This document is a presentation on estate planning for blended families given by L. Paul Hood Jr. and Emily Bouchard. It discusses the definition of blended families and examples. It addresses ethical issues that can arise in representing blended family couples, such as conflicts of interest. It also discusses determining who is considered "family" in a blended family and exploring clients' goals and concerns, which can often conflict more than in traditional families. The presentation covers various topics related to blended family estate planning.
What is a Blended Family: For our purposes, a “blended family” is one in which two people are partners and at least one of the partners has one or more children who are not birth children of the other partner
The following slides provide examples are designed to give a feeling for the scope and range you may encounter in your practice where blended families are concerned.While we don’t have time now to go into detail about these, we wanted to make sure you received illustrations to more fully capture blended family dynamics.Brady Bunch Details: Mike, age 40, a widower has three sons. Mike marries Carol, age 38, a widow who has three daughters. They have no joint children. The children are all minors who live together. Mike owns his own business, and Carol has a substantial separate estate that she inherited from her late first husbandMay-December Relationship: Franklin, age 80, a wealthy widower with three grown children in their 50s, marries Bambi, age 26, an impecunious dance instructor who has a daughter, age 7. Franklin and Bambi would like to have a child of their own. Franklin has done a substantial amount of lifetime estate planning and has passed significant wealth on to his children and grandchildrenEmpty Nesters: Michael, age 72, is a widower with three grown children, a pension, and benefactor of his wife’s life insurance. Michael marries Sophia, age 72, who is long divorced with three grown children and who has no financial experience, has no savings and retirement pensions other than social security, and her only asset is her home. The couple plans to live in Sophia’s home, but Michael has a lot more wealth, on which Sophia is somewhat dependent
Eat, Drink, and Remarry: John, age 63, marries Judith, age 35, as his fourth wife. John has a son, age 37, and John has some expensive alimony obligations to his first wife. Judith, who has been divorced twice, has two sons, ages 11 and 8, each with a different father, with whom she splits custody. Judith has substantially more wealth than John, while John has far greater income-earning potential as a professional. John and Judith have a separate property prenuptial agreement.Nontraditional Blended Family: Marie, age 46, and Angela, age 37, are a couple. As a single parent, Marie adopted a child, who is now age 18. Angela, who has been divorced once, has a child, age 10, whom she is raising alone with only meager, sporadic child support. Marie stands to inherit money from her parents, but that may be in doubt due to her recent lifestyle choices. Angela has the greater income, and she owns the home that they live in, although both are contributing to the payment of the mortgage.Yours, Mine, and Ours: Bob, age 43 and divorced, marries Bridgett, age 41 and divorced. Each has a child younger than 18 from a prior marriage, and each has joint custody. Bob and Bridgett also have two children together, ages 7 and 3. Bridgett is staying at home to raise the young children, while Bob is working to support the family. Bob provides child support to his son’s mother, and Bridgett receives child support to a lesser degree for her daughter from her first husband.
Context/Background: When approached by a new potential client couple with blended family dynamics, there are some specific areas you need to be particularly aware of in their listening, and in your own best-practices and ethics.
The very first issue that lawyers have to address is whether they can represent a couple in their estate planning, or whether there is a conflict of interest.Why are conflicts of interest so important?In terms of your business, the mere accusation of a conflict is bad PR
EMILY’s voice – one of the biggest issues here is that the legal system is designed to “protect” and to treat others as adversaries to be protected from; the key in having conversations with couples who want joint representation is to see them as partners, as a team, aligned and working together towards common goals – and then, allow them to be aware of where conflicts of interests may arise and see how they respond and what their communication is like with each other.
EMILY’s voice – one of the biggest issues here is that the legal system is designed to “protect” and to treat others as adversaries to be protected from; the key in having conversations with couples who want joint representation is to see them as partners, as a team, aligned and working together towards common goals – and then, allow them to be aware of where conflicts of interests may arise and see how they respond and what their communication is like with each other.
Pause here and give chance for Q&A; check for understanding related to joint or separate representation.*Future slides starting at 30 will give the details of this case
Q & A – show the benefits and problems of each.
And… it also shows that you respect them both and see them as a unified team. If one asks you to see them separately, find out what is generating the request and if the other partner knows about it.
Think about the Marvin Gaye song “Can I Get a Witness” and worry must I be a witness?
Once the client and family have been defined, the next step in blended family estate planning is not any different from other estate planning assignments – clarify and define values and goals
All of these can be encountered in traditional families – with much less complexities than when dealing with yours, mine and ours and also with former spouses and obligations. Know that each of these can be quite volatile and that each spouse may have very different desires and approaches to consider. Take care that you don’t avoid these because of the potential for conflict. Use “Active Listening” as a way to create a safer environment for the couple to explore all of these concerns.
The “however” POINTS OUT THAT THERE ARE POTENTIAL PROBLEMS WHERE A SPOUSE WANTS TO PURCHASE A NEW RESIDENCE BUT ALSO WANTS TO CONDITION A PURCHASE ON GETTING THE RESIDENCE BACK IF HE OR SHE SURVIVES
There are creative and viable ways to incorporate all the potential beneficiaries where they feel that their desires and wishes are known and taken into consideration, while also understanding that the final decision is with their parents. Giving a clear explanation, after receiving your beneficiaries’ input will help everyone understand and potentially decrease the likelihood of legal battles and/or family disharmony.
Discussing wishes is one thing; discussing WHO will be in the role of carrying out those wishes and what their responsibilities will be is another – and making sure that they know what is required of them and expected of them ifit comes time to perform this role when emotions run high.
PARTNERSHIP CONSIDERATIONS: Assessing their ability to truly be effective partners is essential. Understanding what it takes to be qualified as a partner both in terms of skills and temperament will be important for all parties considering this strategy. AND, their degree of communications skills and ability to manage and handle conflict will also need to be explicitly addressed.
Use “vision questions” as a way to support your client in envisioning potentialities as well as their hopes. “What do you see will happen for your children as a result of …?”“How do you see the needs of your children evolving over time?”“What do you envision for your children now and in the future?”“Tell me about the impact you’d like your estate to have on your children at various stages of their lives…”
Client Intent: When approaching this with your clients, use phrases as opposed to questions. Questions tend to make people feel put on the spot, and they will often get defensive or have a harder time articulating what they really want. Before posing a question, see if you can put it into a phrase instead – something like: “tell me more about…” or “I’d like some examples to help me see what we’re up to here from your perspective…”
Take a breath! With all this data coming at you, check in with your body and see where you may feel contraction, tightness, where your breath may even be more shallow. Now, for a moment, consider your clients and how foreign most of this is to them – it’s truly another language. Use your knowledge and understanding of the law and the nuances of blended family dynamics to help your clients feel assured and at ease. Ways to do this include: naming their concerns and what they might be feeling – simply draw on what you may be experiencing right nowGiving them a chance to take a breath, stretch, move aroundGive them some fresh water; offer a break – give them time to have all that you’re opening for them sink in.And, try to limit the amount of information you give them at any time – more frequent, shorter meetings may be more beneficial than long ones where they cannot take it all it – that’s wasted time and money for them and creates inefficiency and roadblocks in your planning process.