Brides are mistreated physically, psychologically and sexually in their post marital life in bangladesh

Brides are mistreated physically, psychologically and sexually in their post marital life in Bangladesh.
1.0 Introduction:
In Bangladesh, slowly we are moving towards a mordern society from a traditional one,
especially in city areas. But some of our customes, traditions and othodox outlook about
some major concern yet remained unchanged. Although our ultra modern young couples who
do not give much importance towards social values and who express their freedom through
their own style of life, after marrigae still face many difficulties specially brides. As in
Bangladesh we have mesculine social system, so brides are more vulnarable of facing
unpleasent situations (Mannan, 2004, n.p).
Just after marriage a girl goes through a lot of changes as she started a new life in a new
environment. A bride starts her life with many beautiful dreams. Her expectation of having
warm welcome from this new family does not the same thing which happens in reality. In
many cases she has to go through physical and psychological trauma to handle various
pressures from husband and in laws. (Suran, Amin, Haq &. Chowdury, 2004, n.p)
In general, a bride becomes nervous when she enters in to a new family. Moreover, she is the
center of attention in marriage ceremony and up to a certain period of time after marriage. As
a result of her tension, she cannot able to raise her voice even if any mistreatment happens
with her. So, husband, in laws and some male relatives try to take wrong advantages of such
situation to fulfill their filthy wishes by all possible ways. (Islam & Mahmud, 1996, pp. 27-
32).
Brides, in custom and practice, remained subordinate to grooms in almost all aspects of their
lives. Most brides’ lives become centered on their traditional roles, and they had limited

access to markets, productive services, education, health care, and local government after her
marriage. This lack of support and lot of pressure from in laws diminished family well-being,
contributed to the malnourishment and generally poor health of brides, and frustrated
educational and academic goals of their life. (Lauer & Lauer, 2000, p. 65)
Specific objectives of this research paper include examination of the emotional, physical and
Sexual and psychological changes brides go through after marriage and how much obstacle
they have to face in this significant turn in their life. Also this research aims for understanding
of the ways in which brides confront obstacle to post marital cohabitation in a restrictive
society like Bangladesh and exploration reasons for these difficulties and other related issues.
To address the aim and objective, both qualitative and quantitative approaches have been used
along with formal interviews and informal observations in some key areas (Huq & Sajeda,
2001, n.p).

2.0 Background:
The history lies back in the very beginning of family culture in Bangladesh and it remains as
a tradition that all the members in the family lived in one residence cohesively. By arranged
marriage a bride join in this system as a life partner of any eligible male member and as a
new part of the family. During those days dowry, financial assistance from brides’ parents and
individualism of girls become a matter of concern. However, they came across many
difficulties with each other which, to some extent, altered their mentality. They unlocked their
mind and began to live discretely (Russell, 1976, pp. 33-35).
During 1990s, most of the families set in motion to split. At that period, Bangladesh was
developing economically; real estate was increasing to provide room for families. Moreover,
internet was invented, television channels of multiple countries turned up which brought the
western culture in our society. Even in this phase of time, marriage is seems to be a social
gathering and important for family honor. This is because although there are changes in
economic conditions and clothing but still now marriage seems to be a gain for a bridegroom
from every aspect (Lindenbaum, 1981, p. 76).
Upper-middle class and middle class society in Dhaka values education and professional attachment.
The combined effects of improved education, employment opportunities, migration, global media and
gender advances are gradually changing societal views. Apart from all these still now most of the
families hold the same attitude towards brides and respect of them depends on her family status and
economic condition. Brides also can’t raise their voice as they want to avoid attachments which
lead to dilemmas. Thus, brides preferred to subsist in an uncomplicated life which resulted in
the division of relatives among mutual families (Esteve-Volart, 2003, pp. 113-116).

After marriage most of the brides regardless of class become a subject of marginalization and
they are deprived from education, health and economic opportunities as well as in some
particular families they are vulnerable to violence and sexual exploitation.
3.0 Research Area:
This research focuses in a comprehensive study on Post-marital Exploitation of Brides, how they
are treated by their husband in their in-laws house, and how much discrimination they have to
face etc. For making the research paper successful I’ve tried my best to collect real life data
and information from my locality and near to my locality like- Rampura, Bonosree,
Basundhara etc. To find these, it discusses some questions given below:
• In which way your husband and in laws ask for financial assistant from your family?
• Do your husband and in laws ridicule you about your family (such as – Family status,
quality or value of offerings)?
• After marriage do your in laws ever force you to change your individualism (such as –
clothing, life style etc)?
• What was your husband and in laws reaction after any male member from in laws side
tried to physically hassle you?
• According to you what was the major reason for mistreatment of brides in
Bangladesh?

4.0 Hypothesis:
Hypothesis: Brides are mistreated physically, psychologically and sexually in their post
marital life in almost all level of society.
Brides are being considered a subject or just an instrument to fulfill sexual desires of her partner.
Considering her consent before establishing sexual relationship is still now not being regarded as
important. Moreover, in most of the cases getting married is the ultimate solution of every problem for
a guy and for his family. So by creating such extra burden and expecting so much form a bride
creates a ground to abuse her in all aspects by her in laws and husband as well (Suran, Amin, Haq
&. Chowdury, 2004, n.p).
5.0 Methodology:
Most of my data are found from primary sources. There are many theories and studies
available in the library and web regarding this issue in various countries’ context. However to
relate it to Bangladesh’s context the study recognized the vulnerability of this sub-population
in the context of physical, psychological and sexual conduct.
5.1 Primary Research
For my primary research, I have conducted a survey of a representative sampling of mainly
recently married women who have a married life less than 3 years urban Dhaka. To fulfill this
attributes I have designed a questionnaire of 13 questions with different types of useful

questions so as to get as much as information which have helped me to answer my research
questions and find a proper solution. I have interviewed twenty-five women who have
experience about real life experience as a bride and face such situation and I have tried to find
out what significant effects they have on their lives due to of marriage.
5.2 Secondary Research
For my secondary research, I have focused mainly on the library references including books,
journals, Demography magazine, newspapers related to my topic. I have utilized my time by
searching for effective information from these sources by going to the library in my free time
and also in the gaps of my classes. Moreover, I have issued the books which I found more
interesting and done research on them.
6.0 Primary Analysis:
6.1 Data Presentation:
1. What do you think
about taking gift from
bride’s side?
a) Yes, it is
important for
making warm
relation.
b) Yes, it
reflects family
status.
c) No, it
create
pressure on
brides and
her parents
d) No, it is
just an
alternative
way for
taking dowry
2. In which way your
husband and in laws
ask for financial
assistant from your
family?
a) They
directly
demand for
financial
assistance and
threaten me
b) They ask
for financial
assistant and
force me
c) They
indirectly
request for
financial
help but
never
pressurized
d) They
never ask or
demand for
financial
assistant

me
3. Have you ever been
beaten by your husband
or in Laws for dowry?
a) Yes, by my
husband.
b) Yes, by my
in laws
c) Yes, both d) No, I never
face this
situation
4. Do you face any
discrimination at your in
laws house?
a) Yes, I face
this problem.
b) Yes, but
rarely.
c) No, I never
face this
problem.
d) No, I think
it’s natural.
5. Do your husband and
in laws ridicule you
about your family (such
as – Family status,
quality or value of
offerings)?
a) They
directly mock
at me
b)They
indirectly
inform me
about their
dissatisfactio
n
c) They
didn’t told
but their
gesture was
unpleasant
d) Not at all
6. After marriage do
your in laws ever force
you to change your
individualism (such as –
clothing, life style etc)?
a) Very much b) Some what c) A little d) Not at all
7. After marriage how
much support you get
from in-laws side for
academic career?
a) I get perfect
support for my
study
b) They just
allow my
academic
career
C) I continue
my study by
struggling
d) I have to
stop my
study after
marriage
8. Does your opinion get
importance?
a) Yes, my
opinion is
evaluated by
all.
b) Yes, only
husband gives
importance.
c) No, I never
get
importance
from my
husband.
d) No, my
opinion is
always
rejected by all
9. Up to what extent
your husband and in
a) My husband
and in laws are
b) They allow
my job only
c) They don’t
like my
d) I quit my
job because

laws support you to
maintain your work life
balance?
very
supportive and
they
encourages me
because of
financial
reason
working
outside.
of their
pressure
10. Does your husband
take permission from
you before establishing
sexual relationship
a) Yes, he ask
for my
permission
b) Yes, he
does not ask
orally but
take my
consent
c) No, but he
convinced
and
pressurized
me to agree
with him
d) No, he
forcefully
establish
sexual
relationship
11. When do you get
appropriate medical
assistance for your post
marital physical
problems?
a) I get
absolute
support from
my husband
and in laws
instantly
b) My
husband was
helpful but I
have to force
my in laws for
it
c) No, they
are not
helpful at all
and I have to
arrange by
my own
d) I can’t
mention my
need for
hesitation
12. What was your
husband and in laws
reaction after any male
member from in laws
side tried to physically
hassle you?
a) They give
me full
psychological
support
b) They
advised me
just to ignore
him and
forget every
thing
c) I couldn’t
able to share
this incident
with any one
d) These
types of
incidents
never
happen
13. According to you
what was the major
reason for
mistreatment of brides
in Bangladesh?
a) It is because
of our
traditional
social system
b) It is normal
and women
have to face it
c) It is a
problem of
my in-law’s
family
d) I don’t
think any
mistreatment
happen with
brides

6.2 What do you think about taking gift from bride’s side?
In the above pie-chart, it is visibly seen that for 69% of brides taking excessive gift from
brides’ side is nothing but a way to create pressure. Whereas only 31% support it any way as
they believe that it is tradition to take gifts from brides’ side and it must continue.
This graph represents the idea that the traditional gift culture has what sort of impression to
brides. For most of the respondents it is nothing but an alternative way of creating pressure to
their family. More over most of them thing it is nothing but an alternative way of taking
dowry in modern society. On the other hand a few of them still believe that it is necessary for
creating warmth in new relation but the percentage is very insignificant in this point of view.

6.3 In which way your husband and in laws ask for financial assistant from
your family?
In this doughnut chat, the red portion which is most significant indicates about 50% brides’ in
law force them for financial assistance where as 8% of in laws threaten them to do so.
Another 28% respondent said that in law just request for it but never force them. But only
20% brides mentioned that they were never pressurized for any kind of monetary help from
in laws side.
This is quite clear from this graph that although many things changes but still now mentality
of most of the people remained unchanged. So, instead of increasing trust and understanding
between couples, most of the time brides face difficult situation after marriage and their
family is pressurized to do so for the well being of their daughter.

6.4 Have you ever been beaten by your husband or in laws for dowry?
In this bar chart, about 36% women never beat by their husband and in laws. It is the most
significant part of the chart. But most of the women ignore the real situation because of
society. The blue portion of the chart agreed that they are beaten by their husband and about
25% women are beaten by their in laws. 20% of brides confess that they are beaten by both
husband and in laws.
It is a cruel picture of post marital life of our brides in our country for most of the brides.
They never want to say to others because of their ego. Even, they don’t want to make their
husband insulted to the society by confessing the truth.
6.5 Do you face any discrimination at your in laws house?
In the above graph, about 45% brides face discrimination at their in laws house. 36%
rarely faces this problem. 7% of them never face this problem and 15% believe that it is
very natural because she comes from another family so; she never gets the same
opportunity as her husband.
But this situation is very common in Bangladesh. After coming from office husband takes
rest but wife rushes to cook for her husband and children. It is a obvious discrimination.

6.6 Do your husband and in laws ridicule you about your family (such as –
Family status, quality or value of offerings)?
In the above pie-chart, it is visibly seen that only 8% of brides have not face any unpleasant
comments or gestures from husband and in laws. But above 90% brides confront distasteful
situation just after their marriage either directly or in directly. Among this about 50%
respondents said that there in laws gesture was unpleasant although they did not directly
mock at them.
Brides and their families are viewed as sub ordinates to bridegrooms’ family. From this graph
we can see that majority of the brides have to face some kinds of unpleasant comments or
gestures from in laws regarding various topics.

6.7 After marriage do your in laws ever force you to change your individualism
(such as – clothing, life style etc)?
In this graph, 60% brides confess that they were being pressurized somewhat to change their
individualism after marriage but for 16% of them the pressure was too high. All together
about 96% brides face at least some demands from in law to alter themselves.
This graph indicates that in laws female are much more concerned to change brides’
individualism after marriage. They force fully want to change the bride just after her
marriage. Change is a process which demands some time but brides in most of the cases don’t
have the time and to avoid chaos they just transform themselves.

6.8 After marriage how much support you get from in-laws side for academic
career?
In this doughnut chat, the blue portion which is the least significant indicates about only 4%
of brides get perfect support for their study after marriage. Whereas 64% of brides said that
they are only allowed by in laws to continue their academic career. Another 20% brides
indicted that they continue their study by lots of struggling. At the highest extreme 8% of the
brides have to stop their academic career after marriage.
This is quite apparent from this graph that in recent years in laws and husbands do not force
to stop academic career of their wives but they also are not ready to help them in this regards.
This is an indication of constricted mentality of in laws about their daughter in laws which
change very insignificant. Yet husbands and in laws are not ready to provide any kinds of
support for brides’ academic life.

6.9 Does your opinion get importance?
In this doughnut, 36% bride’s opinions are always rejected by all at their in laws house. 27%
of them get importance by all except their husband. 25% brides get importance only from
their husband and rest 12% bride’s opinion is evaluated by all at their in laws house.
This doughnut represents the value of opinion of women in our country. In major decision
they are always ignored by their husband and in laws. Sometimes, they get importance but
the number is very small.

6.10 Up to what extent your husband and in laws support you to maintainyour
work life balance?
In the above pie-chart, it is visibly seen that for 52% brides they are being allowed by their
husbands and in laws to continue their job because of financial reasons. Only 8% respondents
said that there in laws and husband encouraged them about their job. 28% brides face
difficulties in maintaining work life balances as their husbands and in laws don’t like their
working outside at all.
This graph represents the idea although our society now accepts the working women concept
but in reality how much support brides received from in laws to maintain their work life
balance. This graph indicated that the portion of brides who get perfect assistance from in
laws are very insignificant. Most of them are allowed to do job purely because of financial
reasons.

6.11 When you come to know about his limitations?
In this pie chart it is summarized, brides whose partners have any sexual problems or diseases
respond when they come to know about this limitation of their partners. The most significant
is the red portion which indicates that about 56% of the brides came to know about this when
they establish sexual relationship with their partners. On the other hand, 33% brides come to
know about such problem when they got affected by the diseases.
This graph represents the idea that what percent of males are ready to accept their sexual
problems to their partners. Though male are more expressive in this regard, but most of them
have the courage to accept their sexual problems in front of their partners. Except a few
exceptions, in most of the cases brides came to know about this either in the time of
establishing physical relationship or when they are affected by the diseases.

6.12 Does your husband take permission from you before establishing sexual
relationship?
In this graph, the Y-axis indicates whether husbands take permission of wives before
establishing sexual relationship X-axis shows the percentage of these factors. Only 4%
husbands take permission before establishing sexual relationship with wives. But the matter of
concern is about 50% brides confess that their husbands even pressurized against their consent
to do so.
This graph shows that brides are victimized sexually even by their husbands. Sexual
relationship is a natural content of marriage life where consent of both is must. Both decision of
sexual relationship is being decided purely by husband. Males consider their sexual intercourse
fulfillment as an important issue for post marital cohabitation. Very few of them consider their
brides’ permission necessary in this regards.
6.13 When do you get appropriate medical assistance for your post marital
physical problems?

In this pie chat, the red portion which is most significant indicates about 36% brides’ in law
and husband are not helpful at all and they have to arrange all medical assistance by their
own. Another 32% accept the fact that their hesitation was more prominent than their need.
Whereas altogether only 32% get appropriate support either from husband or in laws about
such difficulties.
This is quite clear from this graph that brides in our country feel very shy to mention their
need in very primary stage of marriage life until it became very serious issue. It is quite
obvious from the graphs although husbands are helpful up to some extent but in laws still
now have the same conservative outlook about such important issue.
6.14 What was your husband and in laws reaction after any male member
from in laws side tried to physically hassle you?

In this doughnut graph, the blue portion which is the most insignificant but the most important
aspect that only 12% brides get full support from their in laws when any male members tried to
physically hassle her. 44% respondents said that they are being advised to forget everything for
the sake of honor of in laws. Another 24% brides accepted that such incidents happened but
they were unable to share it with anyone.
This graph shows that these sorts of unpleasant incident happen frequently with brides. Some
people try to take advantages of brides’ shyness to fulfill their filthy wishes. In most of the
cases brides don’t get any justice even support from in laws regarding this issue.
6.15 According to you what was the major reason for mistreatment with brides
in Bangladesh?
In this pie chart reasons behind mistreatment with brides are being summarized. 60% of the
brides believe that our traditional social system is responsible for such exploitation. Another
24% accept this as a natural incident where as 12% brides believe that problem is only with
her in laws.
This graph is an indicator which shows that brides’ life is full of problems. Both male and female are
more concerned regarding their financial security and allotment of responsibility but they don’t place

the bonding and value of love more. So, it is our traditional social system which always accepts girls
to be more patience and tolerate everything without any demand.
7.0 Secondary data Analysis:
7.1 Present Scenario of post marital life:
Statistics show that 88% of the recently married Muslim wives in Dhaka, the capital of
Bangladesh, did not receive their mohorana, but were forced to give a dowry. Even though
girls and women are forced to wear the burqa, as a means for following the guidelines of the
Qu’ran, people easily forget about religion when it comes to taking or demanding a dowry.
“It has become a practice to give dowry to the groom’s family to show gratitude that he has
agreed to marry the bride. But the truth is, it has become a kind of source of income for the
groom and an easy way to get money without working for it,” explains Dr. Saira Rahaman
Khan, an Assistant Professor at the School of Law at the Bangladesh Rural Advancement
Committee University (BRAC) and a founding member of Odhikar, a leading non-
governmental organization working to raise awareness on human rights abuses in
Bangladesh. According to Khan, “social pressure on the bride’s family and fear” are the
factors that keep nurturing the dowry system – despite the fact that it is legally banned.
Under enormous pressure from human rights groups and the international community, the
Bangladeshi government passed the Dowry Prohibition Act in 1980, which legally banned
dowries and imposed sanctions, as well as the Cruelty to Women Ordinance in 1983. Yet,
incidents of domestic violence due to dowry issues have not decreased. The government of

Bangladesh imposed the Women and Children Repression Prevention Act in 2000 that
enhanced the punishment up to death penalty for crimes against women and children,
depending on the incident. As a result of this law, taking or demanding a dowry could result
in imprisonment, a fine, or both.
“I do not see any decrease in the trend, despite the fact that there is a Dowry Prohibition Act
in place and several large NGOs and government initiatives to stop violence against women,”
says Khan, explaining the factors that are conducive to the continuation of dowry-related
violence in Bangladesh: “lack of implementation of laws, lack of political will of the
government, the perception of domestic violence as a social matter, ingrained ‘traditions,’ and
especially the overall corruption that directly and indirectly influences all of the above.”
7.2 Eliminating violence against women:
• A participatory social mobilization campaign may be launched together by the
government, NGOs and the private sector. The planned actions to eradicate violence
against women need to be integrated with national plans of development, especially in
the poverty reduction strategies. The private sector may extend assistance to build
social capital, particularly as a safety net for the victims in the poor families, so that
they can seek justice, medical care and rehabilitation services;
• Future reformative action by the government would need to be focused on achieving
more intensive and concerted participation of both the police and the courts so that
they too can contribute towards eradicating the social evil of violence against women.
Male partners should be sensitized to raise their awareness of the adverse
consequences of violence against women;

• In Bangladesh, especially in the rural societies, religious leaders (imams, kazis,
mattobars) play an important role as local arbitrators (gram shalish) and give fatwa’s
for inflicting punishment (stoning, dorras, social ostracisation), particularly against
women. Changing the attitudes and orientation of these people needs involvement of
the local government;
• Where necessary, existing laws relating to violence against women must be amended
and implemented in the light of the Beijing Conference;
• Withdrawal of the reservation of CEDAW Articles 2 & 16.c. for the elimination of all
forms of discrimination against women;
• The law enforcing agencies and the local governments need to be more proactive and
positively sensitive towards cases of violence against women so that timely actions
are taken against the perpetrators.
• To eradicate violence from the society, emphasis should be given on the
empowerment of women, and on ensuring a secure and progressively dynamic life for
them. Women no longer have to become victims of heinous crimes.
8.0 Limitation:
• In doing this study I’ve faced some limitations, those are -
• Time for preparing this research paper is very short.
• There are only 30 respondents
• The information I’ve used in my research paper is based on primary data.
• Some brides do not want to speak the truth

• There is a budget limitation.
• Lack of primary data
• Lack of secondary data
9.0 Conclusion:
Under the present social structure, it is perhaps not surprising that values and life style of
people are changing very in a rapid manner but for certain issues outlook of society has not
changed significantly. Such a topic is post marital attitudes and behavior with brides. Brides
are targets of discrimination, exploitation, and violence in Bangladesh despite of major
changes that society has been gone through. After marriage they are being forced and
dominated physically, psychologically and sexually by their partners and in laws. It was quite
surprising to indentify that in high class society, this concept of mistreatment of brides is as
prominent as in other classes. Moreover, post marital sex strictly for pleasure is more
common among husbands and also an area of dominance against brides. So all these factors
actually highlights to the point that we are experiencing a very slow cultural change where
romantic love and courtship has been giving way to an altogether new alternatives. (Suran,
Amin, Haq &. Chowdury, 2004, pp. 45-56).
After completing this research, I can conclude that my hypothesis is right that brides are
mistreated physically, psychologically and sexually in their post marital life in almost all

level of society. They are deprived from their basic rights. Even they are mistreated by their
husband and husband’s relatives at her in laws house.
10. Recommendation:
The foremost suggestion is this although it will be troublesome but proper medical checkup
before marriage is must before starting post marital life. Moreover, open conversation
regarding such topic will be to make people more comfortable with a controversial issue like
this. So, it is necessary to convert their attitude and make them aware by giving idea about
the harsh reality brides face after their marriage (Huq & Sajeda, 2001, n.p).
Mother should play important role to grow up their daughters by giving them proper knowledge and
making them aware of their rights. Then they can protect themselves from any kind of violence in
their life.

11. References:
Amin, S., Alaka, B, M., & Stephenson, R. (2002). Spatial variation in contraceptive use in
Bangladesh: Looking beyond the borders. Demography, 39(2), 251-267.
Amin, S. & Mead, C. (1997). The rise of dowry in Bangladesh. In G. W. Jones et al. (Eds.),
The continuing demographic transition (pp. 290-306). Oxford, England: Clarendon
Press.
Bhuiya, A.U., Sharmin, T & Hanifi, S. M. (2003). Nature of domestic violence against women in a
rural area of Bangladesh: Implication for preventive interventions. Journal of Health,
Population and Nutrition, 21(1), 48-54.
Islam, M. & Mahmud, M. (1996). Marriage patterns and some issues related to adolescent marriage in
Bangladesh, Asia-Pacific Population Journal, 11(3), 27-42.
Lauer, R., H. & Lauer, J., C., (2000), Changing pattern of intimate relationship. Marriage and family
(4th ed.), Boston: McGraw Hill.
Lindenbaum, S. 1981. Implications for women of changing marriage transactions in
Bangladesh. Studies in Family Planning, 12(11), 394-401.
Schuler, R., Syed, M. H. , Ann P. R, & Akhter, S. 1996. Credit programs, patriarchy and men's
violence against women in rural Bangladesh, Social Science & Medicine, 43(12), 1729-1742.
Suran, L. Amin, S. Haq, L. Chowdury, K. (2004). “Does dowry improve lifes of brides? A test of the
bequest theory of dowry in rural Bangladesh. Population council,” 195. , Retrieved from
http://www.popcouncil.org/pdfs/wp/195.pdf
Russell, B. (1976), The place of sex among human values. Marriage and Morals, London: Routledge.
Wikipedia, (2011). “Wedding”. Retrieved (2011, 03 27) from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Wedding
Hussain, M (2010, November 25). Eliminating violence against women. The Daily Star,
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