Flow. The official worst software development approach in history

Sander Hoogendoorn
Freelance new-agile coach, trainer,
programmer, speaker, author, traveler, dad
Currently
Chief Architect Quby
Before
CTO ANVA, CTO Klaverblad Insurances
Global agile thoughtleader Capgemini
sanderhoogendoorn.com
aahoogendoorn
aahoogendoorn
sander@ditisagile.nl
Next

Kim van Wilgen
@kimvanwilgen
Customer
director
Schuberg
Philis
20
18
Head of
development
ANVA
20
17
Head of IT
Klaverblad
Insurances
20
14
Hello
world19
80

A short history of methodologies
From waterfall to sociocracy

Waterfail

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Fragile agile

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Agile beyond building software?

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Quotes from agile conferences
“Make sure you don’t miss the agile elephant versus the
waterfall elephant in the lobby.”
“During this session we are going to discuss the Happiness
Index of projects.”
“Add Ready for Celebration before the Done column on
your Kanban board”

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More and more, I’m coming to see
the term “Agile” as both unnecessary
and self defeating. Agile has come to
mean “do part of Scrum badly and
use Jira.” Let’s just drop it.Allan Holub

Introducing Flow
The official worst modern software development methodology in history

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Why yet another
methodology?

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Agile beyond the hype

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Naming our methodology
We need Japanese words
Kaizen, Kanban, Obeya, Origami
It needs to end with cracy
Holacracy, Sociocracy, Idiocracy
And it needs to be Continuous with a D
Discovery? Disappointment? Disagreement?

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More #No
and Less Yes?
#NoOps
#NoProjects
#NoEstimates
#NoSQL
#NoTesting
#NoCode
Serverless
Pointless?

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As a service?
SaaS
IaaS
PaaS
TaaS
XaaS

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Methodoloy
as a Service
We propose

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Flow
Because it
nicely fits
laptop stickers

We’ll keep sprints
We are all Usain Bolt right?

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The red sprint anti-pattern

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We need good estimates!
So let’s elaborate…

We need gamification
So people from outside our industry will understand too

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Autonomy on a leish
Our teams can be autonomous,
but…
• They don’t get to hire people
• They don’t get to fire people
• They don’t do appraisals
• They don’t decide what they
work on (it has to be on the
backlog)
• They don’t get to spend
money

Read more …
Autonomy on a leish
Our teams can be
autonomous, so …
• We decide what’s on the
backlog
• We decide who’s on which
team
• We decide what tools
they’re using
• When they have meetings

But.. they get to decorate their workplace!

Mandatory fun• Maybe we’re overdoing it a little?

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We play games
20% of our working days
Bring your own controller

Teams and roles … and resources

Small teams?• Do we mean 7 plus or minus 2?

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Roles in Disciplined Agile 2.0 (outside of the team)
Chief architecture owner
Chief product owner
Community of practice
lead
Database administrator
Enterprise architect
Functional manager
Human resource manager Governor
Operations engineers
Process engineers Release engineers
Reuse engineers
Operations manager Process manager
Release managerPortfolio manager
Product manager
Support manager
Support engineers

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Our annual SAFe Quiz
Where’s the customer?

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Resources
Managers are used
to calling people
resources anyway,
so why bother
trying to change that
If you want to become
a real resource,
you need to grow a beard

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Agile coaching?
Agile coach camps
Agile retreats
Agile leadership
weekends
Where’s
the code?

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DevOps?
DevOps!

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OpsDev
OpsDev means front-loading
Ops considerations – relating
to applications’ operability,
security, scale etc. early on in
the process.

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SecDevSecOpsSec
But where are the analysts?
Testers?
Project managers?

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“I picked ‘DevOpsDays’ as Dev and
Ops working together because ‘Agile
System Administration’ was too long,”
he said. “There never was a grand
plan for DevOps as a word.”
Patrick Debois
Founder of Devops

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Flow’s collaboration mindset
Community – Development – Operations – Analysts – Security
ComDevOpsAnalSecs
Resources
Res

Meetings
Meetings break flow, so they’re good

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Stand-ups
The good
They are boring
Everybody loves them?
They break developer flow!

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Stand-ups
The bad
Absolutely useful meetings
But… far too often
We don’t want people to
know what other people are
doing

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Stand-ups
So
Yes, but once a week
About one hour
Every Tuesday from 9PM to
1AM

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Retrospectives
The good
They’re only once a month
We can loose lots of time
trying to prepare demo’s that
will fail anyway

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Retrospectives
And then
Tedious discuss for at least
two hours with the whole
team why we could have
gone faster
So, we keep them, but …
Every two weeks!
We don’t follow up on
improvements so we can
repeat endlessly
And, yes we definitively
needed a LEGO reference

Read more …
Breaking flow
So
In Flow we organize random
meetings throughout the week
With random topics, such
design sessions, UI meetings
with the customer, stakeholder
meetings
About an hour and with the
whole team
We call these flow meetings
(as they break flow)

Flow in the enterprise
This is where the real money is ☺

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Scrum Guide Quiz
Manager
Autonomous
Project manager
Project
Stakeholder
Product owner
User story
Planning poker
Tester
Manager
Autonomous
Project manager
Project
Stakeholder
Product owner
User story
Planning poker
Tester

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Or does large scale agile require a large scale process?

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Let’s all copy Spotify!

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Big Flow Framework (BFF) 3.0
BFF will feature
3.0, similar to Management 3.0
and Sociocracy 3
Release planes
Role based pattern matrix
Similar to SAFe we add more
complexity with each new
release
And … of course we copy
Spotify

Tooling
We need boards – lots of overly complicated boards of-course

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Flow boards
We need boards!
We’ll have so many boards that our
clients will not even try to
understand what our progress
really is
Boards are required
to have at least 20 columns
In Enterprise Flow you are required
to have a special room for your
boards called the board room

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Boards
Jira
Jira == agile
So Jira is mandatory
You will both have a Scrum
board and a Kanban board
You will use epics, stories
and tasks randomly

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Boards
Progress? What progress?
A chart showing your
progress is generated for you
by Jira
We call it a burn chart as
they usually do not go down
anyway and you burn money
in the project

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Burn chart
There really isn’t any progress, but we burn money anyway

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Obeya rooms
At its core, obeya (Japanese
for “big room” or “great
room”) is a dedicated room
for employees to meet and
make decisions about
specific topics
A room to put your pitiful
burn charts on a wall
A room to keep agile coaches
busy, when no-one wants to
be coached any more

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Communication
Resources
need to stay in flow
at all times

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Open Floor Plans
Or how we’ve become the
company’s brochure

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In Flow
Resources
are required to wear
noise cancelling
headphones
If you want to become
a real resource,
you need to get a tattoo

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In Flow 2.0
We are experimenting
with augmented reality
glasses too
… but it appears that
they find it hard
to see the code

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Slack
Resources need to stay in flow
So, resources do not directly
communicate with each other
Communication between resources
only takes place via Slack
Occasionally resources are allowed
to do pair slacking
There is one Slack channel per
release so we can track bugs directly
to Slack conversations between
resources
Agile coaches may act as thread
police

On manifestos
Continue

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Manifesto
A published
verbal declaration
of the intentions, motives
or views of the issuer.

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A brief history of technical manifestos
Rugged
manifesto TBA
Agile HR
manifesto
2017
Software
craftsmanship
manifesto
2009
Agile
manifesto
2001
Hacker 1986
GNU 1985

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Flow manifesto
Extensive certification over hands-on experience
Copying methodologies over thinking for yourself
Tool-driven confusion over building working software
Endless meetings over individual flow
Mandatory gamification over authentic autonomy
That is, while we ignore the things on the right, we do the things on the left

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Flow microfesto
Extensive certification over hands-on experience
Copying methodologies over thinking for yourself
Tool-driven confusion over building working software
Endless meetings over individual flow
Mandatory gamification over authentic autonomy
That is, while we ignore the things on the right, we do the things on the left

Certification
How to make money from creating a methodology

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Certification
Why?
To make sure that we have real
professionals in our teams
Well, we need to make money too
In Scrum
CSM, PSM and CPO are two-day
courses
You take a multiple choice exam
And you are ready to go and coach
teams

Read more …
Flow certification
Yes, you can become a Certified
Flow Resource (CFR) too!
In our courses
Learn how to rip-off post-it notes
Learn how to move items on a Jira
board
Learn how to decorate your
workplace
Two day courses? Why not one
day?
Why not a one-hour presentation?

Read more …
Flow certification
Exams
Exams are made easier. We don’t
want people to fail them
So everyone from outside the
industry can come in too
3 multiple choice questions are
sufficient
Project managers?
We will have certification for project
managers!
We don’t want to leave them out in
the cold just as these agile folks did

Certification
Are you ready to take the Certified Flow Resource (CFR) exam?

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1. What roles do we have in Flow?
A. Manager, project managers, product owners
B. We are all one team!
C. Lots and lots - except for testers of course
D. Resources

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2. What’s the goal of retrospectives in Flow?
A. To interrupt the daily flow of our resources
B. To endlessly discuss why the resources in our
project should work harder
C. To make sure we spend two days preparing demo’s
D. To watch demo’s fail together with our clients

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3. We have certification in Flow because?
A. We want well-trained resources in our projects
B. It makes our methodology look important
C. Flow is so complicated you need lots of training to
become an expert
D. We want to make money

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Congratulations!
You all passed!

Certified Flow Resource
May 21th, 2019
Participating in the exam
During SDD London 2019

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By the way
There is an annual
continuation fee of
200 euro

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In retrospective
Here’s what we
really believe

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We believe
Software is built by people

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We believe
Every organization or team
will create and evolve the
approach that fits them best

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We believe
Personal communication
is still key

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We believe
Trust and personal safety
rule

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We believe
Creating software
requires
focus and flow

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We believe
Continuous learning
is essential

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We believe
Teams need to be(come)
truly self-organizing

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We believe
Organizations need to be
flat with as little hierarchy
as possible

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We believe
Experience
is more important
than certification

And never forget to have fun
Next

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References
and questions
ww.sanderhoogendoorn.com
www.kimvanwilgen.com
aahoogendoorn
kimvanwilgen
sanderhoogendoorn.com/decks-and-handouts

Flow. The official worst software development approach in history

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