Grief in Three Forms | 2014 Dalton Institute on College Student Values
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Three student affairs pros shared personal stories and coping strategies for dealing with grief.
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Grief in Three Forms | 2014 Dalton Institute on College Student Values
- 1. Grief in Three Forms Personal Stories and Strategies for Coping Jessa Carpenter, Amma Marfo and Sue Caulfield
- 2. Jessa Carpenter - @jessacarpenter Amma Marfo - @ammamarfo Sue Caulfield - @_suecaulfield #dalton14 sombersisters@gmail.com
- 3. Grief: noun 1. keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. 2. a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow. —Idioms, come to grief, to suffer disappointment, misfortune, or other trouble; fail: Their marriage came to grief after only two years. Good grief, (used as an exclamation of dismay, surprise, or relief): Good grief, it's started to rain again! —Related forms: grief·less, adjective, grief·less·ness, noun
- 4. Tragedy: noun 1. a dramatic composition, often in verse, dealing with a serious or somber theme, typically that of a great person destined through a flaw of character or conflict with some overpowering force, as fate or society, to downfall or destruction. 2. a lamentable, dreadful, or fatal event or affair; calamity; disaster: the tragedy of war.
- 5. Coping: verb (used without object) 1. to struggle or deal, especially on fairly even terms or with some degree of success (usually followed by with ): I will try to cope with his rudeness. 2. to face and deal with responsibilities, problems, or difficulties, especially successfully or in a calm or adequate manner: After his breakdown he couldn't cope any longer.
- 6. “[E]very year 2 million people die in America. And if each of those deaths affects just five other people, at least 10 million people are affected by loss each year.” (Pearson, 2009) Reasons for a lack of discussion about grief • Legality • Comfort • Know-how 1997 Report by Field and Cassel
- 7. An Ethic of Care
- 8. Lawrence Kohlberg Carol Gilligan Moral Development Theory Ethic of Care Abstract Justice Relationships and Response Capacity for care is a human strength and should be expected of everyone. We should value caring and caregivers publicly and privately. 1. Attentiveness 2. Responsibility 3. Competence 4. Responsiveness
- 9. Lack of Ethic of Care • • • • • • Strict following of the rules Devaluing emotion and relationships “Just get the job done” “It’s just a job” Ignore injustice Top down decision making “We know best”
- 22. Personal Loss
- 26. Do’s and Don’ts!
- 27. Do… Reach out in meaningful ways.
- 28. Don’t… Use platitudes or make bad copy/paste errors.
- 29. Do… Give people a heads up where appropriate.
- 30. Don’t… Lie to people about being told, expect my best work or avoid the subject.
- 31. Do… Be flexible! Provide alternative work situations. Keep me in the loop.
- 32. Don’t… Exclude me. Reassign my work.
- 33. Most importantly! Keep an eye on yourself and me.
- 36. Loss of a Student
- 38. Illness & Student Affairs
- 43. An Ending
- 46. What works?
- 49. Ethic of Care What now?
Notas do Editor
- Tears during the day, on my run. Dan told me to go home, thankful for the permission to take care of myself
- Strength of students and their desire to honor the victims was immediate in a way that the campus response was not
- Spending time with my friends as well helped. Boston Common memorial with Jason, Joel, and Chris Scanlon
- SaintsMinithon, track run to commemorate lives lost. 1 lap for each of the 26 miles of the race, for 3 people, aimed for 78 laps total
- Initial Tweet: making cards, who wants to help? These are some of the earliest submissions
- Final result, ended up with almost 120 cards; Sue and Val baked with me and we delivered them
- Supported other area projects, like Emerson College’s Boston Strong movement
- Ongoing process, like running for Boston with a group of friends this past November. Going to work with track team for a second annual Minithon this spring.
- Being (literally) in the middle of a job search.
- It changed me and everything! Guilt Ridden, Inability to make decisions, Difficutly focusing, difficulty reading and writing, super awkward.
- I was both a student and an employee of the University at the time. My experience with my own and other’s reactions have led me to create this totally incomplete, absolutely biased list of…
- “Call me if you need me” “She’s in a better place” You Matter We Care example
- Me now: I am not the same person I used to be.
- Role modeling mental health