KEYNOTE TO THE 6th National Men’s Health Conference incorporating the 4th National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Male Health Convention MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – 10 October 2005

1. presents
Disabled and gay –
THE IDEAL
MAN?
KEYNOTE TO THE
6th National Men’s Health Conference incorporating the 4th
National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Male Health
Convention
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – 10 OCTOBER 2005
by Philip Patston

2. 2
Who am I?
• Gay
• Disabled
• White
• Man
• Vegetarian
• Vitiligo
• Valium
• Vino

3. 3
Who am I?
• Son
• Brother
• Uncle
• Friend
• Boss
• Lover
• Mentor
• Role model
bad influence
• Zen buddhist - kind of
• Recovering social worker
• Counsellor
• Human rights campaigner
• Entertainer
• Consultant
• Business owner
• Columnist
• Actor
• Leader
• Amateur designer
• Entrepreneur
• Queer of the Year 1999
• Billy T James Comedy Award
recipient

4. 4
How I see myself
APU - Automated Personnel Unit

5. 5
What I believe
• I create my reality
• Everything is perfect
• Positivity, negativity and constructivity
• Fear and love
• … reflect my level of creativity.
• I decided to be happy
• Acting as if I do can be useful

6. 6
What I believe
• Everything in moderation – including moderation.

7. 7
What makes existence
meaningful
Potential •
Persistence •
Productivity •
PHYSICALLY
INTELLECTUALLY
Perception •
Philosophy •
Pragmatism •
• Positivity
• Passion
• Play
EMOTIONALLY
SPIRITUALLY
• Purpose
• Perfection
• Peace
SEXUALLY

8. 8
Romance
• Sexual love
• Idealised
• Exciting and intense
– Microsoft Encarta Dictionary

9. 9
Impairment
• Deviation or loss
• Structure or function
• Functional limitations
• Restricts activity and participation
– NZ Health Research Council

10. 10
Disability
• Disadvantages
• Social, economic, political and environmental
factors
• Restrict or exclude
– New Zealand Disability Strategy (2001)

11. 11
Pragmatic love
Produced by Philip Patston and Matthew
Leonard for Radio New Zealand
Philip Patston's wry humour and understanding of
society's inappropriate response to his
impairment is shared by his many friend's
amongst New Zealand's disabled community.
He talks with some of them, as well as with
professionals who work with disabled [people], to
create this unique perspective on romance.
– Radio Netherlands

12. 12
Interviewees
• Claire
• Susan
• Gillian
• Ronelle
• Redmond
• Jules
• Tony
• Timote •
• Rob and Karen

13. 13
Control
• “Eleanor is going to do the swimming for me and
our children…”
• “…she's the one pushing me around the
bed…and a little less threatening...a lot of women
have bad experiences”
• “…I don't think she's been in a relationship where
she was able to take a dominant role. The role of
the man...to me a big part is sexual…”

14. 14
Dependence
• “I can't just be a pudding in a shower chair...I
have to be her man…”
• “Would love to dance toe to toe and cheek to
cheek…”
• Maybe I don't do a lot physically...Eleanor said
that's enough to be the father of our family.”

15. 15
Public perception
• “She thinks I am the man of the family....she
always knows and says she can't do things
without me…”
• “Gosh, she broke her little toe once when we fell
off the bed...she had great fun regaling to
everyone for the next few months how she broke
her toe…”

16. 16
Responsibility
• “I get frustrated in the man's role … I am talking about
jobs around the house, backing up an able bodied parent.”
• “…back in the island…most of the family life is the man
doing the swimming to get the family to the other side of
the river.”
• “…doesn't effect my role as a father...when I take my kids
to school in the morning...
• “Karen is pretty good, and let's me pretend I am a useful
male about the place…”
• “…it’s more of a financial burden than anything…I'll ring the
plumber and deal with that side of things…”

17. 17
Male role themes for
disabled men
• Control
• Dependence
• Public perception
• Responsibility

18. 18
Traditional Male Role
Attitude Items
• It is essential for a guy to get respect from others
• A man always deserves the respect of his wife and children
• I admire a guy who is totally sure of himself
• A guy will lose respect if he talks about his problems
• A young man should be physically tough, even if he’s not
big
• It bothers me when a guy acts like a girl
• I don’t think a husband should have to do housework
• Men are always ready for sex
– Pleck, Sonenstein, and Ku, 1993.
Masculinity Ideology: Its Impact on Adolescent Males Heterosexual
Relationships. Journal of Social Issues, 49 (3), 11-29.

19. 19
Traditional Male Role
Attitude Items
• Control
– Need respect from others
– Need to be physically tough
• Dependence
– Shouldn’t talk about problems
– Shouldn’t act like a girl
• Public perception
– Totally sure of himself
– Always ready for sex
• Responsibility
– Should have respect of his wife and children
– Shouldn’t have to do housework

20. 20
When men lose
function…
• FEAR of losing control
• FEAR of dependence
• FEAR of negative public perception
• FEAR of losing responsibility

21. 21
The fear love continuum
FEAR
• Drive
• Low creativity
• Judgement
LOVE
Passion •
High creativity •
Acceptance •

22. 22
Because men fear loss of
function…
• …they are intolerant of functional diversity

23. 23
What is function?
• Task
• Job
• Utility
• Occupation
• Role
• Meaning
• Purpose

24. 24
What is diversity?
• Synergy
• Variety

25. 25
What is functional diversity?
• The variety in human beings’ capacity to
independently do what they need to do and
become who they choose to be.

26. 26
Value of function by
gender
0 2 4 6 8 10
Value given
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Functiontype
Male
Female

27. 27
Value of function by
impairment
0 2 4 6 8 10
Value given
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Functiontype
Impaired
Non-imp

28. 28
Impact of function loss -
women
0 2 4 6 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Functiontype
Impaired
Loss

29. 29
Impact of function loss -
men
0 2 4 6 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Functiontype
Impaired
Loss

30. 30
Impact of function loss -
men vs. women
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Functiontype
Male
Female

31. 31
Why men fear loss of
function
• More to lose
• Testosterone
• Without / within

32. 32
Why I could be an
ideal man
Personality Area Average
male
Average
female
My
score
Comparison to
the Average
Extroversion 51 67 55 +5 | -8
Emotionality 74 76 68 -6 | -8
Agreeableness 40 56 50 +10 | -6
Thinking vs Feeling 36T | 48F 47F 7F -43T-41F | -40
Thoroughness* 63 72 94 +31 | +22
Openness* 51 53 100 +49 | +47
Sensing vs Intuiting* 18S 19I 33 +51 | +14
Judging vs Perceiving* 9J 7J 45P +54 | +52
* Guiding parts of my personality
SOURCE: PersonalityBook.com

33. 33
Why I could be an
ideal man
• Thorough
• Open
• Intuitive
• Perceptive
• 78% self-actualised
• Surrender control
• Accept dependence
• Ignore public perception
• Take responsibility

34. 34
Why I could be an
ideal man
• Not a real man
• Nothing to lose

35. 35
More…
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