2. I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in. She said: Cheque books.
3. The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new cars.
4. What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
5. Answer : A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
6. “ Nurse ” A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal.
7. Q: Why is it dogs don't marry? A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
8. Q: What's the difference between a mother and a wife? A: One woman brings you into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.
9. Boss : We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in? New employee : Yes, sir. Boss : We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
10. What's the difference between a good secretary and a nice secretary? One says "Good morning, boss". The other says "It's morning, boss."
11. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
12. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
13. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
14. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
15. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.