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The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart


                    The Top 10 Secrets of
                   NLP Coaching Language




                               By Jamie Smart

                      Limits of Liability / Disclaimer of Warranty:
  The author and publisher of this book and the accompanying materials have used
     their best efforts in preparing this program. The author and publisher make no
  representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or
       completeness of the contents of this program. They disclaim any warranties
 (expressed or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any purpose. The author and
  publisher shall not be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not
   limited to incidental, consequential, or other damages. The author and publisher
make no claims for any medical benefits of this program. The advice of a competent
       medical professional should always be sought in the case of health matters.
Copyright in this document belong to the author. The author also asserts the right to
                     be identified as such and to object to any misuse.


©2006 Jamie Smart                        1                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                     By Jamie Smart



Table of Contents

Read This First.............................................................................3
Who is this e-book for?................................................................. 4
Introduction................................................................................ 4
What is NLP Coaching Language?................................................... 5
Why Learn NLP Coaching Language................................................ 5
#1 – Prepare Yourself First............................................................6
#2 - Believe In Yourself and Your Client..........................................7
#3 – Pre-Frame for Success.......................................................... 8
#4 - Establish and Maintain Rapport............................................... 9
#5 – Set A Direction...................................................................10
#6 – Watch & Listen...................................................................11
#7 – Clear Obstacles and Gather Resources...................................12
#8 – Use Softeners.................................................................... 13
#9 – Gather Evidence................................................................. 14
#10 - Wire In The Language Patterns........................................... 16
More Information....................................................................... 17
About the Author........................................................................20




©2006 Jamie Smart                            2                      www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart



Read This First

Welcome to The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Langauge. My name’s Jamie Smart.
I’m an NLP trainer, author, and creator of NLP Coaching CardsTM, the world’s leading
resource for learning NLP coaching language, and I’d like to say “thank-you” to you
for reading this e-book. I’d also like to ask you to please send this e-book to your
friends and colleagues, because it will help them, it will help me to reach more
people, and because it will make you feel good too! If you’ve been sent this e-
book by someone else, then make sure that you sign up for the FREE NLP
Coaching newsletter that accompanies it, here:
www.saladltd.co.uk/nlpcoaching.htm

Once you do, you will be sent new issues on a regular basis to learn from. It will only
take a minute to read, but you’ll be amazed at the skills you start developing quickly.

This book complements our NLP Coaching CardsTM. I’ll be referring to the cards in the
newsletter, but when you buy the cards and get the patterns now, you can
unlock the massive potential this book reveals immediately.

If you want to really accelerate your learning, go to the Salad website and order
your own deck of NLP Coaching CardsTM. These cards are quite simply the fastest
way there is to develop your skills in using NLP coaching language. The insights you’ll
be getting from the newsletter complement the patterns on the cards, so when you
have both, it will really turbo-charge your learning. For more information about
how you can learn fast just by playing cards, go to
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm




©2006 Jamie Smart                         3                    www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart



Who is this e-book for?

This e-book is for people who are interested in helping themselves to resolve issues
and reach their goals more quickly and easily, and for helping others to do the same.
It will be of particular interest to executive coaches, life coaches, therapists,
hypnotists, trainers, managers, salespeople, consultants, networkers, students of
NLP, health-workers, doctors and other healers.




Introduction

One of the first things that attracted me to Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) was
language. I’ve always loved language, and was amazed when I heard about some of
the things that you can do with it.

One of the things that was mentioned in many of the books I read was a powerful set
of language patterns called The Meta-model, a set of questioning tools modeled by
Richard Bandler and John Grinder from two of the therapeutic geniuses of the 20th
century, Fritz Perls and Virginia Satir.

It was the first creation in the field of NLP, and formed the basis for subsequent
discoveries in the field. The Meta-model works on the following principle: people
don’t experience reality directly, but rather through the ‘maps’ of reality they create
in their minds. When people have a problem or challenge, it does not typically exist
‘in reality’ - it exists in their map of reality. If you can enrich their map, their
experience of the world will become richer. Enrich their map enough, and their
problems will be solved, their challenges overcome.

The Meta-model is the principle tool for discovering where and how to enrich a
person’s map. I was hooked. I told myself “You have to learn how to do this!” So I
did. In the course of my studies, I tried lots of approaches, and experimented. I tried
things that worked, and many more that didn’t. This short e-book is a distillation of
some of the most powerful approaches I’ve learned for ensuring that your coaching
is effective.

As you read this you'll start to see ways that you can fine-tune and improve our
coaching abilities right away. Read on and I'll show you a way you can accelerate
your learning of these patterns later.




©2006 Jamie Smart                        4                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                    By Jamie Smart



What is NLP Coaching Language?

NLP Coaching language is a set of questions and linguistic tools that are amazingly
powerful for helping people to solve problems, enrich their maps of reality, and get
the results they desire. For a detailed list of the sort of linguistic tools you can learn,
check out the NLP Coaching Cards page at
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm - it contains a list of ‘features’
that will start to give you an idea of the kind of things that become possible as you
begin learning to use language in this powerful way.




Why Learn NLP Coaching Language

NLP Coaching Language (including the infamous NLP Meta-Model) is the most
powerful set of questions and linguistic tools there is for helping people to solve
problems, make changes and get what they want. Why? Because they use the power
of a person’s unconscious mind to help them discover resources and solutions.

While the conscious mind enjoys the illusion of control, it’s actually the unconscious
that’s making the important decisions in a person’s life. That means that if you can
get in touch with someone’s unconscious (including your own), you can make an
incredible diffeence, quickly, easily and elegantly. Here are just some of the reasons
for you to learn NLP Coaching Language:

•   Feel confident that you can discover the information that really matters in any
    situation. People pay good money for this!

•   Ask questions that amaze your clients, you colleagues, your friends and even
    yourself with the quality of answers you’ll get.

•   Relax, knowing that you will never be stuck for what to say or ask again.

•   Overcome barriers and obstacles that have been holding people back. You’ll
    see real progress!

•   Feel good, knowing that you really make a difference in people’s lives.




©2006 Jamie Smart                           5                      www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                   By Jamie Smart

                           NLP Coaching Language Tip

                         #1 – Prepare Yourself First

Before you set out to coach someone, it’s important to prepare yourself. There are
three things that you can do in advance to make a huge difference in the quality of
the coaching experience, whether you’re coaching yourself or another person. They
are:

   •   Set a ‘coaching intent’
   •   Go quiet inside
   •   Accept yourself and trust

Set a ‘coaching intent’
Robert Dilts (a leading developer of NLP) studied excellent ‘healers’ in many walks of
life (doctors, therapists, coaches, medicine men etc). He found that while they had
many different approaches, there was something all these great healers shared in
common: they all had a ‘healing intent’. A healing intent is the intention and desire
that whatever they are doing be for the healing of the person involved.

When it comes to coaching, and using NLP Coaching Language, it is important to
have what I call a ‘coaching intent’ – the intention and desire that whatever you do
has the effect of helping the person to move forward in their life in a way that is
positive and appropriate for them. If you use NLP Coaching language without a
coaching intent, people can ‘feel’ it, and sometimes react defensively or just ‘shut
down’. So set a coaching intent for your interactions.

Accept yourself and trust
Before you begin, accept yourself exactly as you are, and trust that you will be able
to help the person you are coaching in some way. If your beliefs include the idea of
an unconscious mind, or God, or universal life force etc, you might like to trust that
this ‘power greater than yourself’ will help you with the process – or you may just
wish to trust yourself and your abilities. Either way, the combination of acceptance
and trust puts you in a powerful space to begin the coaching process.

Go quiet inside
Internal dialogue significantly hampers sensory acuity, so turn it off. Minimise your
internal dialogue by breathing deeply, relaxing your throat muscles, placing the tip of
your tongue just behind your upper front teeth and letting your jaw drop slightly.
You’ll see and hear more! If your internal dialogue interrupts your awareness, say
“Shut the &*!% up!” inside your head.” Repeat as necessary.

This may take some practice at first, but as you persevere, you will be amazed at
how much you are able to see and hear which used to be invisible. For a number of
methods for turning off your internal dialogue, check out NLP for Business &
Personal Success




©2006 Jamie Smart                        6                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart

                           NLP Coaching Language Tip

                   #2 - Believe In Yourself and Your Client

Your beliefs about yourself and the world have a massive effect on how you respond.
Your beliefs about your client will be communicated to them in everything you say
and do. If you believe that your client won’t go into a trance, then they won’t. If you
believe that they’re an excellent hypnotic subject, then they’re much more likely to
be.

If you have difficulty believing that your client can find the solutions to all their
problems, and live an amazing life, then just pretend. Milton Erickson used to say
“You can pretend anything and master it”, so while you’re at it, pretend that you’re
an extraordinarily fast learner, and have already begun to master NLP Coaching
Language.

This idea of ‘pretending’ may seem a bit ‘low-tech’, but it actually has a proven track
record. You see, your unconscious mind doesn’t distinguish between a real
experience and a vividly imagined one. If you vividly imagine that your client is
capable of making changes, your unconscious will start to communicate that belief to
them. These communications will come out in the language you use, the gestures
you employ, your voice tone etc.

The amazing thing is that these subtle communications are exactly the sort of thing
that their unconscious mind will pick up on! It’s actually a far more powerful level of
communication than just saying to someone “You are capable of far more than you
think you are”, so it’s well worth exploring.

For more about belief change, visit the Salad archive or check out our Art of Being
CDs.




©2006 Jamie Smart                        7                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                    By Jamie Smart

                             NLP Coaching Language Tip

                           #3 – Pre-Frame for Success

When I’m coaching someone, I do various things to ‘set the frame’ in a general,
positive way before setting / eliciting a specific direction for the interaction. I got this
idea from a book which said something like “The fact that you’re reading this means
you can easily incorporate these new ideas into your life”. I set the frame by saying
things like this:

•   “The fact that you’ve come here today means you’ll be able to make whatever
    changes you want in your life.”

•   “You’ve decided to engage me as your coach, which means you’ll be able to
    achieve your goals enjoyably.”

The logicians among you will recognise that these statements wouldn’t pass a logic
test, but the unconscious mind isn’t too stringent about logic. If the person accepts
the statement as true (and they usually do), then the unconscious will act
accordingly. The structure of these frame-setting statements is this:

       X means Y
       A causes B

So, who do you want to positively influence? It could be actual coaching clients,
other clients, employees, friends, family etc. As you take a few moments to think
about the situation, you can start to become aware of some ideas you could use. One
of my favourites for almost any coaching situation is something like this:

“You learned to walk and talk, and you don’t even know how you did it. That means
that the things you’ll be learning today are going to be really straightforward for
you.”

I use these all the time, and the ONLY time I get rumbled is by experienced NLP
Practitioners (and even then, it’s usually only the ones I’ve trained to pay close
attention to language). One of the things you start to find after you spend some time
on a training course with me or listen to some Salad CDs is that it becomes a lot
more fun to listen. Sometimes my assistants and more experienced students have
trouble keeping a straight face on trainings when I’m embedding positive
suggestions in seemingly ‘innocent’ stories and sentences!




©2006 Jamie Smart                           8                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart

                           NLP Coaching Language Tip

                       #4 - Establish and Maintain Rapport

Rapport has been described as what happens when we get the attention of
someone’s unconscious mind, and meet them at ‘their map of the world.’ It is more
commonly understood as the sense of ease and connection that develops when you
are interacting with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.

Being able to get into rapport with other people isn't just a key for successful
coaching; it's also one of the most fun, enjoyable and relaxing skills you can learn.
People like to be around people who get into rapport with them.

NLP Coaching Language works most effectively when you are in rapport with the
person or people you are communicating with.

Why is it important?

People are social creatures, and we often need to work with other people to achieve
what we want. This means that an ability to communicate influentially is one of the
most valuable skills a person can have. Warning: If you use NLP Coaching
Language and meta-model questions without rapport, the other person may
become defensive.

An important aspect of influential communication is creating a connection with the
other person, and making them feel understood. Council’s in ancient Greece had a
powerful approach for helping resolve disputes: The first person would state their
case. The second person then had to re-state the first person’s case to the
satisfaction of the first person before stating their case. Marshall Rosenberg, creator
of Non-violent Communication, claims that he can resolve longstanding marital
disputes within 20 minutes of the point where each partner can accurately state the
needs of the other partner. He says, however, that it often takes quite a bit longer to
get to the point where they can do that.

These are examples of meeting someone at their map of the world using verbal
techniques. There are many ways to get into rapport both verbally and non-verbally,
using behavioural techniques, vocal flexibility and internal shifts of consciousness.
For details and exercises, check out NLP for Business & Personal Success




©2006 Jamie Smart                        9                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                   By Jamie Smart

                            NLP Coaching Language Tip

                               #5 – Set A Direction

Human neurology is ‘goal-seeking’ and will always tend to organise around a specific
result or set of results. These results are referred to in NLP as ‘outcomes’. Whether
you help a person work on a specific outcome (eg earning a million dollars) or help
them explore a certain direction (Eg. becoming financially free), it’s important for
them to have something to aim at.

Finding out what someone wants sets a direction for the coaching session. Ways of
finding this out include the following:

   -   What do you want?
   -   What have you come here for?
   -   What can I do for you?
   -   What’s the problem?
   -   The Miracle Question (see NLP Coaching CardsTM for this and other fantastic
       goal-discovering questions)

All of these have different presuppositions (“What’s the problem” presupposes that
the person has some problem they’ve come to solve, and may not be useful in many
situations, but in some it is. Frank Farrelly, creator of Provocative Therapy, uses this
question as his starting point).

My fave is still “What do you want?”, but the others all have value in different
situations.

Once you know what someone wants, you can further clarify their goal using other
queries which you’ll find on the NLP Coaching CardsTM

The key is to help a person get a clear idea of how they would like things to be. Once
you have this, you have a direction for the process.

To hear this being used with a group and with individuals, check out
NLP for Business & Personal Success




©2006 Jamie Smart                         10                   www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                     By Jamie Smart

                             NLP Coaching Language Tip

                                #6 – Watch & Listen

“Watch and listen?!?” I hear you ask. “How dull”. But wait. According to NLP co-
developer Richard Bandler, 95% of NLP is information-gathering.

I often get emails from people asking things like “What technique do you use to help
a one-eyed mother of four overcome her inexplicable fear of dwarves which emerges
when she’s doing the dishes?” The technique I use is…watch and listen.

I believe that when you’re working with someone and you have the attention of their
unconscious mind (rapport), the unconscious will do everything within its power to
tell you exactly what you need to know in order to help the person make he
necessary changes. The coach’s role involves having the sensory acuity to intercept
those messages from the unconscious. So how are those messages sent?

•   Body language                •   Throw-away                   •   Ambiguities
•   Gestures                         comments                     •   Organ language
•   Eye movements                •   Sensory language             •   etc

I’d like you to consider the possibility that your clients are offering you a wealth of
clues to help them find solutions to their problems and the paths to their desires.

95% of NLP is information-gathering. Watch and listen.

Of course, sometimes you need to ‘stimulate’ a person’s nervous system in order to
gather the necessary information. And how do you stimulate their nervous system?
Questions.

And the most useful set of questions out there is…The Meta Model.

The Meta Model (created by Bandler and Grinder) is the most powerful set of
questions there is for helping people enrich their maps of the world. Bandler credits it
as being the tool which helped them create all the other NLP models.

Astonishingly (to me) the Meta Model is not taught in depth on most Practitioner
trainings these days. This is because it’s traditionally seen as being “difficult”, but it’s
not! We’ve pioneered using approaches for learning the Meta Model quickly and
easily using games which make it fun. The great thing is, by the time you realise how
easily you can do it, the learnings have already gone in.

If you don’t have a set of NLP Coaching CardsTM yet, go to
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm to get yours now. You’ll learn
the Meta-Model, the most powerful information-gathering tool there is!




©2006 Jamie Smart                           11                    www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart

                           NLP Coaching Language Tip

                #7 – Clear Obstacles and Gather Resources

When you’re coaching someone, you can assume that they have already tried
whatever they’ve been able to think of consciously to make the changes they want to
make – that’s why they’re talking to you!

Part of your role as coach is to help someone set a clear direction, then gather the
resources they’ll need for the journey, and clear obstacles out of the way.

There are some ‘NLP Presuppositions’ that are particularly useful – pretend that
these are true (if you don’t believe them already):

•   There’s a solution to every problem
•   People already have all the resources they need
•   Anything’s possible

When you ‘believe’ these in relation to yourself and your coaching clients, you
suddenly start to find answers appearing that may previously have evaded you. Of
course, there are specific question that are particularly useful, for example:

If someone has an obstacle, and says “I can’t…”, you can ask “What stops you?”, or
“What would happen if you did / could?”

“What stops you?” will get you information about the obstacle, both verbal and non-
verbal.

“What would happen if you did / could?” gets the person to imagine going beyond
the obstacle, which is often something they’ve never imagined.

When you go through your NLP Coaching Cards, you’ll find variations on thes
questions that can help you to clear obstacles, gather resources, and often make
changes instantly (sometimes helping people let go of something that’s held them
back for years, just by well-chosen questions!) Learn about all the tools you get
here: http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm




©2006 Jamie Smart                        12                  www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                   By Jamie Smart

                            NLP Coaching Language Tip

                                #8 – Use Softeners

Legend has it that when Bandler and Grinder first taught the Meta-Model to a group
of university students, the students immediately went out and alienated friends and
family by using the questions inappropriately, and without gaining rapport (“I love
you.” – “What would happen if you didn’t?” etc). As a result, NLP Practitioners are
now taught to build rapport before being taught the Meta-Model!

NLP Coaching language is so powerful and revealing that it can seem intrusive and
even ‘bullying’ if not asked in an appropriate way (remember, body language and
voice tone make up a significant amount of what you communicate to someone). So
I suggest that people:

    •   Use a gentle, curious voice tone
    •   Use softeners

Softeners are short phrases that you can put at the beginning of a question that
make it more gentle and palatable. For instance:

       Raw Question                                Softened Question
What do you want?                 I’m wondering what it is that you want?
What stops you?                   I’m curious to know what stops you?
How do you know?                  I’d like to ask you how you know that?

When you combine the softeners with a gentle, curious voice tone and rapport,
people really start to open up and give you the information you are looking for. Of
course, mind and body are one system, so one way to ensure that your voice tone is
curious is to get into a curious state, or a state of what Eric Robbie (top NLP trainer)
calls “I wonder…”

This makes the difference between an interrogation and a positive inquiry, and the
results will speak for themselves.




©2006 Jamie Smart                          13                   www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                   By Jamie Smart

                            NLP Coaching Language Tip

                              #9 – Gather Evidence

One of my favourite NLP queries is “How do you know?” While I love using it for
information gathering, I was pleasantly surprised back in February when someone on
our NLP Practitioner training asked me “How do you know when someone you’re
working with has experienced a real change?”

One of the things that those of you doing coaching or changework of any sort may
already have experienced is that clients often want to please you. Sometimes, this
means that they will consciously report that some sort of internal change has taken
place, even when it hasn’t. I got fooled by this a few times when I first started doing
changework with people, so over the years I’ve developed a kind of ‘spidey-sense’
about whether people have really experienced a shift, or whether they’re just trying
to please me. When the Practitioner asked me “How do you know?”, I had to go
inside my own experience & make explicit some of the things I’m responding to that
let me know a change has taken place. So, some of the things that let me know that
someone I’m working with has made a change or a shift in a certain area are:

Long-term change in circumstances
This is the most reliable indicator of change. If you help someone to stop smoking, &
a year later they still aren’t smoking, that’s an excellent sign that the change has
taken place. If they’re enjoying life as a non-smoker, that’s even better!

Reality-based testing
If you do a phobia cure with someone who has a fear of dogs, go find a dog! If you
think you’ve sorted out their fear of heights, find a tall building. If they were scared
of talking to people, get them to go out & speak with strangers. Whenever I do
changework with people, I want to find the most immediate way to test my work
that I can. One of the great things about doing this is that if the change has worked,
the test creates a strong convincer for the person. If it hasn’t worked, then you know
asap that there’s more to do.

Imaginary testing
Sometimes, it isn’t practical to go out during a session and conduct a test. If you do
a phobia cure with someone who has a fear of flying, you may not want to wait until
they next fly to find out if it’s worked. Fortunately, the nervous system processes a
vividly imagined experience in a very similar way to a ‘real’ experience. Get them to
vividly imagine the context where they wanted a change (“See what you’d see, hear
what you’d hear, & feel what you’d feel etc), & notice their non-verbal responses
(skin colour, breathing rate, expression etc). If you already know how to use
hypnosis, you can intensify the experience by leading them into a trance first.




©2006 Jamie Smart                         14                    www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                    By Jamie Smart

Involuntary “shifts”
When a person experiences a shift in their patterns of thought & associated
behaviours, their ‘involuntary patterns’ also change. If you are tracking these
patterns prior to the change, you can notice the differences after the change has
taken place. Examples include:

-   Skin colour changes (especially around the face, neck & upper chest)
-   Postural shifts (general posture, head-tilt, etc)
-   Eye-accessing (the patterns of their eye-movements)
-   Sensory words
-   Internal strategies (their sequences of internal sensory processing)
-   Meta-programs
-   etc

Covert questioning
This is one of my favourites. You can use an embedded question (Eg. “With some
clients I ask ‘Has your unconscious mind really accepted this change’, but with you it
seems clear”) & observe their unconscious response. If you are in rapport, their head
will nod or shake depending on their unconscious mind’s answer to the embed ‘Has
your unconscious mind really accepted this change’. Sneaky, huh!

Changes in other patterns / novelty
If the client reports sudden & major shifts in other areas of their life, or changes a
habitual pattern during the session, this can be an indication of change.

The conscious mind report
The conscious mind report (“My goodness, I feel so much better. Thank-you, you
really are amazing!”) is (sadly) the least reliable evidence of change. In my opinion,
the unconscious mind is running the show. All of the above evidences of change are
reports from the unconscious mind. These are always more reliable than the
conscious mind report.




©2006 Jamie Smart                          15                  www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart

                           NLP Coaching Language Tip

                      #10 - Wire In The Language Patterns

NLP Coaching Language (particularly the NLP Meta-Model) is the most powerful
tool there is for enriching people’s models of reality, solving problems and helping
reach goals. The great thing about it is this: the fact that you can read this book
means you already have all the skills necessary to learn NLP Coaching Language.
All that is required now is some practice. There are a number of techniques that can
help you learn to use this language with effortless elegance:

•   Get a set of the language patterns to study. They are available on Salad’s NLP
    Coaching CardsTM, with examples of how to use them.

•   Write out examples of the language patterns to wire them in to your neurology
    at a deep level. If you write out examples of the Meta-Model patterns and
    challenges 100 times, it will go a long way to embedding them automatically in
    your speech.

•   Use Salad’s NLP Coaching CardsTM to play card games using the language
    patterns. Play makes learning fast and fun, so games increase your learning
    speed. Then you can become curious about just how quickly your unconscious
    will begin to surprise you by allowing these patterns to emerge in your language
    spontaneously!

•   Choose a pattern each day, then practice using that pattern in your conversations
    that day. You will be surprised at just how quickly you are able to integrate the
    patterns.

•   As usual, set a goal for your communication (remember the Coaching Intent!)
    Then allow your unconscious to help reflect this in your questions.

See, once you have internalized these questions, you don’t have to think about them
anymore. Your unconscious will automatically come up with the best question to ask.
All you have to do (consciously) is think about where you want to go next, what
information you want to gather, and what you’d like to know. Your unconscious can
do the rest!




©2006 Jamie Smart                        16                  www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                       By Jamie Smart



More Information


    salad                                                     the nlp collection
                “You Can Have More of What You Want
                           In Your Life”
   NLP for Business & Personal Success
   Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) is one of the most revolutionary
   approaches ever for effective communication, rapid change, & outstanding
   results. This 6 CD set is a live recording of a 2-day training with NLP Trainer &
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   You’re going to learn:
            •   The attitude of NLP
            •   How to set clear goals & directions
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            •   How to change difficult relationships
            •   How to shut off internal dialogue
            •   And much, much more…

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           650 1045 to place your order right away


©2006 Jamie Smart                             17                     www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                      By Jamie Smart




    salad                                                       the nlp collection
   "Their Questions Were So Off-the-wall, I Wouldn't
      Have Thought Of Them In A Million Years!"
   NLP Coaching Cards are for finding out what's going on in someone else's
   map of the world, then coaching them to enrich that map. They are fantastic
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   include techniques for wiring in the infamous NLP Meta Model, the world's
   most powerful information-gathering and problem-solving tool.

   Imagine being able to:

    •   Feel confident that you can discover the information that really matters
        in any situation. People pay good money for this!
    •   Ask questions that amaze your clients, you colleagues, your friends
        and even yourself with the quality of answers you'll get.
    •   Relax, knowing that you will never be stuck for what to say or ask again.
    •   Overcome barriers and obstacles that have been holding people back.
    •   Feel good, knowing that you really make a difference in people's lives.

                 “This is a fun and friendly way to learn and master the skills of
                                        coaching mastery.”
               Michael Neill, author of “You Can Have What You Want”


   Price:
   NLP Coaching Cards               £14.95           Click Here To Order Now



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         Get it RISK-FREE
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              guarantee!




   You can get yours now at www.saladltd.co.uk or ring 0845
           650 1045 to place your order right away


©2006 Jamie Smart                              18                       www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                   By Jamie Smart



 salad                                                                  free stuff
At Salad, we are committed to your learning and development, so we want you to
have great stuff. Part of our strategy involves giving our best stuff away, so here are
some links to some of our best stuff.
                           You can have all this for free!

Jamie Smart’s NLP Tips
An e-zine chock full of great NLP related tips you can put into practice right away, as
well as links to Salad courses & products, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘10
of the Coolest, Most Powerful & Useful NLP Techniques I’ve Ever Learned.’
Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/1.htm


NLP Coaching Tips
Learn secrets that most people (including most NLP Practitioners!) don’t know about
NLP coaching. These tips (soon to be published) will give you details every week of
practical techniques, ideas and approaches you can use to get great coaching results.
In addition, you’ll get a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of NLP
Coaching Language’.
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Irresistible Influence Language Course
Sign up for this FREE 1 year Irresistible Influence Course (a £29.95 value) for a
weekly dose of influence language, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top
10 Secrets of Ethically Outrageous Influence.’
Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/3.htm


Unconditional Happiness Tips
Every week, you’ll receive a quick reminder of the principles that will help you to
experience more happiness, joy and freedom in every area of your life, as well as
more of the things and experiences you desire. In addition, you’ll get a free e-book
worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of Unconditional Happiness’.
Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/4.htm


Hypnotic Language Course
Sign up for this FREE 1 year Hypnotic Language Course (a £29.95 value) for a
weekly dose of hypnotic language, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top
10 Secrets of Conversational Hypnosis’.
Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/5.htm




      Sign up for your free stuff now at www.saladltd.co.uk

©2006 Jamie Smart                         19                   www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved
The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language
                                  By Jamie Smart



About the Author

                      Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd,
                      as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the
                      nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and
                      change programmes. In the process, he found that
                      individual change is the key to collective change, and
                      became fascinated with helping people achieve the results
                      they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent
                      from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest
                      teachers and materials, and applying what he’s learned.
                      Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by
                      Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of
                      Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).

Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people around
the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the creator of
Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products.

He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they
want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading.




Acknowledgements

I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other
innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made their
way into this work.

Specific thanks to…

       • Richard Bandler                          •   Robert Dilts
       • John Grinder                             •   Sid Jacobson
       • Joseph Riggio                            •   Jonathan Altfeld
       • Eric Robbie                              •   Robert Anton Wilson
       • Jo Cooper                                •   Ian Watson
       • Peter Seal                               •   Michael Neill
       • Timothy Leary                            •   John La Valle
       • Marianne Williamson                      •   Paul McKenna
       • Michael Breen                            •   Christina Hall
       • Sháá Wasmund




©2006 Jamie Smart                         20                    www.saladltd.co.uk
All Rights Reserved

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The top-10-secrets-of-nlp-coaching-language

  • 1. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart Limits of Liability / Disclaimer of Warranty: The author and publisher of this book and the accompanying materials have used their best efforts in preparing this program. The author and publisher make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of the contents of this program. They disclaim any warranties (expressed or implied), merchantability, or fitness for any purpose. The author and publisher shall not be held liable for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to incidental, consequential, or other damages. The author and publisher make no claims for any medical benefits of this program. The advice of a competent medical professional should always be sought in the case of health matters. Copyright in this document belong to the author. The author also asserts the right to be identified as such and to object to any misuse. ©2006 Jamie Smart 1 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 2. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart Table of Contents Read This First.............................................................................3 Who is this e-book for?................................................................. 4 Introduction................................................................................ 4 What is NLP Coaching Language?................................................... 5 Why Learn NLP Coaching Language................................................ 5 #1 – Prepare Yourself First............................................................6 #2 - Believe In Yourself and Your Client..........................................7 #3 – Pre-Frame for Success.......................................................... 8 #4 - Establish and Maintain Rapport............................................... 9 #5 – Set A Direction...................................................................10 #6 – Watch & Listen...................................................................11 #7 – Clear Obstacles and Gather Resources...................................12 #8 – Use Softeners.................................................................... 13 #9 – Gather Evidence................................................................. 14 #10 - Wire In The Language Patterns........................................... 16 More Information....................................................................... 17 About the Author........................................................................20 ©2006 Jamie Smart 2 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 3. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart Read This First Welcome to The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Langauge. My name’s Jamie Smart. I’m an NLP trainer, author, and creator of NLP Coaching CardsTM, the world’s leading resource for learning NLP coaching language, and I’d like to say “thank-you” to you for reading this e-book. I’d also like to ask you to please send this e-book to your friends and colleagues, because it will help them, it will help me to reach more people, and because it will make you feel good too! If you’ve been sent this e- book by someone else, then make sure that you sign up for the FREE NLP Coaching newsletter that accompanies it, here: www.saladltd.co.uk/nlpcoaching.htm Once you do, you will be sent new issues on a regular basis to learn from. It will only take a minute to read, but you’ll be amazed at the skills you start developing quickly. This book complements our NLP Coaching CardsTM. I’ll be referring to the cards in the newsletter, but when you buy the cards and get the patterns now, you can unlock the massive potential this book reveals immediately. If you want to really accelerate your learning, go to the Salad website and order your own deck of NLP Coaching CardsTM. These cards are quite simply the fastest way there is to develop your skills in using NLP coaching language. The insights you’ll be getting from the newsletter complement the patterns on the cards, so when you have both, it will really turbo-charge your learning. For more information about how you can learn fast just by playing cards, go to http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm ©2006 Jamie Smart 3 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 4. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart Who is this e-book for? This e-book is for people who are interested in helping themselves to resolve issues and reach their goals more quickly and easily, and for helping others to do the same. It will be of particular interest to executive coaches, life coaches, therapists, hypnotists, trainers, managers, salespeople, consultants, networkers, students of NLP, health-workers, doctors and other healers. Introduction One of the first things that attracted me to Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) was language. I’ve always loved language, and was amazed when I heard about some of the things that you can do with it. One of the things that was mentioned in many of the books I read was a powerful set of language patterns called The Meta-model, a set of questioning tools modeled by Richard Bandler and John Grinder from two of the therapeutic geniuses of the 20th century, Fritz Perls and Virginia Satir. It was the first creation in the field of NLP, and formed the basis for subsequent discoveries in the field. The Meta-model works on the following principle: people don’t experience reality directly, but rather through the ‘maps’ of reality they create in their minds. When people have a problem or challenge, it does not typically exist ‘in reality’ - it exists in their map of reality. If you can enrich their map, their experience of the world will become richer. Enrich their map enough, and their problems will be solved, their challenges overcome. The Meta-model is the principle tool for discovering where and how to enrich a person’s map. I was hooked. I told myself “You have to learn how to do this!” So I did. In the course of my studies, I tried lots of approaches, and experimented. I tried things that worked, and many more that didn’t. This short e-book is a distillation of some of the most powerful approaches I’ve learned for ensuring that your coaching is effective. As you read this you'll start to see ways that you can fine-tune and improve our coaching abilities right away. Read on and I'll show you a way you can accelerate your learning of these patterns later. ©2006 Jamie Smart 4 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 5. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart What is NLP Coaching Language? NLP Coaching language is a set of questions and linguistic tools that are amazingly powerful for helping people to solve problems, enrich their maps of reality, and get the results they desire. For a detailed list of the sort of linguistic tools you can learn, check out the NLP Coaching Cards page at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm - it contains a list of ‘features’ that will start to give you an idea of the kind of things that become possible as you begin learning to use language in this powerful way. Why Learn NLP Coaching Language NLP Coaching Language (including the infamous NLP Meta-Model) is the most powerful set of questions and linguistic tools there is for helping people to solve problems, make changes and get what they want. Why? Because they use the power of a person’s unconscious mind to help them discover resources and solutions. While the conscious mind enjoys the illusion of control, it’s actually the unconscious that’s making the important decisions in a person’s life. That means that if you can get in touch with someone’s unconscious (including your own), you can make an incredible diffeence, quickly, easily and elegantly. Here are just some of the reasons for you to learn NLP Coaching Language: • Feel confident that you can discover the information that really matters in any situation. People pay good money for this! • Ask questions that amaze your clients, you colleagues, your friends and even yourself with the quality of answers you’ll get. • Relax, knowing that you will never be stuck for what to say or ask again. • Overcome barriers and obstacles that have been holding people back. You’ll see real progress! • Feel good, knowing that you really make a difference in people’s lives. ©2006 Jamie Smart 5 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 6. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #1 – Prepare Yourself First Before you set out to coach someone, it’s important to prepare yourself. There are three things that you can do in advance to make a huge difference in the quality of the coaching experience, whether you’re coaching yourself or another person. They are: • Set a ‘coaching intent’ • Go quiet inside • Accept yourself and trust Set a ‘coaching intent’ Robert Dilts (a leading developer of NLP) studied excellent ‘healers’ in many walks of life (doctors, therapists, coaches, medicine men etc). He found that while they had many different approaches, there was something all these great healers shared in common: they all had a ‘healing intent’. A healing intent is the intention and desire that whatever they are doing be for the healing of the person involved. When it comes to coaching, and using NLP Coaching Language, it is important to have what I call a ‘coaching intent’ – the intention and desire that whatever you do has the effect of helping the person to move forward in their life in a way that is positive and appropriate for them. If you use NLP Coaching language without a coaching intent, people can ‘feel’ it, and sometimes react defensively or just ‘shut down’. So set a coaching intent for your interactions. Accept yourself and trust Before you begin, accept yourself exactly as you are, and trust that you will be able to help the person you are coaching in some way. If your beliefs include the idea of an unconscious mind, or God, or universal life force etc, you might like to trust that this ‘power greater than yourself’ will help you with the process – or you may just wish to trust yourself and your abilities. Either way, the combination of acceptance and trust puts you in a powerful space to begin the coaching process. Go quiet inside Internal dialogue significantly hampers sensory acuity, so turn it off. Minimise your internal dialogue by breathing deeply, relaxing your throat muscles, placing the tip of your tongue just behind your upper front teeth and letting your jaw drop slightly. You’ll see and hear more! If your internal dialogue interrupts your awareness, say “Shut the &*!% up!” inside your head.” Repeat as necessary. This may take some practice at first, but as you persevere, you will be amazed at how much you are able to see and hear which used to be invisible. For a number of methods for turning off your internal dialogue, check out NLP for Business & Personal Success ©2006 Jamie Smart 6 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 7. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #2 - Believe In Yourself and Your Client Your beliefs about yourself and the world have a massive effect on how you respond. Your beliefs about your client will be communicated to them in everything you say and do. If you believe that your client won’t go into a trance, then they won’t. If you believe that they’re an excellent hypnotic subject, then they’re much more likely to be. If you have difficulty believing that your client can find the solutions to all their problems, and live an amazing life, then just pretend. Milton Erickson used to say “You can pretend anything and master it”, so while you’re at it, pretend that you’re an extraordinarily fast learner, and have already begun to master NLP Coaching Language. This idea of ‘pretending’ may seem a bit ‘low-tech’, but it actually has a proven track record. You see, your unconscious mind doesn’t distinguish between a real experience and a vividly imagined one. If you vividly imagine that your client is capable of making changes, your unconscious will start to communicate that belief to them. These communications will come out in the language you use, the gestures you employ, your voice tone etc. The amazing thing is that these subtle communications are exactly the sort of thing that their unconscious mind will pick up on! It’s actually a far more powerful level of communication than just saying to someone “You are capable of far more than you think you are”, so it’s well worth exploring. For more about belief change, visit the Salad archive or check out our Art of Being CDs. ©2006 Jamie Smart 7 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 8. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #3 – Pre-Frame for Success When I’m coaching someone, I do various things to ‘set the frame’ in a general, positive way before setting / eliciting a specific direction for the interaction. I got this idea from a book which said something like “The fact that you’re reading this means you can easily incorporate these new ideas into your life”. I set the frame by saying things like this: • “The fact that you’ve come here today means you’ll be able to make whatever changes you want in your life.” • “You’ve decided to engage me as your coach, which means you’ll be able to achieve your goals enjoyably.” The logicians among you will recognise that these statements wouldn’t pass a logic test, but the unconscious mind isn’t too stringent about logic. If the person accepts the statement as true (and they usually do), then the unconscious will act accordingly. The structure of these frame-setting statements is this: X means Y A causes B So, who do you want to positively influence? It could be actual coaching clients, other clients, employees, friends, family etc. As you take a few moments to think about the situation, you can start to become aware of some ideas you could use. One of my favourites for almost any coaching situation is something like this: “You learned to walk and talk, and you don’t even know how you did it. That means that the things you’ll be learning today are going to be really straightforward for you.” I use these all the time, and the ONLY time I get rumbled is by experienced NLP Practitioners (and even then, it’s usually only the ones I’ve trained to pay close attention to language). One of the things you start to find after you spend some time on a training course with me or listen to some Salad CDs is that it becomes a lot more fun to listen. Sometimes my assistants and more experienced students have trouble keeping a straight face on trainings when I’m embedding positive suggestions in seemingly ‘innocent’ stories and sentences! ©2006 Jamie Smart 8 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 9. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #4 - Establish and Maintain Rapport Rapport has been described as what happens when we get the attention of someone’s unconscious mind, and meet them at ‘their map of the world.’ It is more commonly understood as the sense of ease and connection that develops when you are interacting with someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Being able to get into rapport with other people isn't just a key for successful coaching; it's also one of the most fun, enjoyable and relaxing skills you can learn. People like to be around people who get into rapport with them. NLP Coaching Language works most effectively when you are in rapport with the person or people you are communicating with. Why is it important? People are social creatures, and we often need to work with other people to achieve what we want. This means that an ability to communicate influentially is one of the most valuable skills a person can have. Warning: If you use NLP Coaching Language and meta-model questions without rapport, the other person may become defensive. An important aspect of influential communication is creating a connection with the other person, and making them feel understood. Council’s in ancient Greece had a powerful approach for helping resolve disputes: The first person would state their case. The second person then had to re-state the first person’s case to the satisfaction of the first person before stating their case. Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Non-violent Communication, claims that he can resolve longstanding marital disputes within 20 minutes of the point where each partner can accurately state the needs of the other partner. He says, however, that it often takes quite a bit longer to get to the point where they can do that. These are examples of meeting someone at their map of the world using verbal techniques. There are many ways to get into rapport both verbally and non-verbally, using behavioural techniques, vocal flexibility and internal shifts of consciousness. For details and exercises, check out NLP for Business & Personal Success ©2006 Jamie Smart 9 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 10. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #5 – Set A Direction Human neurology is ‘goal-seeking’ and will always tend to organise around a specific result or set of results. These results are referred to in NLP as ‘outcomes’. Whether you help a person work on a specific outcome (eg earning a million dollars) or help them explore a certain direction (Eg. becoming financially free), it’s important for them to have something to aim at. Finding out what someone wants sets a direction for the coaching session. Ways of finding this out include the following: - What do you want? - What have you come here for? - What can I do for you? - What’s the problem? - The Miracle Question (see NLP Coaching CardsTM for this and other fantastic goal-discovering questions) All of these have different presuppositions (“What’s the problem” presupposes that the person has some problem they’ve come to solve, and may not be useful in many situations, but in some it is. Frank Farrelly, creator of Provocative Therapy, uses this question as his starting point). My fave is still “What do you want?”, but the others all have value in different situations. Once you know what someone wants, you can further clarify their goal using other queries which you’ll find on the NLP Coaching CardsTM The key is to help a person get a clear idea of how they would like things to be. Once you have this, you have a direction for the process. To hear this being used with a group and with individuals, check out NLP for Business & Personal Success ©2006 Jamie Smart 10 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 11. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #6 – Watch & Listen “Watch and listen?!?” I hear you ask. “How dull”. But wait. According to NLP co- developer Richard Bandler, 95% of NLP is information-gathering. I often get emails from people asking things like “What technique do you use to help a one-eyed mother of four overcome her inexplicable fear of dwarves which emerges when she’s doing the dishes?” The technique I use is…watch and listen. I believe that when you’re working with someone and you have the attention of their unconscious mind (rapport), the unconscious will do everything within its power to tell you exactly what you need to know in order to help the person make he necessary changes. The coach’s role involves having the sensory acuity to intercept those messages from the unconscious. So how are those messages sent? • Body language • Throw-away • Ambiguities • Gestures comments • Organ language • Eye movements • Sensory language • etc I’d like you to consider the possibility that your clients are offering you a wealth of clues to help them find solutions to their problems and the paths to their desires. 95% of NLP is information-gathering. Watch and listen. Of course, sometimes you need to ‘stimulate’ a person’s nervous system in order to gather the necessary information. And how do you stimulate their nervous system? Questions. And the most useful set of questions out there is…The Meta Model. The Meta Model (created by Bandler and Grinder) is the most powerful set of questions there is for helping people enrich their maps of the world. Bandler credits it as being the tool which helped them create all the other NLP models. Astonishingly (to me) the Meta Model is not taught in depth on most Practitioner trainings these days. This is because it’s traditionally seen as being “difficult”, but it’s not! We’ve pioneered using approaches for learning the Meta Model quickly and easily using games which make it fun. The great thing is, by the time you realise how easily you can do it, the learnings have already gone in. If you don’t have a set of NLP Coaching CardsTM yet, go to http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm to get yours now. You’ll learn the Meta-Model, the most powerful information-gathering tool there is! ©2006 Jamie Smart 11 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 12. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #7 – Clear Obstacles and Gather Resources When you’re coaching someone, you can assume that they have already tried whatever they’ve been able to think of consciously to make the changes they want to make – that’s why they’re talking to you! Part of your role as coach is to help someone set a clear direction, then gather the resources they’ll need for the journey, and clear obstacles out of the way. There are some ‘NLP Presuppositions’ that are particularly useful – pretend that these are true (if you don’t believe them already): • There’s a solution to every problem • People already have all the resources they need • Anything’s possible When you ‘believe’ these in relation to yourself and your coaching clients, you suddenly start to find answers appearing that may previously have evaded you. Of course, there are specific question that are particularly useful, for example: If someone has an obstacle, and says “I can’t…”, you can ask “What stops you?”, or “What would happen if you did / could?” “What stops you?” will get you information about the obstacle, both verbal and non- verbal. “What would happen if you did / could?” gets the person to imagine going beyond the obstacle, which is often something they’ve never imagined. When you go through your NLP Coaching Cards, you’ll find variations on thes questions that can help you to clear obstacles, gather resources, and often make changes instantly (sometimes helping people let go of something that’s held them back for years, just by well-chosen questions!) Learn about all the tools you get here: http://www.saladltd.co.uk/NLP_Coaching_Cards.htm ©2006 Jamie Smart 12 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 13. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #8 – Use Softeners Legend has it that when Bandler and Grinder first taught the Meta-Model to a group of university students, the students immediately went out and alienated friends and family by using the questions inappropriately, and without gaining rapport (“I love you.” – “What would happen if you didn’t?” etc). As a result, NLP Practitioners are now taught to build rapport before being taught the Meta-Model! NLP Coaching language is so powerful and revealing that it can seem intrusive and even ‘bullying’ if not asked in an appropriate way (remember, body language and voice tone make up a significant amount of what you communicate to someone). So I suggest that people: • Use a gentle, curious voice tone • Use softeners Softeners are short phrases that you can put at the beginning of a question that make it more gentle and palatable. For instance: Raw Question Softened Question What do you want? I’m wondering what it is that you want? What stops you? I’m curious to know what stops you? How do you know? I’d like to ask you how you know that? When you combine the softeners with a gentle, curious voice tone and rapport, people really start to open up and give you the information you are looking for. Of course, mind and body are one system, so one way to ensure that your voice tone is curious is to get into a curious state, or a state of what Eric Robbie (top NLP trainer) calls “I wonder…” This makes the difference between an interrogation and a positive inquiry, and the results will speak for themselves. ©2006 Jamie Smart 13 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 14. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #9 – Gather Evidence One of my favourite NLP queries is “How do you know?” While I love using it for information gathering, I was pleasantly surprised back in February when someone on our NLP Practitioner training asked me “How do you know when someone you’re working with has experienced a real change?” One of the things that those of you doing coaching or changework of any sort may already have experienced is that clients often want to please you. Sometimes, this means that they will consciously report that some sort of internal change has taken place, even when it hasn’t. I got fooled by this a few times when I first started doing changework with people, so over the years I’ve developed a kind of ‘spidey-sense’ about whether people have really experienced a shift, or whether they’re just trying to please me. When the Practitioner asked me “How do you know?”, I had to go inside my own experience & make explicit some of the things I’m responding to that let me know a change has taken place. So, some of the things that let me know that someone I’m working with has made a change or a shift in a certain area are: Long-term change in circumstances This is the most reliable indicator of change. If you help someone to stop smoking, & a year later they still aren’t smoking, that’s an excellent sign that the change has taken place. If they’re enjoying life as a non-smoker, that’s even better! Reality-based testing If you do a phobia cure with someone who has a fear of dogs, go find a dog! If you think you’ve sorted out their fear of heights, find a tall building. If they were scared of talking to people, get them to go out & speak with strangers. Whenever I do changework with people, I want to find the most immediate way to test my work that I can. One of the great things about doing this is that if the change has worked, the test creates a strong convincer for the person. If it hasn’t worked, then you know asap that there’s more to do. Imaginary testing Sometimes, it isn’t practical to go out during a session and conduct a test. If you do a phobia cure with someone who has a fear of flying, you may not want to wait until they next fly to find out if it’s worked. Fortunately, the nervous system processes a vividly imagined experience in a very similar way to a ‘real’ experience. Get them to vividly imagine the context where they wanted a change (“See what you’d see, hear what you’d hear, & feel what you’d feel etc), & notice their non-verbal responses (skin colour, breathing rate, expression etc). If you already know how to use hypnosis, you can intensify the experience by leading them into a trance first. ©2006 Jamie Smart 14 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 15. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart Involuntary “shifts” When a person experiences a shift in their patterns of thought & associated behaviours, their ‘involuntary patterns’ also change. If you are tracking these patterns prior to the change, you can notice the differences after the change has taken place. Examples include: - Skin colour changes (especially around the face, neck & upper chest) - Postural shifts (general posture, head-tilt, etc) - Eye-accessing (the patterns of their eye-movements) - Sensory words - Internal strategies (their sequences of internal sensory processing) - Meta-programs - etc Covert questioning This is one of my favourites. You can use an embedded question (Eg. “With some clients I ask ‘Has your unconscious mind really accepted this change’, but with you it seems clear”) & observe their unconscious response. If you are in rapport, their head will nod or shake depending on their unconscious mind’s answer to the embed ‘Has your unconscious mind really accepted this change’. Sneaky, huh! Changes in other patterns / novelty If the client reports sudden & major shifts in other areas of their life, or changes a habitual pattern during the session, this can be an indication of change. The conscious mind report The conscious mind report (“My goodness, I feel so much better. Thank-you, you really are amazing!”) is (sadly) the least reliable evidence of change. In my opinion, the unconscious mind is running the show. All of the above evidences of change are reports from the unconscious mind. These are always more reliable than the conscious mind report. ©2006 Jamie Smart 15 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 16. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart NLP Coaching Language Tip #10 - Wire In The Language Patterns NLP Coaching Language (particularly the NLP Meta-Model) is the most powerful tool there is for enriching people’s models of reality, solving problems and helping reach goals. The great thing about it is this: the fact that you can read this book means you already have all the skills necessary to learn NLP Coaching Language. All that is required now is some practice. There are a number of techniques that can help you learn to use this language with effortless elegance: • Get a set of the language patterns to study. They are available on Salad’s NLP Coaching CardsTM, with examples of how to use them. • Write out examples of the language patterns to wire them in to your neurology at a deep level. If you write out examples of the Meta-Model patterns and challenges 100 times, it will go a long way to embedding them automatically in your speech. • Use Salad’s NLP Coaching CardsTM to play card games using the language patterns. Play makes learning fast and fun, so games increase your learning speed. Then you can become curious about just how quickly your unconscious will begin to surprise you by allowing these patterns to emerge in your language spontaneously! • Choose a pattern each day, then practice using that pattern in your conversations that day. You will be surprised at just how quickly you are able to integrate the patterns. • As usual, set a goal for your communication (remember the Coaching Intent!) Then allow your unconscious to help reflect this in your questions. See, once you have internalized these questions, you don’t have to think about them anymore. Your unconscious will automatically come up with the best question to ask. All you have to do (consciously) is think about where you want to go next, what information you want to gather, and what you’d like to know. Your unconscious can do the rest! ©2006 Jamie Smart 16 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 17. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart More Information salad the nlp collection “You Can Have More of What You Want In Your Life” NLP for Business & Personal Success Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) is one of the most revolutionary approaches ever for effective communication, rapid change, & outstanding results. This 6 CD set is a live recording of a 2-day training with NLP Trainer & creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis Cards, NLP Coaching Cards & Irresistible Influence Cards, Jamie Smart. You’re going to learn: • The attitude of NLP • How to set clear goals & directions • How to get into rapport with others, fast • How to build powerful states for yourself • How to change difficult relationships • How to shut off internal dialogue • And much, much more… Order Now and get the E-Book Manual FREE “The end results are no less than AMAZING” Nicole Kent, Business Owner Price: Download £37.00 Click Here To Order Now CDs £57.00 Click Here To Order Now (VAT & Shipping charges added where appropriate) Get it RISK-FREE with the salad guarantee! You can get yours now at www.saladltd.co.uk or ring 0845 650 1045 to place your order right away ©2006 Jamie Smart 17 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 18. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart salad the nlp collection "Their Questions Were So Off-the-wall, I Wouldn't Have Thought Of Them In A Million Years!" NLP Coaching Cards are for finding out what's going on in someone else's map of the world, then coaching them to enrich that map. They are fantastic for setting goals, clearing obstacles, and shaking up limiting beliefs. They also include techniques for wiring in the infamous NLP Meta Model, the world's most powerful information-gathering and problem-solving tool. Imagine being able to: • Feel confident that you can discover the information that really matters in any situation. People pay good money for this! • Ask questions that amaze your clients, you colleagues, your friends and even yourself with the quality of answers you'll get. • Relax, knowing that you will never be stuck for what to say or ask again. • Overcome barriers and obstacles that have been holding people back. • Feel good, knowing that you really make a difference in people's lives. “This is a fun and friendly way to learn and master the skills of coaching mastery.” Michael Neill, author of “You Can Have What You Want” Price: NLP Coaching Cards £14.95 Click Here To Order Now (VAT & Shipping charges added where appropriate) Get it RISK-FREE with the salad guarantee! You can get yours now at www.saladltd.co.uk or ring 0845 650 1045 to place your order right away ©2006 Jamie Smart 18 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 19. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart salad free stuff At Salad, we are committed to your learning and development, so we want you to have great stuff. Part of our strategy involves giving our best stuff away, so here are some links to some of our best stuff. You can have all this for free! Jamie Smart’s NLP Tips An e-zine chock full of great NLP related tips you can put into practice right away, as well as links to Salad courses & products, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘10 of the Coolest, Most Powerful & Useful NLP Techniques I’ve Ever Learned.’ Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/1.htm NLP Coaching Tips Learn secrets that most people (including most NLP Practitioners!) don’t know about NLP coaching. These tips (soon to be published) will give you details every week of practical techniques, ideas and approaches you can use to get great coaching results. In addition, you’ll get a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language’. Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/2.htm Irresistible Influence Language Course Sign up for this FREE 1 year Irresistible Influence Course (a £29.95 value) for a weekly dose of influence language, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of Ethically Outrageous Influence.’ Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/3.htm Unconditional Happiness Tips Every week, you’ll receive a quick reminder of the principles that will help you to experience more happiness, joy and freedom in every area of your life, as well as more of the things and experiences you desire. In addition, you’ll get a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of Unconditional Happiness’. Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/4.htm Hypnotic Language Course Sign up for this FREE 1 year Hypnotic Language Course (a £29.95 value) for a weekly dose of hypnotic language, as well as a free e-book worth £19.95, ‘The Top 10 Secrets of Conversational Hypnosis’. Sign up for yours free now at http://www.saladltd.co.uk/5.htm Sign up for your free stuff now at www.saladltd.co.uk ©2006 Jamie Smart 19 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved
  • 20. The Top 10 Secrets of NLP Coaching Language By Jamie Smart About the Author Jamie Smart is the Managing Director of Salad Seminars Ltd, as well as the principal trainer. He spent much of the nineties leading large, mission-critical business projects and change programmes. In the process, he found that individual change is the key to collective change, and became fascinated with helping people achieve the results they want. This fascination led him to NLP, and he has spent from 1996 to the present day learning from the finest teachers and materials, and applying what he’s learned. Jamie is an NLP Master Practitioner and is licensed by Richard Bandler and the Society of NLP as a Trainer of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). Jamie is author of The NLP Tip, an e-zine which goes to thousands of people around the world each week (available from www.saladltd.co.uk), as well as the creator of Ericksonian Hypnosis CardsTM and many other products. He lives in Leicestershire (UK). When he isn’t helping other people get what they want, he likes going for long walks in the woods, listening to music and reading. Acknowledgements I’ve been fortunate to learn from a number of great NLP Trainers and other innovative thinkers and teachers. Thanks to anyone whose efforts have made their way into this work. Specific thanks to… • Richard Bandler • Robert Dilts • John Grinder • Sid Jacobson • Joseph Riggio • Jonathan Altfeld • Eric Robbie • Robert Anton Wilson • Jo Cooper • Ian Watson • Peter Seal • Michael Neill • Timothy Leary • John La Valle • Marianne Williamson • Paul McKenna • Michael Breen • Christina Hall • Sháá Wasmund ©2006 Jamie Smart 20 www.saladltd.co.uk All Rights Reserved