1. I wish I was a fetus

2. • I wish I was a fetus
• I never would be
bored
• Sitting in my uterus
• Swinging on my cord

3. • To worry obstetricians
• I’d be a proper beast
• I’d change position on
the hour
• Transverse, oblique
then breech

4. • To student midwives
I’d present
• A mystifying case
• I’d hide myself inside
the os
• and leave an empty
space

5. • I’d tie my cord into a
knot
• And wave it through
the cervix
• I’d give the midwives
such a shock
• And laugh off all my
vernix

6. • And when my
membranes rupture
• I’d be a right old pest
• Presenting large
diameters
• I’d transversely arrest

7. • I’d tell my pal
placenta
• To get himself
detached
• To theatre then the lot
of us
• Would pronto be
dispached

8. • And when they start to
Caesar
• I’d laugh and think
‘tee hee’
• When noone else is
looking
• I’ll come vaginally…