of yearly visits will be beneficial. By keeping your child's needs first,
you will be better equipped to handle the changes and adjustments that may need to be made over
time.
An open adoption can provide your child with essential connections to their birth family. A healthy
open adoption relationship, in fact, can be a great gift to your child and to their birth parents. By
meeting the birth parents ahead of time, arranging an initial open adoption plan, setting boundaries,
communicating openly, and maintaining flexibility, you can enjoy this type of open adoption
relationships for the long term.