At Digitale Leute '19, I shared some of my learnings - the hard way - and tips with respect to managing the frustrations and tensions involved in developing products.

1. ____
DIGITALE LEUTE ’19 @MAA1
managing frustrations
= product development

6. SUCCESS
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7. Wrong!@MAA1

8. FRUSTRATION
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10. WHY FRUSTRATIONS
MY FRUSTRATIONS
MANAGE FRUSTRATIONS
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12. WHY FRUSTRATIONS
(1) nature of product development
(2) product = people
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13. NATURE OF DEVELOPING PRODUCTS
Stakeholders No blueprint Never to plan Creativity Tradeoffs
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16. Cognitive diversity
The inclusion of people who have different
styles of problem solving, and can offer
unique perspectives because they think
differently
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17. Many opinions
Many beliefs
Many solutions
Many agendas
Many styles
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19. BLUEPRINT!?

20. People telling you about a set formula for
developing successful products…
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22. There is NO blueprint or magic recipe for
successful product development
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23. NEVER TO PLAN

25. CREATIVITY

27. Developing products involves constant
tradeoffs, compromises and tough
decisions
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TRADEOFFS

28. QUALITY
SCOPE
Features
Functionality
SCHEDULE
Time
Milestones
RESOURCES
Cost
Budget
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29. NATURE OF DEVELOPINGNATURE OF DEVELOPING PRODUCTS
Stakeholders = managing opinions and beliefs
No blueprint for product development
No set in stone plan => Adapt and iterate
Need to be pragmatic and compromise
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30. PRODUCT = PEOPLE
Me (and you) Others
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32. Engineer: “I want to write great code”
Designer: “I want to crate the best experience”
Product: “We need to achieve customer outcomes”
Delivery: “We need to ship stuff”
Tester: “This sh*t better work …”
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34. Emotional triggers: People, words, opinions or
situations that provoke a strong emotional reaction
within us.
Emotions that can be triggered include anger, rage,
sadness and fear.
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36. PRODUCT = PEOPLE
Manage yourself and your triggers first
Then manage relationships with others
Understand your response and behaviours
Factor in other people’s needs and styles
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37. MY FRUSTRATIONS
Things that make me ANGRY
Things that make me SAD
Things that make me feel like a FRAUD
Things that make me feel OVERLOADED
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38. EMOTION 1
anger

39. WHAT MAKES ME ANGRY?
Missing a sense of urgency
Feeling that we are not united
People not ‘getting’ product management
Not everybody meeting my standards
Being in a conflict situation
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40. PROBLEM
Knowing only one conflict mode…
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42. NO. NO. NO. This totally wrong.
You messed up and now we’re
totally screwed.
Who do you think you are!?
YOU are wrong. You made the
mistakes that got us here!
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43. 1. MANAGING CONFLICT
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44. Credit: Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
Conflict continuum
Constructive
ARTIFICIAL
HARMONY
Destructive
PERSONAL
ATTACKS
IDEAL
CONFLICT
POINT
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45. Contract - Agree a set of conflict behaviours
Call it - Spot conflict in the room, call it
Canvass views - Go around the room
Criteria - Establish a good way out
Create options - Explore lots of ways forward
Closure - Avoid ongoing debate
Credit: Julia Whitney, https://www.mindtheproduct.com/2018/05/how-to-improve-your-teams-conflict-competence-by-julia-whitney/
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46. COMPETITION
Trying to win, standing
up for your own
position or rights
+ Assertiveness
+ Co-operation
COLLABORATION
Digging into an issue to
identify underlying concerns,
finding a win-win solution
AVOIDANCE
Sidestepping or postponing an
issue to withdrawing from a
threatening situation
ACCOMMODATION
Yielding to another’s point of
view, obeying an order when
you don’t want to
COMPROMISE
Find a way to meet in
the middle
- Co-operation
- Assertiveness
Credit: Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann, Conflict Modes@MAA1

47. 2. TAKING A HELICOPTER VIEW
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49. STOP! What is the bigger picture?
SELF: What does the situation mean to me?
OTHERS: What does this look like to others involved?
OUTSIDER: How does this appear to someone outside the situation?
WISE MIND: What would be the best thing to do? For me, for others,
for this situation?
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50. MANAGING YOUR ANGER
What is your conflict profile?
Take your position and use the 6Cs
Step in the helicopter!
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51. EMOTION 2
SAD

52. WHAT MAKES ME SAD?
Feeling isolated
Not making progress
Unable to deliver customer value
Conflicts and arguments
Sensing that I am misunderstood
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53. PROBLEM
Can you accept certain things,
without feeling sad or giving up!?
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54. 3. ACCEPTING RADICALLY
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56. Radical acceptance:
Stop fighting reality, accepting things for what they
are
(NOT: just giving in or feeling sorry for yourself)
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58. MANAGING YOUR SADNESS
Take a step back, accept reality
Pick your battles!
Pause, reflect and improve
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59. EMOTION 3
FRAUD

60. WHAT MAKES ME FEEL A FRAUD?
Not knowing all the answers
Being out of my comfort zone
Trying and experimenting
Doubting the value I add
Being around subject matter experts
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61. @MAA1

62. PROBLEM
Feeling like a fraud can undermine your self-
confidence and weaken the value you can add
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63. 4. SILENCING YOUR INNER FRAUD
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64. Warum?
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66. “What did you do?” “Why did you do that?”
“What is the difference?”
“Just for my learning, can you please explain?”
“What are the pros and cons?”
“Not sure I understand, could you please talk me through?”
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67. Ich weiß es nicht!
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69. MANAGING YOU FEELING A FRAUD
Keep asking questions
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I don’t know! Let me find out
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70. EMOTION 4
OVERLOAD

71. WHAT MAKES ME FEEL OVERLOADED?
Too many meetings
Lack of focus
Too much ‘stuff’
No time to think
Lots of requests
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73. PROBLEM
Stakeholder: “Can you please change this new feature?”
Me: “No”
Stakeholder: “What do you mean by ‘no’?”
Me: “What is it about no that you don’t understand!?”
Stakeholder: “?”
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74. 5. SAYING “NO”
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75. Start small
Consider side effects
Provide options
Share priority rationale
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76. Credit: Peter Merholtz, https://www.peterme.com/

79. No. Description Impact Rationale Who When
1
We’re not building
feature B
Focus on feature A
instead and limited
functionality
We have been doing too
much, quality has suffered.
Need to focus
Marc 1 January ‘19
2 Pricing agreed
Need to
communicate new
pricing to customers
Our old pricing model was
confusing and lost us
customers
Victoria 25 January ‘19
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80. MANAGING FEELING OVERLOADED
Focus. Focus. Focus
Saying “NO”
One version of the truth, open to all
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81. EMOTION 5
HAPPINESS

82. MANAGING FRUSTRATIONS
1. Managing conflict
2. Taking a helicopter view
3. Accepting radically
4. Silencing your inner fraud
5. Saying “no”
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83. BUT…
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84. MANAGING FRUSTRATIONS IS A SKILL
Keep at it. This will take time
Allow yourself to try and learn
Pause early and often!
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85. GET STARTED
Susan Newman, The Book of No
Allan Cohen & David Bradford, Influence Without Authority
Kim Scott, Radical Candor
Edgar Schein, Humble Inquiry
Patrick Lencioni, 5 Dysfunctions of a Team
Ray Dalio, Principles
William Ury, Getting to Yes with Yourself
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87. THANK
YOU!marcabraham.com
MAA1 (Twitter and Medium)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/abrahammarc/
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