Need to Refresh Your Marriage

Need to refresh your marriage
Take your mind back to when you were
courting your spouse and even when you
married. You were all there for each other
and you could even go an extra mile to do
anything for your spouse. Over time things
changed. What Happened?
Kigume KaruriWednesday, November 15,
2017
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• Over time ‘rust in marriage’ settles in. The
zeal that one had diminishes and spouses
start taking each other for granted. There is
no more freshness in their marriage and if
not careful, there could be strains and pains
in these marriages.
• We need to freshen our marriages every
time to keep alive the flames.
Wednesday, November 15,
2017
Kigume Karuri 2

• Refreshing means:
Bringing back or attempting to bring back to
the original state
Repairing or mending the broken pieces
Bringing back to health
Re-instating what has disappeared
Bringing back to a former condition
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• We need to refresh and fight for our
marriages so that:
God gets the glory
Fulfil the purpose of marriage
Role models for our children
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• Marriages are made in heaven, but
maintained here. Wedding is an occasion but
marriage is for life. Are you maintaining
yours? There is a difference between a well-
maintained car and that never goes for
service!
• Hence the need to refresh or bring newness
to your marriage
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• Remember that your husband or your wife,
the one person you love most on this earth,
the one person you pledged to honor and
cherish until death, is not your enemy. You
are on the same team! You need each other.
• Don’t be fooled into thinking that your
spouse is your enemy.
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• Satan is our enemy! 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-
controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil
prowls around like a roaring lion looking for
someone to devour.”
• The devil wants us to be so consumed with
fighting against each other that we forget to
do spiritual battle against him.
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• After your honeymoon, it’s so easy for your
marriage to become boring. Your spouse
stops being that person they were during
courtship. If nothing is done to address the
boredom, your marriage might just end in a
divorce.
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WAYS TO REFRESH YOUR MARRIAGE
• 1. BRING TO MIND WHAT ATTRACTED YOU
TO YOUR SPOUSE
• After marriage, it’s so easy to focus on the
annoying things your partner does. You
somehow neglect the things that attracted
you to your spouse.
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• You can refresh your marriage by reminding
yourself of the traits that attracted you to
your spouse. When you do this, you rewire
your brain to focus less on your spouse’s
annoying habits and more on the traits that
made you adore your spouse
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• 2. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE
• During courtship or honeymoon, you always
had an interrupted time with your spouse but
these days you spend all your free time
watching TV or chatting on social media.
• To refresh your marriage, you need to spend
more time with your spouse without
distractions.
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• 3. DO THINGS TOGETHER
• Doing things together as a couple is good for
your marriage as it helps build lasting
memories you and your spouse will cherish.
• So think of something you can do with your
spouse. Learning something new together
would also help your marriage.
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• 4. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE
WITHOUT COMPLAINING ABOUT ANYTHING
• Married life comes with lots of complications
and matters requiring urgent attention. This
affects the conversation with your spouse.
The conversation with our spouse tends to be
on fixing a problem at home.
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• Try having quality time with your spouse
without complaints. Doing this will help keep
you and your spouse relaxed while also
strengthening the bond with your spouse.
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• 5. IMPROVE YOURSELF AND YOUR APPEARANCE
• We tend to focus so much on our spouse’s flaws
sometimes that we forget we also have our own
flaws.
• Some have this annoying habit of getting too
comfortable after marriage. They stop taking care
of their health, hygiene and appearance. This is so
wrong.
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• Improve your weaknesses and don’t let go of
your strengths. Don’t get too comfortable
with your hygiene, health and appearance.
You also have to make yourself happy
because you can’t give what you have.
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• 6. COMMIT TO PUTTING EFFORT INTO YOUR
MARRIAGE Every couple struggles at
different times. Couples who make the plan
to work at it throughout their lives will
continue to do well in their relationships.
• Couples who are doing well recognize that
each spouse needs to put effort into their
marriage.
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• At times, one spouse may do more than the
other, but their mutual commitment to work
at things keeps them going strong even in the
rough times.
• It is very common for couples to go through
issues throughout their lives. It is not stress
by itself that breaks couples apart, but it is
their inability to support each other through
that stress that can lead to those breakups.
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• 7. BE PRESENT
• In relationships we often focus on how things
were in the past, or how we'd like them to be
in the future. We try to create perfect
memories so that we can look back on them
in the future, rather than actually being in
the moment while we're having it.
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• Try, for an hour or so, being present with how
you and your spouse are right now and just
noticing what unfolds instead of pushing it in
any particular direction.
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• 8. START DATING EACH OTHER AGAIN
• When you say your vows, the dating
shouldn't stop. Sometimes we get lost in the
hustle and bustle of everyday life and
pressure, forgetting about cherished "couple
time.“
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• Make a date with your spouse and put it on
your appointment calendar. Treat it with the
same respect as any other important
appointment.
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• 9. KEEP GROWING AS A PERSON
• Marriage doesn't replace personal growth. In
fact, it should enhance it. Maintain your own
interests and don't be afraid to pursue
activities without your spouse from time to
time. Keep yourself balanced between being
your own person and being a great spouse.
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• 10. DON’T HOLD A GRUDGE
• Talk about what's bothering you in a rational
way. Ask clearly for what you want, and let
your spouse know why it's important to you.
Resentment will destroy your marriage.
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• 11. APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE
• Let your spouse know you appreciate what
he or she does and his/her personality traits.
Appreciate their sense of humour, generosity,
hard work and companionship. The more you
praise what you like, the more you'll get of it.
We all want to be appreciated.
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CELEBRATION + APPRECIATION= MOTIVATION
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FINALLY
• We can always refresh our marriages by
giving new and improved forms, structures
and appearances. You can’t continue the
same things year in year out. You must bring
freshness to your marriage and avoid having
a ‘rust’ or ‘stale’ marriage.
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• It is not late to do something differently and
refresh your marriage. Take time to do an
inventory, realize what has been wrong and
make amends. Bring newness and freshness
into your marriage. You can never be bored
again. The onus is on you and nobody else.
Do something about it and save your
marriage.
2017
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Need to Refresh Your Marriage

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