Introduction to
Soft SkillsA key for better results in work & life
Part 1
Prof. Lalo Huber

2
✓ Expert on Strategic Business Planning, Leadership, Transformation Roadmap
Design, Organizational Change Management, SAP CCoE Strategy & Design,
Governance Model & Value Management, HR Strategic Management and Strategic
Communication, among other subjects.
✓ Professor of Organizational Strategy, HR Management, Organizational
Communication, Negotiation & Organizational Change Management, at UBA, UNR
and UCA (Argentina)
✓ Author of several books (“The world does not know what we are”, “The mind of the
leader”, “Awaken the power of your mind”, “Leadership and HR Management”,
“Outsourcing by experts”, among others.)
✓ Personal, Executive & Professional Coach
✓ Music Producer and Piano / keyboards player
Lalo Huber | Profile

Introduction

What exactly are Soft Skills?

5
Soft versus Hard Skills
Hard
Skills
Technical
Skills
Allow us to
successfully interact
with objects, tools,
information or
machines
Soft
Skills
Social
Skills
Allow us to
successfully interact
with people

6
✓ Social Skills build up “Social Intelligence”
✓ Original definition by Edward Thorndike (1920)
✓ Social Intelligence is “the capability to effectively navigate and
negotiate complex social relationships and environments”
✓ Equivalent to the so-called “Interpersonal Intelligence”, one of the
various types of intelligence identified in Howard Gardner's theory of
multiple intelligences
✓ Also related to the concept of “Emotional Intelligence”, made popular
by Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book by that title (although the concept
and term first appeared in a 1964 paper by Michael Beldoch)
✓ More advanced: Social Engineering
Social Intelligence | Concept origins

7
✓ Tacto
✓ Ubicación
✓ “Cintura política”
✓ “Don de gentes”
Social Intelligence | Informal synonyms in Spanish

8
✓ Business etiquette
✓ Office politics
✓ Professional behavior
✓ Workplace ethics
✓ Office diplomacy
Other concepts that refer to Social Skills at the workplace

9
✓ Greeting others
✓ Presenting oneself and others
✓ Making friendly conversation / Joking
✓ Inviting / offering
✓ Showing interest
✓ Accepting directions
✓ Asking for help
✓ Waiting patiently for an adequate moment
✓ Explaining
Social Skills in ACTION!

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✓ Encouraging others
✓ Providing silent support
✓ Giving recognition / praising / complimenting
✓ Listening / Asking questions
✓ Answering questions
✓ Accepting and managing objections
✓ Disagreeing politely
✓ Apologizing
✓ Expressing gratitude
Social Skills in ACTION!

The mother of all Social Skills

12
The quality of our
Interpersonal relationships
depend on…
What others think and feel about us

13
Customers, colleagues, partners, bosses, CEOs, CIOs,
and other people in general,
cannot perceive what we really ARE,
but only what we…
MANAGE TO COMMUNICATE

14
The mother of all Social Skills
For successfully
interacting with
people we
need…
Interpersonal
Communication
Skill
With
Colleagues
Teamwork, Negotiation, Conversation,
Conflict management
With
Customers
Customer relationship management
Listening, Expectations management
Negotiation, Sales
With Powerful
people
Politics, Stakeholder management,
Presentation skills, Rhetoric
Negotiation
With
Employees
Team leadership, Delegation, Motivation
Coaching, Conflict management
With couple &
children
Parenting, Active listening,
Motivation, Seduction
Fundamental
Social Skill
Derived Social Skills

15
Empathy
+
Self emotional control
The mother of all Social Skills

Why are Social Skills SO important?

17
Because, 99.9% work-related critical events
have to do with…
interpersonal
relationships
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

18
And…
Who do you think most value Social Skills in service providers?
C-Levels
Top Managers
Key Stakeholders
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

19
Some work-related critical events:
➢ Customer-facing meetings / presentations
➢ Conversations with C-levels
➢ Kick-off meetings
➢ Boss-facing meetings / presentations
➢ Recruiting interviews / Negotiating work
conditions
➢ Negotiating career / salary with Manager
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

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In business, career and life …
Time is GOLD
But …
Interpersonal relationships are
DIAMONDS
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

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Social / Communication Skills
practically define our
Total Personal Effectiveness
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

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-
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?
Technical Skills Social Skills
Technical Skills Social Skills
Technical Skills
Total personal effectiveness
+0
Social Skills
Technical Skills

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Personal type in regards to Social Skills
Social Skills level Typical profile Personal effect
Extremely low Anti-social person Destructive
Very low Difficult person Conflictive
Low Ineffective person Tiring / Frustrating
Medium Normal person Normal
High Effective person Easy going
Very high Leader / Manager Influencing
Extremely high Transformational Leader Change agent / innovator!

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¿Which is the average percentage
of IT Projects
that fail
due to social / human
(non-technical)
reasons?
Question…
✓ 25% ?
✓ 35% ?
✓ 45% ?
✓ 50% ?
✓ 65% ?
✓ 75% ?

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Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?
 75% of technology projects’ failure is because of
non-technical reasons
e.g. non user acceptance of the solution, skill problems,
customer communication problems, poor expectations
management, problems with project team, lack of
motivation, team conflicts, change resistance, among
others.
 25% of technology projects’ failure is because of
technical reasons
e.g demands can not be mapped, sizing problems,
problems with connecting legacy systems.

Goal setting

27
➢ Contribute to improve our Soft Skills
➢ So as to improve our interpersonal
relationships
➢ And increase our Personal Effectiveness
➢ To ultimately improve our RESULTS!
➢ In work and life
Goal setting

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Our obsession:
Find new ways to
create more value
for our customers

Let’s exercise

30
For example: mistaking the name of a person, not talking because of shyness, etc.…
Exercise: Give examples of general social mistakes (& represent)

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➢ Putting the “finger on the sore”
➢ Strong value-charged affirmations
➢ INCONSISTENCY
➢ Poor eye contact
➢ Not fulfilling promises
➢ Not replying messages
➢ Not sharing information
➢ Criticism / Pessimism / Childish
complaining
Basic Social mistakes

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➢ Not being punctual
➢ Not warning about impacts
➢ Lack of service attitude
➢ Showing discrimination tendencies
➢ Low non-verbal energy
➢ Invading personal space
➢ Unnecessary nervous rush
➢ The automatic - nervous “NO”
Basic Social mistakes

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➢ Whining, complaining and/or making endless excuses
➢ Being too self-absorbed in yourself and in your own life and affairs
➢ Talking too much about yourself or only about the things that interest you.
➢ Coming across as being too arrogant or too blunt
➢ Being overly critical and/or judgmental of other people
➢ Constantly talking about your problems and how bad your life is
➢ Being intellectually competitive or overly argumentative
➢ Talking too quickly, too slowly, too softly, too loudly, or unclearly
More and more possible mistakes…

34
➢ Talking too much about the same topic
➢ Inappropriately interrupting the other person throughout the conversation
➢ Jumping to conclusions about what the other person has to say
➢ Sidestepping the questions that people ask you
➢ Giving the other person unsolicited advice
➢ Asking too many questions that make it seem as though you’re prying into
their private life
➢ Bluntly telling people that they are wrong
More and more possible mistakes…

Let’s exercise

36
For example: forgetting a key promise, violating a stakeholder interest, etc.…
Exercise: Give examples of SPECIFIC CF mistakes

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➢ Immediately stating that something is impossible to do
➢ Underestimate the customer / Stating that the customer does not
understand
➢ Forgetting promises
➢ Maintain relaxed posture when customer is worried or complaining
➢ Not listening / Talking too much
➢ Taking a defensive posture / Justifying own mistakes
Some classical CF “screw-ups”

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➢ Lecturing the customer / Using phrases like “I’ll explain you people”
➢ Not apologizing after a mistake
➢ Not giving concrete facts to explain things (vague talking)
➢ Showing ignorance of key facts
➢ Showing distrust to the customer
➢ Blaming the customer / Blaming others in general
➢ Not taking responsibility (“passing the ball”)
Some classical CF “screw-ups”

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In Customer Facing events
✓ Say NO negatively and without clear justification
✓ Say YES with enthusiasm and then not fulfil
✓ Excessively reduce frequency of customer contact / Disappearing
✓ Not listening carefully / not showing empathy for the customer problems
✓ Believing that a kind customer will not kick us out
✓ Mot being able to inspire confidence in the customer, so he can open with us
✓ Not warning the customer in advance about some change that may impact him/her
✓ Failing to answer quickly all communications from the customer
✓ Assume that an email is enough to clear things
✓ Not verifying important communications success
Customer relationship mistakes

40
In Customer Facing events
✓ Meet with customer reactively and only when strictly necessary
✓ Fail to achieve some level of personal relation with the customer
✓ Not dedicating time to show and sell achievements to the customer
✓ Send critical emails without previous consent
✓ Knowing that a customer is not fully satisfied, and not doing anything
✓ Not knowing the customer mindset and beliefs
✓ Fail to read the customer signals “between lines”
✓ Allow ourselves to develop some kind of hate for a customer
✓ Allow criticism towards the customer
Customer relationship mistakes

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Demand management
✓ Accept out-of-scope or ambiguous requirement, without adequate
negotiation
✓ Change elements in the service without customer previous consent
✓ Not recognizing mistakes. Self-justifying instead of apologizing and
correcting
✓ Fail to have a clear expectations agreement
✓ Not being able to show technical leadership in front of the customer
✓ Fail to accept our role as service providers
✓ Fail to understand that customer perception has more power than reality
when it comes to service evaluation
Customer relationship mistakes

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Internal coordination
✓ Insufficient internal communication / alignment
✓ Incoherent communication towards the customer
✓ Not asking for help, or doing it too late
✓ Failing to maintain ourselves informed about own standards and
guidelines / Service portfolio / new products
✓ Lack of preparation before visiting a customer
✓ Not sharing relevant information with the team
Customer relationship mistakes

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➢ Failing to identify the power balance in the conversation / meeting
➢ Forgetting our professional role / mission
➢ Getting distracted / loosing concentration on own goals
➢ Lack of internal coordination
➢ Loosing our temper
➢ Frustration accumulation
➢ Getting too proud
➢ Becoming too much confident on oneself
➢ Becoming greedy
➢ Hurrying up too much
➢ Becoming too much confident on the other / Opening up too much
Some basic reasons for all CF DISASTERS

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Arrogance
Impatience
Bad temper
Shyness
Distractions
Fatigue
Soft Skills Killers

Let’s exercise

46
For example:
Exercise: Give examples of CF “suicidal phrases”
“You don’t know
anything”, “This is
your fault”

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Famous inadequate phrases
That is impossible
We are the experts
You don’t have control over the Project
All was done thanks to US
Let me correct you on that
I have another call, please hang on
I don’t know
Nope
I couldn’t have said that

Introduction to
Soft SkillsA key for better results in work & life
Part 2
Prof. Lalo Huber

Opening, Recap & Intro

50
Soft versus Hard Skills
Hard
Skills
Technical
Skills
Allow us to
successfully interact
with objects, tools,
information or
machines
Soft
Skills
Social
Skills
Allow us to
successfully interact
with people

51
➢ Contribute to improve our Soft Skills
➢ So as to improve our interpersonal
relationships
➢ And increase our Personal Effectiveness
➢ To ultimately improve our RESULTS!
➢ In work and life
Goal setting

The particular complexity of Social Skills

53
Key aspects of Social Skills
1
Unconsciously
acquired and
strongly fixed
at early age
2
Rarely worked out
later. Not treated in
formal education.
4
Critical for ALL
human activity
Social
Skills
are…
3
Difficult to improve,
as this requires a
change of habits.

54
People
cannot perceive what we really ARE,
but only what we…
MANAGE TO COMMUNICATE
Remember…

55
And our communication to the world
is composed of physical elements, called
SIGNALS,
which are the only part of us
that can actually be perceived by others
Remember…

56
Exercise: Give examples of communication SIGNALS
Perceived by
Sight Hearing Smell Touch Taste
Communication arsenal

57
Verbal language
▪ Vocabulary / Pet words
▪ Linguistic excellence
▪ Rhetoric
Paralanguage
▪ Tone / Intonation
▪ Volume / Accentuation
▪ Pronunciation
▪ Rhythm
▪ Pausing
▪ Timbre
▪ Noises
Body language
▪ Facial expression
▪ Postures
▪ Gestures
▪ Way of walking, sitting, standing up,
moving
▪ Clothes & shoes
▪ Accessories
▪ Hair and make-up
▪ Odor / Perfume
▪ Hands
Communication components

58
Emotional impact of verbal and non verbal expression
Verbal
Paralanguage
Body language
?

59
Emotional impact of verbal and non verbal expression
Verbal: 7%
Paralanguage: 38%
Body language: 55%

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¿Which is the origin
of
ALL our problems?

61
Conscious
mind
Subconscious
mind
Emotional state,
instincts and habits
Beliefs
Messages
(relatively controlled signals)
Meta-messages
(uncontrolled signals)
Goal

62
Conscious
mind
Subconscious
mind
Emotional state,
instincts and habits
Beliefs
Verbal / “I need that information”
Non verbal / Angry facial
expression / Negative posture
/ Bad tone / High volume /
Aggressive gestures /
Suspicious looks
Goal
?

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Example: emotional impact of verbal and non verbal expression
Positive
Clear
YES
Nice NO
Joke
Lie
Doubtful
YES
Lie
Confused
Sarcastic
Negative
Clear
NO
Verbal
Yes
No
Non
verbal
Yes
No

64
Interpersonal relationships
usually go to hell, because of our unchecked
EMOTIONS
Why are Social Skills SO IMPORTANT?

65
“When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic, but
creatures of emotion.”
Dale Carnegie

Social Skills Golden Cycle

67
Social Skills Golden Cycle
1
Empathy
(put the other first)
3
Emotional
self-control
4
Synchronization
5
Rich
Expression
2
Active
Listening
(understand)
0 Set Goals
INFLUENCE!

68
Social Skills Golden Cycle
I Other
1 Empathic listening
2 Self-controlled
synchronized
expression
Processing

Effects of improved Social Skills

70
We are less rejected.
We get more accepted.
We get more listened to.
We get more respected.
We get more appreciated / valued.
We increase our
INFLUENCE.
The effects of improved Social Skills

71
What is INFLUENCE?
The personal capacity to modify others’
thoughts, ideas, opinions
feelings, emotions and…
behaviors.

2 skills that make magic:
Empathy + Active Listening

73
¿What is empathy?
✓
✓
✓
✓
Empathy

74
¿What is empathy?
It is the capacity to clearly
perceive others’ beliefs, values,
emotional states and NEEDS.
Empathy

75
The one and only ancestral universal law of social
interaction:
Treat others
as YOU would like
to be treated
(if you were in their situation…)
Empathy

76
How do you like to be listened?
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
Active Listening

77
If you want to really listen, deeply understand the speaker, and leave a good
image, then follow 4 simple rules:
1 Motivate the speaker
Help / encourage the speaker to open; do
not fright or demotivate him / her by
interrupting, doubting, or judging
immediately.
Control our tendency to immediately make
strong affirmations.
Active Listening

78
If you want to really listen, deeply understand the speaker, and leave a good
image, then follow 4 simple rules:
2 Show FULL interest in the
speaker
Not only pay attention, but also SHOW
attention through your body language
Active Listening

79
If you want to really listen, deeply understand the speaker, and leave a good
image, then follow 4 simple rules:
3 Perceive all messages and
meta-messages from the
speaker and situation
Not only pay attention to words, but also to
body language, context and all other
meaningful elements of the situation
Active Listening

80
If you want to really listen, deeply understand the speaker, and leave a good
image, then follow 4 simple rules:
4 Help the speaker to open,
reason and express himself
Help the speaker with open, mild,
interconnecting questions
Active Listening

Active listening & Business deals

82
“You can close more deals in two months by becoming
interested in other people than you can in two years by
trying to get people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie
Key for selling

83
Customers buy based on…
1. Price?
2. Perceived / imagined technical quality?
3. Easy communication, personal affinity
and TRUST on the vendor’s
representatives

84
The nemesis of good deals:
1. Lack of focus
2. Social inability / Lack of touch
3. No sense of opportunity

Let’s exercise

86
Role play exercises | Select one option
➢ Simulate reacting / responding as a team
to a real-time customer strong complaint /
attack
➢ 5 minutes for preparation
➢Wrong and right modes
Empathy + Active Listening

87
Body language demonstration
Showing interest / lack of it
➢ With head movements
➢ Facial expression
➢ Eye contact
➢ With body posture
➢ With gestures
➢ With vocal intonation
Empathy + Active Listening

3 skills to change the world:
Self Control +
Synchronization +
Rich Expression

89
The key pre-requisite for all social skills
true application
Emotional Self-Control
¿Do you have it?
¿In what measure?
¿Do you exercise it?

90
In EVERY work or life situation, we have 2 options:
1 = Express whatever we feel and think…
or…
2 = Express what is REQUIRED to achieve
our GOAL in the given situation

91
“The royal road to a man's heart is just to
talk to him about the things he treasures
most.”
Dale Carnegie

How can we satisfy others?

93
¿When does a customer
(or any person)
feel satisfied?
Personal Satisfaction

94
Expectations & Satisfaction
Experience < Expectations => Insatisfaction
Experience = Expectations => Satisfaction
Experience > Expectations => Delight

95
Key strategies to increase satisfaction
1. Improve Customer Experience
2. Lower Customer Expectations
Beware of the salesman’s old trick….
Synchronization & Expectation Management

96
Synchronization =
The process of satisfying or
surpassing expectations

97
Expectations are strictly personal and situational, but…
Normally, everybody hates…
✓ Complaints
✓ Pessimism
✓ Bad manners / rudeness
✓ Being disappointed
✓ Being criticized / Being humiliated
✓ Negative facial expressions or postures
Synchronization

98
Expectations are strictly personal and situational, but…
Normally, everybody loves…
✓ Recognition / appraisal
✓ Smiles / nice facial expression
✓ Enthusiasm / Energy / Optimism
✓ Generosity / Offerings
✓ Clear explanations
✓ Being listened
Synchronization

A bit of Neuroscience to understand reactions

100
Our reactions | The Triune Brain (McLean)

101
The 3 Mental Barriers | Ladder towards Rationality
INSTINCTIVE barrier
Non threatening signals
Compatible non verbal signals / appearance
Style imitation / Rapport
EMOTIONAL barrier
Accept / cherish others 'values or desires
Express compatible values or desires
Support / not oppose other’s desires
RATIONAL barrier
Coherence
Logical expression
Convenient proposals
1
2
3
Reptilian
Limbic
Neocortex

102
Emotional – Instinctive (FAST) Synchronization
Non threatening attitude / Facial expression / Smile
Rapport
Culture / values adaptation
Supporting the other’s values / interests / ideology
Showing political alignment / acceptance
Showing trust
Expressing interest
Showing enthusiasm / optimism
Synchronization & Expectations Management

103
Acceptable proportion for the average person
emotional stability:
99% acceptance, praise, and…
1% criticism
Applicable to customers, c-levels,
couples and ourselves!
Mental filters

104
Rational (SLOW) synchronization
Show convenience
Be clear
Be concise
Be organized
Show concrete data / indicators
Show proofs
Show success cases
Show method and competence
Synchronization & Expectations Management

Let’s exercise

106
Representatives from each group (or all)
➢ Present and sell a specific service to a difficult
customer, sounding knowledgeable, impartial,
professional.
➢ 4 Groups
➢ Part of the group represents the Company
➢ The other part represents the Customer
Self control + Synchronization + Rich expression

107
Each group prepares the situation, and representatives act the
simulation:
➢ Giving general recognition to a Customer at a kick off meeting
➢ Saying NO to a Customer requirement, without offending
➢ Responding to a conflictive politically – tricky question
➢ Delivering bad news to a customer
➢ Apologizing to a customer for a problem or delay in a project
Self control + Synchronization + Rich expression

The 5 elements of
Personal Authority

109
Personal Authority is the condition
that allows a person to orient others’
behaviors towards the achievement
of a predefined common goal.
Personal Authority

Let’s exercise

111
Which characteristics do we DETEST in other persons, so
as to make them not influential over us?
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
Personal Authority | Exercise

112
Which characteristics do we APPRECIATE / ADMIRE in
other persons, so as to make them influential over us?
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
Personal Authority | Exercise

Personal Authority

114

115
Personal Authority | The 5 key elements
Personal
Authority
1
Due to perceived…
Initiative
2
Due to perceived…
Competence
3
Due to perceived…
Ethics
4
Due to perceived…
Personal
image
5
Due to perceived…
Position
1 Leading
authority
2 Competent
authority
3 Moral
authority
4 Charismatic
authority
5 Formal
authority

116
Personal Authority | The 5 key elements
Personal
Authority
1
Due to perceived…
2
Due to perceived…
3
Due to perceived…
4
Due to perceived…
5
Due to perceived…
1 Leading
authority
2 Competent
authority
3 Moral
authority
4 Charismatic
authority
5 Formal
authority
Brave
attitudes
Intelligent
attitudes
Generous
attitudes
Cool, funny
attitudes
Boss
attitudes

117
Personal Authority | The 5 key elements
Personal
Authority
Initiative | Will power
Emotional self control
Competence | Vision |
Intelligence | Knowledge
Technical Skills
Ethics | Admired values
(relative to the public)
Image | Appearance | Rhetoric | Voice
Body language | Physical Energy
Organizational position |
Role | Hierarchy
Titles | Honors
1 Leading
authority
2
Competent
authority
3 Moral
authority
4
Charismati
c authority
5 Formal
authority

Let’s exercise

119
Role playing situation | In groups
Show initiative, competence, ethics and positive personal
image, through a short 3-5 minute motivational group
speech, about ANY subject you value, manage and want to
sell to the audience.
Convince us!
Exercise

Developing the 5 elements

121
Developing Personal Authority
Develop Leading
Authority
Develop Competent
Authority
Develop Moral
Authority
Develop Charismatic
Authority
Develop Formal
Authority

122
The actual and
definitive external
professional image
Developing Personal Authority
Train will power through self-imposed challenges
Increase interaction with bosses
Increase internal proposals generation
Study about the organization (strategy, customers, best practices, products & services
portfolio)
Study theory about Business Transformation / Organizational Change Mgt.
Study about digital business paradigm
Understand organizational values, policies and rules in general
Understand Customers’ and all stakeholders’ values, policies and rules
Learn how to express ethical values with non verbal expression
Study and practice rhetoric and effective presentations
Study acting / Practice continuous self-observation & self recording / ask other people
improve personal appearance, invest in adequate outfit & accessories, and practice A LOT
Give clear and fixed name to your position
Practice how to explain the value of that position
Practice how to explain the organization’s position in the business world
Develop Leading
Authority
Develop Competent
Authority
Develop Moral
Authority
Develop Charismatic
Authority
Develop Formal
Authority

Charismatic Image

124
➢ Personal image is defined by the
sensations, feelings and thoughts we
arouse in others’ minds
➢ Personal image is considered
“charismatic” when we consistently
arouse favorable sensations, feelings and
thoughts in others’ minds
Personal Image

125
When our Personal Image is powerful (in others’ minds),
we are said to possess…
✓ Professional image
✓ Personal impact
✓ Strong presence
✓ Personal magnetism
✓ Charisma
Personal Image

126
¿Remember?
One picture has the value
of 1000 words.

127
Non verbal signals, by their nature:
Emblems (full meaning)
Illustrators (complementary meaning)
By their function:
Acceptance indicators (non verbal YES)
Rejection indicators (non verbal NO)
Support signals
Regulators
Adaptors
Personal Image and non verbal communication

128
Positive
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
Negative
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
✓
Exercise: positive & negative image elements

129
✓ Visual contact | eyes wide open
✓ Energetic body language
✓ Moderately exaggerated verbal expression
✓ Smiles / Adequate physical contact
✓ Use peoples' names as if they were very well known
✓ Balance expression and listening times (1 to 2 at least)
✓ Optimistic attitude | no useless complaints
✓ Positive attitude | no useless criticism
✓ Abundant recognition
✓ More questions than affirmations
✓ Flexibility | Accepting offers
Elements of a typical positive / charismatic image

130
✓ Complaints / Pessimism
✓ Not smiling / Serious or sad facial expression / Lack of visual contact
✓ Acid criticism / bad language
✓ Slow reactions and/or movements
✓ Not listening / Excessive talking
✓ Always affirming, never asking
✓ No intonation / no accentuation (monotonous speech)
✓ Never proposing anything
✓ No joking / bad mood / not telling stories
✓ Bad breath
✓ Not respecting dress code
Elements of a typical negative image

131
▪ Lack of visual contact
▪ Not having opinions
▪ Not talking or talking too much
▪ Interrupting
▪ Speaking in low voice
▪ Rejecting others’ opinions immediately
▪ Talking in secret
▪ Using the cell phone
▪ Going in and out too much
▪ Laying on the chair as if it was a coach
▪ Sitting far from the table
▪ Use the hands to support the head
▪ Not taking notes (depending the case)
Negative image elements in meetings with managers | c-levels

132
✓ Body inclined to the other person / moderately inclined head
✓ Calm visual contact, with normal blinking
✓ No complaints / no criticism
✓ Prioritizing questions over strong affirmations
✓ Paying attention / active listening / more listening tan talking
✓ Mild self criticism
✓ Open arms, open hands
✓ Nodding when listening
✓ Face and ears not covered with hair or other elements
✓ Dark clothes / White shirt / clothes not excessively sophisticated
✓ Moderation in make up and all accessories
✓ Relaxed facial expression / slight smile
Image of reliability in a conversation

133
✓ Lack of non verbal expression
✓ Little visual contact
✓ Not speaking / taking too much time to respond
✓ Not making questions about the other
✓ Acid criticism
✓ Not talking about emotions and human aspects
✓ Intellectualizing emotional situations
✓ Slow calculated movements
✓ Fixed facial expression
✓ No eyebrows movement
✓ No smiles
✓ Closed postures
Cold man

134
✓ Pay everything and never mentioning money
✓ Prioritize listening / Not lecturing or theories explaining
✓ Facial expression following the conversation
✓ Mention achievements informally, with humility
✓ Visual contact / mild smile
✓ Show surprise for her stories
✓ Never say “obviously”
✓ Not competing
✓ Tell stories with small details
✓ Never discuss / Show generosity and kindness to 3rd parties
✓ No bragging
✓ Not talking about previous relations
✓ Maintain good mood by all means
Positive image in first date

135
✓ Self centered conversation
✓ Visual scanning
✓ Too self assurance / Never asking or doubting
✓ Not paying attention / interrupting
✓ Never apologizing or asking for permission
✓ Excessively good clothes
✓ Excessive erect when walking or moving
✓ Half closed eyes when speaking
✓ Stiff lips
✓ Closed fists / arms
✓ Covered face
✓ Dragging feet
Suspicious image

Let’s exercise

137
We describe a social situation in a piece of paper; we put them all
together and then we take some of them to represent. For example:
✓ Listening to a heavy customer complaint
✓ Entering a meeting and greeting everybody
✓ Introducing a colleague to a customer
✓ Apologizing to a customer for a delay in a service
✓ Making friendly conversation with a customer c-level
✓ Offering / Selling additional services during an informal conversation
✓ Saying NO to a customer without offending
✓ Meeting a C level alone in the elevator
✓ Delivering bad news to a customer
✓ Pointing out to a customer mistake
✓ Reacting to criticism during a critical deliverables presentation
Additional exercises | Exaggerating positive attitudes

Conclusions & Group Commitment

139
Conclusions
Social Skills are key for personal effectiveness in work
and life, so…
How can we improve?
▪ Real willingness to improve personal style
▪ Specific trainings (continuous and long term)
▪ Tons of practice - rehearsal (everywhere)
▪ Self recording (audio and video)
▪ Asking others about weaknesses
▪ Improving vocabulary through varied reading / complementary studies
▪ Practicing acting
▪ Practicing meditation / mindfulness
▪ Coaching / Psychotherapy

140
The Key to improve Social Skills
Continuous & thorough
Self-observation
Conclusions

141
✓ Relationships are the key to success, in work, business
and life
✓ Verbal and non verbal communication are our tools for
building relationships, because what we communicate is
everything the world can know from us
✓ Empathy and Emotional self-control are fundamental skills
to be able to use communication as an effective tool
✓ Effective relationships lead to networking and INFLUENCE
✓ INFLUENCE leads to PERSONAL EFECTIVENESS
✓ Personal effectiveness leads to better RESULTS
✓ To improve we need to practice A LOT
Key Takeaways

142
✓ Reducing frequency of customer contact /
Disappearing
✓ Believing that a kind customer will not kick us out
✓ Not being able to inspire confidence in the
customer
✓ Failing to answer quickly all communications from
the customer
✓ Assume that an email is enough to clear things
✓ Not verifying important communications success
Reminder: Customer relationship mistakes

143
✓ Meeting with customer reactively, only when strictly
necessary
✓ Not dedicating time to show and sell achievements to
the customer
✓ Send critical emails without previous consent
✓ Knowing that a customer is not satisfied, and not doing
anything
✓ Failing to read the customer signals “between lines”
✓ Allow criticism towards the customer
Reminder: Customer relationship mistakes

144
✓ Accept out-of-scope or ambiguous requirements,
without adequate negotiation
✓ Change elements in the service without customer
previous consent
✓ Not recognizing mistakes. Self-justifying instead of
apologizing and correcting
✓ Not being able to show technical leadership in front of
the customer
✓ Failing to understand that customer perception has
more power than reality when it comes to service
evaluation
Reminder: Customer relationship mistakes

145
✓ Insufficient internal communication / alignment
✓ Incoherent communication towards the
customer
✓ Not asking for help, or doing it too late
✓ Failing to maintain ourselves informed about
own standards and guidelines / Service
portfolio / new products
✓ Lack of preparation before visiting a customer
Reminder: Customer relationship mistakes

146
“We commit ourselves
to make our best effort
to improve our relationships, inside and outside the organization,
both in our work and personal life,
optimizing our communication skills and style,
learning to listen with care and attention,
and developing a more positive and kind conversation,
so as to become better, nicer and more effective persons,
for our own good,
and the good of our customers, colleagues, friends and family.”
Group Commitment

Thank YOU!

References

149
✓ Dale Carnegie, “Cómo ganar amigos e influir sobre las personas”
✓ Bandler & Grinder, “Frogs to princes: NLP”
✓ Allan Pease, “El lenguaje del cuerpo”
✓ Dale Carnegie, “Cómo hablar bien en público e influir en los hombres de negocio”
✓ Stephen Covey, “Los 7 hábitos de la gente altamente efectiva”
✓ Og Mandino, “El vendedor más grande del mundo”
✓ Robert Greene, “Las 48 leyes del poder”
✓ Robert Cialdini, “La psicología de la persuasión”
✓ Daniel Goleman, “La inteligencia emocional”
✓ Ury y Fisher, “Sí, de acuerdo” (Getting to YES)
✓ William Ury, “Supere el NO” (Getting past NO)
✓ Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, “Crucial conversations”
✓ Lalo Huber, “El mundo no sabe lo que somos”, “La mente del líder” y “Liderazgo y gestión de RH”
References (books)

150
References (videos)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGzMmi94Dsc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAcafYhW5g0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wcpaHHnwIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2OfswoyQmU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jPk6CtK360
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb-vSJw3FCQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9XmF4_HgKE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jPk6CtK360&t=88s

Appendix
Effective presentation skills

152
Preparation
✓ Set goal
✓ Investigate / study
✓ Define presentation structure
✓ Assure rational & emotional impact elements
✓ Rehearse a lot
Execution
✓ Synchronize before key messages
✓ Manage conflicts carefully
✓ Close with impact / Thank everybody
Key elements for an effective presentation

Preparation

154
➢ Key point: hyperclear GOAL
➢ ¿What do I need the audience DO
after the presentation?
➢ All presentations are “sales
presentations”
Set goal

155
✓ Occasion / context
✓ Customer culture
✓ Audience profile / needs / pain points
✓ Specific subject (all sources, real cases) – 10 to 1 rule
✓ Possible questions
✓ Audience size
✓ Other speakers? Order? Subjects?
✓ Time available
✓ Physical location and installations
Investigate

156
1. Goal
2. Agenda
3. Introduction / context
4. Proposal
5. Benefits
6. Plan
7. Roles
8. CSFs
9. Conclusion
Define presentation structure | Example

157
2 impact levels
Rational impact ->
UNDERSTANDING
Instinctive - Emotional impact ->
PERSUASION
Impact

158
✓ First in paper in low voice
✓ Then alone, standing up, in louder voice
✓ Then with someone else
✓ Mirror
✓ Self recording
✓ Question brainstorming
✓ Repetition
✓ Time boxing
Rehearsal

Execution

160
✓ Warm greeting
✓ Praising & thanking
✓ Field preparation
✓ Start with explicit agreement
✓ Enter gradually into the critical subject
✓ Go from easier to harder
✓ Keep sync
Synchronize before going to the point

161
✓ Synchronize with audience beliefs, values,
preferences and particular views
✓ Synchronize with audience specific concerns
✓ By all means, avoid “fingers on the sore”
✓ Identify synchronization “hot spots” and “fish-hooks”
Emotional impact
“To the average man, his toothbrush has more emotional impact that a global disaster”
Dale Carnegie

Let’s exercise

163
Prepare and give a 3-minute speech. Possible subjects:
✓ Keys to success
✓ The person I admire most
✓ My worst fear
✓ UFOs
✓ My best memory
✓ The most courageous act I witnessed
✓ My key strength
✓ My worst disappointment
✓ My best vacations
✓ My place in the world.
✓ My preferred music.
✓ Movies and culture
✓ Global warming
✓ Digital economy
✓ How to deal with crime
Rhetoric exercise

164
✓ Request frequent feedback
✓ Observe faces and gestures / postures
✓ Observe body language
✓ Detect critical or bored looks
✓ Use open questions
✓ Make participate the bored or distracted
✓ Never allow people to diverge
✓ Praise the detractors
✓ Never discuss
✓ Accept criticism positively
Manage objections / inconvenients / detractors I

165
✓ KEEP the central message
✓ Accept criticism with humility
✓ Accept disagreement as the way to learning
✓ Keep calmness, good mood
✓ Resolve all questions, within or without the presentation
✓ Return to central message as son as possible
✓ Joke on incidents / joke on oneself
✓ Never try to hide a mistake
✓ Apologize only when strictly necessary
Manage objections / inconvenients / detractors II

166
Perfectly planned
▪ Remind goals
▪ Recap with simple words
▪ Emphasize conclusions
▪ Prepare last phrase
Prepare impact
▪ Abrupt closing
▪ With ALL energy
▪ Use all energy left
Assure good impression
▪ Never end with a controversy
▪ Finish before expected
▪ Finish right after the climax
Closing