Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself, but also wabout respecting the opinions and needs of others. When e communicate assertively, we are clear about our opinions and wishes, but we are also open to others’.

2. INTRODUCTION
 Assertiveness is a skill regularly referred to in social and
communication skills training. Often wrongly confused
with aggression, assertive individuals aim to be neither
passive nor aggressive in their interactions with other
people.
 Although everyone acts in passive and aggressive ways from
time to time, such ways of responding often result from a
lack of self-confidence and, therefore, are inappropriate
expressions of what such people really need to say.
 Non-assertiveness may be seen as the use of inefficient
communication skills, whereas assertiveness is considered a
balanced response, being neither passive nor aggressive.
This page examines the rights and responsibilities of
assertive behaviour and aims to show how assertiveness
can benefit you.

3. WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
 Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself, but also
wabout respecting the opinions and needs of others.
 When e communicate assertively, we are clear about
our opinions and wishes, but we are also open to
others’.

4. DEFINITION
 The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines assertiveness as:
“Forthright, positive, insistence on the recognition of
one's rights”
In other words:
 Assertiveness means standing up for your personal
rights - expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in
direct, honest and appropriate ways.
 It is important to note also that:
 By being assertive we should always respect the
thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people.

5.  Assertiveness concerns being able to express feelings,
wishes, wants and desires appropriately and is an
important personal and interpersonal skill. In all your
interactions with other people, whether at home or at
work, with employers, customers or colleagues,
assertiveness can help you to express yourself in a
clear, open and reasonable way, without undermining
the rights of yourself or others.
 Assertiveness enables an individual to act in their own
best interests, to stand up for themselves without
undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably
and to express personal rights without denying the
rights of others.

6. CHARACTERISTICS OF
ASSERTIVE PERSON
 They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, and
desires.
 They are "also able to initiate and maintain comfortable
relationships with [other] people”.
 They know their rights.
 They have control over their anger. This does not mean
that they repress this feeling; it means that they control
anger and talk about it in a reasoning manner.
 "Assertive people ... are willing to compromise with others,
rather than always wanting their own way ... and tend to
have good self-esteem".
 "Assertive people enter friendships from an 'I count my
needs. I count your needs' position".

7. VARIOUS TYPES OF ASSERTIVENESS
 PASSIVE:
Violates one’s own rights by failing to express honest
feelings, thoughts, and beliefs and consequently permitting
others to violate oneself or the expressing of one’s own
thoughts and feelings in such an apologetic, meek manner
that others can easily disregard them.
 The basic message of a passive communicator: “My
feelings don’t matter – only yours do. My thoughts aren’t
important – yours are the only ones worth listening to. I’m
nothing – you’re superior”.
 The goal of passive communication is to appease others
and to avoid conflict at any cost.
 Body Language: No eye contact, soft, whiny or muffled
voice, cringing/or physically making yourself seem small
(hang-dog posture), use of nervous or childish gestures.

8.  AGGRESSIVE:
Stands up for personal rights and expresses thoughts,
feelings and beliefs in a way that is often dishonest,
usually inappropriate, and always violates the rights of
others.
 The basic message of an aggressive communicator: “This is
what I think – you’re stupid for believing differently. This
is what I want – what you want is not important. This is
what I feel – your feelings don’t count”.
 The goal of aggressive communication is domination, and
winning, forcing the other person to lose. Winning is
ensured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, or
overpowering other people so that they become weaker or
less able to express and defend their needs and rights.
 Body Language: Invasive/angry staring – eye contact, loud
voice, invasion of personal body space, use of aggressive
gestures (pointing finger), stiff, “muscled up” posture,
towering over others.

9.  ASSERTIVE:
 Stands up for personal rights and expresses thoughts,
feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate
ways that do not violate another person’s rights.
 The basic message of an assertive communicator: “This
is what I think. This is what I feel. This is how I see the
situation”.
 The goal of assertive communication is to get and give
respect, to ask for fair play, and to leave room for
compromise when the rights and needs of two people
conflict.
 Body Language: Direct, but non-threatening eye
contact, calm voice, respectful of personal body space,
use of illustrative gestures, and an erect, but relaxed
posture.

10. Assertive behaviour includes:
Being open in expressing wishes, thoughts and feelings and encouraging
others to do likewise.
Listening to the views of others and responding appropriately, whether in
agreement with those views or not.
Accepting responsibilities and being able to delegate to others.
Regularly expressing appreciation of others for what they have done or are
doing.
Being able to admit to mistakes and apologise.
Maintaining self-control.
Behaving as an equal to others.

11. WHAT IT WILL DO? (BENEFITS)
1. HELPS YOU BECOME SELF-CONFIDENT
2. INCREASES SELF-ESTEEM
3. GAIN RESPECT OF OTHERS
4. IMPROVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
5. IMPROVE DECISION-MAKING ABILITY

12. HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE?
1. BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS,
NEEDS, BELIEFS.
2. EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLY TO
SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS.
3. BE REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS
4. STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING HESITANT
OR APOLOGETIC.
5. BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING FEEDBACK.
6. LEARN TO SAY “NO” TO UNREASONABLE
EXPECTATIONS.
7. PARAPHRASE WHAT OTHERS HAVE STATED TO YOU.

13. TECHNIQUES OF
ASSERTIVENESS
a) Broken record
b) Fogging
c) Negative assertion
d) Negative inquiry
e) Free information
f) Self disclosure
g) Workable compromise

14. Broken Record
 The "broken record" technique consists of simply
repeating your requests or your refusals every time you
are met with resistance. The term comes from vinyl
records, the surface of which when scratched would
lead the needle of a record player to loop over the
same few seconds of the recording indefinitely.
 A disadvantage with this technique is that when
resistance continues, your requests may lose power
every time you have to repeat them. If the requests are
repeated too often, it can backfire on the authority of
your words. In these cases, it is necessary to have some
sanctions on hand.

15.  Fogging
Fogging consists of finding some limited truth to agree with in
what an antagonist is saying. More specifically, one can agree
in part or agree in principle.
 Negative Inquiry
Negative inquiry consists of requesting further, more specific
criticism.
 Negative Assertion
Negative assertion is agreement with criticism without letting up
demand.
 I-Statements
I-statements can be used to voice one's feelings and wishes from
a personal position without expressing a judgment about the
other person or blaming one's feelings on them.

17. HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
 The right to have
needs and desires.
 The right to have
information.
 The right to have
goods or services
which have been
paid.
 The right to be
independent and to
be left alone.
 The right to say no.
 The right to be
treated with
respect.
 The right to do anything
which does not violate the
rights of others.
 The right to be assertive or
non-assertive.
 The right to make choices.
 The right to change.
 The right to control over
body,time and possesions.
 The right to express opinions
and beliefs.
 The right to think well of
oneself.
 The right to make requests.

18. ASSERTING YOUR INTERPERSONAL RIGHTS
 Say no to a request.
 Not give other people reasons for every action we take.
 Stop others from making excessive demand on us.
 Ask other people to listen to our point of view when we speak
to them.
 Ask other people to correct errors they made which effect us.
 Change our minds.
 Ask other people to compromise rather than get only what they
want.
 Ask other people to do things for us.
 Be alone if we wish.
 Maintain our dignity in relationships.
 Make mistakes and accept responsibility for them.
 Avoid manipulation by other people.
 Pick our own friends without consulting our parents, peers, or
partners.
 Let other people know how we are feeling.

19. SAYING ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’
Why is it difficult to say no?
If I say no,they may feel hurt or injected.
If I say no this time, they may not like me anymore.
If I say no this time,they may never ask again.
They won’t take any notice if I say no.
They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel guilty if I
refuse them).
I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them.

20. How to say ‘no’ assertively?
 Remember you are saying ‘no’ to that particular
request,not rejecting the person
 If the request takes you unawares or you have
not sufficent time to think when asked,you can
always say, ‘I will let you know’ in order to give
yourself time to think about what you want to
say
 Take responsibility for saying no-do not blame
the other person for asking you
 Ask for more information if you need it in order
to decide whether you want to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’

21. Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?
 I don’t deserve it.
 They might not really mean it.
 I am not really sure that is what I want.
 I don’t have enough information.

22. How to say ‘yes’ assertively
 Say ‘yes’ clearly and definitely.
 Identify why you would find it difficult.
 Examine thoughts realistically and ask yourself.
 Having calarified thughts for yourself then reaffirm
your desire to say ‘yes’.

23. THE IMPORTANCE OF ASSERTIVENESS
IN ORGANISATIONS
Assertiveness
 Personal identity
 Wages or salary
 Satisfaction from
exercising skills
 Satisfaction from
helping people
 Social
environment
Need to dealing with
 Theirselves
 The manager to
whom they report
 Their colleagues
 Their subordinates
 Clients or customers

24. ASSERIVENESS TRAINING
Joseph Wolpe originally explored the use of assertiveness
as a means of "reciprocal inhibition" of anxiety, in his 1958
book on treating neurosis; and it has since been commonly
employed as an intervention in behaviour therapy.
Assertiveness Training ("AT") was introduced by Andrew
Salter (1961) and popularized by Joseph Wolpe.Wolpe's
belief was that a person could not be both assertive and
anxious at the same time, and thus being assertive would
inhibit anxiety. The goals of assertiveness training include:
increased awareness of personal rights.
differentiation between non-assertiveness and
assertiveness.
differentiation between passive–aggressiveness and
aggressiveness.
learning both verbal and non-verbal assertiveness skills.

25. ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING IN
WORK PLACE
 Body-language awareness leading to work body
oriented therapies.
 Role-plays and then work in psychodrama.
 Awareness of other people’s perceptions and so
work in sensitivity groups and encounter.
 Looking at situations in the past where one was,
or was not assertive and hence traditional
psychoteraphy.

26. RECOGNIZING RESPONSE STYLES

27. EMOTION:
 NON-ASSERTIVE EMOTIONAL KEYS
The person tends to internalize feelings and tensions.
Tends to experience such emotions as fear, anxiety,
guilt, depression, fatigue, or nervousness. Feelings are
not verbally expressed.
 AGGRESSIVE EMOTIONAL KEYS
Tension is turned outward and anger is the responding
emotion. Feelings are typically expressed loudly or
explosively.
 ASSERTIVE EMOTIONAL KEYS
The person responding assertively is aware of and deals
with feelings as they occur. Neither denying the right to
the emotion nor using it to deny another person's rights.
Tension is kept within a normal constructive range.

28. NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR:
 NON-ASSERTIVE NONVERBAL KEYS
 Down cast eyes.
 Shifting of weight.
 A slumped body.
 The wringing of hands.
 A whining, hesitant or giggly tone of voice.

29.  AGGRESSIVE NONVERBAL KEYS
 Glaring eyes.
 Leaning forward or pointing a finger.
 A raised, snickering, or haughty tone of voice.
 ASSERTIVE NONVERBAL KEYS
 Good eye contact.
 Stands comfortably but firmly on two feet with his/her
hands loosely at their sides.
 Talks in a strong, steady tone of voice.

30. VERBAL LANGUAGE:
 NON-ASSERTIVE WORDS
 Maybe.
 I guess.
 I wonder if you could.
 Would you mind very much.
 I can't.
 Don't you think.
 It's not really important.
 Don't bother.

31.  AGGRESSIVE WORDS
 You'd better.
 If you don't watch out.
 Come on you must be kidding.
 Should.
 ASSERTIVE WORDS
 I think.
 I feel.
 I want.
 Let's.
 How can we resolve this.
 What do you think.
 What do you see.

32. Problems in Assertiveness Training
 The first major problem for assertion training
involves negative evaluations of assertive people
by others
 Confusion between assertion and aggression
 Problem involves transfer of training,the difficulty
experienced by trainees in generalising assertive
from the training context to real-life situations
 Finally some of the difficulties in applying
assertion training outside the training context may
be due to intuitive training procedures that are
inadequately based in research