A short trip from what seems like romance and expected dating script toward intimate partner violence.

1. Love, Sex, Dating

2. Stereotypes
Gender stereotypes
are networks or
schemas of related
beliefs that reflect
the common
wisdom about men
and women.

3. Schemas
Schemas are the network of
associations around a group that
guides people as they experience
the world around them

4. Scripts
Scripts are acts recognized by a particular
group, the rules or guidelines for a
expected behavior and the expected

5. How Do We Get These?
• History
• Social Class
• Ethnic Group
• Religion
• Gender

6. Why?
Decreased anxiety of
appropriate behavior in
pursuit of a positive social
outcome
Is there a social scenario that
lends great pressure to be

7. Dating

8. On the First Date Women…
• Assume the
subordinate
role
• Be alluring
• Facilitate
conversation
• Limit sexual
activity

9. On the First Date Men…
• Initiate the
date
• Plan the date
• Pay for the
date
• Be the sexual

10. A Double Bind
Token Resistance, says no
but intends to have sex
Males learn that no doesn’t
really mean no
If a woman acts other than
expected role she is
condemned
Lilith

11. Romance Novels

12. Romance Novels
• According to publisher’s survey’s,
romance novels are read by almost 40
million women in the U.S.
• Romance novels aimed at adolescents
have been sold in book clubs since the
80’s.

13. A predictable script is the cold-hearted
rogue who is patronizing and at times
even brutal, who, through the
transformative power of woman, is
transformed into a sensitive, loving,

16. What is Love?

17. What is Stalking?

18. Gender Differences in Stalking
Related Behaviors
Some studies show gender differences in
stalking behavior, some studies show that
behaviors are equivocal. Where gender
differences do exist, they are usually found
in studies assessing specific types of
stalking-related behaviors.
Females Males
Perform acts of
Perform more approach
surveillance or make or courtship behaviors
indirect contact with the and persist longer in
love interest by way of their efforts
(seeming) serendipity

19. Pre-Stalking Behaviors
Western culture emphasizes hard
work, determination, and reward for
persistence.
Dating Scripts involve approach
behaviors, persistence, and romantic
ideation.
Individuals on receiving end may
interpret behavior as flattering and

20. Violence
Minor acts of violence and threats may not
be viewed as harmful or threatening in the
beginning stages.
Acts of violence increases intimacy.
When threatened with the demise of a
romantic relationship, men and women,
seem to perform the behaviors that had
demonstrated “success” during courtship

21. Domestic Violence
“A pattern of coercive behavior used by
one person to control and subordinate
another in an intimate relationship.
These behaviors include physical,
sexual, psychological, and economic
abuse. Tactics of coercion, terrorism,
degradation, exploitation, and violence
are used to engender fear in the victim
in order to enforce compliance.”

22. Domestic Violence
• 20-25% of adult women in the U.S. have
been physically abused at least once by a
male partner.
• between 3-4 million women are physically
abused in America every year, one women
being abused every 8 to 10 ½ seconds.
• Nearly three-quarters of the intimate
violence committed by women is done in
self-defense.
• A third of women who are killed are
murdered by their husband or boyfriend.

23. Some Controlling Behaviors
• Insincere agreeing • Getting the last word
• Bringing up the past • Micromanaging
• Blowing up/going off • Over protective (“for
the deep end your own good”)
• Repeated correcting/ • Manipulating
negating • Rhetorical questions
• Dismissive sounds • Sarcasm
(e.g. ‘tsk’, sighs)
• Silent treatment
• Playing the expert
• Talking for someone
• Hanging up on them
• Whining
• Inappropriate humor
• Withholding sex/
• Interrupting affection
• Interrupting

24. Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence
• Using Intimidation – • Non-Threatening
Making her afraid by Behavior – Taking and
acting so that she feels
using looks, actions & safe and comfortable
gestures expressing herself and
doing things.
• Using Emotional Abuse • Respect – Listening to her
– Making her think non-judgmentally,
she’s crazy, name valuing her opinions &
calling, & feel bad about being emotionally
affirming and
herself. understanding.
• Using Isolation – • Trust & Support –
Controlling what she Supporting her goals in
life, and respecting her
does, who she sees, & right to her own feelings,
who she talks to. friends, activities, &
opinions.
• Minimizing, Denying, & • Honesty & Accountability
Blaming – Making light – Accepting, responsibility

25. Physical & Sexual Violence Equality & Nonviolence
• Using Children – Making • Responsible Parenting –
her feel guilty about the Sharing parental
children & threatening to responsibilities & being a
take away the children. positive, non-violent role
model for the children.
• Using Male Privilege – • Shared Responsibility –
Treating her as a servant, Mutually agreeing on a
being the one to define fair distribution of work &
men’s and women’s roles, making family decisions
& making the decisions. together.
• Using Economic Abuse – • Economic Partnership –
Preventing her from Making sure both
getting or keeping a job & partners benefit from
giving her an allowance. financial arrangements &
making money decisions
• Using Coercion & Threats together.
– Making and/or carrying • Negotiation & Fairness –
out threats to leave her, Accepting change,
hurt her, to commit willingness to
suicide, & do illegal compromise & seeking

27. Why Some Men Batter
• Psychopathology – Typically batters exhibit
traits of personality disorders, specifically
borderline and antisocial personality
disorders.
• Social Learning Theory – Through childhood
experience batters learn violent behavior.
• Biological – Battering behavior can be a result
of head injuries, childhood trauma, or
heredity factors.
• Systems – The family systems model assesses
the family has a whole, and some partially
blame the victim.
• Feminist Theory – Male power, female

28. Koss and Oros (1982)
found that in their sample of
college men:
• 23% reported obtaining sexual
intercourse by threatening to end
the relationship
• 20% reported using some degree
of physical force to obtain sex acts
• 3% reported having used physical
force to obtain intercourse.

29. Women and
Coercion
While the research on male aggressors in
intimate relationships is fairly extensive,
the research examining female
aggressors is more limited. However,
contrary to initial stereotypes of men as
aggressors and women as victims, there
is evidence suggesting that women are

31. Empowerment
• Portland Women's Crisis
Line
503.235.5333
• Women's Wellness
503.325.2400
• Basic Rights Oregon
503.222.6151
• Raphael House
503.222.6222
• Bradley-Angle House
503.281.2442
• PSU Women's Resource
Center
503.725.5672

32. Signs of a Healthy
Relationship
• Equality
• Openness
• Trust
• Freedom to
be yourself
• Fun together
and apart
• Sexuality