1. Only at least once you have been stranded in total darkness, risking, losing or even
ruining everything, including your possessions and ego enveloping and encompassing
different flickering protective thoughts, into ‘no-thingness’, do you yearn for the
emergence of light embodying awareness and salvation plugging the devouring
loophole of existential void. When the light comes, darkness vanishes, like a thunder
bolt revealing a glimpse of the fragility of the whole coherent belief system to which
you cling tightly and proudly, in every strenuous effort to fight against the order and
flow of nature but in vain. We get ourselves disillusioned in the ‘socially constructed
reality’ disguising or eulogised in our continual heroic quest to conquer nature,
oblivious to our ‘ultimate reality’ manifesting itself to you via a multitude of failures,
setbacks and debacles in various domains. Slay the dragon before it feasts on you!
How fragile and feeble is human being so determined to seize nature in the name of
egoistic inventions and collectively constructed ideologies from the cosmic and
existential standpoints, eradicating us of myriad escape routes, like entertainment,
infotainment or edutainment, and superb or mundane identities, pride, possibilities,
potential and various fabricated ivory towers functioning and glorified as a sanctuary
or paradise, so loaded with positive emotions for which we definitely crave! Likewise,
the freedom to choose between Set A and Set B but not Set C is a tricky delusion-
cum-sidetrack! The truth is to what extent can individuals withstand the harsh reality,
robbing each of hope (the greatest devil?) and (seemingly?) free choice. To know the
truth, you need to pay a high price, standing naked and bare against the erratic sky,
sensing cyclic change of seasons and being who you are. Who dare choose to be an
existential hero? Discomfort, despair and danger are guaranteed! Pain and panic are
inevitable! Objects, social roles, schemas, scripts, ploys, plots, ideologies and
consciousness and transcendental awareness etc., we all identify ourselves with
progressively in different stages of our lives until we encounter death – one ultimate
concern and challenge to the existence of our ever-expanding ego, encapsulating our
sprawling physical, mental and spiritual self. Along such arduous journey, we get
fixated in certain forms or symbols that guard us against internal turmoil and its
fallout until a more virulent or socially appropriate symbol or powerful force
intervenes, interferes and takes hold! But it is too late then to know what the ultimate
reality is at a point when it unfolds to you from within suddenly, plunging you into
void (beyond scepticism) where you recognise the truth at once without hesitation!
All defence mechanisms fall apart and fail as the self empties. How illusionary, shaky
and shoddy is our perceived strength over others! In relative sense, can the strong
escape the call of nature, simply by social comparison? The worldly truth keeps
unravelling, like a gigantic wheel manifests itself systematically! When your turn
comes, you certainly know it, even you grasp firmly those fables and myths, personal
and collective, transcending time into eternality, self into deity and relative into
absolute (limits into boundless)! After you, crossing the borderline of faith and
hinterland of devotion, survive various cyclones, spontaneously, oneness with nature
can be achieved as all sentient beings experience the same initiations, steps and
endings successively, sooner or later, without exceptions, irrespective of what masks
you wore and costumes donned! (Psychological processes are universal! Water flows
eventually towards the ocean, like from the source towards final destination with no
goal and ambition!)) What matters more than feeling alive from your gasping breaths,
bringing into awareness the divine manifestation of motherly or earthly universal love
surrounding and nurturing all sentient beings? Compassion and empathy crystallises
via experiential and universal understanding, dawning enlightening wisdom rebellious
against the societal mainstream beliefs, anticipations and manipulations - like
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2. echolocation innate in dolphins guiding their directions lifelong instinctively,
insightfully, intuitively and, most importantly, lovingly! Simply surrender yourself to
the force of the universe that carries you along and let go of core beliefs, obsolete and
obstinate! (Cherish your treasure that cannot be taken away!) Only after the void has
shattered no further the self can one know and decide how to choose to become who
one is, instead of embracing and revelling in childlike wishes hoping that Santa Claus
will come to comfort you without knowing Cinderella turned more wicked than the
witch, facing reality! (false hope = the greatest devil?) Stand united against existential
void is key to sit atop this opening relaxingly and play creatively around those
accidentally or reluctantly sliding into it and confronting head-on all their lifelong
investments in jeopardy! Do you regret having read the book of wisdom behind all
books? How do you rate knowledge, technicalities and wisdom as distal and proximal
goals? The music remains the same but the lyrics are different! The void (in my case –
the trio; cognitive triad: view of self, others and future) is patiently waiting to devour
you who cling tightly to your existing seemingly well-grounded beliefs or simply
white lies, basing on the assumption that benevolent God, not malicious devil, exists
and standing unsubstantiated the test of science. You’d better watch out! Don’t
stagger and stumble into its groundless but powerful jaws! To end the quest of ill-
defined self-inquiry into being-in-itself (defining-in-itself), let’s hum our own song,
take shelter, dream on and ambush those falling prey to this void! You are no
exception! The flowering search nears its end. The granite sentence is “Become who
you are!”, even though such act puts your whole being at stakes after knowing that the
greatest sorrow of mankind is not to explore the self in depth or doing chores you
don’t even believe in with total trust! Welcome the bees to drink your nectar! When
the wind blows, let the seeds take root, sprout and thrive where they land amid
tremendous climatic variations after knowing that they eventually land on solid
ground of Mother Nature! Playfulness resumes! (Phenomenologically speaking, my
ultimate hard-won truth is no truth stands the test of existential void; maybe, nor even
this! You need discover your own ones!)
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3. Inner Guidance:
Some basic qualities exist in all kinds of relationships and what matter most are these
qualities - the loving kindness, the compassion, the joy and equanimity(平靜).
You underestimate your kindness and lovingness. Don’t fall in love with the wrong
person.
He has made his choice not to visit you even though he knows that u can give your
very best to him. He fails you because you cannot offer a flat for him as a gift! He just
uses you!
My intuition is right again; he chooses what is best for him, which implies that your
best qualities are not highly valued but at his disposal.
Love is the riskiest business. Cut-loss takes wisdom and is the greatest wisdom!
Leave him as soon as possible. Otherwise, he will drag u down to abyss of depression.
He more wants your flat/money than loves you. Where is your lightning bolt striking
u bare and nude right before the altar as sacrifice, from the existential viewpoint?
Don’t let him ruin your psyche, possibilities and potential to grow and find jobs.
Value yourself and love yourself first. Save your love for someone who deserves it. I
dun need your sympathy. Be strong. Find our inner strength!
You may fall in love with wrong ones who take advantage of you.
It is common human nature to take advantage of my spiritual gift so that I get nothing
in return and sacrifice your efforts in enhancing others’ growth.
He said you were nice because he did not expect to offer you anything but keep
exploiting your love and emotions for him.
Long-term relationships include reciprocity, trust and sharing! Otherwise, when the
passion is gone, it never lasts!
When he is sad, I am always by his side even via the phone; when I am sad, he is
enjoying sex in saunas, ignoring my plight or cry for help and consolation! I should
have seen the truth/ reality long ago. (law of reciprocity)
With sufficient money, how many money boys can I enjoy?
Karma has it that I encountered a psychologist when I was young, as if I encountered
him this year. Same script, different cast!
He did not feel too sad without me but I feel like a burden is off my shoulder. He
needs me only when he suffers enough doing reluctant jobs; when he is free, he more
goes happy then finds me. (Objective empirical facts/evidence/behaviour)
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4. My greatest fear is being excluded from the slimmest possibility of getting lovership
or relation with gay circle in various forms. I am not what gays want and need most.
I’d better please more myself than others. Oldies want emotional gratification more
than information. Delayed gratification declines with ageing.
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