1. J
Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
S
Cutting the Costs
of Poor Writing Skills
JEFFERSON SMITH
A Workshop for the Western Region Credit
Conference
Arranged, Coordinated, and Developed by—
Alphonse Desjardins
Jodi Owens
Kurt Weiland
Thursday, October 15th, 2009: 1:00-2:30
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2. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
Background Some Jefferson Smith Clients—
Copyright 2009 Jefferson Smith
Alcoa Engineered Products
Training and Consulting Inc.
American Express
We welcome your comments and Association of College and University Auditors
suggestions. Send them to— Autoridad del Canal de Panama
Ayuda en Mexico
Workshop Development
90 West 500 South, Number 101 The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Bountiful, Utah 84010 The City of Ogden, Utah
Or call us at— Fairchild Semiconductor
The Federal Reserve Bank of New York
888 305 1155
The Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco
or 801 296 1155
Graymont Western Canada
No animals were harmed in the Graymont Western US
making of this workshop. Icon Health and Fitness
Iomega
Kennecott Minerals
The Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department
Lutheran Hour Ministries
Mazda North America
Micron Technology
Mountain America Credit Union
The National Guard Bureau
Purdue University
Questar Gas
Toyota of America
Texaco
Tucson Electric Power
The Tuskegee Airmen’s Project
The United States Air Force
The United States Department of the Interior
United States Gypsum
The University of Utah
The Ute Indian Tribe
Wells Fargo Bank
The Yavapai-Apache Nation
Zions Bank
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3. Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
The Purpose of the Workshop
To generate thought and discussion about cutting
the costs of writing poorly.
C
Cutting the Costs of Writing Poorly
The way a document is written,
organized, and formatted can save—or
waste—time and dollars.
Wow. Given the title of the discussion, that was easy. —James Suchan and Robert Colucci,
“The High Cost of Bureaucratic Writing,”
Business Horizons, March-April 1991,
An Outline of the Workshop Page 68
An Introduction
Who’s who, where we’re going, what we’ll do.
The First Point
Why good writing matters. What bad writing costs.
The Second Point
Why the principles matter. A look at writing from a
historical context.
A Conclusion
What we’ve done, what we’ve learned.
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4. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
Best time on Document A: ________
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5. A
Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
10/15/09
Lou Jacobsen
Quality Sticker Company
4321 South Main
Springfield, AB 12345
Dear Mr. Jacobsen:
SUBJECT: FINANCIAL SERVICES SHOW LITERATURE NONCONFORMANCE
Our introductory brochure (AK:1056-09) was specified to have PRODUCT cards
placed in the entire inventory. The instructions given to you were to first complete the
1000 designated to go to the Financial Services Trade Show. Approximately 80% of
the literature sent to the show did not have the cards in place. This is determined to
be a nonconformance to requirements in the context of our Quality Process.
A trade show is one of the ways the Credit Union conveys information to their
customers and potential customers, and it is very important that each Credit Union
vendor delivers their portion as specified. As you know, we spot check the literature
requirements given to you when they are sent to Heritage Display. With 20% of
AK:1056-09 complete, the spot check showed that Quality had done the job correctly.
The incompleteness of the job was not discovered until the show opened.
We are concerned that the remaining AK:1056-09 in inventory could also be missing
the cards. Please ensure that the entire inventory including brochures returned from
the show are complete, at no additional cost to the Credit Union. The Credit Union
does not want anyone to receive this brochure without the cards placed inside. In the
form of a letter, please let me know why this problem occurred and what corrective
action will be taken to ensure that it will not happen again.
If you have any questions, do not hesitate to call.
Sincerely,
Sally Chang
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6. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
Best time on Document B: ________
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7. B
Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Lou Jacobsen
Quality Sticker Company
4321 South Main
Springfield, AB 12345
SUBJECT: Request for a Correction—and an Explanation—of Incomplete
Work
Lou—
I’ve learned that 80 percent of the brochures (AK:1056-09) delivered to the
Financial Services Trade Show did not have the necessary product cards.
Please do two things by the end of October:
1. Make sure the entire inventory—including the brochures returned from
the trade show—has the product cards at no extra cost.
2. Write to me and explain why the problem happened and what corrective
action you’ve taken.
Background
On Monday, September 14th, 2009, we asked you to put product cards in the
brochures. You agreed to include the cards and to complete the 1,000 going to the
trade show first.
We spot-checked the first 200, and they had the cards. We didn’t find the bad
brochures—the ones without the cards—until the show opened.
The oversight needs to be corrected; the brochures need the cards.
I look forward to hearing from you. If you have questions, call me at 801 296
1155.
Thank you.
Sally Chang
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8. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
Compute the Costs
A. Document A ____________
B. Document B ____________
C. Time lost in seconds ____________ (A-B)
D. Documents read in a day ____________
E. Percentage of “A” documents ____________
F. Time lost in minutes ____________ (CxDxE/60 seconds in a minute)
G. Workdays in a year 240
____________
H. Time lost in hours ____________ (FxG/60 minutes in an hour)
I. Readers in the organization ____________
J. Time lost in years ____________ (HxI/8 hours/240)
K. Average salaries of the readers ____________
L. Dollars lost ____________ (JxK)
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9. Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Identify the Differences Other People, Other Places
Alta-Bates Hospital in Berkeley,
Work with your buddy. Compare Document A with
California, figured it could save
Document B. $500,000 in a year.
Flip back and forth. Compuserve in Cincinnati, Ohio, figured
Why was Document B so much easier to read? it could save $5,000,000 in a year.
What made the difference? Saudi Aramco in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia,
figured it could save $36,000,000 in a
Be specific.
year.
Write your observations here:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
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10. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
5
Five Keys to Writing that Works 1. Tell your readers what you want them to do.
Be obvious. Help them understand what you
want. Don’t be coy, Roy.
2. Put your “bottom line” up front. State your
purpose at the beginning of the document.
Don’t force your readers to search and wonder.
3. Open up your document. Use lots of white
space. Use lists, bullets, and boldface print. Use
a ragged-right margin.
4. Keep your paragraphs, sentences, and words
short. Write paragraphs no more than six lines
long. Write sentences that average no more than
fifteen words. Write words of no more than one
or two syllables.
5. Use conversational language. Write the way
you speak. Use pronouns and contractions.
Use active voice. Get rid of the bureaucratic
language.
—Jefferson Smith’s writing programs
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11. Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
COMPANY PRIVATE
MORTON THIOKOL INC.
Wasatch Division
Interoffice Memo
31 July 1985
2870:FY86:073
TO: R. K. Lund
Vice President, Engineering
CC: B. C. Brinton, A. J. McDonald, L. H. Sayer,
J. R. Kapp
FROM: R. M. Boisjoly
Applied Mechanics - Ext. 3525
SUBJECT: SRM O-Ring Erosion/Potential Failure Criticality
This letter is written to insure that management is fully aware of
the seriousness of the current O-Ring erosion problem in the SRM
joints from an engineering standpoint.
The mistakenly accepted position on the joint problem was to fly
without fear of failure and to run a series of design evaluations
which would ultimately lead to a solution or at least a significant
reduction of the erosion problem. This position is now drastically
changed as a result of the SRM 16A nozzle joint erosion which
eroded a secondary O-Ring with the primary O-Ring never sealing.
If the same scenario should occur in a field joint (and it could),
then it is a jump ball as to the success or failure of the joint
because the secondary O-Ring cannot respond to the clevis opening
rate and may not be capable of pressurization. The result would be
a catastrophe of the highest order - loss of human life.
An unofficial team (a memo defining the team and its purpose was
never published) with leader was formed on 19 July 1985 and was
tasked with solving the problem for both the short and long term.
This unofficial team is essentially nonexistent at this time. In my
opinion, the team must be officially given the responsibility and
the authority to execute the work that needs to be done on non-
interference basis (full time assignment until completed).
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12. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
R. K. Lund 31 July 1985
It is my honest and very real fear that if we do not take
immediate action to dedicate a team to solve the problem with
the field joint having the number one priority, then we stand
in jeopardy of losing a flight along with all the launch pad
facilities.
R. M. Boisjoly
Concurred by:
J. R. Kapp, Manager
Applied Mechanics
COMPANY PRIVATE
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13. Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Rewrite History Sources and Provenance
The story of Roger Boisjoly and the
You have an opportunity to rewrite history.
Challenger is detailed in The Challenger
Let’s suppose you were Roger Boisjoly’s friend and Launch Decision: Risky Technology,
office mate. Culture, and Deviance at NASA, by
Diane Vaughan.
Let’s suppose that after he drafted his memo, he
turned to you and asked, “Would you look at this? The book was published by the
University of Chicago Press in January
How can this be better?”
of 1996. The ISBN is 022 685 1753.
Based on what we’ve explored in the workshop,
what would you suggest?
Roger—
We suggest you—
1. _________________________
_________________________
2. _________________________
_________________________
3. _________________________
_________________________
4. _________________________
_________________________
5. _________________________
_________________________
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14. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
COMPANY PRIVATE
MORTON THIOKOL INC.
Wasatch Division
Interoffice Memo
31 July 1985
2870:FY86:073
TO: R. K. Lund, Vice President, Engineering
CC: B. C. Brinton, A. J. McDonald, L. H. Sayer, J. R. Kapp
FROM: R. M. Boisjoly, Applied Mechanics - Ext. 3525
SUBJECT: Strong Recommendation to Immediately Resolve O-ring Erosion
Problem—and Prevent the Loss of Human Life
I strongly recommend we immediately establish a team to resolve the O-ring erosion
problem. If we don’t, we could lose a flight and all the launch pad facilities.
To understand my recommendation, you need to know three things:
• What the Consequences Are. SRM 16A revealed that a primary O-ring didn’t
seal and the secondary eroded. If this happens in a field joint (and it could), the
joint could fail when the secondary doesn’t respond to the clevis opening rate and
doesn’t pressurize. The consequences will be catastrophic: loss of human life.
• What We’ve Done So Far. We thought we could fly without fear of failure and run
design evaluations to solve or reduce the problems. SRM 16A changed that. On
19 July 1985, a team was formed and tasked to solve the problem. The team or its
purpose was never defined; the team essentially does not exist.
• What We Need To Do. We must give the team full authority and responsibility to
do the work without interference. They must work full time on the problem until
they solve it.
And so I strongly recommend we establish the team and give it full authority. If we don’t
take immediate action to solve the problem, we could lose a flight and a pad. Call me at
x3525 if you have questions.
COMPANY PRIVATE
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15. Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills Thursday, October 15th, 2009
End the Workshop What a wonderful day we’ve had. You
have learned something, and I have
Name three things you’ve learned in the workshop: learned something. Too bad we didn’t
learn it sooner. We could have gone to
1. ______________________________________
the movies instead.
______________________________________ —Balki Bartokomous, Perfect Strangers
2. ______________________________________
______________________________________
3. ______________________________________
______________________________________
Identify how you might apply what you’ve
learned. In other words, what’re you gonna do now?
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
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16. Western Region Credit Conference Cutting the Costs of Poor Writing Skills
L
“Liberty’s too precious a thing to be
buried in books, Miss Saunders.
“Men should hold it up in front of them
every single day of their lives and
Some Background
Jefferson Smith is an international training and
consulting company in Bountiful, Utah (about six
say: ‘I’m free to think and to speak. miles north of Salt Lake City).
My ancestors couldn’t, I can, and my The company’s mission is to help business do
children will.’” business better.
—Jefferson Smith (Jimmy Stewart) to
We named the company after a movie character.
Clarissa Saunders (Jean Arthur) in Mr.
Smith Goes to Washington (Columbia “Jefferson Smith” is the name of the Jimmy
Pictures, 1939) Stewart character in the movie, “Mr. Smith Goes
to Washington.” Honest. Hardworking. Idealistic.
(Notice the quotation on the left.)
We like those ideals. That’s why we named to
company “Jefferson Smith.”
Kurt Weiland is El Jefe Gordo of Jefferson Smith.
He’s been training businesses and organizations for
thousands of years.
He served for twenty-three years in the United
States Army. He was an infantry soldier and a
paratroop commander. He served as an Assistant
Professor at the United States Military Academy at
West Point.
He has a bachelor’s degree from Brigham Young
University, a master’s degree from the University of
Southern California, and another master’s degree
from UCLA. He’s written five books on leadership
and communication skills.
Forty-one years ago (June 4th, 1968), he married his
college sweetheart, Kathy Lynne Waite.
They have six children and thirteen grandchildren:
Joshua Frederick, Lindsay Nichole, Aubrey Lynne,
Gabriella Louise, Kara Lynne, Tabitha May, Lincoln
Joseph, Isabelle Rose, Ally Rose, Isaac Julius Kurt,
Jace Hamilton, Vittoria Rose, and Ruby Kathryn.
Notice the number of granddaughters with the names
“Lynne” or “Kathryn.” That’s a tribute to their
grandmother.
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