Holding a conversation is quite a useful skill that some people do naturally but the rest of us need to work at. Here are some methods and ideas you can use to initiate and sustain a sparkling conversation! Hope this one helps!

1. Conversation techniques
Holding a conversation is quite a useful skill that some people do naturally but the rest of
us need to work at. Here are some methods and ideas you can use to initiate and sustain a
sparkling conversation!
Opening the conversation: How to get things going.
o Ask them easy questions, Ask them about themselves, Check your list
Their name: The most important thing you say.
o Finding their name, Remembering their name, Using their name
Building rapport: Bonding with them.
o Active care, Encouraging, Listening
Reflecting: Bouncing back what they have said.
o Paraphrasing, Parroting, Extrapolating
Interrupting: Taking back control so you can speak.
o Agreement Interrupt, Body Language Interrupt, Clarification Interrupt
Sustaining the conversation: Keeping things going.
o Ask their opinion, Concern for the person, Interest in the person
Excusing: When things go wrong.
o Acceptance, Accident
Closing the conversation: How to walk away.
o Be negative, Body pointing, Caught short,
Opening the conversation
How do you open the persuasive conversation? The first few seconds are terribly critical and
the following interaction contains many moments of truth. Here's a few pointers on how to
open positively.
Ask them easy questions: Keep the tough stuff until later.
Ask them about themselves: A very powerful technique.
Check your list: Be ready to ask and answer.
Use environmental triggers: Look for ideas around you.
Get to the point: In some conversations, niceties are not nice.
Greeting: Get the formal start done well.
Introduce yourself: Tell them a bit about you.
Say something wrong: So they can correct you.
Script the start: Write out the first few words beforehand.
Shock and awe: Surprise them with something different.
Wit and wisdom: Amaze them with your wit.

2. Ask them easy questions
Description
Start out by asking them questions that are easy for them to answer.
A good balance is around two or three closed questions, that have short answers, and then
one open question, where they have to think and talk more. Early on, it is often better even
with open questions to keep them simple and easy.
When doing this, remember to sustain interest in them and what they have to say. Easy
questions can lead to stock answers, but remember that the goal is to get the conversation
going, not discover what the
Easy topics include:
The weather (especially in climates where it changes often).
Recent news (though be careful about difficult topics that may lead to emotional
arousal).
Family (siblings, where they live, etc.)
History (what school they went to, where they have lived, etc.)
Work (what they do, people at work, etc.)
Holidays
Hobbies and sports
Example
Isn't it a great day? Did you get out in the sunshine, today?
Did you hear about the accident down town? Isn't it awful?
Do you have a brother called Joe?
I do like your dress -- where did you get it?
Discussion
Questions are an easy way to open a conversation, especially if you are prepared. If the
other person is uncomfortable (and they often are), then questions that are easy for them to

3. answer is a good way to make them comfortable whilst engaging them (rather than having
them listen too much to you).
Early on, do also remember to stay away from potentially contentious topics unless you
deliberately want to create an impact. Criticizing the Pope, for example, is a not a good
idea if you do not know whether the other person is a Catholic (even conservative non-
Catholics may find such a move disturbing).
Ask them about themselves
Description
Ask them something about themselves.
If you do not know their name, then start there.
Compliment them about their appearance. Ask them where they got that nice suit, watch,
hat or whatever.
Comment on their cheery condition, ask them why they are looking a bit down. Say they
look distracted and ask why.
Ask if they have family, the names of their children, how old they are, how they are doing in
school and so on.
Ask about their occupation, their careers and plans for the future.
Ask about hobbies, interests and what they do with their spare time.
Pay attention when they give you an answer. Show interest not only in the answer but them
as a person as well, possibly evoking a betrayal response.
And when they tell you something, show interest in it. Follow up with more questions.
Example
You look thoughtful. What's up?
What are you going to do this weekend?
That's a lovely jumper, where did you get it?
Discussion
The most interesting person in the world is me. I can talk about myself all day long if
somebody asks me the right questions and seems to be really interested in what I have to
say.
Note that the level of intimacy in the questions depends on the level of relationship. Be
careful also with sensitive subjects. If you sense that they are uncomfortable with what you
have asked, apologize as necessary and change the subject.

4. If you ask questions but do not follow up, then they may conclude that you are not really
listening and are false in your apparent interest.
Check your list
Description
Have a long list of things you can talk about. Keep it in your wallet and take a peek just
before you get into a conversation.
You can keep a standard list that can be used in any situation.
You can have specialized lists, for example chatting up a member of the opposite sex or
talking about technical topics with peers.
You can also have one-off lists, for example when you are going to meet somebody
important to you, you can spend time beforehand listing things that you can discuss (or
maybe that you want to discuss).
Keep building your list. Listen to other people in conversation (including people who talk to
you) and add inspiring ideas to your list.
Description
A boy is going out with a girl for the first time. He elicits help from friends and
his list includes the concert next week, her family and how to dance the salsa
(which he has found she is learning). Just before he sees her, he takes a peek
at the list to remind himself.
A sales person keeps a list of things to ask customers, including informal chat
subjects and formal things to remember. She reviews the list in the car before
going into talk with the customer.
Discussion
In the pressure that we often feel when starting a conversation it is easy to freeze or
otherwise run out of things to say. A list provides an easy way of remembering things to
say or discuss.
Just having the list close to you, in a purse or pocket, makes visualization and mental
access of the list a little easier.
In a business situation it often looks efficient to have the list out in front of you, and tick
off the subjects as you cover them. In a social situation, this would probably look at bit anal.
Their Name

5. In conversation, the name of the other person is one of the most important things to
remember and use. It is easy to get this wrong, so this section gives you a number of things
you can do and methods you can use.
Personal name: The most important thing for them.
Finding their name: An important initial task.
Remembering their name: Which is easily forgotten!
Short name: Be careful about contractions.
Using their name: To connect with them.
Personal Name
Description
A person's name is more than an indicator -- it is an embodying symbol that has a highly
personal relationship with the person. You can be the other side of the room, talking, and
they will not hear anything, but if you mention their name, they will hear it and become
attentive.
It is thus important to find, remember, use and manage the names of the people you meet
and especially those who you intend to persuade.
Discussion
In Rome
Roman citizens had three names. The nomen was their gens or family name, such as Tullius
and was the equivalent of a surname. The praenomen was the given name and equivalent of
a forename, such as Marcus, and was seldom used on its own. Ordinals were often used,
such as Primus or Sextus to indicate birth order. The cognomen was a nickname by which
the person was known, such as Cicero. Thus the Roman orator Cicero (106 BC – 43 BC) was
the cognomen of Marcus Tullius.
Influencing
All sales people know that a person's name is one of the most powerful tools of influence
and they will use it carefully, attaching it to key points and when they want particular
attention.
Remembering
It is remarkably easy to forget a person's name, often because you have used that name in
so many different contexts that it has become unattached as a concept. A trick
in remembering a person's name is to attach it strongly to the person. Some ways of doing
this include:
Make an aural connection. Repeat their name out loud several times soon after you
have met the person. This also helps build rapport.

6. Remember the name as a forename-surname combination. It is actually easier to
remember John-Wilkinson than John alone, because John-Wilkinson is far more
unique.
Use visualization. Imagine the person with their name tattooed on their forehead or
otherwise written on them.
Use metaphor and analogy. Imagine someone called John 'sitting on the John'.
Imagine Mrs. Green as painted green, wearing green clothes.
Finding their name
When you meet a person or know that you will meet them, and do not know their name,
then the first task is to find their name.
Introductions
Get introduced
The most common way to find a person's name, particularly in 'polite company' is to be
introduced by someone else. A formal introduction includes the full name of each person
and some biographical detail. In a social situation, this may be something about their family
or where they live. In work, it is most often about their job.
Introduce yourself
One way of asking-without-asking is to introduce yourself. Say your name (and perhaps a
very brief biographical item) and then pause. They should then reciprocate with the same
detail. If they do not, you can encourage them with body language such as raising your
eyebrows, tilting your head and leaning forward slightly.
Asking
Ask the person
You can also, of course, ask the person directly, although beware of appearing impolite
('Who are you??'). Sometimes a few niceties beforehand helps ('Hello, isn't it nice here -- I
don't think I've met you before -- could you tell me your name?').
Asking them, done well, shows an interest in them, which is a good way of starting to build
rapport. It also shows you as taking the lead. If they follow, then keep leading!
If you forget, all is not lost. It is quite common to forget a name (they may have forgotten
yours!). In many situations it can actually be quite a strong thing to display vulnerability.
Ask someone else
An easy way is to find their name is to ask another person -- not in front of them, of
course. 'Who's that person over there?' is a common surreptitious question.
You can also ask a person off-line, for example asking other people in the office about the
new person or calling a target person's secretary. Another trick for finding names is to call

7. the company and ask for the person by title -- with luck you'll get a response something
like 'I'll put you through to Mr. Johnson now...'.
Or
Look it up
If you have time, you might find it written down somewhere. At a conference it may be on
the list of attendees. At a meeting it may be on the agenda. And of course, there's the
marvelous modern miracle: the internet. Companies often have their officers on the main
website. And if you are inside the company, the whole directory (possibly even with
photographs) may well be at your fingertips.
Wait for someone else
And of course you can wait for someone else to either ask for their name (which may make
you look a bit impolite, so get in first if appropriate) or to use their name in conversation.
Remembering their name
It is amazing how quickly you can forget a person's name (and how embarrassing this can
be). It is well worth learning a few tricks to help fix it in your mind.
Repeat it
One sales-person's trick is to use their name three times within the first couple of minutes.
The first repeat is to repeat it immediately.
Hi, my name is Jim.
Jim -- Good to meet you.
Then find excuses to use the name or just use it in questions or elsewhere.
My cousin is called Jim.
Are you one of the Berkshire Mongomerys?
Jim, can I ask you a question about that?
Write it
If you can, writing it down is a good method. This is easier in a meeting, where you may
legitimately write down the names of the people there. This may often be legitimately done,
for example if you are running the meeting.
Writing it down may seem embarrassing, but it can actually also say that you find the other
person so important that you must keep their name safe.

8. You can also get them to write it, for example on an email, request form and so on. They
may also give it to you written down on a business card (a good way to get their card is to
give them your card).
Extend it
If you remember the person as Jim then you can easily get confused with other Jims. You
may also confusing with sound-a-like names, like Tim or Wim. A way around this is to
remember the whole name, including forename and surname. Thus remembering 'Jim
Montgomery' is more unique and hence can be more memorable.
See it
Play visual games, for example imagining the person with their name written on their
forehead or hung in a sign around their neck or above their head. Then when you see the
person, you can see the name as well.
Another method is to imagine a person you know with the same name standing beside or
behind them.
Hear it
Sometimes visualizing is not enough, and you remember only the shape ('It was a four letter
word beginning with J...'). This can be helped by including the sound in the memory. You
can support remembering the sound by saying it out loud.
Play with it
Another way is to build a story or ridiculous image around the name. We remember things
that stand out, so make the name and the face stand out together. Imagine the person
doing something that plays out their name. Make the name itself do something.
For example, with Jim Montgomery, you could have him dressed as a burglar, jimmying
open a window on a house on a mountain ('mount') whilst shouting 'gomery cricket!'.
Ask about it
When you hear their name, ask for clarification on such as the spelling of their name ('Is
that Isabel with an 'a' or an 'o'?'). If the name is unusual, you might first say what a nice or
interesting name it is and ask about its origin.
Short name
Description

9. Whilst people have given, first names, they are often referred to by a shortened version of
the name.
It is often polite to ask a person what they like to be called. Even if other people call a
person 'Tom', you might demonstrate respect by asking them if you can call them 'Tom' too.
Bottom line: When a person has a name that can be shortened, check which version they
prefer.
Example
Anthony: Ant, Tony
Richard: Rich, Richie
Joseph: Joe
Elizabeth: Bet, Beth, Betty, Liz, Liza, Eliza
Amanda: Mandy
Samantha: Sam
Discussion
The short name is also called the 'diminutive' and may be used by adults to name a child. In
this case, having been called this from early life, the person may adopt and accept the
contraction.
Children often rebel, however, and the diminutive form may make them feel they are being
treated as a child and, as an adult, prefer their full name.
Sometimes parents use the child's full name only when they are admonishing them
('Alexander, come here at once!'). In this case the person may continue to prefer the
shortened name into adulthood.
Sometimes the preferred shortened name is something that the person selects them self,
perhaps as an act of asserting control and establishing a separate identity.
Use of the short name can be a sign of intimacy and thus may also be associated only with
friends. If a stranger uses the short name they may be considered as being too familiar.
Using Their name
Using a person's name in a conversation is a key trick that most sales people know well.
Acknowledging identity
Using the person's name acknowledges their identity, massaging their Ego and hence
boosting their self-esteem. Just by recognizing that they exist, you have done them a great
favor (which of course means they now owe you...).

10. Use this in particular when you want them to feel good about themselves. You can also link
it with a particular item with which you want them to associate themselves, such as the idea
of which you are trying to persuade them.
Can you imagine yourself, Jane, wearing this out tonight?
Simon -- you can be saved.
Remember that the person's name is a part of who they are. Using their name is like
handling the person, so be careful with it.
Grabbing attention
Have you ever been somewhere when a person used your name, perhaps in conversation
with someone else across the other side of the room? A common reaction is to suddenly
pay attention. Are they talking about you? Are they trying to get your attention?
When the other person is talking and you want to say something but are having difficulty in
breaking into the conversation, saying their name can be an effective way of 'grabbing the
talking stick'.
Susan, that's a good point and I'd like to add something important...
When you are talking to a person and they seem distracted or have otherwise disappeared
off into their own head somewhere, dropping their name into a sentence will effectively
bring them back to a state of attention.
...and when we get to the city, Joe, I think you should be ready to start...
An interesting additional phenomenon is that you will sometimes also be able to remember
a few things that were said just before your name was mentioned. This is useful to
remember when you say a person's name.
Formal and informal
Many people have formal and informal forms of their name. Thus 'Michael' may well be
called 'Mike' or 'Mick'. The use of the different forms of the name will have a very internal
effect on them, depending on the associations they have.
Formal usage
Very typically, parents and (even more often) teachers use the formal format of a name.
People thus will have an association of obedience with the formal style. The implication of
this, of course, is that if you want to be obeyed, try using the formal style.
Formality may also dictate use of surnames and honorifics. Thus 'Mr. Jones' or 'Your
worship' may be appropriate in various circumstances. Know which is which and be careful
before becoming informal.

11. If in doubt, the formal style is also more respectful. This may well allow you to use it
without worrying about reaction.
It may well be worth being careful, however, as the person may have a rebellious response
against parents, and the use of the formal style may cause an adverse reaction (so watch
the response you get carefully).
Informal usage
The informal style is typically more casual and friendly. Be careful with this, as usage may
be seen as too presumptuous. One approach is to ask the person what they prefer to be
called, thus gaining permission to use a familiar form (they are unlikely to ask for a formal
style unless they really do not like the informal style).
If you can be seen as friendly, then they may frame you as a friend, which then gives you
leeway to ask for favors without having done something for them first.
Beware of overdoing it
Be careful when using their name. If you use it too much, then you may well appear to be
attempting to manipulate them, which is likely to have the reverse effect to that desired.
Now, Steve, I want you to think about how you, Steve, could benefit from this.
Steve, do you think it would work? If anyone could succeed, Steve, it will be
you.
Watch them carefully when you use their name: Does it relax them? Do they smile? Or do
they look a little irritated or tense. If it is the latter, lay off the name-calling at least for a
while.
Building Rapport
'Rapport' is 'a feeling of sympathetic understanding', where two people feel
a bond between one another, such that they will more easily trust one another.
Active Care: Don't wait to be asked.
Co-location: Just be nearby.
Encouraging: Getting them to speak.
Holding Gaze: eye-to-eye attraction.
Listening: A powerful method of creating a bond.
Mirroring: Direct copying of their actions.
Matching: Indirect copying of actions.
Open Honesty: Exposing your own vulnerability.
Paraphrasing: Rephrasing in your own words.
Parroting: Simple repetition of what they say.
Passive Care: Do no harm.
Reflecting Verbal Style: Use their overall modes of speech.

12. Reflecting Words: Echo individual words they say.
Be Reliable: Deliver on your promises.
Seek Advice: Rather than opinion.
Synergizing: Combine ideas for an even better idea.
Use Their Name: Show you know them.