Without Humility Marriage Won't Work

WITHOUT HUMILITY,
MARRIAGE WON’T WORK
"Marriage is all about compromise.”
If marriage is going to work properly, there
have to be some degree of humility.
Kigume KaruriTuesday, December 20, 2016 1

• Pride is a difficult problem to overcome. The
key to overcoming pride is humility. This may
seem oversimplified, but it is true. You can
defeat pride in your marriage by practicing
humility.
• Proverbs 22:4
• ‘By humility and the fear of the LORD Are
riches and honor and life’. (NKJV)

• Pride yearns for fame but brings
humiliation.
• Proverbs 11:2
• ‘When pride comes, then comes shame;
But with the humble is wisdom’. (NKJV)

• Humility is that thing that allows me to ask
forgiveness.
• It allows me to not be filled with my own self
and pride.
• It allows me to admit wrong and try better
next time.
• Without this, arguments will continue
relentlessly, resentment will be harbored,
sleepless nights will ensue and a less than
peaceful marriage will be mine.Kigume KaruriTuesday, December 20, 2016 4

• James 4:10
• ‘Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord,
and He will lift you up’.(NKJV)
• If the Bible encourages us to humble ourselves
in the sight of the Lord, we need also to
humble ourselves in the sight of our spouses
who we are with all the times.
• Humility is key to sustaining our marriage.
People are naturally resentful in nature and if
not checked this can be brought up in
marriage. Kigume KaruriTuesday, December 20, 2016 5

• Humility is having an accurate view of
ourselves - including our strengths,
weaknesses & limitations.
• There is nothing better than humility; it is the
basis of all virtues and everything that is kind
and good naturally grows from it. We need
more of it in our marriages.
• Humility involves a healthy self-forgetfulness.

• Humility is to make a right estimate of one's
self. It is no humility for a man to think less of
himself than he ought.
• Let every day, therefore, be a day of humility
in your marriage.
• It does not make you less a Man or Woman if
you possess humility.
• It makes you appreciate your spouse’s
weaknesses, limitations and strengths.

IMPORTANCE OF HUMILITY IN MARRIAGE
• 1. Opinions can be a source of strength but
also a source of division.
Kigume Karuri
Marriage is all about blending lives, and that
requires letting go of rigid opinions. While it is
healthy to know your point of view, becoming
welded to it will always be divisive. Encourage
listening to each other and learning from the
other's points of view.
Tuesday, December 20, 2016 8

• 2. We all have a desire to have our point of
view considered and valued.
Kigume Karuri
. Not only do we have a desire to have our point
of view heard and considered, but this is actually
a source of self-esteem. Being listened to is a
primary source of self-esteem.
. Respecting our spouse's thoughts is a way to
honour and respect them. To diminish their point
of view is not only hurtful, but hampers
esteem.

• Sticking yourself to your position is a sure
way to take yourself very seriously,
dismissing your spouse's position. Unless
your spouse is asking you to go against God's
laws and morality, consider your spouse's
opinions equally with yours.
Kigume Karuri
3. You must decide if you want to be right, or if
you want a relationship.

• When we become too attached to our point of
view, we become intolerant of others'
positions.
• Power struggles ensue, creating distance and
ultimately leading to serious trouble.
• No one wins a power struggle; everyone loses
and bitterness sets in.
Kigume Karuri
4. Taking a rigid position creates polarity.

• No one wants to have their point of view
ridiculed or dismissed. While you may feel
strongly about something, you must allow
others to feel differently.
• Tolerance for differences is critical.
Kigume Karuri
5. Believing you are right leads to attempting to
coerce your spouse into agreeing with you,
creating division.

• Discover the joy of not taking yourself so
seriously, being teachable and deferring to your
mate.
• Learn the art of questioning yourself, being
open to others' opinions and valuing
relationship over being "right."
• Your spouse will appreciate you and your
marriage will thrive.
Kigume Karuri
6. Consider the path of humility.

• Because we love ourselves so very much, it's
a struggle to consider others more important
than ourselves.
• Philippians 2:3
• ‘Let nothing be done through selfish
ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem others better than himself’.
(NKJV)

• In my counseling sessions, I have counseled
and spoken with many women in troubled
marriages. And I can tell you that no matter
how varied the circumstances were, no
matter who was most at fault, no matter how
utterly hopeless the situation seemed, these
women always responded in one of two
ways: in pride or in humility.

• They all showed emotion, cried, endured
pain, and struggled deeply. But some of these
women made a choice to respond in pride,
and some battled their wills and responded
in humility.

• A prideful spouse is defensive, angry, blame-
shifting, and focused on self.
• He/she consistently sees that the problem
does not lies with him/her, but with
everyone else.
• A humble spouse is broken over his/her own
sin, more concerned with honoring God than
arguing about what he/she deserves.

HUMILITY IN MARRIAGE
• 1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR WEAKNESSES AND
STRENGTHS
• True humility is having an accurate
perception of your weaknesses and your
strengths, and keeping both in perspective.
Kigume Karuri
2. PUTTING EACH OTHER FIRST
Put everything else aside. Put your spouse
first.

• 3. ACCEPT ADVICE FROM EACH OTHER
• Husbands have a hard time asking for help
because they think it indicates personal
weakness ; namely ignorance. They don’t
want to look stupid. Unfortunately, not
asking advice from others signals another
personal weakness; namely pride.

• 4. ADMIT WHEN YOU’RE WRONG
• Humble spouses know when they’ve hurt
their spouse, and admit it. They take
responsibility for their actions, especially in
conflict situations.

• 5. OFFER AND ACCEPT FORGIVENESS
• When there’s hurt in a marriage two things
should happen. The offender needs to admit
it and apologize, and the person offended
needs to offer forgiveness. When we don’t
offer forgiveness, the hurt turns to anger,
resentment, and possibly rage.

• 6. DO NOT CRITICIZE
• Few of us like a know-it-all, and fewer like a
know-it-all who’s right. But none of us wish
for similar arrogance in our spouse.
• Respond graciously when you are right and
your spouse is wrong

• Marriage cannot be sustained without
humility. We are not perfect at all and we
come into marriage with inefficiencies,
weaknesses and limitations. We need to
allow humility to be an important foundation
in our marriage as it will help us bear with
one another.

Without Humility Marriage Won't Work

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Without Humility Marriage Won't Work