These are the slides from a presentation I gave in a SC Bar CLE entitled "What Matters Most: Crafting a Well-Lived Life" on February 13, 2019 https://www.scbar.org/shop-cle/livecourse/what-matters-most-crafting-a-well-lived-life/
15. What is Missing When Distress Sticks?
• The Capability to Manage Emotion
• Space to Respond (Rather Than React)
• Context/Awareness
• Cooperation/Collaboration/Communication
(Listening)
• The Willingness to Change (Curiosity, Creativity)
45. Resources
• Jeena Cho, The Anxious Lawyer, https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-Lawyer-Satisfying-
Mindfulness-Meditation/dp/1627226249
• Baba Shiv, How Do You Find Breakthrough Ideas?, Stanford Graduate School of
Business, http://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/baba-shiv-how-do-you-find-
breakthrough-ideas
• The Resilient Lawyer http://theanxiouslawyer.com/rl-23-jack-pringle/
• Farnham Street https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/
• One You Feed With Michael Taft http://www.oneyoufeed.net/michael-taft/
• Tim Ferris with Brene Brown http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/08/28/brene-brown-
on-vulnerability-and-home-run-ted-talks/
• On Being With Ellen Langer http://www.onbeing.org/program/ellen-langer-science-of-
mindlessness-and-mindfulness/6332
• You Are Not So Smart http://youarenotsosmart.libsyn.com/062-naive-realism-lee-ross-0
• “How Biases, Politics and Egos Trump Good Strategy,” Chris Bradley, January 16, 2018
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-biases-politics-egos-derail-business-decisions-
chris-bradley/?kui=qdGk5TG7MixpsWIoQ-NS2Q
46. More Resources
The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right, by Atul Gawande
http://www.amazon.com/Checklist-Manifesto-How-Things-Right/dp/0312430000
Smarter Than You Think: How Technology is Changing Our Minds for the Better, by Clive Thompson
http://www.amazon.com/Smarter-Than-You-Think-Technology/dp/1594204454
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D
http://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Success-Carol-Dweck/dp/0345472322
Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success, by Adam Grant
http://www.amazon.com/Give-Take-Helping-Others-Success/dp/0143124986
Resolve to Use Your Device as a Tool- And to Resist Being Tooled By It https://medium.com/@jjpringlesc/resolve-to-
use-your-device-as-a-tool-and-resist-being-tooled-by-it-3bccb43f98ab
'Our minds can be hijacked': the tech insiders who fear a smartphone dystopia,
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/05/smartphone-addiction-silicon-valley-dystopia
“Art of Letting Other People Have Your Way: Negotiating Secrets with Chris Voss,” The Knowledge Project Podcast,
https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2018/01/chris-voss/
Notas do Editor
I didn’t come down here to change your mind about anything, but to ease my own mind about everything.
Law School is Different. "What do you call everyone in your office who is not you? A Non-lawyer.
The Law is a Jealous Mistress.
What does the law say. Bound by Precedent. BlueBook and Manual on Style
“A bundle of tense muscles defending our existence.”- Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
Extrinsic and Linear.
Kids and the Now
Ever Thought Your Way out of a Painful Emotional situation?
Letter from ODC, Motion for Attorney’s Fees, Frivolous Claim, Partner in your Office
Stress not equal to Distress, Shame not equal to Guilt
Distress is Not Wanting What We Presume is Going to Happen
Interferes with learning and memory
lower immune function and bone density
increased weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease
increase risk for depression, mental illness, and lower life expectancy.
potential trigger for mental illness and decreased resilience—especially in adolescence.
(worry, anxiety, discomfort) Problem is the Bear isn’t always chasing you. Are you running because you are scared, or scared because you are running. William James.
Thoughts and Sawyer- altruism project.
Resist, React, Kill the Pain
Work and effort. Struggle and fear. relaxing
We are “problem solvers”, but often
unaware of the problem (especially when the problem is us)
Unaware of any clue how to solve it;
But absolutely certain that we do know or unwilling to admit otherwise.
Most of us live mindlessly all of the time-
Using the Tools We Have means we don't see the whole picture and miss what is right in front of us
Not there and not there to know we are not there
You are Not So Smart (False Consensus) – Lee Ross- believing that from situation to the next, people are more likely to do things or see the world the way we do. Ambiguity, doubt.
we don't perceive everything that is important.
Our brains and emotions don’t always make sense of the world
Naïve realism
What to Think
(We all got holes to fill, and them holes are all that’s real . . .)
(Turn Off The Brain)
A Reminder from Time to Time that Things Are Relatively Easy
(Why Do You Need Space?- Creativity-Risk-Vulnerability)
Less evaluative of other people; feel unique but recognize that everyone is also unique; ability to take risks.
Situational rather than personality-based.
(When You notice Things about yourself, you notice things about others) (opposite of projection).
Gets you off your back foot and in a posture of being ready to actively solve problems and create possibilities
David Allen and the open loop.
Hard not to be humble when you see the way your brain works.
(Not Presence but instead "noticing"- you can't make a decision to be "present")
(what do you mean "without judging")
Managing the fog of emotion
Being aware of your patterns
Getting space
Without judging
letting go of the illusion that we are in control
Beginner's mind and the ability to listen or evaluate without preconceived notions
One cannot learn what they already know. -Epicetus.
If you're offended easily, you're a bad resource allocator. It's a waste of energized gy & attention; a greater sin than wasting time- @tferriss
Train yourself to value most the things that can't be taken away.
Observation and perception
Observe people having sex
Parker J. Palmer- eustress.
Creativity=Curiousity > Fear (choosing Curiousity over fear). Something only special people do.
Rigidity in intention, but flexibility in implementation. One You Feed, July 20th
(see distractions, biases, self-serving thoughts and actions)
Can you accept some criticism, share some credit, and allow for some mistakes?
Courage to Change) take risks, be seen, tell your own story.
(Best Measure of Courage is Vulnerability)- (You might as well show yourself, because people are going to form opinions of you anyway).
Shame can’t survive emphathy: (Shame Needs Three Things: secrecy, silence, judgment)
Be seen
Are You Trying to Get Better from a Good Place, or Trying to Fill a Hole?
I am really good, but I can be better v. I am flawed and I need to prove myself
If you are enough, and want to improve, that is different from always needing affirmation from others.
(Perfectionism is the 20-ton shield)- you can't be seen.
Being Here or Living for the Future
Curiosity and Being a Lifelong Learner
Listening
Silence isn’t the absence of sound, it’s the absence of noise.
Omm Writer, Freedom, Leechblock. Email exacerbates the urgent to the exclusion of the important
You Need Sustained Attention
Fuel, Fallible, Finite
Technology is a (Constant) Distraction and Saps Attention
Minimize Your Beeps and Notifications (and your Interruptions and Meetings)
Guard Your Attention Jealously
(Put Your Own Mask on) (When You notice Things about yourself, you notice things about others) (opposite of projection).
Shame can’t survive emphathy: (Shame Needs Three Things: secrecy, silence, judgment)
Be seen
If I am going to fall prey to cliches, I will choose these.