A vivid account of adoption delays and frustration: a reminder to all those who still protest that the system didn't need to change...

1. In my opinion the changes to the adoption system can't happen soon enough.
Whereas it won't change things for our family I am hoping that it will help many other
people have a more positive experience of the adoption process - and hopefully
encourage others to consider adopting. Below is a little about our story, although
please appreciate that much has had to be edited in order to protect both ours and
our children's identities.
We are a married couple in our 30’s and have been together for seven years. When
we met I was already the mother of two children, having adopted them a few years
previously. My partner also had a biological child. We both work with children and
have always embraced adoption in the most positive way. It therefore felt very
natural to add another child to our family.
In Early 2009 we applied to adopt a child and just a few weeks later we had an initial
visit where we were told we were great candidates and would be through the
process very quickly. We were told we needed to speak to our current children about
this and start preparing them for a new arrival.
Just a few weeks later we were hit with the first delay. My husband had given up
smoking two months previously and we were told this was not long enough. We were
then put 'on hold' for 10 months.
We finally attended preparation training in 2010 and started our home study sessions
soon after. Things really picked up pace and we were again told to expect things to
move quickly and to keep preparations going with our children.
Then came the next delay which was connected to my husband not seeing enough
of his biological daughter. During this time we were put 'on hold' again, this time for
twelve months and also told in no uncertain terms that if my husband did not start
seeing more of his biological daughter then we would be dropped by the agency.
After jumping through every possible hoop we were finally approved to adopt at
panel in 2011 - two and a half years after first applying. We felt exhausted by the
process but also immensely positive that we would at long last be having our new
addition.
However, our optimism was short lived. Our agency told us straight away that they
did not have any suitable children for us, yet despite this we still had to wait three
months before looking outside the Local authority for a suitable child. Being a very
proactive couple this was difficult for us, yet as soon as the three months were up we
began searching. Over the next twelve months we did the following:
- Attended numerous adoption exchange days (across the UK)
- Sent out letters to over 100 Local Authorities
- Looked every month in family finding magazines

2. -Referred ourselves to the National Adoption Register
Throughout this time we showed serious interest in approximately 25 children.
Unfortunately the most common response was for us to be ignored as many Social
Workers did not even bother to respond to our enquiries. Some Social workers did
request to see our PAR (Prospective Adopters Report) but then turned us down for
the very reasons it had taken us two and a half years to be approved for.
At a time when there seemed to be campaign after campaign on the TV, internet and
in newspapers about how many children were looking for families, it was
heartbreaking to be told yet again that we were not good enough.
Below are just a few example of our experiences in trying to find a match, and which
I think highlight how much change is needed:
1) After receiving a letter from us, a local authority emailed a child profile to our
social worker. We immediately said we were interested, but despite many emails
and phone calls we heard nothing else. Two months later this child appeared in a
family finding magazine, complete with new photos and a video clip. We enquired
again, we were ignored again.
2) At an adoption exchange day I got talking to a social worker who explained she
was family finding for a child and needed to place him as soon as possible. Our
social worker made immediate enquiries about this child but was then told that they
had changed their minds and had decided to keep looking for local adopters and
would wait three months before using adopters from out of area. Three months later
we received an email to say they had not been able to find any local adopters and
asking if we were still interested.
3) An enquiry via the National Adoption Register saw us receiving details of a child.
We exchanged reports and we expressed our wish to be considered for this child.
However we were told that they had concerns about our financial stability. Despite
being utterly confused about this, as we are thankfully very financially stable, we did
provide them with further information in the hope of alleviating their worries. However
they decided not to proceed with us on these grounds.
4) As a result of seeing our profile, a local authority sent us details of a child. We
said we were interested in hearing more, but received no response. Four months
later this child appeared on a family finding website.
I believe that these examples alone give you some idea of the poor matching that
takes place and the fact that social workers still spend an unsatisfactory amount of
time looking for a 'perfect match' - perfect families with perfect lives and no
baggage. Families that simply do not exist. All of the children I have just mentioned

3. will have spent unnecessary extra time in care because of this. They are just some
of the 4000 children waiting for adoption that social workers say they cannot find
families for.
Thankfully for us we did get matched in the end. A child from our own agency. Our
difficult journey did not end there, as we then had to wait five months before we were
able to bring her home - more unnecessary delays, and also had to endure a
horrendous 'matching panel' where we were made to feel more like wannabe child
abusers than loving parents. We then had a further wait whilst the 'agency decision
maker' decided whether to give the final go ahead. From the point of receiving the
official confirmation of being matched with our child, we had just four days to
mentally and emotionally prepare ourselves before we became their parents - and
they wonder why some adoptions break down? Luckily we are a strong family, and
luckily six months on we are doing well and couldn't imagine life without our new
addition.
Adopting my three beautiful children has been the most difficult, yet amazing thing I
have ever done. They are all inspirational little people who I could not be without.
Each one of them is worth the pain and heartache that it has taken to get them,
however the fact remains that it should not have been this way. The changes being
made by the Government are certainly a step in the right direction, but can they
actually force social workers to change a deep seated attitude? I certainly hope so.