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@devdame
HOW TO BE EVERYTHING:
A Look At
The Way We Give
Advice
@devdame
HI! I’M
LAUREN SCOTT
Software Engineer at
Braintree
RailsBridge Chicago
Co-Leader
Dev Bootcamp Grad
@devdame devdame.com
@devdame
Being a programmer
is hard.
@devdame
BUT PEOPLE ARE AWESOME
supportive!
caring!
kind!
@devdame
Own your ignorance!
❧
@devdame
Own your expertise!
❧
@devdame
SO, JUST BE EVERYTHING
‣ Be a novice and an expert!
‣ Be humble and confident!
‣ Be empty and full!
WAIT WHAT HOW OH GOSH
@devdame
This started as a talk
about what to DO
with this advice.
@devdame
CLASH OF THE SYNDROMES
Impostor Syndrome Entitlement Syndrome
Belief that your
successes are
flukes
Belief that your
failures are
flukes
@devdame
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
Number 1:
We give specific advice generally
@devdame
Number 2:
Privilege factors into the way
we view ourselves
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
Number 3:
Advice for the privileged is “default”
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
Number 4:
Disadvantaged groups are more
frequently burdened with
conflicting advice
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
Number 5:
We tell the oppressed to change
because of problems fueled
by the oppressor
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
Number 6:
It’s hard to separate personal
shortcomings from biased
and bigoted assumptions
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
Number 7:
When we treat the wrong
problem, we miss out
on opportunities
WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS
@devdame
when people assume
we don’t know anything
we are harmed by admitting
we don’t know everything
@devdame
when our confidence
is called bitchiness
and is treated like a problem
it is painful to wield it
@devdame
when we aren’t allowed to ask
without being treated like we know
nothing
we miss out on learning
@devdame
NO NOPING—LET’S GO CLOSER.
time to do some research!
@devdame
DISCLAIMER!!!!
This is not
a scientific study
❧
@devdame
‣ How often have you been told to “own
your ignorance” or something similar?
‣ How often have you been told to “own
your expertise” or something similar?
‣ Where have you heard this?
‣ Do you think these pieces of advice are
helpful?
@devdame
WHO TOOK THE SURVEY?
‣ 217 responses
‣ 135 women
‣ 70 men
‣ 5 non-binary people
‣ 22 people of color
‣ 32 LGBTQA people
@devdame
Until I have more data,
I’m mostly focusing on gender
@devdame
HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD TO
“OWN YOUR IGNORANCE”?
0
10.5
21
31.5
42
Women & Non-Binary People
Never Once or twice Fairly often ALL THE TIME
0
6
12
18
24
Men
@devdame
PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO REPORTED
“FAIRLY OFTEN” OR “ALL THE TIME”
Women: 46%
Men: 46%
Non-binary: 60%
People of Color: 50%
LGBTQA: 56%
@devdame
HOW OFTEN HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD TO
“OWN YOUR EXPERTISE”?
0
15
30
45
60
Women & Non-Binary People
Never Once or twice Fairly often ALL THE TIME
0
6.5
13
19.5
26
Men
@devdame
37% of men who responded
had never been told to own
their expertise…
…compared to 10% of women.
@devdame
PERCENTAGE OF RESPONDENTS WHO REPORTED
“FAIRLY OFTEN” OR “ALL THE TIME”
Women: 53%
Men: 28%
Non-binary: 60%
People of Color: 55%
LGBTQA: 61%
@devdame
DID WOMEN & MINORITIES HEAR THIS IN
A DIVERSITY-FOCUSED ENVIRONMENT?
Ignorance: 25%
Expertise: 63%
This includes spaces/events focused
on women, people of color,
and/or LGBTQA people.
@devdame DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES
OF ADVICE HELPFUL?
I analyzed each open-ended response:
positive
language
negative
language
@devdame
DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES
OF ADVICE HELPFUL?
36%
35%
29%
😀 😠
😕
@devdame
DO YOU FIND THESE PIECES
OF ADVICE HELPFUL?
56%
44%
Women & Non-Binary Men
17%
83%
16%
84%
😀 😕 😠
@devdame
Do you find these pieces
of advice helpful?
@devdame
“I would like for some of the men
I work with to hear that own your
ignorance bit.”
@devdame
“Sometimes I feel like they don't
understand what it is like to show
weakness when you are proving
yourself every day.”
@devdame
“I usually receive backlash for demonstrating
competence, even more so for actual expertise. I
usually do it anyway. Best case scenario is that
my suggestions are adopted but I don't get
credit for them.”
@devdame
“I have trouble enough as it is to "own my
expertise" when I am not listened to on topics that
I know well, and "owning my ignorance" would be
detrimental and cause many on my team to take me
even less seriously than they already do.”
@devdame
“It feels like a Catch 22.”
@devdame
“It seems like women are put in the
impossible situation of having to
simultaneously project confidence
and humility.”
@devdame
“Each side seems oblivious to the
double bind many women are in.”
@devdame
“I’m doing everything
all wrong!”
@devdame
“I feel like both pieces of advice annoyingly put the
burden on the recipient, like your career is not going
well because you are doing something wrong. When often, I
think it is more likely that the person is not in a
supportive environment.”
@devdame
“There is an analogy here
to rape culture. The burden
shouldn't be on the victim.”
@devdame
THE GIST OF IT
‣ There likely is a correlation between
demographics and advice fatigue
‣ Regardless: people are pained and confused
by this advice
‣ We are putting the burden on them
@devdame
“It is easy to be confident in yourself and/or
expose your ignorance when you feel safe,
supported and encouraged. If it's hard to do that...
maybe there's a reason you need to protect
yourself.”
@devdame
Why aren’t we better
at this?
@devdame
VICARIOUS GOAL SATIATION
‣ Watching others achieve goals makes us
feel like WE achieved them
‣ So, we can relax! It’s done!
‣ We expect others will follow our advice
‣ So when we give advice, we follow it less
“Practice What You Preach? Advice-Giving and Vicarious Goal Progress“ classic.marshall.usc.edu/assets/146/24403.pdf
“Vicarious Goal Satiation” www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3630077/
@devdame
I LIED. I AM GIVING MORE ADVICE.
@devdame
TWO COURSES OF ACTION
‣ As writers say: show, don’t tell
‣ Seniority = influence
‣ Normalize honesty and openness
1. Show by example
@devdame
“I need to see senior people
admitting their ignorance and
nothing bad happening to them.”
@devdame
When established devs show
what they don’t know, they give
permission for everyone else
to be more honest
@devdame
TWO COURSES OF ACTION
‣ Don’t scoff if someone doesn’t know
something
‣ Stop the language/framework/etc wars
‣ Be patient and trusting
2. Help change the culture
@devdame
Remember: advice is good!
but
wield it thoughtfully
@devdame
Thank you!
❧

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How To Be Everything: A Look At The Way We Give Advice