3. A Thousand Questions Can I trust you? Why was I so stupid? How did I miss the signs? Did you? How did this happen? Will this happen? What, when, where, why?
4. Looking to the Future… What’s next? Where do we go from here? How do we stop the emotional roller coaster?
6. Genuine Openness Self-Awareness Talk – full disclosure Two people learning about self Answer questions Asking difficult personal questions Talking heals
7. Genuine Openness The Person Who Had the Affair The Person Who Was Cheated On Ask your questions Discuss the whole situation Answer the questions Learn to talk about your pain Communicating desire for the relationship Express your truth with love
8. Self-Awareness The Person Who Had the Affair The Person Who Was Cheated On Beyond the Justification The Questions Hurt Learn from your pain Anger How did I miss this the signs? Disconnection Boundaries What can I learn from this experience?
9. Communicate Understanding Role of the One Who Had the Affair Role of the One Who Was Cheated On I have to earn back the trust I want to find a good resolution I don’t expect quick forgiveness I will own up to my issues I want to better understand your pain I understand that for us to heal I have to let you deal with your struggles I apologize for the pain I caused I will talk openly about my pain, not in a punishing way I am willing to continually admit my mistake I will have compassion on you because I have loved you
10. Act on the Truth Role of the One Who Had the Affair Role of the One Who Was Cheated On You’ve said it now do it Be present Earn trust Low cost High cost Deal with your pain Grow Pay the price–feel your partner’s emotions Allow connection Take risks Feel good about your forgiveness
How to Effectively Deal with the Emotional Roller Coaster
What Infidelity Looks and Feels Like
How to Effectively Deal with the Emotional Roller Coaster
Looking to the future—I want to know what’s next? What can we expect? How do I stop this wide range of emotions? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my partner? Why can’t we must move on?
Three Building Blocks to Recovery—Genuine Openness and Self-Awareness—Communicate Understanding—Act on the Truth
Genuine Openness-- Talk—Full Disclosure, Answer Questions, Talking HealsSelf-Awareness—Two people increasing self-awareness, asking difficult personal questions
Why discuss the whole situation? Why answer the questions—Communicate desire for the relationship—why?????Ask your questions—learn to talk about your pain, express your truth with loveLearn to talk about your painExpress your truth with loveWhat can I learn from this experience?CHANGE TRANSITION IN NARRATION
The person who had the affair—must look beyond the justification—hurt, anger, disconnectionThe person who was cheated on—the questions—learn from the pain, how did I miss the signs, boundaries, what can I learn from this experience?CHANGE NARRATION TRANSITION
Role of the one who had the affair—I have to earn back the trust, I don’t expect a quick forgiveness, I want to better understand your pain, I apologize for the pain I caused, I am willing to continually admit my mistakeRole of the one who was cheated on—I want to find a good resolution, I will own up to my issues, I understand that for us to heal I have to let you deal with your struggles, I will talk openly about my pain, not in a punishing way, I will have compassion on you because I have loved you
You’ve said it now do it—earn trust—low cost vs. high cost; pay the price by feeling your partners pain; feel good about your forgivenessBe present; deal with your pain, grow, connect, take risks, allow connection
Three Building Blocks to Recovery—Genuine Openness and Self-Awareness—Communicate Understanding—Act on the Truth
