Check your privilege

For the past 6 months, I have been dating a
Pakistani man. We met during an event in Rio
and then met again in Pakistan last year when
I was invited to give some talks over there.
And when you date somebody who is not
from your country, you obviously discover a
lot of things.

I discovered amazing landscapes.

I discovered a place vibrant with culture and
architecture.

And of course I attended weddings !

I got so inspired that I
ended up writing about it.

And that we shot a documentary about masculinity in the country.

But I think that what I
discovered the most was
something else.
When I travel to Pakistan, people are
worried for me because I am a woman.
But you know what decades of British
colony have done ?

Inculcate in every single Pakistani that white is
better than brown.

You can see it in the ads. You can see it in the creams that you can buy to whiten your skin or get
cancer.
You can see that fairer women have better and more marriage proposals than darker ones.

Ava Gardner in Lahore
So I am safe. People treat me like a queen over there.

And when I come
with my naive who
cares about
colonialism ideas,
you know what they
show me ? Their
passport.

Do you know to how many
countries you can go without a
visa?
Me, 170. 170 out of 200.
I just buy a ticket and take a plane.
An A380 if possible 
Anywhere. Anytime.

Visa free countries for EU citizens

My boyfriend, 28. Mostly
islands.

• Meaning that planning holidays is a sheer headache.
• Meaning that if he feels like visiting me, he can’t. If he
suddenly misses me too much as many lovers do, he is
physically incapable of doing so.
• If I fall sick and I need him by my side, he cannot be here.
Impossible. There is an invisible barrier between us.
• It is called privilege.
• I have the privilege to be white and to hold a fantastic
European passport.
• And as most of us who have privilege, I did not deserve it
especially and on top of it, I am not aware of it.

• Many of us, Europeans, Americans, Australians do
not even have a passport, or never use it. And if
we do, we take it for granted.
• I have never been questioned at an airport, I am
never stopped in the street and asked about my
identity, I have never felt any animosity towards
me at customs or border. NEVER.
• I am never afraid to not be able to board a plane
or to be denied the entry in any country.
• I am white and I am privileged.

t men (and some women) around the world think sexism is not an issue an
w examples of male privilege:
vilege of a gender that confers authority.
vilege to show skin and dress as you wish.
vilege of seeing yourself widely and positively represented in the media.
vilege of having political off cials f ght for issues that pertain to your sex.
vilege of having major religions in the world led by individuals of your sex.
vilege to move or date without fear of harassment, assault, or rape.
is what Roland Barthes calls “exnomination.” Male gender is considered the nor
lem then lies with the other, which men feel they do not belong to.
PRIVILEGE IS WHEN YOU THINK SOMETHING
IS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE IT’S
NOT A PROBLEM TO YOU.
• Most white people think racism is gone now.
• Most men think sexism is not an issue anymore.
• Most heterosexual people think homophobia is not a
reality.

So my first question to you is :
are you aware of your
privilege ?

A few examples of male
privilege

You are less often interrupted.

Toilets are designed so that you
don’t have to wait.

Most of the politicians and decision
makers belong to your gender.

You can work without fear of
harassment, assault, or rape.
ELEPHANT IN THE VALLEY

You can be paid more for your
work.

Language includes you all the
time.

So we need to check our
privilege.

This is an uncomfortable
conversation.
• Most common reactions to privilege
conversations.
• Defensiveness: “I’m not going to feel guilty for what I
inherited. If some people don’t have those same
privileges, tough luck!”
• Paralyzing guilt: “This is just so unfair, but what am I
supposed to do about it!? I never asked for this, and
one little person can’t change a system that’s been
around for hundreds of years!”
•
• But again, these reactions are because deep down,
you know it’s not OK.
•

Let it be clear. Not everybody is
in favor of an equitable society.

• Because change triggers fears.
• Will I lose my privilege?
• Where do I stand?
• What is my new role?
• What is my identity?
• What Is OK and not OK now? I am lost.
• Will « the other » take my seat, overpower me and exclude me now as I excluded him/her
in the past?
• So the best defense mechanism is denial.
• The best way to avoid change is to refuse to acknowledge the problem.
• And denial takes many forms:
– Questioning the figures
– Relativizing the situation
– Saying it’s already better now
– Making jokes
– Being cynical about it

And also because these ideas
of inequity are deeply part of
our education and our culture.

Consciously or unconsciously, we believe
there is a hierarchy between human beings.

And we tend to justify it by nature…so
that we don’t need to question ourselves.

We used to believe that black people had
smaller brains.

That gay people have a disease
or act against nature.

And that women are naturally
weaker.

So what are you going to do
about it?

The question is: how do you
level the playing field?
• Equity means acknowledging one’s
privilege and accepting that extra help is
given to those who have less.

I believe we all have a role to
play to balance the world.

• I believe we all have a role to play to balance the world.
• Ten years ago, I joined my tribe. A tribe of restless individuals who
pick the problem they are most passionate about and try to make a
change, with their own means. A tribe of social innovators, of
entrepreneurs, of changemakers.
• My fight was gender, because I grew up in a very patriarchal family
in the Pyrenees, where I could see how both women and men were
suffering from the boxes they were trapped in.
• And now that’s what I do, I travel all around the world to identify
solutions to everyday sexism, I write about it, I talk about it, I coach
women and men to better master their own narrative and be the
captains of their lives, no matter what gender norms say.

Diversity is the new
darwinism.
Either you adapt or you die.

What is YOUR fight?
• Because diversity is the new Darwinism. We can cling
desperately to the old world, we can drown ourselves
into denial or we can embrace change and make the
world a better place for our children.
• Diverse companies will survive. The others will die.
• Diverse companies outperform others.
• They have a better image and thus attract the best
talent.
• They better mirror their customers.
• They have better ideas, are more innovative.

Diverse companies outperform
others.

Source: Apple diversity website

And because “minorities” tend to
outperform to prove their value.

It’s people like
Moojan setting up
the biggest tech
event in her home
country Iran, inspite
of the political
constraints.

It’s people like Kiran running events to
portray inspiring women in tech and who
has an interesting business card…

It is Guillaume setting up an airbnb type project to host refugees in our homes.

And then an incubator for those refugees who want to launch their business.

It’s people like Mathieu bringing young people on a bus all around France to get
inspired by the best social entrepreneurs and start their own project.

We stand at an historical
turning point
It’s time for a radical change.
Some before us have gone beyond
their own personal privilege.

White people have fought with
the civil rights movement.

Heterosexuals have fought for
marriage for all.

And many men present
themselves as feminist.

Because at one point, you
realize that what you believe in
is bigger than defending your
own individual privilege.
It actually comes down to
human values.

What are you doing to
balance the world?

• As an individual, How do you respect others ? How do
you challenge your own biases ?
• As a manager, how do you open your pipeline ? how
do you mentor your talent ? how do you ensure your
working environment is safe and not hostile ? how
flexible are you in terms of hours? What about
paternity leave ? do you portray success stories of
people from diverse backgrounds ?
• As a company, how do you truly make these values a
reality ? How do you make them visible ?

Check your privilege

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