The document discusses strategies for clear communication, including rethinking, reorganizing, rewording, and redesigning documents to make them more accessible to readers. It emphasizes considering the audience's knowledge, reading level, interests, and circumstances in order to create efficient, effective, and human-centered communications. Examples are provided of how plain language techniques have improved compliance and usability for various government forms and documents.
2. Plain language
words and design
working together to create
clear communication
Diane Macgregor, quoted in
Michèle M. Asprey's Plain Language for Lawyers
3. For documents with a job to do
Your readers can
• find what they need
• understand what they find
• act appropriately on that understanding
within the time and effort that
they think it is worth
Janice Redish
Letting Go of the Words: Writing Web Content that Works
4. Why?
Plain language is an efficient,
effective, and human approach to
practical communication.
efficient • effective • human
8. B.C. Small Claims Court
•
dollar limit doubled—$5000 to $10,000
•
claims volume increased by 40%
•
staffing stayed the same
•
staff claimed new system
worked 400% better
Well-crafted materials made a process work for
the public + employees + taxpayers
11. Why didn’t the farmers comply?
• Didn’t see a need?
• Don’t like government?
• Too busy?
• Didn’t understand what the form was
asking for?
12. What would this look like if it
were designed for the farmer?
13.
14. Compliance — over 95%
This level of compliance has been maintained over the last 20 years.
Only program change: the piece of paper sent to the farmer
Read more at www.clarity-international.net/journals/38.pdf
19. efficient
•
effective
•
human
• Does it avoid wasting time and resources?
• Does it generate many calls for clarification?
• Do you get back what you need, when you
need it?
• Does it work well for everyone affected by it?—
internal and external?
• Does what you want to have happen next
actually happen? — Does it meet your
communications goal?
• Is it easy for your audience to understand,
comply, submit?
• Does it establish or keep good relationships?
23. Keep your goal in mind
the most people in your audience
get accurate information
in the quickest time
with good recall
What do you want to have happen next?
24. Define a measurable goal
You want form users
to complete a task
• accurately
• on time
• with appropriate attachments
32. voice: clear legal language
Flip book fits in an officer’s pocket. Coil bound.
Side tabs for quick reference. Adopted by most
other jurisdictions in Canada. Used by judges.
34. Reading is hard work
Reading and spelling require a phenomenal
amount of brain power. Deciphering a sentence
… is the most complex task your brain faces.
The reason … is that the written word is a pretty
recent invention. It was invented only 5000
years ago.
John Stein
Professor of Neuroscience
Oxford University Medical School
43. Who struggles to read?
• 10% - professionals
• 11% - university graduates
• 25% - officials and managers
44. Hockey icon can’t read
Jacques Demers
“NHL coach devised
complex ploys to hide
illiteracy … even his children
didn’t know”
Globe and Mail
November 3, 2005
45. Biography: En toutes lettres
The Hour: Jacques
Demers NHL Hero
He was one of the most
successful NHL coaches
ever, but Jacques Demers
dropped a bombshell
when he admitted he can't
read or write.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBeaHwzd8jI
46. Who struggles to read?
• 35% - clerical and office workers
• 36% - employed in job or business
• 56% - unemployed
• 57% - immigrants
• 80% - over age 65
47. People hide literacy problems
“People don’t come into the office saying
that they have literacy problems. People
come in with health problems and it is
often in trying to explain their health
problems … that you be come aware that
there are other issues.”
Dr. Michael Caussen
Health Literacy: Making the Connection
48. What is a dual-core processor?
Dual- and multi-core processors have two
or more full execution cores within a single
processor enabling simultaneous
management of activities. In a dual-core
computer chip, there are two “performance
engines” that can take more data and
simultaneously process the data into rich
multimedia content at a faster rate.
grade 16
suitable for a techie audience
businessweek.com/stories/2006-07-17/how-intel-cuts-through-the-jargon
50. How to reword that message
for a wider audience
Every personal computer has a brain chip,
or microprocessor. Computers used to
have just one brain. Now they have two or
more. With more brains, your computer
can do more things at the same time. For
example, it can scan for viruses while you
surf the web. It can download files while
you read your e-mail.
grade 4
adapted from www.businessweek.com/stories/2006-07-17/
how-intel-cuts-through-the-jargon
60. Do you read the fine print?
Gamestation inserted a clause in their small print
as an April Fools' Day joke:
• 12% ticked an opt-out clause
• 88% agreed to terms and conditions that
included the transfer of rights to their immortal
soul to Gamestation
The Simpleton: Rob Waller's information design notes
qwertyrob.blogspot.com/.../small-print-and-your-immortal-soul.html
61. What if big money is involved?
On completion and for a period of fifteen years
from completion, the Vendor's solicitors shall on
request from the Purchaser's solicitors provide
on each Friday that is a Business Day a selection
of sandwiches, pastries and other snacks as
specified by the Purchaser's solicitors.
Apparently, a surprising number of “Friday sandwich clauses”
make it to the final draft of legal contracts.
63. Rethink
• Who are you writing to?
• Who is your most difficult client to reach?
• What is their knowledge of the subject?
• What is their reading ability?—education level,
first language, what do they read for pleasure?
• What is their interest in your topic?
• What is their motivation?—what do they want to
happen next? Why?
• Under what circumstances will they be reading
your material—standing at a counter, in the rain,
at their leisure, during a busy day at the office?
• Are they angry, upset, confused, bored, frazzled?
64. How a bill becomes law
nslegislature.ca/pdfs/proceedings/NS_Legislative_Procedures.pdf
69. Shorter text supported by
graphics works better
nslegislature.ca/pdfs/about/ParliamentaryDemocracy.pdf
nslegislature.ca/pdfs/.../DemocratieParlementaire.pdf
72. 12 Winter Safety Rules
1. Don’t slide, climb, or walk on snow banks close to the road.
2. Don’t make tunnels or snow forts near the road.
3. Stay well back from plows and trucks - anything can fly off a snowplow:
rocks, wood, etc.
4. Wear bright, reflective clothing when playing outdoors so you can be seen by
snowplow drivers and other motorists.
5. Don’t toboggan onto the road.
6. When you’re waiting for the school bus, stand back off the road.
7. Don’t walk up behind or climb a snowplow, even when it’s parked.
8. Do not throw snowballs at snowplows.
9. Do not cross the road in front of a snowplow.
10. If the snowplow is coming towards you and you fall, get the attention of the
snowplow driver so that the driver sees you.
11. Don’t push or shove your friends onto the road.
12. If you’re walking up the side of the road and you see a snowplow coming
and you have to get out of the way, don’t panic, find a driveway or
someplace safe to walk into to move out of the way.
173 words; grade 5
73. Text for a poster aimed at lower
elementary students
• Written by snowplow operators who were
delivering safety talks to the children
• Request was for a copy edit only
• Most grade P–3 students can’t read at the
grade 5 level
• Most students won’t read past “don’t slide”
and wouldn’t remember 12 safety rules
74. Our final version has
the voice of Sammy,
the young snowplow
with an attitude who
was featured in safety
videos shown to the
children during the
safety campaign:
3 jingles, not 12 rules
sammysnowplow.ca/sammy.asp
76. Reorganize
• What does your reader need to know?
• What is the best starting point for them?
• What will make sense?
• How will you guide them through the information
or the process you are writing about?
• What knowledge can you assume?
• What information can you cut? — the more you
say, the less they will retain
• What will puzzle them?
• What will frustrate them?
83. Running text is not the best way to present important
safety information:
84. Here is the same information presented under headings:
problem • hazard • warning signs • solution
Both the hazard and warning signs were missing from the
running text version—reorganizing helps find such gaps
88. Reword
• Does your text deliver a core message?
• Does your style and tone match the needs of
your reader?
• Does your text have a consistent voice?
• Have you chosen words that your reader will
understand? If not, have you defined them?
• Have you matched the reading level of your text
with the reading ability of your audience?
• Does each sentence convey one main idea?
• Do strong nouns and verbs carry your message?
89. 10 Tips for clearer writing
•
Put your reader first.
•
Write shorter sentences.
•
Convey one main idea per sentence.
•
Use action words.
•
Use the active voice.
•
Use bulleted lists.
•
Keep listed items parallel.
•
Avoid jargon.
•
Explain technical words.
•
Write more like you would speak.
91. Part of a one-page letter to
real estate agents
Agents should note that effective October
15, 1990, any waiver or release by a client
on whose behalf the agent is acting of the
rights, benefits, or protections provided by
the Act respecting the handling of trust
monies is void.
40 words
reading ease 35/100
grade 18
92. My first plain-language intervention
Agents should note that effective October
15, 1990, any waiver or release by a client
on whose behalf the agent is acting of the
rights, benefits, or protections provided by
the Act respecting the handling of trust
monies is void.
What did the writer want to have happen next?
Compliance
93. What actually happened next …
Staff who answered the phones were kept so busy with calls
about this letter that they couldn’t get to their other work.
They asked me to intervene on their behalf.
94. Agents should note that effective October
15, 1990, any waiver or release by a client
on whose behalf the agent is acting of the
rights, benefits, or protections provided by
the Act respecting the handling of trust
monies is void.
40 words
26 words between subject and predicate
6 prepositional phrases
I worked with the Superintendent of Real Estate
to simplify the letter.
95. Your client cannot waive these new
protections concerning your handling of
trust money. Starting 15 October 1990,
any waiver or release is void.
13 words, 10 words
grade 8
Keep sentences short. One idea per sentence.
voice: clear, direct, personal
After the new version of the letter was circulated,
calls for clarification stopped.
98. Scientific writing
Cell cycle activity was investigated by
incorporation of the thymidine analogue,
bromodeoxyuridine. As regeneration
proceeded, bromodeoxyuridine
immunoreactive nuclei revealed cell cycle
activity in cells at the distal ends of the
radial nerve cord epidermis, in the
coelomic epithelium, the perihaemal and
water vascular canal epithelia, and in the
forming tube feet of both preparations.
99. Scientific writing
Cell cycle activity was investigated by
incorporation of the thymidine analogue,
bromodeoxyuridine. As regeneration
proceeded, bromodeoxyuridine
immunoreactive nuclei revealed cell cycle
activity in cells at the distal ends of the
radial nerve cord epidermis, in the
coelomic epithelium, the perihaemal and
water vascular canal epithelia, and in the
forming tube feet of both preparations.
passive voice • verbs into nouns • prepositions
101. Write like a human being
The Department will coordinate the Widget
Safety Advisory Committee and widget
safety rule-making initiatives to take
advantage of synergies for the purpose of
improving quality of deliverables.
grade 20
103. Redesign
Make the document attractive and
designed for easy reading:
• readable font — style and size
• comfortable line length — 54 to 60
• breathing space — white space
“The Ten Commandments of Plain Language Drafting”
The Decline and Fall of Gobbledygook, CBA/CBA, 1991.
104. The Psychologist, February 2010
thepsychologist.org.uk/archive/archive_home.cfm/
volumeID_23-editionID_185-ArticleID_1629getfile_getPDF/thepsychologist%5C0210song.pdf
105. How long did readers think the
exercise would take?
8.2 minutes
15.1 minutes
The Psychologist, February 2010
107. Redesign
• Does your text look easy to read?
• Is the font type legible and large enough for the
target reader?
• Is the line length and spacing comfortable?
• Is text alignment suitable to the purpose?
• Does the text have good contrast with the
background?
• Are emphasizing techniques such as bolding used
to good effect—and not overused?
• Do design elements, such as colour, images, and
illustrations, support your message?
109. Caution to motorists
Motorists are advised to exercise extreme
caution when travelling along low-lying
sections of 100-series highways, especially
when visibility is impaired by fog, haze,
sea smoke, and/or other adverse weather
conditions. Reports have been received of
sudden contact and/or sightings with
rubicund objects of the spherical variety
which have suddenly come into the
motorist’s path and have rebounded up
and down. The said objects have been
alarming startled motorists and may have
been implicated in a number of adverse
motor vehicle events. Caution is critical.
grade 14
110. How can we begin
to rethink this?
• Who do we need to reach?
• What is their reading level?
• What is their attention span for this
message? Their circumstances?
• Can we “translate” everything that is in the
current document?
• How else can we approach this?
112. Rethinking
Removing the faults in a stage-coach may
produce a perfect stage-coach, but it is
unlikely to produce the first motor car.
Edward de Bono
114. Why
efficient • effective • human
For more examples of savings, read Joseph Kimble’s article in
The Scribes Journal of Legal Writing
plainlanguagenetwork.org/kimble/Writing1.pdf
