This presentation seeks to help educators in higher education feel more confident leading difficult dialogues, by promoting strategies that embrace the core principles of inquiry and advocacy that educators can use to create more productive conversations.

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Difficult Conversations
Walaa Awad
Unity Summit
Auburn Hills
09/27/2019

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Objectives of the session:
Understand what makes a conversation
difficult
Understand that nonverbal interactions
sometimes speak louder than words
Know how to structure the difficult
conversations more effectively

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Facts
According to the U.S. Department of Education’s National Center
for Education Statistics (2017b):
• In 2016, 64% of the people enrolled in graduate programs
identified as White, 14% identified as Black, 10% identified
as Hispanic, and 8% identified as Asian.
• The data on faculty of color employed as full-time professors,
reveals even greater disparities in representation with full-time
professors 56% White males, 27% White females, 7%
Asian and Black, 2% Hispanic male, and Hispanic females
comprised 1% or less.

4. What does this have to do
with difficult conversations?

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How many of you can think of a
conversation that...
...you have been putting off?
...didn’t go as you hoped?
...you had but would like to re-do?
• What is (was) the situation?
• What did you want to happen as a result of the
conversation?
• What was the outcome?

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Difficult Conversation is any form of
communication or any object that
 we don’t want to talk about.
 we worry what will happen if we do
talk about it.
 Or, if we do talk about it, we usually
think and feel a lot more than what
we actually say.

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What topics do you consider difficult
or challenging to discuss?

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Difficult Conversations
• Politics
• Race
• Physical
appearance
• Personal behavior
• Linguistic barriers
• Cultural
differences
• Disabilities
• Religion
• Sexuality
• Competency
• Compliance
• Quality of work
• Performance in
classroom

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Difficult conversations are about
something important and thus
have feelings at their core.
Otherwise, they would not be
difficult!

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How to structure the
difficult conversations more effectively?

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Step #1: Inquiry
• Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity.
• Pretend you don’t know anything (you really don’t)
• Let them talk until they’re finished. Don’t interrupt
except to acknowledge.
• Whatever you hear, don’t take it personally.
• It’s not really about you.
• You’ll get your turn, but don’t rush it.
How to structure the difficult
conversations more effectively?

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Inquiry is asking a question.
Advocacy is stating one’s
views.

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Step #2: Acknowledgment
• Acknowledgment means to show that you’ve heard and
understood.
• Explain back to what you think they’re really going for.
Guess at their hopes and honor their position.
• Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with
agreement. Keep them separate, saying, “this sounds
really important to you,” doesn’t mean I’m going to go
along with your decision.

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Step #3: Advocacy
• I – Express your values with integrity
• We - Relate to others in a positive
way
The Iceberg of Culture
Clothes
Food
Music
Values Attitudes
about Family
Beliefs about men &
women-gender roles
Attitudes about time
Political beliefs
Proxemics
Attitudes toward “others”
Religious beliefs
Sexuality Beliefs
Attitudes toward
authority
Language
Beliefs about Beauty

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Step #4: Problem-Solving
Now you’re ready to begin building solutions.
• Express – Share your truth, your assessment of the
situation
• Negotiate – Engage creatively and try to find a
solution that addresses everyone’s concerns
• Commit – Formalize your agreement with a series of
commitments and a timeframe

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Practice, Practice, Practice
 The art of conversation is like any art–with continued
practice, you acquire skill and comfort.
 Diversity and inclusivity are all about understanding…not
necessarily agreeing.
 A successful outcome will depend on two things: how
you are and what you say. How you are (centered,
supportive, curious, problem-solving) will greatly influence
what you say.

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Thank you

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References
• Having Difficult Conversations with Your Students. University Center for
the advancement of teaching Retrieved from
https://ucat.osu.edu/bookshelf/teaching-topics/shaping-a-positive-
learning-environment/difficult-conversations-students/
• Ringer, J. (2016). We have to talk: A step-by-step guide for difficult
conversations.
Retrieved from http://www.mediate.com/articles/ringerj1.cfm