Pet Bereavement and providing support for people
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These slides accompanied a live 1 hour webinar looking at some of the ways that you can provide support to those suffering the loss of a pet. Knowing what to say can be the biggest worry for people who are in a position where emotional support is needed. We will be taking a look at "active listening skills" and other tools and skills that can be helpful.
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Pet Bereavement and providing support for people
- 1. Welcome to the Pet Bereavement Support Webinar Series from Webinar 5 of 6: Pet bereavement and providing support for people
- 2. Welcome to the Pet Bereavement Support Webinar Series from With Julia Dando MA – Training Manager, SCAS
- 3. Pet Bereavement Support What will we be looking at today? • What do people need at a time of loss? • How can you meet their needs? • Some useful skills for communicating
- 4. Supporting the Client What do they need? • Recognition of their loss • Permission to grieve / Permission to stop grieving • To know that you hear and understand what they are telling you • To know that they are not being judged • Opportunity to reflect and question with someone that understands • Information – after-death body care options, how they can check on their pet in its new home, etc
- 5. Supporting the Client Emotional Support Anyone can provide emotional support for a person experiencing distress. Family members, friends, colleagues and professionals can all lend a listening ear.
- 6. Supporting the Client Emotional Support • Focused on the emotional needs of another • Grounded in listening and communicating understanding of what has been expressed • Must be genuine and is non-directive • Informal and unstructured • Essentially very different to counselling (WHY?) • Will involve signposting to others such as PBSS
- 7. Supporting the Client Communication Words spoken 7% Tone 38% Non-verbal 55%
- 8. Supporting the Client Emotional Support The aims of “person-centred” Sympathy emotional support are to: •Generate an equal, trusting supportive relationship V •Enable and empower those being supported Empathy •Be free from judgement and prejudice Internal frame of reference
- 9. Supporting the client Internal frame of reference The vet told me that there was nothing he could do to bring Goldie out of the fit, so we had no other choice other than euthanasia. Yes, you were certain that euthanasia was the only option left for Goldie. I bet you’re wondering if that was true; I wonder if the vet was used to treating dogs with epilepsy….
- 10. Supporting the client Internal frame of reference Pippa was so brave in the last months of her life, she struggled on, but didn’t suffer until the end then I knew we had to make some difficult choices, only we left it too late I think. She died naturally at home in her bed, but I am worried she may have suffered and we may have let her down by not having her put to sleep sooner. Pippa did so well up until the end; it was such a difficult decision for you to make and you’re left worried you may have left things too late. I would have euthanased her much earlier I think. I understand why you must feel so awful.
- 11. Supporting the Client Effective / Active Listening Skills • Encouraging phrases Reflecting – “I see…..” – “Go on….” Restating • Open vs. Closed Paraphrasing questions – Who? Asking open – What? questions – When? – Where? Summarizing – (Why?) • Allow silences/pauses
- 12. Physical Contact
- 13. Client Support Children
- 14. Supporting the Client Client Needs Don’t expect to fix it
- 16. Thank you for your attention Webinar 6 Pet Bereavement Support and Developing Protocols Wed 25th April 2012 @ 1pm (GMT)
Notas do Editor
- Welcome to the 5th in a series of 6 webinars looking at Pet Bereavement Support
- My name is Julia Dando and I work for The Society for Companion Animal Studies
- Perhaps many will be looking for answers? But who can tell them the answers? You….? Acceptance is often the key. People do like to share their story…often it really does help to talk about what happened – although for some of course it wont be.
- Providing emotional support is not about entering into a personal friendship with someone in distress, and it is not a counselling relationship - but involves sensitively responding to the emotional needs of another. It does not necessarily involve giving information or advice, but is rather focused on listening and communicating your understanding to the person of their situation.
- Why is it not counselling? Counselling is provided by trained, supervised individuals working within a therapeutic framework and applying a specific model of counselling. Limited time and sessions Indemnity Insurance Measured goals and outcomes Members of a professional governing body Counsellors have to work within a code of ethics.
- Often people say to me “I don’t know what to say” – it might interest you to know that > Mehrabian 1967 Other studies have suggested that 60-70% of communication is through body language rather than spoken word.
- Whilst there is a place for sympathy at times within emotional support provision it is crucial to know the differences between empathy and sympathy. People purely offered sympathy can be left feeling disempowered, disadvantaged and patronised. Involves feeling sorry for the other person Imagining if you were in the other’s position from your own perspective Based on an external frame of reference Empathy is about understanding how they are feeling – and showing that you understand – using an internal frame of reference e.g. You are feeling angry about Nemo’s death NOT I would be feeling angry if I was you NOT I know how you feel - I felt angry when that happened to me last year – it’s about THEM not YOU Free from judgement and prejudice…..is very easy to judge others without looking deeper into why they are behaving in a certain way – or understanding why they did what they did…..especially if we think they actually might be to blame….who are you to judge? Reference to Fenton video. Reference to stories from workshops – catholic lady – man digging up pet
- Active listening skills don’t just mean listening attentively….although listening attentively is in itself an active listening skill – you need to be present and listening – giving your attention to the person. Active listening skills are some useful tools of communicating that will help show a person that you are listening and interested in hearing what they have to say, You understand what they are saying, You are not judging them Be careful of why? As can be judgemental Play Tessy Video Beginning and endings important Give warning of having to end, Get up and go to the door, Offer to continue at a more convenient time
- Physical contact/touching –only do if you are comfortable – be vigilant and quick to look for reaction (positive/negative) Often just a gentle touch on the hand or arm can convey a huge amount that words cannot Appropriate/inappropriate – guidelines for different professions
- Avoid reference to “sleeping” – child needs to understand that the pet will not be waking up and coming back and also that his own normal “sleep” will not result in death. Teachers should be made aware. Parents do know there own children best so don’t “interfere” but where the parents indicate they need some advice – it can be given. A parent has to deal with their own grief as well as that of the child.
- Who is it that needs the resolution to be good…for the person to walk away visibly better than they were when they came?
- http://www.scas.org.uk/2899/Pet-BereavementSupportWebinarSeries.html