17 online

1. EWRT 1A
CLASS 17 Online:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfdIHAfdem8

2. Agenda
 The Dangling Participle
 Essay #4
 Review
 The assignment
 Brainstorming
 Writing: Refining your problem
and finding the best solution.
 Research
 Video: Advanced Database
 Sentence level editing
 Wordiness
 parallelism

3. Essay #4

4. Essay #4: Proposing a Solution:
See syllabus for due date
Essay #4 Assignment: (200 points) Write an essay from 4-6 pages
in length, that addresses the topic below. Use a minimum of two
credible secondary sources to support your argument. These are in
addition to The Hunger Games or different primary sources.
Prompt : Write an essay proposing a solution to a well-defined
problem faced by a community or group to which you may belong.
Alternatively, you may address a well-defined problem faced by one
of the districts or communities in The Hunger Games. Address your
proposal to your audience: one or more members of the group, its
leadership, or to outsiders who may be able to contribute to solving
the problem.

5. Refer to your prewriting (Post 21):
You should have at least four paragraphs
written for two different problems from your
earlier writing.
Look at what you have; Focus on the one
problem/solution pair that you explored in the library.
You may change your topic anytime you feel like your
topic is too broad, not serious enough, or unsolvable.
Write an additional paragraph describing that
problem in more detail. You should now have at
least two paragraphs describing the problem.
Be as specific and vivid in your explanation as
possible given the information you currently have.

6. Now that you have identified the
problem, let’s look at how to
generate solutions!

7. Listing Multiple Possible
Solutions to your Problem
 It usually helps to consider several possible
solutions before focusing on one solution; problem
solving requires creativity. Answer the following
questions to help you make a list of creative
solutions you could consider for your problem:
1. Can you adapt a solution that has already been tried or
proposed for related problems? Which? How?
2. What smaller, more manageable aspect of the larger
problem could you solve? How might you do so?
3. Could re-imagining the goal help you make
fundamental changes?
4. Could the problem be solved from the bottom up
instead of from the top down?
5. Could an ongoing process help solve the problem?

8. Exploring Potential Solutions
Now, take the answers
to those questions and
write paragraphs
addressing two or more
potential solutions to
your problem.

9. In a sentence or two,
describe (write) the
solution you want to
explore further. You
should choose a
solution that you feel
motivated to pursue.
This will be your
working thesis!
In order to solve the
problem of a divided
America, people should
….
Choosing the Most Promising Solution

10. Explain Why Your Solution
Would Solve the Problem.
Now, write for a few minutes explaining
why you think this solution could solve the
problem. For example, would it
1. eliminate one or more causes?
2. change people’s attitudes?
3. re-imagine the objective?
4. reduce anxiety and tension?

11. Show Why Your Solution Is
Possible.
 Write for a few minutes
explaining why people could
agree to put the solution into
effect. For example, what would
it cost them in time or money?

12. Explain How It Could Be
Implemented.
 Write down the major stages
or steps necessary to carry out
your solution. This list of steps
will provide an early test of
whether your solution can, in
fact, be implemented.

13. Advanced Database Search,
part 3
 After working on your essay, you
will likely realize that you need even
more research to support your
claims about the problem, how your
problem can be solved, how your
solution is possible, or how it can be
implemented.
 Watch this video for even more tips
on how to do library research. Then,
go back to the library (or the
webpage) to continue your research!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qLXO7466cE

14. Take a look at your
writing!
Sentence level Writing Errors

15. Wordiness

16. Many people write wordy papers because they are
trying to make their ideas sound important by using
long words and intricate sentences. They think that
their writing must be complicated to seem
professional. Although these writers are trying to
impress their readers, they often end up confusing
them. The best writing is clear, concise, and easy to
understand.
Your ideas are much more impressive when your
reader does not have to fight to understand you.
Wordiness: using more words than
necessary to express thought.

17. Often writers use several words for ideas that can be expressed in one.
This leads to unnecessarily complex sentences and genuine
redundancy as the following examples show:
Redundant
 The printer is located adjacent to
the computer
 The printer is located in the
immediate vicinity of the
computer
 The user can visibly see the
image moving
 He wore a shirt that was blue in
color
 The input is suitably processed
Not Redundant
 The printer is adjacent to the
computer
 The printer is near the computer
 The user can see the image
moving
 He wore a blue shirt.
 The input is processed
Examples

18. Now you try it. Write this sentence in as few
words as possible without changing the
meaning!
The available receptacle, in any
case, was of insufficient size to
contain the total quantity of
unnecessary waste.

19. How to reduce wordiness!
 1. Reduce Long Clauses
 When editing, try to reduce long
clauses to shorter phrases:
 Wordy: The clown who was in
the center ring was riding a
tricycle.
 Revised: The clown in the
center ring was riding a tricycle.
 2. Reduce Phrases
 Likewise, try to reduce
phrases to single words:
 Wordy: The clown at the
end of the line tried to
sweep up the spotlight.
 Revised: The last clown
tried to sweep up the
spotlight.

20. Eliminating Wordiness:
Strategies 3. Avoid Empty Openers
 Avoid There is, There are, and
There were as sentence openers
when There adds nothing to the
meaning of a sentence:
 Wordy: There is a prize in every
box of Quacko cereal.
 Revised: A prize is in every box of
Quacko cereal.
 Wordy: There are two security
guards at the gate.
 Revised: Two security guards
stand at the gate.
 4. Don’t Overwork Modifiers
 Do not overwork very, really,
totally, and other modifiers that
add little or nothing to the meaning
of a sentence.
 Wordy: By the time she got home,
Merdine was very tired.
 Revised: By the time she got
home, Merdine was exhausted
 Wordy: She was also really
hungry.
 Revised: She was also hungry [or
famished].

21. Eliminating Wordiness
 5. Avoid Redundancies
 Replace redundant expressions (phrases that use
more words than necessary to make a point) with
precise words. Remember: needless words are
those that add nothing (or nothing significant) to the
meaning of our writing. They bore the reader and
distract from our ideas. So cut them out!
 Wordy: At this point in time, we should edit our work.
 Revised: Now we should edit our work.

22. Try these!
1. He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was
necessary for him to help support his family.
2. It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the
bus company within the next few days.
3. There are many ways in which a student who is interested in
meeting foreign students may come to know one.
4. It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a
deliberate lie on purpose.
5. Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been
established for the safety of all.

23. Possible Answers
1. He dropped out of school to support his family.
2. The bus company will probably announce its schedule during
the next few days.
3. Any student who wants to meet foreign students can do so in
many ways.
4. Rarely will you find someone who has never told a deliberate
lie.
5. Disobeying safety regulations causes trouble.

24. Find a Wordy Sentence
Check your writing for
wordiness. Look for a
sentence that falls into
one of the categories we
just discussed. Edit it for
clarity and conciseness.

25. Parallel Structure
Parallel structure means using the same pattern of words to show that two or more ideas
have the same level of importance. This can happen at the word, phrase, or clause
level. The usual way to join parallel structures is with the use of
coordinating conjunctions such as "and" or "or.”
Words and Phrases
With the -ing form (gerund) of words:
Parallel:
Mary likes hiking, swimming, and bicycling.
With infinitive phrases:
Parallel:
Mary likes to hike, to swim, and to ride a bicycle.
OR
Mary likes to hike, swim, and ride a bicycle.
(Note: You can use "to" before all the verbs in a sentence or only before the first one.)
From Purdue Owl: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/623/1/

26. Do not mix gerund and infinitive forms!
Example 1
 Not Parallel:
Mary likes hiking, swimming, and to ride a bicycle.
 Parallel:
Mary likes hiking, swimming, and riding a bicycle.
Example 2
 Not Parallel:
The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurate ly, and in a detailed manner.
 Parallel:
The production manager was asked to write his report quickly, accurately, and thoroughly.
Example 3
 Not Parallel:
The teacher said that he was a poor student because he waited until the last minute to study for the exam,
completed his lab problems in a careless manner, and his motivation was low.
 Parallel:
The teacher said that he was a poor student because he waited until the last minute to study for the exam,
completed his lab problems in a careless manner, and lacked motivation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvDNvS2M3QA
Parallel Structure Con’t

27. Check for sentences that are not parallel,
and recognize these special cases.
 Not only ... but also, either ... or, and neither ... nor all require special
attention when you are proofreading for parallelism. These correlative
conjunctions require equal grammatical units after both parts of the
conjunction.
You can have two main clauses like this:
 Not only did Jerome buy flowers for his mother, but he also purchased a
bouquet for Yolanda, his wife.
For a shorter sentence, use two prepositional phrases:
 Jerome bought flowers not only for his mother but also for Yolanda, his wife.
Or you can have two nouns as this version does:
 Jerome bought flowers for not only his mother but also Yolanda, his wife
Thanks to http://www.chompchomp.com/rules/structurerules.htm

28.  Post #23:
1. Your revised and developed description of your problem: two to four good
paragraphs.
2. One or more sentences to serve as your tentative thesis statement. In
most essays proposing solutions to problems, the thesis statement is a
concise announcement of the solution. Refer to the essays we read in class
for models.
3. A paragraph explaining why your solution would solve the problem.
4. A paragraph about why your solution is possible.
5. A list of the steps of implementation.
6. Make sure you have access to your work in-progress at our next meeting.
 Don’t forget to take Quiz 9
Homework