Understanding and Growing Your Emotional Intelligence with Darby Fetzer

By Darby Fetzer OTR, MAOM, EQC, EQE
Understanding and
Growing Your EQ

Bio
Darby is certiﬁed in Emotional Intelligence in
Education and in Corporate Practice. She tailors
science based emotional competencies to speciﬁc
worksites and situations to create sustainable
solutions. Her training is supported by experience
in Wellness Coaching, 18 year practice as an
Occupation Therapist, 11 years of School Board
service and facilitation training. Darby has a
Bachelors degree in Occupational Therapy and a
Masters in Organizational Management.

! Emotional Intelligence Certification through Six Seconds,
Boston
! Emotional Intelligence Educator Certification through Six
Seconds, Boston
! Nexus EQ Conference at Harvard School of Medicine
! EQ Educator’s Training and African Summit in Cape
Town, South Africa
! SEI Assessor Training through Six Seconds, Toronto
! Vital Signs Assessor Training, Toronto
EQ Trainings & Conferences
Attended

The acronym EQ
! Throughout this presentation I’ll be using the acronym
EQ as interchangable with Emotional Intelligence.
! Like Intelligence Quotient (IQ), EQ is also measurable.
! I will touch on examples of EQ measurement
instruments at the end of today’s presentation.
! Unlike the premise of IQ, EQ can be grown.

Typically Experiential: Pen/paper

Today’s Topics
! The history of Emotional Intelligence as a concept.
! EQ operationalized ~ Learning ways to grow Emotional
Intelligence via the 8 EQ Competencies developed by
Six Seconds.
! Resources, should you want to share EQ with others.

Who coined the term
“Emotional Intelligence” ?
! John Mayer and Peter Salovey in 1990
! Mayer and Salovey define emotional intelligence as
"the ability to monitor one's own and other's feelings
and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use
this information to guide one's thinking and action."

! the capacity to accurately perceive emotions
! the capacity to use emotions to facilitate
thinking
! the capacity to understand emotional
meanings
! the capacity to manage emotions
 
Mayer and Salovey's Four Branch
Model of Emotional Intelligence

! Daniel Goleman expounded upon the work of Mayer
and Salovey with his book, Emotional Intelligence . . .
Why it Can Matter More than IQ.
Emotional Intelligence

Since Daniel Goleman’s book,
! There have been many who have written about various
aspects of the EQ topic.

! In the book, Emotional Wellness, by OSHO,
emotions are said to be in constant motion ~ as
the word e – motion suggests.
! Our charge is then to recognize that we’re ALL
emotional beings, with feelings that are always in
motion.
! OSHO suggests that we stop judging ourselves
and others.
Emotional Wellness

EQ Operationalized
! Mayer and Salovey, Goleman and others have written
much conceptually about Emotional Intelligence, then
organizations came along to operationalize EQ . . . to
give it practical application.

! Six Seconds gave us a new working definition
of Emotional Intelligence and also developed
8 Competencies by which EQ can be applied.

Six Seconds Definition of EQ
! “Emotional Intelligence is the effective
blending of thinking and feeling to
make optimal decisions.”

! 1) Enhance Emotional Literacy
! 2) Recognize Patterns
! 3) Apply Consequential Thinking
! 4) Navigate Emotions
! 5) Exercise Optimism
! 6) Engage Intrinsic Motivation
! 7) Increase Empathy
! 8) Pursue Noble Goal
8 EQ Competencies

! Wisdom Lives Within ~ finding your own
answers. Self reflection is the key.
! No Way is The Way ~ people have different
learning styles and learn in different ways.
EQ Learning Philosophy

! The Process is the Content ~ learning comes
from experiencing and reflecting.
! 1,2, 3 PASTA !
EQ Learning Philosophy

Know Thyself' are the words of Socrates.
“Leadership’s first commandment – Know
Thyself” Harvard Business Review Dec. 2001
“He who know others is wise;
He who knows himself is enlightened”
Lao Tzu
Know Thyself

Enhance Emotional Literacy allows us to
name and understand our feelings.
Emotions are a feedback system delivering
information/data that drives behavior and
decisions.
Competency #1 
Enhance Emotional Literacy

! Emotional Literacy provides critical information
about you (and others), which gives you insight
into the core drivers of behavior.
! Emotional literacy is the capacity to access
and interpret that data.
Emotional Literacy

When you can see the mix of these emotions in
your current feeling, you can better understand
the purpose or value of your feeling.
What are the Combination of
Emotions & Their Meanings ?

! Trust or Acceptance = recognize value, openness
! Joy = Achieving goals; expanding possibilities
! Anticipation = planning ahead; seeking a new
situation
! Anger = road is blocked; change needed
! Disgust = something is unacceptable, reject or
move away
! Sadness = not achieving goals, something
important is missing; loss of love
! Surprise = reality is different than beliefs, re-
evaluate
! Fear = uncertainty, unknown danger, powerlessness
Eight Basic Emotions & Meanings

Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions

! Emotions are signals to help us. There are no
good or bad emotions; they all serve a purpose.
! When we feel something. How is the feeling
trying to help or protect us ?
Reflections

Pen and Paper
! Think of a time in your recent past when you had
a strong emotional response to something. It may
have been in your professional life or perhaps in
your personal life. The emotion may still be
strong for you or perhaps you’ll need to conjur up
those feelings.
! We’ll take just a moment here for you to recall
such a time.
! Now, with that situation in mind, I will show you
several slides filled with Mixed Emotion cards.
Please take the opportunity to write down all the
emotions that you experience in that situation.

Reflections
! Emotions are signals to help us. There are no
good or bad emotions; they all serve a purpose.
! When we feel something. How is the feeling
trying to help or protect us ?

Reflections
! Do these emotions stir you into action ?
! Or do you feel stuck as a result of this emotion ?
! If you were to let these emotions drive you,
where would they take you ?
! What can you learn here ?

Reflections
! “Aha” moments regarding
Enhance Emotional Literacy ?
How can Enhance Emotional Literacy
A) Apply to your personal life ?
B) Apply to your professional life ?
Thoughts or questions here ?

! Definition: Consciously acknowledging frequently
recurring reactions and behaviors.
! Sometimes people assess new situations and
respond carefully and thoughtfully, but frequently
they run on autopilot, reacting unconsciously
based on habit.
Competency #2 
Recognize Patterns

! Left unconscious, these patterns can inhibit
optimal performance because they are a
generalized response.
Recognize Patterns

! Recognizing Patterns helps you track and
monitor your reactions – which is an essential
step to managing them.
Recognize Patterns

! Because our brains are wired to form these
neuro-pathways, we each, as individuals,
develop patterns.
! Consider these situations, do you relate to any of
the following ?
! When I feel frustrated . . . I withdraw
! When I’m lonely, I eat.
! When things aren’t going well . . .I blame others
Examples of Patterns

! When I expect too much, I get hurt.
! If someone is infringing on my special time with a good
friend, I get quiet or even surly.
! When I’m away from my home and it’s the middle of the
night, my default mode is fear.
! When having company, I put too much energy into having
the house look good, which interestingly increases my
expectation to enjoy our time together, while also robs me
of the energy I have to enjoy company. Leaves me
frustrated.
! If someone poses a problem, I have to restrain myself
from jumping into “fix it” mode.
! When my kids have asked for favors at the last minute, I
could be quick to say, “No”
Some of my patterns

! Please take a minute to become aware of and
write down a pattern that does not serve you.
What are your patterns ?

! Now that you’ve recognized a particular pattern
that does not serve you, now identify a counter to
that approach that would not limit you, but would
rather free you . . .
Formation of productive pattern

! Consider the benefit of recognizing
patterns in your personal and professional
life.
! “The greatest despair is to not become the
person you were meant to be.”
Kierkegaard
Recognize Patterns

Recognize Patterns
! Questions ?
56

! Evaluating the costs and benefits of your
choices.
Competency #3  
Apply Consequential Thinking

! This competence is critical for making a plan that
accounts for the human dynamics.

Assessing the short and long term costs and
benefits of our choices.
Reviewing emotional history and determining how
to do things better.

Examples
! Example : Rather than accusing, asking
questions.

Internal Deliberation
! What is it in the short term and in the long term
that you want out of this experience, courageous
conversation, etc ?
! How can this be a win:win ?

Think about a courageous conversation
you may need to have with someone
! With your notepad :
! What is it about ?
! In what ways will you want to be particularly sensitive
in your approach ?
! How can the conversation be experienced as a
win:win

Competency #4
Navigating Emotions

! Definition: Assessing, harnessing and
transforming emotions as a strategic resource.
Navigating Emotions

! Importance: People are often told to control their
emotions, to suppress feelings like anger, joy, or
fear, and eliminate them from the decision-
making process.
! Without emotion, people literally cannot make
decisions.
Navigating Emotions

So rather than ignoring feelings or controlling
them through sheer force of will, this competence
lets you manage emotions, gain valuable insight
from them, and then transform them.
Navigating Emotions

! The Reason this Organization is called Six
Seconds:
! When we have a strong response to a stimuli
which results in anger, frustration, jealousy,
fear . . . it takes Six Seconds for our bodies to be
flooded with neuro-chemicals.
Navigate Emotions

! Our brain responds with a flood of neuro-
chemicals.
! Instead of being hijacked, we can observe what’s
happening and override our tendency to react by
engaging our prefrontal cortex = higher level
thinking.
! We instead: think of our 6 favorite books/movies,
etc.
What happens . . . what can we do ?

! Hunger
! Lack of sleep
! Caffeine
! Junk food
Variables that can lead to our own
emotional hijacking

! Definition: Taking a proactive perspective of hope
and possibility.
! Importance: This learned way of thinking +
feeling gives you ownership of your decisions
and outcomes.
Competency # 5 
Exercising Optimism

! Increases the pool of choices and the opportunity
for success.
! This provides a solution-oriented approach, helps
you innovate, and allows you to engage others’
positive energy.
Exercising Optimism

! Other reasons for exercising Optimism ?
According to the book, How Full Is Your Bucket
by Tom Rath: Increasing a positive outlook can:
buffer us against adverse health effects and
depression, enable recovery from pain, trauma,
and illness and lengthen life span by 10 years.”
Exercising Optimism

! Definition: Gaining energy from personal values
and commitments vs. being driven by external
forces.
! Importance: People who require external
reinforcement to be motivated are always at the
mercy of others’ approval or reward system.
Competency #6
Engage Intrinsic Motivation

! Engaging Intrinsic Motivation helps you develop
and use lasting inner drivers. This allows you to
stand up, challenge the status quo, take risks,
and persevere when the going is tough.
Engaging Intrinsic Motivation

! Gaining energy from personal values and
commitments vs. being driven by others.
Intrinsic Motivation

! What drives you ? What are the social injustice
issues or other issues you would put muscle
behind ?
! What are your everyday passions that motivate
you to rise to the daily challenges ?
! What are the values you hold/internal drivers that
help you be excellent at what you do ?
How are you intrinsically motivated ?

! Use your notepad and make a list of causes,
passions and values that motivate you.
What Drives You ?

! Definition: Recognizing and appropriately
responding to others’ emotions.
! Importance: Empathy is a nonjudgmental
openness to others’ feelings and experiences
that builds connection and awareness.
Competency #7
Increase Empathy

Increase Empathy
! In other words, Increase Empathy means
recognizing and appropriately responding to
others emotions

! The next steps include listening, sharing and
responding in a way that shows your concern.
! Empathy is key to understanding others and
forming enduring and trusting relationships.
! In a workshop, again, we would have individual
and group exercises to integrate the learning.
Increase Empathy

! Definition: Connecting your daily choices with
your overarching sense of purpose.
! Importance: Noble Goals activate all of the other
competencies in the SIX Seconds Model. When
people examine their personal vision, mission
and legacy and use that conviction to set their
goals and objectives, emotional intelligence gains
relevance and power.
Competency #8
Pursue Noble Goal

! When you are clear about your Noble Goal, you
feel compelled to pay fierce attention to your
daily choices and to ensure that you are not
undermining your life’s purpose.
Pursue Noble Goal

! Outwardly focused
! Gets me up
! Keeps the energy moving
! Maintains my drive
! Inspires peak performance
! Energizes me to do my best
Noble Goal

! Here are some examples:
! “To inspire positive change in myself and others”
! “To co-create a context for humanity”
! “To use my voice so that others may use theirs”
! “To inspire compassionate wisdom”
! Mine: “To expand loving community” 
Noble Goals

Today we talked about ~
! The history of Emotional Intelligence as a
concept.
! EQ operationalized ~ Learning ways to grow
Emotional Intelligence via the 8 EQ
Competencies developed by Six Seconds.

! In our Worksites ?
! In our Schools ?
! In our Homes ?
! In our Communities ?
So, why would we want more Emotional
Intelligence . . .

Why would we want more Emotional
Intelligence for our World ?

! It starts with you -
! “The smartest thing
! you can do with
! Emotional Intelligence
! Is turn it on yourself”
! -Harvard Business Review

Resources
! www.6seconds.org
! Instruments that assess Emotional Intelligence include:
SEI Self, SEI 360, LVS Self, LVS 360, TVS and OVS.
! If you send me your email address, I can send you a link
to take the complimentary Brain Talent Profile. A good
cursory assessment that summarizes your EQ talents.
! My contact information: dfetzer@holtynhpc.com
! I’m available to provide customized experiential EQ
events for Leadership &/or Staff including full day, 1/2
day or hour long workshops. I am certified to administer
the SEI Self and SEI 360. Currently working to complete
Vital Signs Assessment Certification.

References
! Freedman, J. (2007, 2012). At the Heart of Leadership
How to Get Results with Emotional Intelligence.
California: Six Seconds.
! Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence - Why it
Can Matter More Than IQ. NY: Bantam.
! OSHO (2007). Emotional Wellness. Switzerland:
OSHO International Foundation.
! Rath, Tom (2004,2009). How Full Is Your Bucket? NY:
Gallup Press.
! Six Seconds The Emotional Intelligence Network

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