The full title, "The Menace Of Winchester: A Christmas Fable" is an animated screenplay. Logline: A grumpy old goat terrorizes a small village then becomes the target of a witch-hunt. Copyrighted and registered with the WGA west 2009.

1. T he Menace Of Winchester:
A Christmas Fable

2. FADE IN:
EXT. WINCHESTER COUNTRYSIDE - NIGHT
A mosaic of English-style hills and valleys, one scenic
overview DISSOLVING into the next.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
The way legend tells it, five days
before the eve of Christmas, a once
humble old goat by nature turns on
a heel and is suddenly rotten
again.
WE SEE a “NO CRITTERS ALLOWED” sign. The wind BEATING against
it.
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
To some he was called “Scrooge De
Hermit.” To others, Old Billy
McMiezer. But to the mass
menagerie, he was simply known
as...
A BURST of lightning FLASHES around a rickety old mailbox,
revealing the name...
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The Menace Of Winchester.
More LIGHTING more THUNDER.
EXT. CORNFIELD - CONTINUOUS
A BUNNY RABBIT, cute and cuddly, is seen CHOMPING on an ear
of corn, in the middle of an isolated cornfield.
Up ahead, nestled in the deep dark vastness, the decrepid old
mansion.
The door suddenly CREAKS open, and out FLOPS a fresh carrot,
onto the front stoop.
The bunny drops his cob and quickly dashes for the savory
carrot. He SNIFFS it, grabs it with both tiny paws. Then
suddenly, he is WHISKED inside the dark manor by the live
bait.
The door SLAMS shut.

3. 2.
I/E. THE MANSION - CONTINUOUS
From the light in the dusty windows, the shadow of a GOAT
brandishing a pitchfork, can be seen racing up the staircase,
after the helpless bunny.
EXT. ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS
From the chimney, out POPS the frantic rabbit. Soon after,
the soot-covered goat rears his ugly head and continues to
give chase.
Through the fierce rain, both animals suddenly leap from the
roof and take flight, instantly landing into the maze of the
cornfield.
The old wet goat watches with bloodshot eyes, as his midnight
meal flees into the distant night.
EXT. CITY HALL - NIGHT
ESTABLISHING.
INT. ASSEMBLY ROOM - NIGHT
The room is packed with furious ANIMALS of every species.
VICEROY DRUMMAND, a white-faced, woolly-haired farm bull,
strides into the room. His larger-than-life presence stifles
the unruly crowd.
He reaches the podium. The gavel is SLAMMED. Then somehow his
robust demeanor turns to pooh pooh when they hear his MOUSY
voice.
VICEROY
First of all who...
Quickly CLEARING his throat, his deep Georgia DRAWL suddenly
resonates.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
Pardon me. Sorry. Who in tarnation
let the Badger family in here?
The animals look around in all directions. The room RUMBLES.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
Get them outta here!
The GUERILLA GUARDS approach the Badgers.

4. 3.
GUARD ONE
Alright, you heard the Viceroy. On
your feet.
Instantly, the expletives fly from the entire family of
badgers, and the BLEEP button quickly goes into overtime.
DADDY BADGER
Wrong move, Viceroy! I’d start
locking my (bleepin’) windows and
(bleepin’) doors, if I were you.
MOMMY BADGER
Better watch your (bleep),
motha...(bleep)! It’s on now!
JUNIOR BADGER
Raw eggs and (bleep) paper on all
your houses!
All heads turn as the family is ousted out the back door.
VICEROY
What the (bleep) is wrong with
them?
Heads quickly turn back in shock toward the Viceroy. He
pauses.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
I mean uh. The last thing we need
in this assembly is a bunch of
highfalutin hypocrites.
APPLAUSE ERUPTS, especially in the SEAL corner.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
I’m tired of being pushed around.
THE CROWD
(sporadic)
Here, here!
VICEROY
Beaten up and bullied.
BIG BLACK BULL
You got that right!
VICEROY
Sick of being treated like a second
class primate!
The crowd EXPLODES.

5. 4.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
(above the hoopla)
Five days before Christmas and I’ve
had it up to here with that
miserable old goat!
The CHAOS builds.
VICEROY (CONT’D)
Victims! Citizens of Winchester!
Who among you will stand tall, beat
down the door of that evil old
McMiezer and give ‘em a piece of
your mind?
Suddenly, everyone puts a sock in it. All we hear is the
RUSTLE of a lone cricket.
CRICKET
(stopping, Spanish accent)
My bad, hombres.
The Viceroy waits, then...
VICEROY
Okay, who wants mocha?
The crowd goes crazy.
BOB CATCHET, the old goat’s apprentice gazes from the back of
the room, then exits.
EXT. TOWN HALL BUILDING - NIGHT
As the members exit the building, the bobcat catches a
glimpse of a modest pack of animals across the way.
SHERIFF BUFORD HOWLER, a RASPY-VOICED bloodhound and his
sidekick, DEPUTY FURIOUS FOXWORTHY, a squinty-eyed grey fox,
have mustered up an small assemblage of their own.
HOWLER
That old buckaroo...
The hound dog spits his tobacco.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
I’ll hunt ‘em down for ya. Sniff
‘em out. Dead or alive.
A big CHEER from the crowd.

6. 5.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
We’ll string ‘em up by his scrawny
little neck! Turn ‘em into goat’s
milk or yella cheese.
Sustaining LAUGHTER.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
Just enough for everybody, I recon.
All around!
Amid the hoopla, the sheriff let’s out one hellava HOWL.
Catchet grimaces as he wanders away.
EXT. THE HOMESTEAD OF BOB CATCHET - NIGHT
He enters quickly, drawing the curtains closed. MRS. CATCHET
is seated behind him, in her favorite rocking chair.
MRS. CATCHET
You’re home early.
BOB CATCHET
(gazing through the
curtain)
The children put to bed?
MRS. CATCHET
Yes. What’s wrong?
Turning to his wife.
BOB CATCHET
I’m afraid the whole town has gone
stark raving mad.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE UP TO:
EXT. THE CATCHET HOUSE - DAY
Bob is loading his family into an OX carriage. Along with
Mrs. Catchet, TINY TOM CATCHET, and his BROTHER and SISTER.
WE HEAR hokey MUSIC in the background. Overly dramatic.
BOB CATCHET
(to his wife)
Take extra care of the children.

7. 6.
MRS. CATCHET
I will.
TOM CATCHET
Will you be home for Christmas,
Father?
BOB CATCHET
I’ll certainly try my best, Tom.
Patting the child on his head.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
See to your brother and sister for
me.
TOM CATCHET
‘Course I will, Father.
OX
(low tone)
For cryin’ out loud, put a sock in
it already.
The MUSIC stops. Everyone stares at the Ox.
OX (CONT’D)
Sorry. Should we be going now?
BOB CATCHET
Yes, yes of course.
The MUSIC starts up again.
MRS. CATCHET
Do be careful, dear.
BOB CATCHET
I’ll manage, love.
He gives his wife a peck as the carriage pulls away.
Catchet waves them all goodbye.
OX
(amid the farewells)
Jeez, somebody just put a friggin’
bullet between my eyes.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
So the Bobcat loaded his family
safely away. Sensing a vigilante
ambush, his mission now was to get
to the goat, before they did.
(MORE)

8. 7.
NARRATOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And save his hide, before they
skinned him alive.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DARKENED WOODS - NIGHT
WE SEE “the lair”, a large oak whose trunk has been turned
into a house.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Now it was time for him to make
nice with an old biddy of a
vulture.
The name of VALVAZAR, “the vulture of voodoo” is revealed on
a slab of wood, fastened above the door.
Bob looks up, from his bicycle at the ominous tree house.
The door slowly CRACKS open, and a dozen BLACK CATS escape
into the wind.
An old prune of a VULTURE appears. Gypsy-like. Frail.
VALVAZAR
Bob Catchet, is it?
BOB CATCHET
It is. I believe there’s a matter
of three ghosts we need to discuss.
VALVAZAR
Yes, yes, my friend. Come, come.
Come into my lair.
Bob just stands there. She flips the hood over and suddenly
sounds like a “Jewish” grandmother.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
Would you get your caboose in here
already. Holy Cannoli!
The Bobcat wonders in.
INT. VILLAGE BAR - NIGHT
A HIPPO and a MOUNTAIN LION share a drink.
HIPPO
I wanted to say something but...

9. 8.
MOUNTAIN LION
But what?
HIPPO
I couldn’t.
MOUNTAIN LION
Are you ready to talk about it now?
HIPPO
Yes. Yes I believe I am.
MOUNTAIN LION
So did that old Billy goat really
push you down a flight of stairs?
HIPPO
No comment.
EXT. THE BAR/ PORCH - CONTINUOUS
Like a sixties beatnik poet, a MOOSE quietly BEATS the bongos
on the porch bench.
MOOSE
Jealousy. Blows his mind. Horns.
Versus antlers. Size matters, Billy
boy. Size matters.
A drunken DOTSON gets the boot, out of the saloon.
WE SEE a TOUCAN, sitting on a rock next to a BULLFROG playing
his harmonica.
TOUCAN
He’s on a mission. To destroy us
all and claim Armageddon for
himself.
BEAT. The frog stops playing, ogles the toucan.
TOUCAN (CONT’D)
Okay I’m reaching.
INT. VALVAZAR’S PARLOR - NIGHT
Bob watches the old buzzard as her winged fingers hover over
a darkened crystal ball. She freezes suddenly, staring at the
bobcat, who is staring at the enormous wart above her nose.
VALVAZAR
What?

10. 9.
BOB CATCHET
What? I’m sorry?
VALVAZAR
What are you looking at?
BOB CATCHET
Nothing. Nothing I was just
wondering...
VALVAZAR
What?
BOB CATCHET
Uh, well, uh...
VALVAZAR
Yes?
BOB CATCHET
Do you get indoor plumbing in here?
BEAT.
VALVAZAR
I knew it! You were staring at my
wart!
BOB CATCHET
Oh no, no of course not!
VALVAZAR
Don’t lie to me Catchet. Last guy
who did that found himself full of
muscatel, face up on a slab, waking
up to a perfectly executed
lobotomy.
Bob gazes at the vulture. He gulps.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
I’m kidding, I’m a kidder. Jeez
Louise, would you loosen up
already?
BOB CATCHET
Oh. Oh, dear me.
Bob starts to chuckle.
VALVAZAR
Don’t laugh. It’s not funny
anymore.

11. 10.
BOB CATCHET
Sorry.
They peer back into the crystal ball, as she continues waving
over it.
VALVAZAR
Oh and Bob.
BOB CATCHET
Yes.
VALVAZAR
No snooping in here, okay?
Otherwise I’ll have to hunt you
down like rabid dog and roast your
innards on a rotisserie spit.
Understood?
Catchet freezes in his boots.
VALAZAR
I’m joking, I’m a jokster, what do
you want from me?
BOB CATCHET
Should I laugh now?
VALAZAR
No.
BEAT.
A misty image is forming in the ball.
VALVAZAR
Wait!
She continues waving her feathered hands over it.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
I see a shallow mansion nestled in
the woods. A Billy goat is sleeping
there, with all his earthly goods.
He’s about to be awaken, his world
about to fall. And nothing shall be
the same again, when Muley comes to
call.
DISSOLVE TO:

12. 11.
INT. THE OLD GOAT’S BEDROOM -NIGHT
Old Billy sits up, in bed, beneath the canopy.
The CLINKING chains getting closer, from outside the door.
Suddenly, BOOM! Through the door, SWOOPS in a flying mule,
amid a flock of doves. Crazy. High-strung. JACOB MULEY.
MULEY
Oh yeah! Peace baby, peace! Spread
the love, my brother! Spread the
love!
OLD BILLY
(Scottish brogue)
Muley! Have you completely lost
your mind?!
MULEY
Give ‘em solace, baby! Give ‘em
bliss! Show Cupid where to aim his
bow, and that boy will never miss!
Hahaha!
Old Billy flips the covers over his head. The mule
crisscrosses the room, one last time them levels down for a
safe landing.
MULEY (CONT’D)
It’s all good, baby. It’s all good.
The mule watches the goat, under the covers.
MULEY (CONT’D)
Well it ain’t the boogie man, fool!
Old Billy unravels the sheets.
OLD BILLY
Jacob Muley. What do you want?
MULEY
Yeah man, uh...look here. Why don’t
you hook your old partner up with
some of them bank notes?
OLD BILLY
What?
MULEY
Oh now don’t act like you ain’t
rollin’ in it, Mr. Big Wigs.

13. 12.
OLD BILLY
What the devil does a moth-covered
old ghost need with a fist full of
bank notes?
BEAT.
MULEY
Some new chains and a serious
makeover?
OLD BILLY
Get outta here, Muley! Out! Out!
MULEY
Wait a minute now, just hold on to
your money bags, Billy, this ain’t
no social call.
OLD BILLY
Then what do you want?
MULEY
I ain’t exactly here for my health,
old timer. This is payback sucka.
OLD BILLY
Payback?
MULEY
Before you kick the bucket...before
you wake the dead...it’s inventory
time! You bubble head.
Muley breaks into the SONG, “Inventory Time.”
Accompanied by a trio of BLACKBIRDS, who materialize from the
fireplace, suddenly it’s the gospel hour. Followed by an
EXPLOSIVE finale.
MULEY (CONT’D)
Oh yeah.
Old Billy helps himself to a cup of tea, from a pot on the
furnace.
OLD BILLY
Give it a rest, Muley.
MULEY
What did you say?

14. 13.
OLD BILLY
I said, put a sock in it, you old
hypocrite!
The blackbirds suddenly wince back.
Mulely FLARES UP, levitating toward the ceiling in a fit of
RAGE. Kicking and HEE HAWING at the top of his lungs. Eyes
bulging out of his head like frisbees.
The goat stands there, knees trembling. Cup and sauce shaking
in his grip.
Muley is WHALING, and FLAPPING his arms repeatedly. Chains
RATTLING.
Old Billy drops his cup, jumps for the bed covers.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
(beneath the covers)
Muley! You’re fit to be tied!
The mule lowers himself to ground level.
MULEY
Sorry.
The old “scrooge” peaks from under the sheets, slightly.
MULEY (CONT’D)
I freaked. Not cool.
Old Billy does away with the covers.
MULEY (CONT’D)
You’re right, Billy. I am a
hypocrite. Or was at least, in my
mortality.
OLD BILLY
Same as I.
MULEY
A heel. Stubborn. Mule-headed.
BEAT.
MULEY (CONT’D)
But hey man, I’m a jackass, what’s
your excuse?
OLD BILLY
Wait. I got something to show you.

15. 14.
The Billy goat dashes away.
MULEY
(more or less to himself)
They’re uh...they’re coming to get
you Billy! Dead or alive!
The goat rolls out a vacuum-like contraption.
MULEY (CONT’D)
What is it?
OLD BILLY
My new invention. I call it...
Billy turns it on.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
The ghost remover.
MULEY
Oh snap.
The mule tries to make a run for it, but is quickly SUCKED
in, along with his peace-loving doves.
MULEY (CONT’D)
Spread the love, my brother! Spread
the....
From inside the vac, WE HEAR...
MULEY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Man. You got a lot on your mind,
don’t you.
INT. TOWN POOL HALL - NIGHT
An ELEPHANT is shooting billiards, while a tiny MOUSE watches
from the edge of the table.
ELEPHANT
You know how sometimes when you’re
at work, walking up the hallway...
MOUSE
Yeah.
ELEPHANT
And you spot the boss coming down,
from the other end of the hall...

16. 15.
MOUSE
Yep.
ELEPHANT
And you start to get that sinking
feeling in the pit of your
stomach...
MOUSE
Yep.
BEAT.
ELEPHANT
I’m sorry, I lost my thought.
Three OTTERS from the “valley” sit at a round table slurping
margaritas.
OTTER ONE
Dude. If there’s gonna be a lynch
mob we should totally come up with
a cool name for it.
OTTO TWO
Let’s see. How about, the Army
Menagerie. Neutralizers of Enemy
Scavengers and Animal Adversaries.
OTTER ONE
Wicked.
BEAT.
OTTO THREE
Dude, that spells amnesia.
INT. VALVAZAR’S LAIR - NIGHT
Catchet is pacing.
VALVAZAR
Sit down, kitty. You’re making me
nervous.
BOB CATCHET
What happened just now? And don’t
call me kitty.
VALVAZAR
I dunno. Sometimes we lose contact.

17. 16.
BOB CATCHET
Yeah, well I’m not paying you good
money to see a disappearing act.
VALVAZAR
You paid for three ghosts, Puss n’
Boots. There are two left, so
what’s the problem?
Catchet wanders toward her, at the table and takes a seat.
BOB CATCHET
I am not a Puss n’ Boots. I’m a
bobcat.
VALVAZAR
No you’re not.
BOB CATCHET
Yes I am.
VALVAZAR
Am not.
BOB CATCHET
Am too.
VALVAZAR
Am not.
BOB CATCHET
Am too.
VALVAZAR
You sure?
BOB CATCHET
What do you do mean am I...?
VALVAZAR
Thumb wrestle you.
BOB CATCHET
What?
VALVAZAR
If I win I get to call you my silly
willy, snookums kitty.
BOB CATCHET
Like that’s going to happen.
VALVAZAR
Why not? Hmmmm? You a scaredy cat?

18. 17.
BOB CATCHET
No.
VALVAZAR
Scaredy cat! Scaredy cat!
BOB CATCHET
Look I don’t have any thumbs,
alright!
BEAT.
VALVAZAR
Come to think of it, neither do I.
She begins to chuckled.
BOB CATCHET
Stop it.
VALVAZAR
I still say your head’s too flat to
be a bobcat.
She rises. Catchet looks into the crystal.
BOB CATCHET
My head’s not that flat. Is it?
He sees a vision.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Hey I see something.
The vulture approaches.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
See? Look a tiny spec.
VALVAZAR
Yeah. Wait a minute, I think you
spit on it. Here.
She wipes it, with her robe.
BOB CATCHET
Not there. There.
She sits.
VALVAZAR
The dawn will soon be breaking.
Another day shall rise.
(MORE)

19. 18.
VALVAZAR (CONT'D)
Before the night is over, make room
for compromise. Send yet another
spirit. A clever ghost alas! To
open this goat’s eyes again...the
Goose Of Christmas past.
INT. OLD BILLY’S MANOR/ BEDROOM -NIGHT
Standing at the foot of his bed, THE GOOSE OF CHRISTMAS PAST.
GOOSE
(a proper English Lady)
Think of the possibilities had you
been born a Cashmere coat.
The goat is suddenly jarred awake.
OLD BILLY
What? Who’s there?
GOOSE
A frock for a child, perhaps.
The goat tries desperately to focus.
GOOSE (CONT’D)
That way you’d be serving animal
kind, and yet free from the
clutches of the pestering needy.
OLD BILLY
Who are you?
GOOSE
Don’t be pretentious. You know
perfectly well who I am.
OLD BILLY
(squinting)
No. Can’t say that I do, out right.
GOOSE
I am the Goose of Christmas Past.
OLD BILLY
Ah yes. From me childhood past.
GOOSE
Correct.

20. 19.
OLD BILLY
And may I say, Lassie...what a fine
scrumptious, rarity you turned out
to be.
GOOSE
I beg your pardon.
OLD BILLY
Stuffed meself pretty good, I did,
with the likes of you.
GOOSE
What?!
OLD BILLY
Don’t remember ye being as paunchy,
though.
GOOSE
Why I never!
OLD BILLY
Ye seem a might brawnier than that
old white-faced barnacle we went to
hackin’ on, in me youth.
The goose GASPS for breath.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
But all the same, Madame...there
was still plenty of pickings left
on ye, to go around and back again.
GOOSE
If you expect me to stand here
and...
OLD BILLY
No I don’t. There’s the door,
Madame Goose.
Billy rolls over, in his bed. She pokes him with her
umbrella.
GOOSE
Move your bloomin’ patootie, you
pompous old goat!
OLD BILLY
Who you callin’ an old goat?

21. 20.
GOOSE
You’re trying my patience, Billy
boy.
OLD BILLY
Alright, alright...don’t get your
knickers in a bunch. Gimme a
minute, will ye. For cryin’ out
loud.
As the goat storms away in his pj’s and nightcap, the Goose
suddenly breaks into SONG. A whimsical MELODY entitled, “Take
Another Gander (Silly Goose).”
The grey-bearded menace is in his lab, mixing a powdery
concoction, like a mad scientist.
When the SONG concludes, Old Billy reemerges, holding a bug
spray pump.
The Goose watches, as he pumps and pumps and pumps, until the
seeping smoke mysteriously takes the shape of a meat cleaver.
Eyes POPPING out of her head, the Goose makes a run for it.
The goat chasing after the long-neck bird.
She quickly descends through the door, but the flying hatchet
is tossed after her. She vanishes with a SHRILL.
The goat stands there, ringing his hooves together like a
“dastardly villain,” with a sinister goat’s cackle.
INT. BARBER SHOP - NIGHT
The CHIMP BARBER is grooming a “Freudian-like” IRISH SETTER
puffing on a pipe, making small talk.
IRISH SETTER
(distinctively German)
There is no cure for an animal on
the verge of spontaneous
combustion.
A WOLVERINE waits in a chair, reading “Junk Yard” magazine.
WOLVERINE
Says in here, he drinks blood and
eats the flesh of children.
A MONGOOSE sits on a shine box, CRUNCHING on a celery stick.

22. 21.
MONGOOSE
He’s got something against
mongooses.
INT. VALVAZAR’S LAIR - NIGHT
Catchet and Valvazar watch carefully as a huge COCKROACH
makes its way up the table.
As it reaches the top of the crystal ball, it waits.
The stare down between the bobcat and the vulture begins.
The roach sits there, with his dancing antennas. Suddenly,
the sound of RUMBLING tummies causes the bug to leap up, from
the crystal ball, into the air.
The bobcat and the vulture go for it, but CRASH into each
other and fall to the floor.
The insect quickly scurries up the unlit fireplace.
VALVAZAR
He’ll be back.
BOB CATCHET
How do you know?
VALVAZAR
Don’t mess with me, punk. I’m all-
knowing, all-seeing, remember.
BOB CATCHET
(sarcastically)
Oh yeah, I forgot.
They pick themselves up from the floor.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
That bug was mine.
VALVAZAR
I don’t think so, Mr. “I’m not a
kitty cat.”
BOB CATCHET
Why does it have to be so dark in
here?
VALVAZAR
Hey, I’m creating a diversion, do
you mind? Gives the impression
nobody’s home.

23. 22.
BOB CATCHET
(very low)
You can say that again.
VALVAZAR
What?
BOB CATCHET
Nothing.
He begins pacing again.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
The fireplace isn’t lit.
VALVAZAR
I know that.
BOB CATCHET
It’s gotta be ten below in here.
VALVAZAR
Look Mr., what do you want from me,
you want your money back or what?
BOB CATCHET
No. I was just wondering why...
VALVAZAR
Smoking chimneys are a dead
giveaway.
The bobcat stops pacing.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
The morbid enemy is everywhere.
BOB CATCHET
Morbid enemy? What morbid enemy?
Just then the ECHO of strong LAUGHTER, fills the room. The
bobcat turns scaredy cat running and leaping into the lap of
the vulture.
The fuzzy-bearded image of an enormous pot-belly pig begins
to materialize as the LAUGHTER continues. FUZZY PIG.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
(with a smile)
Why it’s Fuzzy Pig. Alive again!
VALVAZAR
Actually he’s still deader than day
old shish kebab.

24. 23.
BOB CATCHET
Whatever.
FUZZY PIG
(still chuckling)
Billy the Kid. That’s what we use
to call him. You think he’s ornery
now?
VALVAZAR
Is he drunk?
FUZZY PIG
If you want to see a change of
heart in that old goat, it’s
laughter that soothes the savage
beast.
VALVAZAR
I thought it was music.
LONG PAUSE. The pig’s not laughing anymore.
FUZZY PIG
Apples and oranges, “Miss Thing,”
so who died and made you genius?
Nobody’s laughing.
FUZZY PIG (CONT’D)
Well excuse me for getting so
tickled pink and busting a gut!
And trying so hard not to puke my
brains out!
The pig SNAPS his fingers and POPS out of sight.
BOB CATCHET
Wow. What do you suppose...?
Bob and Valvazar look at each other. Still on her lap, she
rises quickly.
VALVAZAR
I got it!
He hits the floor.
INT. OLD BILLY’S STUDY -NIGHT
WE SEE the goat, sitting at his counting table, tallying up
stacks and stacks of currency, when suddenly...WILD LAUGHTER
is heard.

25. 24.
INT. DINING CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
The old buck opens the door, and bears witness to a GLORIOUS
GIANT. A jolly lion, full of laughter, full of mane.
This is THE BEAST OF CHRISTMAS FEAST.
The goat enters slowly, and is suddenly surrounded by a
spread befitting a king. He takes a big WHIFF in all
directions.
The beast is busy entertaining a pack of HYENAS, perched at
his feet.
THE BEAST
So the gentleman says to the lady,
“excuse me, Madame but I think I
just ran over your cat...”
OLD BILLY
And the lady says “oh really, now?
What did it look like?”
THE BEAST
And the man goes...
The lion gives a look of fright, as if he is about to be run
over. The room is hysterical.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
Well if it isn’t that greedy little
glutton of a goat. Billy McMiezer.
OLD BILLY
I know you. The Beast Of Christmas
Feast.
THE BEAST
Who’da thunk it? Who’da thunk it?
Old Billy RIPS off a turkey leg and devours it.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
Tell me, Old Billy. Is it really
the nature of a goat to hog the
lion’s share of everything?
OLD BILLY
(swallowing)
It is, indeed. And is it the nature
of the beast to barge in, on
another creature’s territory in the
middle of the night?

26. 25.
THE BEAST
In case you haven’t heard there
might be a bounty over your head.
By now the hyenas are approaching the goat, licking their
chops. The goat picks up an empty frying pan as a weapon.
OLD BILLY
I know very well about that bounty.
And I say ha ha ha! To the bounty!
THE BEAST
(to the pack)
Down boys, down. He’s a friend, not
an appetizer.
The meat eaters stop in their tracks.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
Ha Ha Ha, indeed. I say we raise a
toast!
All wine glasses are raised.
OLD BILLY
To laughter!
THE BEAST
To laughter!
They drink up, and SMASH their glasses to the floor.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
Because comedy, my friend...
A Huge BELCH.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
Is King.
This leads us into the TUNE, “Comedy Is King.”
The MUSIC gets interrupted now and then, with a quip or a
joke from the Beast and the Goat.
THE BEAST (CONT’D)
“Uh, excuse me gentle lady, but do
lemons have wings?”
OLD BILLY
“Why no sir, they most certainly do
not.”

27. 26.
THE BEAST
“Well then I think I just swallowed
your canary.”
Laughter fills the room. The SONG continues, until there’s
another break.
OLD BILLY
Tell me, what do you call a row of
cats who owe me money?
THE BEAST
Well I’m sure I don’t know.
OLD BILLY
The fee line!
More hoopla, more high jinx, more bottles of wine POPPING
open.
And while everyone hangs on the final note of the SONG, the
old scrooge wanders away, then returns, rolling in a conjured-
up cannon made of smoke.
THE BEAST
(last words)
Who’da thunk it?
The old goat let’s ‘er RIP and BOOM! He BLASTS the entire
party to smithereens.
A puddle of mist is spread across the floor. The goat marches
over with his vac, chewing on a piece of fruit.
OLD BILLY
(to himself)
Mmmm. Kumquat.
He SUCKS the intruders in.
INT. A LEOPARD’S HOUSE - NIGHT
A less than lady-like LEOPARD, is watering her plants. She
speaks to no one in particular.
LEOPARD
Had the nerve to tell me I better
change my spots. Told him he better
change his underwear.

28. 27.
INT. THE CHAPEL - NIGHT
A SAINT BERNARD Clergy, trades stories with a COYOTE in the
pulpit.
FATHER BERNARDO
Quite frankly, he’s been banned
from the church.
COYOTE
Which one, Father?
FATHER BERNARDO
All of ‘em.
EXT. HOUSE OF THE GRIZZLY BEAR/ PORCH - NIGHT
A chubby old GRIZZLY rocks quietly on the porch sing.
GRIZZLY
Hibernation? Forget about it. Who
can sleep?
INT. VALVAZAR’S TREE HOUSE - NIGHT
Catchet lay sleeping on the table, near the crystal ball. He
SNORES like a giant ape.
The vulture watches him.
VALVAZAR
Now that’s just gross.
Just then, a LOUD VOICE approaches from nowhere.
LOUD VOICE
Tallyho!
Bob suddenly wakes up.
BAM! Through the door, in POPS a mysterious WARTHOG, tumbling
in the room. He picks himself up.
WARTHOG
Sorry. Virgin ghost, here.
He takes a quick look around.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
Excuse me. Am I in...?

29. 28.
VALVAZAR
No you’re not.
WARTHOG
So you’re not...
VALVAZAR
No I’m not.
WARTHOG
And yet this place is as cold as...
VALVAZAR
No it’s not!
The vulture approaches him, circling around him.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
This is not where you think it is.
I am not who you think I am. And
this place is certainly not as cold
as where you say it is!
WARTHOG
I’m sorry, the hideous breath threw
me off. Could you repeat that?
BOB CATCHET
Would you mind telling us who you
are?
WARTHOG
I’m the slumlord.
BEAT.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
The dead slumlord.
Mysterious MUSIC is overplayed, followed by the cliche FLASH
of lighting. Valvazar clings tightly to the bobcat.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
I come with a warning.
He starts backing up.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
The ravens say, those who enter
into his lair, will never again see
the light of day.
Bob and the vulture look at each other.

30. 29.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
Beware. Beware.
BOB CATCHET
Look out!
The old boar CRASHES right into a replicated miniature
haunted house, on the floor.
The Vulture peers right through him with an frightening gaze.
WARTHOG
Okay, awkward moment, here.
He tries to piece it together.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
Sorry about your spooky little
haunted house here.
He fumbles with the scraps, the vulture looks on.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
Let’s see...I think maybe this goes
here...and uh...
He ceases for the moment, picking up a tiny object.
WARTHOG (CONT’D)
Is this a hot tub?
VALVAZAR
Get out.
WARTHOG
Good call.
He drops everything and disappears through the door.
He then SMASHES into a bay of garbage cans outside.
WARTHOG (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Meant to do that!
Realizing they’re still embracing, Catchet and the vulture
break free. Each wincing and grimacing.
Catchet keeps his distance, looking away.
BOB CATCHET
So uh, you think we’re in danger or
what?

31. 30.
VALVAZAR
(looking up)
I see a vision.
BOB CATCHET
(lackluster)
Another vision. Whoopee.
She gives him a cold stare.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
I mean. Wow another vision, oh joy!
VALVAZAR
The image of a dead warthog. The
slumlord.
BOB CATCHET
(sarcastically)
Wow, never underestimate the
validity of psychic powers.
VALVAZAR
Will you shut your pie hole. That’s
just the tip of the iceberg.
BOB CATCHET
You mean?
VALVAZAR
The goat. Billy McMiezer. The last
one to see ‘em alive.
BOB CATCHET
You’re not suggesting...
The Vulture peers dead into Bob’s eyes.
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
A BASSET HOUND PAPER BOY, spills the news.
PAPER BOY
Murder! Murder! Read all about it!
In that instance, HEADS begins to surface from everywhere.
From street corners and alleys, from windows and shops. All
repeating the overbearing news. Murder? Murder?
The MASSES react and a posse begins to take shape, lead by
the town justice himself, Sheriff Howler and his deputy.

32. 31.
HOWLER
We got a butcher in Winchester,
boys!
He spits. The mob looks on.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
Remember. Dead or alive.
CHEERS, as the sheriff HOWLS and leads the way.
Torches are lit and passed around, weapons on the ready and
as the lynch mob forges on, another SONG suddenly sprouts up
with a vengeance, “There’s A Goat On the Lam.”
EXT. VALVAZAR’S LAIR - CONTINUOUS
Catchet and Valvazar venture out of the lair, watching the
flaming procession in the distance.
BOB CATCHET
Animals.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE UP TO:
EXT. SMALL HAMLET - DAY
WE SEE a WOLF on horseback, traveling down a snow-patched
street.
DR. WOLFGANG DE WOLF, P.I. and his trusty steed MAREWHETHER.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
So the town quickly summoned a
notable criminal psychologist to
aid in the mystery of the missing
goat and the dead warthog. Dr.
Wolfgang De Wolf. Private
Investigator.
A rolled-up newspaper suddenly PLOPS down, in the snow from
nowhere. The MARE stops.
A STORK circles overhead.
STORK
Wolfgang!

33. 32.
The wolf peers up.
STORK (CONT’D)
I’ve been scouring the ends of the
earth for you, mate.
DE WOLF
Sorry.
STORK
I’m afraid you’re wanted in
Winchester!
The stork soars away.
MARE
Winchester?
INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
From the wolf’s P.O.V., at the dinner table, WE SEE the open
newspaper. The HEADLINE: “MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF SLUMLORD DEEMED
SUSPICIOUS.”
As De Wolf lowers the paper, he is quickly startled by a
horrifying GUEST at his table.
DE WOLF
Good heavens!
It’s the REAPER. In black hood, with the jawbone of a rhino
and horns of a bull.
REAPER
(gentleman’s voice)
Try the quiche. I hear it’s to die
for.
DE WOLF
Who the devil are you?
REAPER
You mean to tell me you really
don’t know who I am?
BEAT.
REAPER (CONT’D)
“Black Doom?” “Angel Of Darkness?”
“The Shadow Of Death?” Stop me when
any of these rings a bell.

34. 33.
DE WOLF
The Reaper.
REAPER
Well actually I prefer, “The
Reapster”. Doesn’t get any cooler
than that.
De Wolf can’t stop staring.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Uh, yeah, FYI...this might be a
good time not to look me directly
in the eyes.
DE WOLF
(quickly shielding his
eyes)
My goodness. Why on earth not?
REAPER
Let’s see, how do I put this
without belittling your intellect?
Hello! Death here!
DE WOLF
Shhh. I beg you to keep your voice
down.
LONG PAUSE.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
Okay, this is the part where you’re
suppose to say, “no one else can
see or hear me.”
REAPER
Cliche overkill, pal. If I have to
pull that one out of the hat in one
more movie trust me, I’m gonna
barf, okay.
The Reaper picks up a glass of milk and drinks. It all spills
right below his chin bone, onto to his cloak. He puts it
down.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Sorry. Milk goes right through me.
DE WOLF
What exactly do you want?
The Reaper leans up, slowly.

35. 34.
REAPER
Don’t do it.
DE WOLF
Don’t do what?
Just then, the COOK, a slovenly young SLOTH, appears at the
table.
SLOTH
(sluggishly)
You wanted to see me, sir?
DE WOLF
That was twenty minutes ago.
LONG BEAT. Then finally...
SLOTH
Yeah?
DE WOLF
I want you to take a good look
around.
As WE canvas the restaurant, the PENGUIN WAITERS are
scurrying at lightning speeds, serving food from table to
table.
DE WOLF (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Everyone here is being served
within five minutes after placing
their order, except for me, the
lone wolf.
After a very long pause -
SLOTH
I uh, I have no idea what you’re
saying to me right now.
DE WOLF
(slamming the table)
Just get me my food!
SLOTH
(taking off in slow
motion)
Alright, alright, don’t get your
whiskers in a tangle.
DE WOLF
And hurry it up!

36. 35.
SLOTH
I’m going, I’m going.
De Wolf suddenly looks for the Reaper who has vanished from
the table.
EXT. THE NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
A Cockney WEASEL and a homely old BULLDOG are nailing the
goat’s “WANTED” poster to a tree. A bounty of one thousand
pounds.
WEASEL
I’m sackin’ this here bounty you
grubby old gutter pup. The whole
kit and caboodle.
BULLDOG
You keep them meat hooks off me
reward money, weasel. If you know
what’s good for ye.
WEASEL
Oh yeah?
BULLDOG
Yeah.
BEAT.
WEASEL
So uh, what’s them numbers read
anyway?
BULLDOG
Beats the heck outta me.
EXT. MISTY SKY - NIGHT
ESTABLISHING.
EXT. DARK WOODS - NIGHT
An OSTRICH and an AARDVARK, continue on the march as part of
the lynch party.
OSTRICH
That old menace. I’m still having
nightmares of combat boots kicking
me in the shins.
(MORE)

37. 36.
OSTRICH (CONT'D)
And that voice, screaming wildly in
the streets, loser! loser!
AARDVARK
That old Billy goat, done all that
to ye, huh.
OSTRICH
What Billy goat? I was talking
about my mother-in-law.
Our three OTTERS from the “valley”, slowly trudge along with
the rest of the bunch.
OTTER ONE
How about, Dangerous Animal
Renegade Trackers?
OTTER TWO
Awesome.
OTTER ONE
No, better yet, what about,
Ferocious Animal Rebel Troopers.
OTTER TWO
Awesomer.
BEAT.
OTTER THREE
Dude, you just went from d.a.r.t to
f.a.r.t.
EXT. WINCHESTER / OVERVIEW OF THE CITY - DAY
Snow is falling over the town.
ESTABLISHING.
EXT. TOWN SQUARE / SIDE STREET - DAY
De Wolf leans against his horse, his hat cocked back, “Bogie”
gumshoe-style, shining an apple against his chest.
DE WOLF
But why? Why on earth didn’t he
just do away with me, right there
in the restaurant?

38. 37.
MARE
Humph.
DE WOLF
He could’ve y’know. Very easily.
MARE
It’s the odds, I suppose.
DE WOLF
Odds?
MARE
The odds of your being revived and
rescued. Much greater in a public
place.
DE WOLF
By George. You should have been a
sleuth Marewhether.
MARE
Hardly gov,na. But I wonder. The
Reaper could very well foil your
investigation by simply “ending”
the old goat altogether.
DE WOLF
Perhaps the Reaper has the soul of
a mortal.
MARE
Meaning he hasn’t the foggiest idea
where the old Scrooge is. Just like
us.
DE WOLF
Not a clue.
Just then, WE SEE the NEPH-EWE of Old Billy, descending from
the stoop of his flat, across the busy street.
A happy-go-lucky sheep. Spiffy and neat. But so thick in
wool, one could almost mistake it for a second coat.
MARE
Look. Isn’t that the Neph-ewe?
With his “sheepish” grin, the sheep hands out hollies, in the
middle of the street.
DE WOLF
Great Scots, I believe it is.

39. 38.
De Wolf sticks the apple in Marewhether’s mouth and
approaches the sheep.
NEPH-EWE
Merry Christmas one and all! Merry
Christmas!
The sheep sees the wolf tracking toward him. His grin fades
as he calmly turns to walk away.
DE WOLF
Wait!
The blue sheep turns.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
My good fellow. A word please.
De Wolf catches up.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
No need to be frightened. I just
want a word.
NEPH-EWE
Frightened? Why should I be
frightened?
DE WOLF
Well under the circumstances I
wouldn’t blame you at all. You’re a
sheep. I’m a wolf.
NEPH-EWE
I know perfectly well who you are.
You’re Doctor Wolfgang De Wolf.
Private Investigator.
DE WOLF
You’ve heard of me then.
NEPH-EWE
Yes. And of all the good you’ve
done for animal-kind.
DE WOLF
Good Heavens. You sugar-coat me.
I’m just a wolf.
NEPH-EWE
What you are my friend, is a sheep.
In wolf’s clothing.

40. 39.
Grinning again, the sheep offers the wolf a holly, then
saunters away.
DE WOLF
Just a moment!
The wolf tramples after him. The sheep trudges faster.
NEPH-EWE
Please don’t hurt me. I’m a
bleeder!
DE WOLF
What are you talking about? A
minute ago you were practically
kissing my feet.
NEPH-EWE
I’m always kissing up to wolves!
Pulling the wool over their eyes,
so to speak!
DE WOLF
Just wait a minute!
NEPH-EWE
It’s a defense mechanism!
DE WOLF
Slow down!
NEPH-EWE
Gee, what lovely fangs you have.
See?
DE WOLF
Will you stop it!
NEPH-EWE
Please don’t eat me!
DE WOLF
I’m not trying to eat you. I’m
conducting a case study!
NEPH-EWE
Yeah sure. Today a case
study...tomorrow a taste study!
DE WOLF
Listen to me!

41. 40.
NEPH-EWE
Oh look! An armadillo! Now there’s
an appetizer if I’ve seen one!
De Wolf stops. The Neph-ewe disappears in the distance.
DE WOLF
(to himself)
Just like his uncle. One wing nut
short of a loose screw.
INT. HOMESTEAD OF THE “CLUCK” FAMILY - DAY
A FAMILY of frantic fowl. Hysterical chickens FLAPPING across
the room. Climbing up furniture, SCREAMING and leaping left
and right.
De Wolf stands at a distance, listening to the rooster - PAPA
CLUCK.
PAPA CLUCK
(mimicking the scrooge)
“Claimin’ too many dependants
again, aye?”
GRANDMA CLUCK
(finishing the threat)
“I’m well within me rights,” he
says...”to remedy the problem once
and for all!”
SISSY CLUCK
Murderous lecher! He’s already
tried it once. Look at me Mum, for
pity sake...
MAMA CLUCK WHIZZES around the room in a panic-stricken
frenzy.
SISSY CLUCK (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Poor lass. She’s a nervous wreck, I
tell ye. Medication’s a joke.
The HOUSEKEEPER (a turkey) enters with a tray of hors
d’oeuvres.
HOUSEKEEPER
All the time callin’ me a half-wit!
A real “turkey brain,” he says!

42. 41.
PAPA CLUCK
That wicked old Billy. He won’t
rest until he sees this whole
family simmerin’ on his feasting
table.
MAMA CLUCK
Assassin! He...he tried to kill me!
The room is raining feathers, as De Wolf continues jotting
down notes and dodging desperate poultry.
PAPA CLUCK
You know what they say. The Devil
bargains in good faith.
SISSY CLUCK
And I’d rather deal with the devil
any day of the week, than that old
battle-ax.
DE WOLF
I’m curious. How was it that I came
to your attention?
PAPA CLUCK
Heard about you in the streets. And
uh...
DE WOLF
And what?
The rooster raises his lorgnette spectacles to his eyes.
PAPA CLUCK
Oh my God. You’re a wolf.
Suddenly every chicken stops flapping. The room is cold
silent.
DE WOLF
Uh, yes?
BEAT.
PAPA CLUCK
Run for your lives!
De Wolf stands there, watching the chickens SCATTER about.
DE WOLF (V.O.)
What a coop full of feather-headed
birdbrains.

43. 42.
INT. HOME OF THE “SMELLINGS” - DAY
A horde of SKUNKS occupies the household.
STENCHY (the husband) reads the newspaper.
ODORIA (the wife) is fanning her apron over a boiling pot.
ODORIA
That ol’ stinker. He won’t dare
show his old goat face in this
house, that’s for sure.
STENCHY
He serves eviction notices by way
of special delivery.
ODORIA
C.O.D., I might add.
Odoria stirs, turning to the young ones.
ODORIA (CONT’D)
Play time’s over children. Come out
of the litter box now, lunch is
ready.
The unsanitized baby skunks begin to gripe, as they scamper
toward the dining table.
STENCHY
(to the kids)
Don’t raise a stink about it. It’s
not like your mother’s asking you
to wash up or anything. God forbid.
ODORIA
(to De Wolf)
No sir, we haven’t seen him around
here in ages.
STENCHY
‘Course there hasn’t been a soul to
set foot in this house since the
eclipse.
ODORIA
And what’s wrong with this house? I
think it has a certain distinction.
Wouldn’t you say so De Wolf?
De Wolf stands far away, with a handkerchief covering his
nose.

44. 43.
DE WOLF
Madame. This house puts the “stink”
in distinction.
INT. HOME OF THE REESE TWINS - DAY
A pair of REESE’S MONKEYS are diligently decorating their
Christmas tree. They speak somewhat succinctly.
De Wolf watches them, scurrying up and down the tree.
TWIN ONE
He slipped a mickey in our drinks
and off we went...
TWIN TWO
To an experimental laboratory...
TWIN ONE
Me bum was being tested to make
rubber galoshes...
TWIN TWO
And me bum was being tested to make
shoe horns...
TWIN ONE AND TWO
(together)
Thank God for the parliamentary
police!
EXT. THE SHALLOW MANOR - NIGHT
Old Billy sneaks out slowly from his homestead, quietly
locking the door.
He looks around briefly, puts on his top hat, then swiftly
moves along the empty street, clutching his cane.
As he turns the corner, a VILLAGER spots him.
VILLAGER
There he is. There’s the old
windbag.
Soon a small CROWD gathers. The goat hightails toward a side
street.
A larger mass of ANIMALS begins to emerge, and almost
immediately the chase begins.

45. 44.
The old scrooge dashes near an isolated alleyway, but is
quickly cornered by the CHANTING mob.
MOB
(together)
Get that goat! Get that goat!
Closer and closer they approach, until the goat lashes out.
OLD BILLY
Stop!
The aggressors come to a standstill. Then a la “Elephant
Man”...
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
I am not an animal!
They all look at each other.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
I am...
They stare at the goat.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
I’m a...
They continue staring. Then...
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
I’m screwed.
The savages go for it.
INT. THE MANOR / BEDROOM - NIGHT
Old Billy quickly awakens from the nightmare. Soon he begins
gathering his personals and packing his bags.
He breaks into the SONG, “Bah, Bah, Humbug!”, exactly the way
a goat would sing it.
He SINGS through the quiet streets, with a scarf masked
around his mouth, and a rickshaw full of his belongings.
INT. THE HOUSE OF MRS. CATCHET’S MOTHER - NIGHT
The remainder of the Catchet family is congregating in
GRANDMOTHER’S living room.

46. 45.
Tiny Tom Catchet enlightens them all with a SONG. As the
ballad “God Bless Us Everyone,” is delivered by the young
Tomcat, WE notice a faint smile on Grandma’s face.
As the TUNE carries on, so do the sights and SOUNDS of
Christmas, along the hamlet. The VILLAGERS “joylessly”
decorate the town, as they become the CHORUS in Catchet’s
ballad.
Then the two SONGS converge (Tom’s and Billy’s), which
carries us into a show stopping finale.
FADE TO BLACK.
FADE UP TO:
INT. DE WOLF’S FLAT - NIGHT
A band of WILD LEMURS has infiltrated De Wolf’s apartment,
ransacking it.
Suddenly the wolf shows up, peering in, through the open
door.
DE WOLF
I beg your pardon!
The CHAOS comes to a halt.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
Just what on earth do you think
you’re doing?
LEMUR ONE
What does it look like we’re doing?
We’re looting the place.
De Wolf enters and SLAMS the door. A lemur falls from the
scarf rack behind it.
DE WOLF
You’re not serious.
LEMUR ONE
(sarcastically)
Well. Yeah.
DE WOLF
Would you care to tell me why?
LEMUR ONE
Uh, I dunno.

47. 46.
LEMUR TWO
It’s what we do, y’know.
The room remains hushed. Every saucer eye is fixed on De
Wolf.
DE WOLF
You’ve got exactly five minutes to
put this place back together again.
The lemurs eyeball each other. Then BURST out laughing.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
Then I want everyone of you, out of
here.
LEMUR THREE
Who are you?
DE WOLF
I live here. This happens to be my
flat.
LEMUR THREE
Oh yeah? Well this property’s
condemned.
The animals all start laughing again.
LEMUR ONE
Yeah. You want us out, twinkle
toes?
The ruffians begin to band together like a pack of hungry
lions.
LEMUR ONE (CONT’D)
Put us out.
DE WOLF
(suddenly rattled)
Very well. Maybe I’ll talk to the
superintendent about it.
LEMUR ONE
He jumped ship.
LEMUR TWO
Yeah, disappeared right off the
face of the earth.
DE WOLF
Okay. I’ll alert the Constable.

48. 47.
LEMUR ONE
Go ahead.
Lemur One steps right up to the wolf.
LEMUR ONE (CONT’D)
Who do you think give us the key,
bub?
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
De Wolf treads away very slowly on his trusty steed, the
building behind him now up in flames.
WE SEE the lemurs in the distance, HOOTING and HOLLERING
outside the fallen structure.
DE WOLF
I don’t get it. I just don’t get
it.
MARE
So where do we hang our hats now
detective?
DE WOLF
I’m afraid I can’t answer that
Marewhether.
EXT. BARREN GRAVE YARD - NIGHT
The horse quietly tramples through a secluded cemetery.
DE WOLF
I assume this as good a place as
any to lay our heads tonight.
MARE
Here?
DE WOLF
Why not? It’s certainly quiet
enough. And I’m sure the present
company won’t mind.
MARE
Yeah, well I’d just assume sleep in
the gutter.
DE WOLF
Wait.

49. 48.
They stop and gaze at the headstone of W.H. Boarman.
Slumlord.
WE HEAR the HOWL of a hound dog in the distance.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. GREY SKY - NIGHT
The full moon.
EXT. WOODED OUTSKIRTS - NIGHT
Amid the SNORES of sleeping animals, Sheriff Howler leans
against a tree, SNIFFING the wind.
HOWLER
(to his deputy)
We’re closer. I can smell his
blood.
EXT. ANIMAL HOSPITAL - DAY
ESTABLISHING.
INT. HOSPITAL / RECORDS ROOM - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf is sifting through medical reports. A flirtacious COW
NURSE is watching closely over his shoulder.
DE WOLF
No symptoms reported?
NURSE
D.O.A.
DE WOLF
Diagnosis. Possibly poisoned.
NURSE
Uh-huh.
DE WOLF
Thank you nurse. Might I have a
copy?
NURSE
I won’t tell if you won’t.
She gives him a quick pinch on the rear. He jumps.

50. 49.
INT. CORONER’S OFFICE / FILE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
A four-eyed LLAMA (the coroner) studies De Wolf carefully, as
the wolf filters through the paperwork.
DE WOLF
So no hard evidence of poison was
found.
LLAMA
(circling the wolf)
We found a tad of parsley. Possibly
laced with arsonic.
DE WOLF
Possibly. You don’t know for sure.
LLAMA
Are you feeling well, Doctor?
DE WOLF
I feel perfectly fine, why?
LLAMA
You look a little pale around the
snout.
DE WOLF
I assure you there’s nothing wrong
with me.
LLAMA
Really? Getting enough nutrients
are we?
DE WOLF
Not lately, I’m afraid. Rations
mostly.
BEAT.
LLAMA
Stay with that.
The coroner takes his measuring tape, to size up the wolf.
DE WOLF
Do you mind?
LLAMA
Oh. Sorry.
The llama wanders away. De Wolf places the report in his
jacket.

51. 50.
DE WOLF
Do you come across many of these?
These mysterious circumstance
cases?
LLAMA
Only two others before this one.
DE WOLF
Really?
EXT. CITY ROAD - NIGHT
De Wolf is on horseback quietly galloping through town.
DE WOLF
This slumlord is getting more
mysterious by the minute.
MARE
Perhaps we should pay a visit to
the old hog’s house.
DE WOLF
Perhaps we should, indeed.
INT. SLUMLORD’S FLAT - NIGHT
De Wolf lights a lantern and raises it up, against the wall.
A series of portraits revealing the slumlord posing on
various race horses is aligned above the mantel.
He spots one that stands out. Boarman is rubbing shoulders
with a TASMANIAN DEVIL.
DE WOLF
(to himself)
The liquidator. The devil himself.
INT. SLUMLORD’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf opens the warthog’s account ledger, running along the
pages with a magnifying glass.
Suddenly he notices the name of CONSTABLE DEWEY in the book.
INT. SLUMLORD’S PARLOR - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf flips through the pages of an old scrapbook.

52. 51.
He finds several clippings of the slumlord and the “Devil.”
Then a headline: “GILA MOBSTER KINGPIN SNUFFED OUT BY THE
LIQUIDATOR.”
DE WOLF
Eureka!
Suddenly, he hears the BREATH of a restless horse behind him.
The wolf turns. The Reaper is sitting on his black steed. Its
nostrils flaring.
REAPER
My horse doesn’t like you very
much.
De Wolf stand there. Frozen.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Come to think of it, I’m not too
crazy about you myself.
EXT. THE SLUMLORD’S FLAT - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf quickly leaps on his horse with his briefcase in
hand.
DE WOLF
Ride Mareweather! Ride!
The chase is on.
EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS
The Mare scurries through the streets at lightning speeds,
the Reaper close on her heels.
MARE
Don’t tell me, let me guess! We’re
on to something!
She suddenly WHIPS around a corner, instantly losing the dark
ghost, but he swiftly resurfaces and gains momentum.
DE WOLF
It appears our warthog was a
numbers runner! Racketeering for
the Tasmanian Devil!
The Mare cuts another corner and the chase continues.

53. 52.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
My guess is, he was in, over his
head in gambling debts!
MARE
And when it came time to make
good...
DE WOLF
He welched!
The Reaper continues to pick up speed, but the Mare quickly
loses him again, as she jumps over the track of an on-coming
train.
MARE
So did he really put the bite on
his own tenants?!
DE WOLF
You bet he did! And the Constable
too!
The Reaper gracefully transcends through the passing train.
The Mare curves around an abandoned building and finds
herself behind a slow-moving donkey cart.
She jumps over it, landing atop a bridge.
Shortly, the Reaper corners the same building.
De Wolf and the Mare watch from above the bridge, as the
Reaper bulldozes beneath the cart and hightails under the
bridge. Vanishing.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
He’ll be back. Probably before the
sunrises.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY - NIGHT
De Wolf guides his horse into the alley.
MARE
I think I’d rather sleep in the
cemetery.
DE WOLF
We should be safe here for the time
being.

54. 53.
They lie down, De Wolf resting against the horse, pulling his
hat over his eyes and clutching his briefcase.
MARE
Cling on tightly to it, De Wolf.
DE WOLF
Right you are. It’s all the
evidence we need.
They slumber off to sleep.
Suddenly, peeking from, inside a garbage can, a pair of
RACCOONS. Then another from a drainage pipe, and three more
from an empty beer barrel.
INT. VALVAZAR’S PARLOR - NIGHT
Catchet sits at the seance table, staring straight ahead. A
hand puppet is pestering him, in his ear. The face of a
monkey wearing a court jester hat.
The vulture is mimicking with a high-pitched voice.
VALAZAR
Tell us a joke, me Lord.
BEAT.
No response from the bobcat.
VALVAZAR
Oh c’mon what’s the matter? Such a
sour Puss n’ Boots.
BEAT.
Nothing.
VALAZAR
Such a sad face. Such a sad face on
such a flat head.
BEAT.
Still nothing.
VALVAZAR
Poor kitty cat. Poor little silly
nilly snookcums kitty.
Catchet snatches the puppet and starts beating its head
against the table.

55. 54.
BOB CATCHET
I am not a kitty cat!
VALVAZAR
(calmly)
Bob.
BOB CATCHET
You hear me?!
VALVAZAR
Bob.
BOB CATCHET
You stupid little monkey!
VALVAZAR
Oh Bob.
BOB CATCHET
I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!
VALVAZAR
Bob!
He stops.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
You’re beating the living daylights
out of a hand puppet.
BOB CATCHET
I’m sorry. Don’t know what came
over me.
Gently rubbing its head.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Sorry, ol’ boy. Didn’t mean to call
you a stupid monkey.
The vulture stares.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
I’m sure you must be quite a very
charming little fellow.
VALVAZAR
Okay, see now you’re scaring me.
BOB CATCHET
Sorry.
BEAT.

56. 55.
VALVAZAR
Wait.
She slowly rises.
VALVAZAR (CONT’D)
I see another vision.
BOB CATCHET
Well hallelujah! Another vision!
VALVAZAR
Shhhh. It’s a wolf.
BOB CATCHET
A wolf? Seeking to harm the goat?
VALVAZAR
No. It’s a psychologist or private
investigator or something.
BOB CATCHET
What does he want?
There is silence.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Where is he?
VALAZAR
He’s in danger.
BOB CATCHET
Where?
VALAZAR
You must go.
The vulture grabs him and begins shoving him toward the door.
BOB CATCHET
Go where?
VALAZAR
You must find him.
BOB CATCHET
Yes, yes of course.
VALAZAR
Here, take this. It will protect
you.
She hands him a magic wan.

57. 56.
BOB CATCHET
What is it? Protect me from what?
VALAZAR
Black death.
They stop at the door.
BOB CATCHET
I beg your pardon?
VALAZAR
It’s okay. I gave you my best wan.
BOB CATCHET
Am I going to die?
VALAZAR
Strong possibility, big guy.
Bob stares.
VALVAZAR
I mean no. No you’re not going to
die.
She pushes him out the door.
VALAZAR
Now go. Go hero go! And don’t look
him directly in the eye!
She closes the door. Bob opens it.
BOB CATCHET
What was that last part?
VALAZAR
Just go!
She SLAMS the door, pressing against it.
VALVAZAR
(to herself)
That is one dead pussy cat.
EXT. THE ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf and the Mare are bound and gagged, struggling to
break free.
The band of raccoons are giggling as they filter through the
wolf’s pockets and rummage through his case.

58. 57.
VOICE (O.S.)
Stop! In the name of...
They all look and discover Bob Catchet on his bicycle.
BOB CATCHET
Of, of...wizardry!
The coons gaze at each other. Then begin to laugh. Catchet
then suddenly hears the voice of Valvazar.
VALVAZAR (V.O.)
Catchet. Can you hear me?
BOB CATCHET
Uh, yes?
VALVAZAR
Use the wan.
BOB CATCHET
What?
VALVAZAR
The wan, dummy! The wan!
BOB CATCHET
Oh, right.
He pulls it out.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Thieves! This is your last warning!
They cease laughing.
BEAT.
They laugh again.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Okay.
The bobcat begins ZAPPING like nobody’s business.
The coons scatter away, in a frenzy.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
(to the invisible vulture)
And don’t call me dummy.
He blows the end of his wan like a cowboy.
The wolf and horse look stunned.

59. 58.
EXT. THE SHALLOW MANOR - CONTINUOUS
Sheriff Howler and his posse slowly creep toward the goat’s
homestead.
HOWLER
Shhhh.
He gives the signal.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
Now!
Two burly guerillas lugging an enormous log begin BASHING the
door with it.
INTERCUT.
EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf gallops swiftly on horseback through the city.
Catchet quickly trailing behind him on his bicycle.
DE WOLF
Quickly! We’re running out of time!
INTERCUT.
THE MANOR.
The door begins to give way.
INTERCUT.
INT. THE OFFICE OF BARRISTER HOOTY - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf and Catchet stand a good distance away from the
studious OWL attorney. BARRISTER HOOTY, who sits at his desk
thumbing through a law journal.
DE WOLF
Barrister Hooty. Is there anything
at all you could tell us?
BOB CATCHET
Maybe you know some of his
hideouts.
DE WOLF
When and where did you last see
him?

60. 59.
HOOTY
Who?
BEAT.
DE WOLF
For pity sake, Barrister. Old Billy
your client for the past ten years.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
Who do you think we’ve been ranting
about all this time?
HOOTY
I dunno. Who?
Bob and De Wolf ogle each other.
BEAT.
DE WOLF AND CATCHET
(together)
Never mind.
INTERCUT.
THE MANOR.
The door is breached.
INTERCUT.
INT. COURT HOUSE / JUDGE’S CHAMBER - CONTINUOUS
The MAGISTRATE, a silver-haired orangutan sits at his desk
twiddling his thumbs.
DE WOLF
There’s a lynch mob out to get him
My Lord.
BOB CATCHET
Savages.
DE WOLF
Blood thirsty beasts. Ready to skin
him alive.
BOB CATCHET
We want swift justice against these
assassins.

61. 60.
DE WOLF
To the fullest extent of the law.
MAGISTRATE
I’m just an “orang-ment” judge. I’m
afraid there’s not much I can do.
Quiet, they start for the door. Then...
DE WOLF
I don’t get it. If you only handle
orang-ments. Why do they call you
the hanging judge?
MAGISTRATE
(dangling from the
ceiling)
Because I like to swing on
chandeliers! Whoopee!
They watch. Then...
DE WOLF AND CATCHET
(together)
Never mind.
INTERCUT.
MANOR.
The door caves in.
The brutish beasts BURST into an empty dwelling.
HOWLER
Deputy.
The grey fox hands the sheriff his shot gun.
HOWLER (CONT’D)
Y’all stay put. Keep a look out.
The sheriff and his deputy tread quietly into the foyer.
EXT. THE LAVATORY - CONTINUOUS
A strange BUBBLING noise is heard behind the door.
The sheriff slowly opens the door.

62. 61.
INT. THE LAV - CONTINUOUS
It’s right out of the Frankenstein movies. BOILING chemicals.
BOLTS of lightning. And then an even stranger discovery.
A gigantic glass bubble with a corked mouth, containing the
THREE GHOSTS; Muley, The Goose and The Beast all trapped like
Genies in a bottle.
HOWLER
What in tarnation is going on?
EXT. ROOFTOP / CHIMNEY - CONTINUOUS
The three ghosts escape into the night.
I/E. THE MANOR - CONTINUOUS
The sheriff and his deputy rush out of the house, to the
front stoop.
HOWLER
Follow them ghosts!
The mob begins CHEERING and YELPING. The chase is on again.
EXT. ABANDONED STREET - CONTINUOUS
DE Wolf hobbles on his steed, while the bobcat peddles behind
them.
DE WOLF
Two days. Two days before the eve
of Christmas.
MARE
We’re no closer to finding him now
than we were five days ago.
BOB CATCHET
We’re getting closer, mates. I just
know it.
Suddenly, the wheels on Bob’s bicycle catch.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Wait a minute. What’s happening?
DE WOLF
What is it, Bob?

63. 62.
BOB CATCHET
I dunno. She won’t budge.
His bike begins to levitate.
MARE
Great day in the morning.
DE WOLF
Catchet! Where are you going?
BOB CATCHET
It’s alright! It’s the old bird!
She’s showing me where he lives!
MARE
Goodness me. Do be careful!
BOB CATCHET
Just wait here!
EXT. THE SCAVENGER’S ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The wild beasts continue to follow the spirits in the sky.
EXT. SKY / ABOVE THE ROOFTOPS - CONTINUOUS
The airborne bobcat carries on, steering over the chimney
tops.
BOB CATCHET
(to himself)
Now what was that she said about
the chimneys?
He soars along a clutter of hovels with burning chimneys.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Smoking chimneys. Smoking chimneys.
He continues drifting through the sky.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Oh yeah.
He slowly begins hovering.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Smoking chimneys are a dead
giveaway.

64. 63.
He spots a single cottage in the distance. The only one
without a burning chimney.
BOB CATCHET (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Where embers never burn at all, is
where the enemy usually comes to
call.
He freezes, gazing.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
Bingo.
REAPER
Bingo, indeed.
The master of death sits on his steed, who now bares wings.
EXT. SCAVENGER’S ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The posse is suddenly at a dead end. Stopping right at the
edge of a river.
HOWLER
(to his deputy)
Y’know, somehow I get the feeling
this was all part of their plan.
DEPUTY
You think?
EXT. THE NIGHT SKY - CONTINUOUS
The Reaper is after Catchet. They ZOOM through the sky,
dodging trees. WHIZZING past chimneys and over rooftops.
The Reaper flings fireballs at the helpless bobcat. Catchet
quickly peers down below.
BOB CATCHET
(referring to the wolf and
the Mare)
Where are they?
REAPER
Uh, well...
INTERCUT.

65. 64.
EXT. RAVINE - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf and the Mare are separated, fighting the strong
currents of a flowing stream.
INTERCUT.
BACK TO BOB AND THE REAPER -
The Reaper and the bobcat remain in flight, as death
continues to give chase, thrusting his enormous flames.
REAPER
But enough of this small talk.
How’s the family, Bob?
Still peddling, Catchet turns, staring at the grave face of
death.
BOB CATCHET
Don’t even think about it.
REAPER
I don’t hurt animals, Bob.
The Reaper pulls tiny Tom Catchet from his dark cloak. His
mouth taped, his little body tied.
REAPER (CONT’D)
I just put them out of their
misery.
BOB CATCHET
Tom!
Catchet immediately comes down for a landing, near a snow-
patched embankment.
The Reaper follows suit.
Catchet jumps off his bike. The Reaper remains on his horse.
BOB CATCHET (CONT’D)
(pointing the wan)
You let him go.
REAPER
Now, Bob. Under the present
circumstances, you really think
that’s a good idea?
BOB CATCHET
Where’s my family?

66. 65.
REAPER
Uh, yeah I’ve been meaning to tell
you about that.
INTERCUT.
INT. GRANDMA CATCHET’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Mrs. Catchet, her mother and the children are all bound and
gagged together in a chair.
The entire house is literally turning sideways.
REAPER (O.S.)
It appears their pathetic little
world is suddenly turning up-side-
down.
INTERCUT.
BACK TO BOB AND THE REAPER -
Bob stands frozen, still aiming his wan.
REAPER
Break it.
BEAT.
Bob SNAPS the wan in two.
REAPER (CONT’D)
That’s better.
BOB CATCHET
Now let him go!
REAPER
Humph, lemme think. Uh, no.
EXT. SKY - CONTINUOUS
The three ghosts spot the doomed wolf and his horse.
GOOSE
There they are!
De Wolf and the Mare are getting closer toward the down
stream waterfall.

67. 66.
MULEY
I’ll handled this one! You two go
take care of the Cachets
The Lion and the Goose scurry away -
Muley soars down toward the helpless pair. He meets the edge
of the waterfall, mysteriously forming the flowing water into
a slope of ice - freezing the entire lake below.
The wolf and the Mare skid down the icy hill, accelerating
right into a pile of snow, against the base of a mountain.
Both suddenly PLUCK their heads up, from the snow.
DE WOLF
You okay?
MARE
Never been better. You?
DE WOLF
I gotta a pulse. I’m good.
EXT. EMBANKMENT - CONTINUOUS
Catchet continues to face-off with the Reaper.
BOB CATCHET
I’m going to count to five. If you
don’t hand ‘em over...
REAPER
You’ll what? Call the authorities?
Are you trying to hurt my feelings?
EXT. GRANDMA CATCHET’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Now the house is completely on its side, toppling over. The
roots from the ground becoming visible.
The goose and the Lion propel toward the house, stopping in
mid air.
GOOSE
This one’s mine.
THE BEAST
Right.
The lion flees.

68. 67.
The Goose waves her wings and suddenly the house flips back
over, upright. She applauds herself.
EXT. EMBANKMENT - CONTINUOUS
The standoff continues.
BOB CATCHET
Three...
REAPER
Can we hurry this up? I gotta meet
a couple of stool pigeons down by
the quarry.
BOB CATCHET
Don’t tell me. You’re killing two
birds with one stone.
BEAT.
REAPER
Who have you been talking to?
EXT. FROZEN LAGOON - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf and the Mare pick themselves up. The wolf brushes the
snow off of himself and his horse.
Muley comes floating overhead.
MULEY
(pointing)
I believe that’s what you’re
looking for.
They suddenly notice the isolated cottage, nestled in the
woods.
MULEY (CONT’D)
Go to ‘em.
EXT. EMBANKMENT - CONTINUOUS
Catchet bows his head, then raises it.
BOB CATCHET
Five.
The Reaper applauds.

69. 68.
REAPER
Nicely done, Catchet. But if you
think I’m still gonna hand over
this kid...
Just then WE HEAR the Lion’s ROAR.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Handing over the kid.
The Reaper tosses the tomcat toward the bobcat who catches
him.
Suddenly from the sky, the Beast POUNCES down to the ground,
on all fours. He GROWLS at death.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Leo. I’ve never seen this side of
you before.
The Beast SNARLS.
REAPER (CONT’D)
You’re usually the happy-go-lucky
sort.
THE BEAST
Needless to say bonehead, you bring
out the beast in me.
The lion stands upright. A spiked club materializes in his
hand.
REAPER
It takes a ghost to kill a ghost.
The Reaper produces his scythe.
REAPER (CONT’D)
Bring it on, whiskers.
EXT. THE COTTAGE IN THE WOODS - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf stands in the distant breeze, watching the door of
the cabin open and close from the wind.
EXT. SCAVENGER’S ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The soaking wet posse is now scampering through the snow. A
lit torch is being passed around.

70. 69.
HOWLER
Keep them torches burning,
critters! All of you!
EXT. EMBANKMENT - CONTINUOUS
The Reaper and the lion are in attack mode. A slow tango
before the kill.
THE BEAST
I got a bone to pick with you
Reaper. One by one.
REAPER
Oh yeah? Well I got this long,
sharp, curvy blade thingy...so back
off fuzz ball.
INT. THE COTTAGE / PARLOR - CONTINUOUS
De Wolf wanders in. Suddenly a large knife flies past his
nose, darting into the wall.
WE SEE the goat in his easy chair.
OLD BILLY
Surely you joust, Wolfy.
BEAT.
De Wolf pulls the knife out of the wall.
DE WOLF
I do, indeed. And certainly much
better than you throw a blade,
goat.
INTERCUT.
EMBANKMENT
The battle between the lion and death is on. The Beast
getting the best of the Reaper.
INTERCUT.

71. 70.
SCAVENGER’S ROAD
The torches are burning. The mob scurries on.
INTERCUT.
THE COTTAGE.
The old goat gets up from his chair with his sword in hand.
He approaches the doctor.
OLD BILLY
Ever laughed in the face of a
buffalo?
DE WOLF
I have not.
OLD BILLY
Ever spit in an elephant’s eye?
DE WOLF
No.
OLD BILLY
I’ve made mince meat out of the
king of beasts himself, my friend.
The goat draws his sword.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
Like plucking wings off an innocent
fly.
INTERCUT.
EMBANKMENT
The Lion and the Reaper tussle to the ground.
INTERCUT.
SCAVENGER’S ROAD
The animal mob continues forward. Lit torches blazing across
the sky.
INTERCUT.

72. 71.
THE COTTAGE.
The Goat and the Wolf are now mixing. De Wolf has the knife,
Old Billy the sword.
OLD BILLY
The trouble with you quacks, is you
think the pen is mightier than the
sword!
Billy lunges like a swashbuckler on the deck of a vessel.
OLD BILLY (CONT’D)
Well whatta ye think now, ducky?
Huh? Quack, quack, quack!
INTERCUT.
EMBANKMENT
The Reaper is on top of the beast, slamming the back of his
head against the ground.
BEAT.
Death stops to check his watch.
REAPER
Note to self. Never buy a used
watch from a guy named Lucifer.
He picks up where he left off.
INTERCUT.
THE COTTAGE.
The goat suddenly gets his foot caught in a rattrap and SNAP!
He hobbles backwards, CRASHING into a granddaddy cuckoo
clock, sending the birdy CUCKOOING out of control.
De Wolf strides over, presses his boot against the downed
goat’s throat.
DE WOLF
I know about the slumlord.
The goat peers up with angry eyes.
INTERCUT.

73. 72.
EMBANKMENT
Catchet and Tom watch as the Beast is being strangled by
Death.
Suddenly the lion is able to kick him away, sending the
Reaper soaring through the air and landing up-side-down, in
the snow.
The lion approaches, stops.
The Reaper begins spinning on his head, going into a break
dance. Then jumping to his feet...
REAPER
Sorry. Always wanted to do that.
INTERCUT.
THE COTTAGE.
The goat is still down.
DE WOLF
You had a nasty scrap with the
warthog, didn’t you?
OLD BILLY
Boxed me ears, he did. The old
humbug.
DE WOLF
He was dirty, Billy. In cahoots
with a gang of filthy undesirables.
The goat grimaces.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
It was the bug, Billy. Not poison,
what done ‘em in.
OLD BILLY
Bug?
De Wolf bends down to his level, the blade at the goat’s
neck.
DE WOLF
Mad mammal syndrome.
The goat’s red eyes gaze.

74. 73.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
That’s right, Billy. He caught it
from the big Gila. Then the
Tasmanian Devil.
OLD BILLY
And I got it from the slumlord.
DE WOLF
Murder. That’s what they’re calling
it.
OLD BILLY
Murder? All because I...
DE WOLF
Was the last one to see him alive.
INTERCUT.
EMBANKMENT
The Lion’s club meets the Reaper’s shank. As they struggle,
the Reaper suddenly knees the great Beast in the stomach.
The lion goes down. The Reaper approaches with his blade.
REAPER
This is so last week.
He ditches the weapon and grabs the beast by the tail.
Swinging him around and around.
INTERCUT.
THE COTTAGE.
De Wolf brings the knife closer to Old Billy’s throat.
DE WOLF
You’re an innocent goat, Billy. And
you’re not a menace.
The goat is eyeing the knife.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
But you are mad.
OLD BILLY
Why Wolfy. I do believe you want to
run me through.

75. 74.
DE WOLF
As a matter of fact...
De Wolf tosses the knife and pulls out a huge syringe.
DE WOLF (CONT’D)
That’s precisely what I had in
mind.
EXT. THE COTTAGE IN THE WOODS - CONTINUOUS
The vigilant posse is silent, as they creep toward the cabin.
Suddenly, they hear the SHRILL of the goat and stop in their
tracks.
EXT. THE EMBANKMENT - CONTINUOUS
Death continues whirling the lion around by his tail.
REAPER
You dare to match wits with the
doctor of doom?! The master of
mutilation?! The destroyer of the
all animal-kind?!
FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
Francis. Put the nice kitty down.
The Reaper whisks his bony head around.
REAPER
Mother?
The lion is suddenly propelled through a distant cloud.
There stands the REAPER’S MOTHER. A shorter version of
himself.
MOTHER REAPER
Get over here this instant.
Head bowed, the doctor of doom straddles toward her.
MOTHER REAPER (CONT’D)
Shame on you. I want you to take a
real good look at yourself.
From behind, she whips out a huge mirror. The Reaper peers.
REAPER
Wow. Talk about signs of aging.