1. Session 11: X3pure Men’s Series
Recovery Target #1: Psychological
Examination of Feelings

2. Review

3. Review
Unwanted Sexual Behavior
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4. Review
Unwanted Sexual Behavior
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White-Knuckle Change Real Change
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Abstinence Understanding of Physiology
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Relapse Abstinence
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Acceptance of Conditional Love
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Pursuit of Unconditional Love

5. Acceptance of Conditional Love

6. Recovery Targets
Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings.
Recovery Target #2: Seeking, Establishing and Engaging in
Community.
Recovery Target #3: Truth, Trust and Territory.
Recovery Target #4: Development and Exploration of Genuine
Faith.

7. Recovery Targets
Recovery Target #1: Psychological Examination of Feelings.

8. Systems Theory Reprised

9. Systems Theory Reprised
• Family Systems Theory

10. Systems Theory Reprised
• Family Systems Theory
- This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various
different systems whether they are family, community, church, or
society.

11. Systems Theory Reprised
• Family Systems Theory
- This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various
different systems whether they are family, community, church, or
society.
• Root of Conditional Love

12. Systems Theory Reprised
• Family Systems Theory
- This theory explores the reality that we all belong to various
different systems whether they are family, community, church, or
society.
• Root of Conditional Love
- Feeling as if we have to be someone whom we aren’t in order
to receive love.

13. Psychoanalysis

14. Psychoanalysis
• Early Childhood Development

15. Psychoanalysis
• Early Childhood Development
- At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the
person most capable of helping you survive in the world.

16. Psychoanalysis
• Early Childhood Development
- At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the
person most capable of helping you survive in the world.
• How can a helpless child change the moods
of an unhappy and therefore inattentive
parent?

17. Psychoanalysis
• Early Childhood Development
- At birth your brain becomes very attached, or wired, to the
person most capable of helping you survive in the world.
• How can a helpless child change the moods
of an unhappy and therefore inattentive
parent?
- He does so by changing himself.

18. Pathogenic Beliefs

19. Pathogenic Beliefs
• If a child can avoid having a break or a
separation in his bond with his parents or
caregivers he will do it immediately by
changing, altering, or suppressing his feelings,
desires, and even the way he sees himself in
the world.

20. Pathogenic Beliefs

21. Pathogenic Beliefs
• In blaming ourselves for what really were our
parents’ or guardians’ mistakes of conditional
love, we develop what are called pathogenic
beliefs. These beliefs are deep-seeded “icky
feelings” such as “I am dumb,” “I am
incapable,” “I am unlovable,” “I am unworthy,”
or “I am shameful.”

22. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion

23. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
• To give up pathogenic beliefs is a risk

24. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
• To give up pathogenic beliefs is a risk
• As we grow older these pathogenic beliefs
continue to define whom we are

25. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion

26. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
• Because we overvalue the negative messages
we begin to ignore the positive messages, thus
throughout our lives our pathogenic beliefs
grow stronger and stronger.

27. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
• Because we overvalue the negative messages
we begin to ignore the positive messages, thus
throughout our lives our pathogenic beliefs
grow stronger and stronger.
• Repetition Compulsion

28. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion

29. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
- When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you
were treated by parents or guardians.

30. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
- When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you
were treated by parents or guardians.
- If your parents or guardians were abusive or neglectful, beliefs
about who you are become pathogenic, or “diseased in origin,”
such as “I’m shameful, stupid, ugly, embarrassing, unworthy,
unlovable, etc.”

31. Default Positions/Repetition
Compulsion
- When you were a child, you blamed yourself for the way you
were treated by parents or guardians.
- If your parents or guardians were abusive or neglectful, beliefs
about who you are become pathogenic, or “diseased in origin,”
such as “I’m shameful, stupid, ugly, embarrassing, unworthy,
unlovable, etc.”
- These pathogenic beliefs do not go away as we get older. In
fact, we carry them around at the very core of our being as
feelings of psychological discomfort, “ickiness,” unhappiness,
depression, or, as we have called it here, the feeling of being
loved conditionally.

32. Facing the Shadow

33. Facing the Shadow
• Patrick Carnes

34. Facing the Shadow
• Patrick Carnes
“Because I am unworthy, no one would love me if they really knew what I
was like on the inside. Consequently, my needs are never going to be
met if I have to tell the truth about who I am. Given that sex is my most
important need, I will never be able to depend on another person who
really knows me to get it.”

35. What to do now?

36. What to do now?
• You need to be willing to explore this side of
yourself.

37. What to do now?
• You need to be willing to explore this side of
yourself.
• This isn’t about sex; it’s about who we think
we are, what value we believe we have, and
how we can manage difficult emotions.

38. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...

39. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard
personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.

40. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard
personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.
2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner.

41. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard
personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.
2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner.
3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared.

42. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard
personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.
2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner.
3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared.
4. Maintain a journal where thoughts feelings and discoveries can be
explored.

43. Engage in Recovery Target #1 by...
1. Visiting a licensed counselor or therapist in order to express hard
personal histories and feelings in a safe environment.
2. Discussing deep issues or feelings with your accountability partner.
3. Joining a support group where these feelings can be shared.
4. Maintain a journal where thoughts feelings and discoveries can be
explored.
5. Or all of the above.

44. Farewell

45. Farewell
• If you ever feel lost and confused, please keep
in mind that our over-all goal in recovery is to
discover the areas in our lives where
conditional love either existed or exists now,
and then learn ways to convert that conditional
love into unconditional love.