1. How to Fake a Wine Conversation This Holiday Season
It’s the holidays and you are stuck with your family all those months of not talking to them and
you have nothing to say. What do all good groups of friends do when they are together on these
momentous holidays? The weather conversation only goes so far unless you are an expert at
telling a tall tale or making a completely fictitious situation. Let’s move to the next situation, you
talk about the food and then when you’re done announcing, “That (fill in the blank) is
delicious!” and 4 seconds have passed you know that the wine conversation is coming next.
Don’t worry when you are through with this post you will know all you need to know about the
intricacies of wine that you can fake it to make it through the day.
First off, if you are going to be getting away with an amazing wine conversation it’s my rule that
you have to look good doing it. Yes, dress to impress, but I mean you don’t want eyebrows
rising when you pour a cabernet sauvignon into a flute glass.
Step 1: The Obvious Knowledge
How is wine made?
Wine is made from grapes. It is a natural product that is created from the fermentation (breaking
down) of grapes. This is something you may recognize when people are walking around in huge
barrels of grapes they are breaking them down so that the natural sugars are released which
turns into alcohol becoming wine.
What makes a red or white wine?
This is a simple question, but frequently asked. Red wines come from red grapes and white
wine comes from green grapes.
Why do wines taste different?
Wines taste different for many reasons it can be the fermentation length, the climate where the
grapes were grown, the blend of grapes and even the storage location. Here’s where you can
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2. sound real good, but not necessarily know the exact locations.
Step 2: The Looking Good Part
Red wines are served at room temperature or a little on the cooler side. The larger the glass the
better it is for red wine, you will hear people say “let the wine breathe” it means let as much of it
be exposed to the air. Red wines get the most value from exposure to air, it is recommended to
wait fifteen to twenty minutes, and if you’re me then this never happens. This is why you will
frequently see people twirling their glasses and smelling it before they drink it. As posh of an
action as it may seem, there is a purpose. This is frequently called the process of aerating.
There is a device called a Decanter which you pour through to aerate the wine.
White wines are chilled. Put them in your fridge and bring them out a few minutes before
serving. White wines are traditionally served in a more narrow glass. They still have the same
“egg shape” as a red wine glass but a bit more narrow to constrict the air exposure which a red
needs.
Finally champagne is the dangerous bubbly wine. It is traditionally served in a tall narrow glass
often referred to as a flute. The glasses are so narrow to have less surface area for the carbon
to be lost, giving you bubbles for longer as you sip on your champagne.
Those are the three big glasses you need to know to make sure that you look good when
drinking wine. Oh, if you are drinking a white wine or champagne people will frequently hold
them by the stem which prevents your body heat from warming your wine. There’s nothing like
watching someone try to aerate a white wine in a red wine glass. You’ll catch a smirk across
my face every time.
Step 3: Faking the Conversation
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3. The rules to really faking any conversation are to say a lot with certainty. Warning, make sure
you don’t have a wine connoisseur in your midst. I’m going to give you wine vocabulary and
what it means and how it can be used in a sentence. These words are sure to make you sound
good and if you use them in the wrong context most people won’t know what you’re saying
anyways, and they’ll generally nod in agreement.
Acidity – A wine with great acidity can give the wine a sour taste immediately when it hits your
lips. This is also an aspect which is calmed down with aerating red wine.
Example: Wow, this wine is a bit acidic it has a slightly sour taste when I sip on it.
Aftertaste – This is the same as any aftertaste. With wine it is a big topic because you can
learn a lot about a type of wine from the aftertaste. Well trained wine enthusiasts can tell you
the specific region a wine was made and what type of soil or climate the grapes were made in.
Example: The aftertaste of this wine is from the (fill in the blank) region and it has a nice oaky
blend.
Balance – A fine balance is what wine makers are trying to obtain. A balance is achieved when
a single flavor doesn’t overpower the rest of the wine.
Example: This blend of wine has a perfect balance I can taste the reds nicely with an undertone
of sweetness.
Bitter – A wine that is bitter leaves you with a bite the moment you drink it. Bitter wines are not
very desirable and are a common trait in cheap wines.
Example: My, this wine is bitter unfortunately I think it’s not my favorite of the selection here
today.
Blending – Blending is the most common term among all the wine makers. Blending is a
process of selecting certain grapes, determining ratios of grapes in the blend, and continuing
until perfection.
Example: The wine makers did a great job on blending his wine!
Clean – This wine term refers to the overall taste of the wine, if it’s clean then it is rid of any
unwanted flavors. Some wine makers believe that having a completely clean wine rids wine of
unique characteristics.
Example: This wine is a bit too clean for my tastes I prefer this wine with a tad bitter finish.
Dumb – This term is used for a wine that is almost at perfection, but is lacking in one aspect.
This is a term that you should not know, but if you hear it you’ll know what they are meaning.
Otherwise you’ll have to say that the wine is dumb, and that may not go over well with your
company.
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4. And with that last vocabulary term I am going to end this article. I believe you are well equipped
to speak about the loftiness of wine and sound like you study it. Throw around a few big words
and terms and you’ll be done with your spout on wine and can move onto the next
conversation. Good luck faking it!
The author of this article is Alisa Carscaden. I am an avid traveler and am constantly seeking
out new foods and wines along the way. If I find a great blog article, it’s going to be on the web.
I love to buy my wine online at liquormart.com.
How to Fake a Wine Conversation This Holiday Season
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