THREATS FROM YOUR SPOUSE YOU SHOULD IGNORE IN DIVORCE CASES by Joel H. Feldman. Joel H. Feldman, raised in Kingston, New York, moved to Boca Raton in 1979, where he has practiced law for over 35 years. His practice is largely focused on family law and litigation. http://www.feldmanlawoffice.com/

1. march/april 2012 | 91
{GOOD ADVICE}
With gratitude to Paul Staley,
a San Diego divorce attorney, who
came up with a list of nine nasty things
one spouse often says to another in
divorce cases, here are ten threats that
you should avoid making or should ig-
nore if made.
1. “I’ll quit my job and then what’ll
you get?” This is so frequently stated
that it is a cliché. Hardly anyone quits a
job and, if he/she does, income will be
imputed to that spouse for voluntary
unemployment.
2. “You can leave, but the kids stay
here.” Bullying tactics don’t work in
front of a judge. Don’t let them work
in front of you. Most times, the parent
making this threat really doesn’t want
to have the day-to-day obligations of
raising the children. This is just a con-
trol freak being a control freak.
3. You mess with me, and I’m go-
ing for full custody and you’ll never
see the kids again.” Tell your spouse
to go for it. When the lawyer asks for
$50,000 to fund a custody battle,
you’ll see how much he/she means
it. Again, the parent making this threat
rarely wants what he/she threatens.
4. “If I have to pay child support, I
want proof that you are spending it
all on the kids.” The paying spouse
cannot require the receiving spouse
to provide receipts or account for how
child support is spent. Except in highly
unusual circumstances, this is another
hollow threat.
5. “I’ll give the lawyers every last
cent before I’ll agree to that.” As le-
gal fees mount, fighting over “it’s the
principal” counts less and less. The
people who make this threat often are
the first to find their attorneys with-
drawing due to nonpayment of fees.
6. “Your lawyer is an idiot; he’s just
running up the bill; we can do this
on our own or with one lawyer.” This
is the threat of a “control freak” who
is afraid your attorney will not let him/
her control the situation. He/she is try-
ing to regain dominance by trying to
drive a wedge between you and your
attorney.
7. “If I have to pay it to you, I’ll just
stop working overtime.” Another
timeless classic. If historic earnings
have included overtime and overtime
continues to be available, child sup-
port and alimony will take overtime into
consideration.
8. “The pension and 401(k) are
mine; I worked for it.” Pensions and
401(k) retirement plans are marital as-
sets, just like the marital home and
cars.
9. “The judge can’t make me pay
you that much. Business stinks. I’ll
be lucky if I have a job next year.”
Spouses fearing child support or ali-
mony often make this threat and often
try to depress their earnings in the year
of divorce. They don’t usually get away
with it and, miraculously, things always
seem to pick up in the year after the
divorce.
10. “I’m contacting the IRS to tell
them how you’ve been cheating
on your taxes all these years and
you’re going to go to prison.” A typi-
cal threat that ignores that the IRS is
overwhelmed as it is and, even if true,
how would this help get alimony and
child support? Often, one spouse filed
a joint tax return with the other and has
known about the alleged tax fraud so
he/she would be a co-conspirator to
any fraud. {stb}
JOEL H. FELDMAN is a partner in
the law firm of Feldman & Schneider-
man at 401 Camino Gardens Blvd.,
Boca Raton, Florida (561-392-4400).
He has been practicing in Boca Raton
for over 32 years and is considered
“Preeminent” in the field of divorce and
family law. Joel Feldman is an honor
graduate of Georgetown University and
Duke University School of Law, twice
has been honored by the Legal Aid So-
ciety of Palm Beach County, is involved
in multiple charities in the south Florida
area and is rated “AV” by the Martin-
dale-Hubbell rating service for attor-
neys. Please visit the firm’s website at
www.feldmanlawoffice.com or contact
him at jfeldman@feldmanlawoffice.com.
THREATS
FROM YOUR SPOUSE
YOU SHOULD
IGNORE
IN DIVORCE CASES
JOEL H. FELDMAN
By Joel H. Feldman