This is my story as I battled the internal enemy of my own inner voice. Sharing it won't just bring me peace but hope that someone else going through the same scenario will find this paper useful in fighting for their future. Use it as I have.

1. THE
TERNAL
ENEMY
A MAN AND HIS OWN INNER VOICE
VR Kanyiki
IN

2. IS PAINTED OUT IN THORNS AND SHARP ROCKS
THE FURY ROAD
I can cook but I do not like it when I burn my hands because that is just painful, we are all human beings right and
we all experience pain and when we do that, we move away and stick to what is less burning.
When I started cooking, I was burning my hands all the time but with time I adapted and adjusted my approaches.
Today I cook in my own restaurant. I learned to tolerate discomfort.
In my early 20s I lived a complicated life. I was living that 7 day life cycle, from Sunday to mid-Wednesday, I
was a changed man. I was getting up early mornings to exercise, write down my daily goals and complete them
smoothly. But from Wednesday night, it starts with a small sip of Vodka, a skip of lectures and ends with a
weekend of cigarettes and bottles. Then I started thinking, a bakery makes fresh breads every morning. A
driver wakes up every morning and drives those bread to different markets. A shop-man wakes up every morning
to open the shop so people can buy and eat bread in the morning. If I had a bakery, I would suck at it.
Responsibility and commitment were missing in my life. Everyday around the world people are fulfilling their
life purposes, making living easier. They not only know their responsibilities, they are full committed to
them. These are dreamers, inventors and heroes, they are dreaming and acting. They believe in themselves and
are using that one chance of life to try, no matter how much difficult it will be, how dangerous it will get, one
opportunity of a lifetime. I realized I was not different, I too have the same morning, the same hours of the day, if
I want to change my life as to change the world, I could. But the internal enemy told me I could not. The internal
enemy told me I have to drink on Wednesday night and skip classes on Thursday
The Internal Enemy wanted me to stay in the circle of shame, told me it is okay to scroll down the phone under
the blanket admiring other people’s fantasy lives. What the internal enemy did not want me to know was this
• Time is going every moment I fold myself under that blanket, time is wasted every second I scroll that phone
admiring other people fantasy lives,
• I was getting poor and poor every day, I was thinking less and less every day, my education was replaced with
fantasy. My dreams will be fulfilled by others, and my opportunities, well they would be taken up by the kids
coming from behind me.
• As I grow old and useless, I will work for others and beg for opportunities. I am going to work tireless for
others and at the end of the day, they will fire me.
• If I don’t act now, I am going to spend my whole life scared to die, scared to be left behind, scared to take
risk because I can’t risk to quit my job when I am 35 and drowning in debts.
Now that I knew exactly what the path of life on was taking me, I got scared. Fear of failure shocked me and
eventually I was breaking down. With Fear, the Internal Enemy again just put me from one useless path of life to
the coward path of life. Fear became my new Internal enemy, my limitation. Even though I was motivated to
change, fear was controlling how much I have to change basically keeping me in the same useless boat I was.
“ “
This was me, this was my story

3. I was fueling fear in my own way, I criticized everything I did to an extend that I became my own enemy,
my own obstruction. Regardless of my abilities, my talents and my instincts to problem solving were all
locked up behind fear.
So I turned to things that were less fearful and by doing that I placed a limit to my capabilities. I could outgrow
my worries, I avoided situations were I had to be awkward, I could not ask for more because I did not want to
be let down. A simple defeat will bring me a panic attack, and all the solutions, all the high hopes I have placed in
that moment will blow up in my mind and I will panic not knowing there is more opportunities beyond failure.
I hated failing, but what I did not realize was that I was putting my whole life hopes in one opportunity and when
that one single opportunity fails me, my whole life will enroll into a train of regrets. I will throw everything away
just because I failed in one attempt. Instead of adjusting my approaches to get more clarity, to learn something
from the moment, I let the fear of failure crowd me.
I was judging myself, I hated that I was too scared, too nervous and because of that I even hated myself more. I
will judge myself for not doing what I should have done, for not remembering to apply all that I have planned, for
not speaking up and for not being bold. The judgment will kill my confidence even further that I will give up, then
I will settle for less. Without confidence I start avoiding what is hard, everything that brings me fear. Yet what I
did not know was that I was creating this comfort zone. See, a comfort zone is that level you set for yourself so
that you do not have to be rejected anymore, you do not have to do things that you fear, you do not have to be
told that you did not do good enough. You simple just turn on that little light that is enough to keep you warm.
It was the comfort zone that I had to struggle with so much. This is where the Internal enemy really kicks
you to your knees. See the internal enemy makes all the decisions for you, it decide for you whether to get up
at 04h00 or sleep peacefully until 09h00, whether for you to start a new habit or for you to continue watching
your favorite series all day long. The internal enemy is you when you hit the snooze button and continue to sleep
in, when you want to draft your first company but the social media page is filled with pictures to scroll through.
The internal enemy which is you will put unnecessary things on your schedule so that you can fake to be busy
and not watch the day as it goes by.
At this rate, you will start to turn around and point your judgments to others for not giving you opportunities, for
laughing at you when you were sweating addressing the crowd, for not being text by that boyfriend or girlfriend.
But until you turn and point those fingers, that anger toward yourself, you are not going to defeat that internal
enemy. But you are smart, you are full of life. You are beautiful and full of talents. Life is about pushing forward
though all the embarrassment, all the awkward situations. Life is about risking failure to learn how to come back
next time, life is about risking hardship and making mistakes, to be laughed at so that you can over grow and
learn what is on the other side.
Life is about facing your fear knowing that you will be scared and sweating with the vision to pass through that
first time of embarrassment and nervous breakdown for something greater beyond. Face your situation knowing
that first defeat is not the end, there are 1000 of chances ahead of you that will surely bring you success. Fake
it until you make it, just decide and act as you already have it. Ask yourself this, ‘‘What if I am the greatest’’
BE ONE WITH YOURSELF
DO NOT BE THE OBSTRUCTION IN YOUR OWN WAY
I confronted the internal enemy

4. I have watched and listened to myself making hesitations over and over, until that opportunity is gone. See, I want
the opportunity but fear is telling me ‘‘you won’t get it, do not even try’’ and when it tells me that, I become
comfortable with the little I have. Fear does not want me to endure competitions, it wants me away from
the competition so that confidence of wining does not build up inside of me. Fear is the biggest limitation of
mankind, it gets even worser when you are in the same bed with its cousin ‘lack of preparation’.
This situation is familiar with those that encountered the internal enemy, every time you are faced with an
opportunity, the question ‘What If’ actually keeps on ringing in your conscience. But as soon as that spark of
confidence starts to lit, suddenly a gigantic wave of ‘‘NO! YOU CAN NOT’’ takes over and block off all that little
confidence that was building up for the moment. Then just like that, your own thoughts, your own voice steals
away a beautiful opportunity for you. It starts with one opportunity, then it steals another five from you then it
sets a limitation for you. Once you are in this killer zone of the Internal enemy, you do not even see your value,
you do not see your worthiness. It has stripped away even the little last self-esteem you once had.
I came to understand that in many cases the Internal enemy attacks the high thinkers, the braves, the smart
and the talented. This is why you should know that you are worth the attack. Maybe lately you have been trying
to come up with great ideas, great thoughts are running around your mind, yes. The Internal enemy will try
to get between that good thought and the next step of you taking action and implementing it. The Internal
enemy is very organized, it will not protest that the idea is wrong, but it will stand between you and the action
of implementing it. Maybe you were suppose to wake up and work on that idea, no you ended up sleeping until
10H00am and when you woke up, something distracted you. That is the internal enemy at work.
If you are experiencing this, do not blame yourself or beat yourself up. The internal enemy is invincible, its well
organized. It is okay too, you did not know this, just like myself I did not thought that the voice telling me I can not
do it is not actually powerful as the one saying to me I can Do it. I will tell you today, you are the greatest and it
is about time you know that. Maybe you are going through what I have gone through myself, troubled by yourself,
always looking down to yourself, judging yourself and always disappointed by yourself. It is time to shut that voice,
it is time to stand up and just go for it. Remember it is you against you. You can defeat you because you know
exactly what comes next. Hence if you listen to your inner voice very well, you will understand that it is always a
question, ‘‘what if you get embarrassed?, What if you fail?’’. These are questions, they are not facts. They have
no effect on you until you answer them. Yes I can possibly fail but I can also win, but either way I will do it.
Every time you choose to answer those questions with positivity the internal enemy starts to diminish. Eventually
you will realize that the internal enemy is now working for you rather than against you. Suddenly it will ask you
a question and gives you a motive to really do something. Is it not to dark to get up and go exercise? Yes but
that makes me the only person who woke up this time to exercise. But now remember, to have a relationship
like this with your internal enemy it thus take commitment, it takes a daily dose of inspiration from yourself.
These three things have to change in your life: Self-discipline, attitude and habit, then you will have the courage
to become the most amazing person this world will ever have.
WHAT IF? BUT WHAT THEN?
WHAT IF YOU CAN WIN? TRUE, THEN GO AND WIN
Just take a step and whatever happen happens

5. Self discipline is the first kick to the nuts. It is the ultimate changer. When I made the choice to change my life,
I personally had problems with self-discipline. This is because I was compromising, when it was time to get up
at 06H00, I slept two more hours. My mind was too used to compromises and the internal enemy was already
kicking me to my knees. The internal enemy at this stage was even more furious than ever, knowing for a fact that
self-discipline will change my life totally. You might be going through the same scenario, determined to change
your live, to get up in the morning but still waking up disappointed because you failed to wake earlier. Do not beat
up yourself, you are not weak nor lazy, you are just too used and to change that, you have to go against the tides.
To change something from one shape to another, you have to go against the force keeping together. Take for
instance an ice, to break it you have to apply a force that can scatter it. You need to break yourself, you need
to fight yourself more than ever. Remember to get up at 06H00, you have to break the force that usually nub
you until 10H00. But to break that force, it is pain or no gain. Self discipline is war against invisible forces, it is
a battle against the mind. To win war, you have to fight better, harder and determined. For myself, I had to break
my spirit to shape it into the right angle. I have to quickly jump out of bed when the alarm rings giving no time for
my mind to tell me sweet lies. I was winning that war, I tamed that force.
Start today, put on the determination to fight yourself, to overcome forces that are doing you no goods. Be
determined to be the winner that you are and applause your progress. Invest your money into acquiring weapons
that will even do you more war success. For me was buying new jogging shoes. Determination to change for
better, to loose weight, to learn a new language, to gain confidence, to pass school, to get in shape, will always
bring happiness in your life, go for it.
Are you breathing that determination? Good because the next stage is commitment. If you determine to fight,
to fight for good, then you need commitment to stay fighting. Commitment is the power to continue even
when pain is unbearable, even after you encountered a situation that shuttered the little confidence you have
built up so far. Maybe you felt great and decided to go for whatever you have been building toward and then
boom, you failed it, you got rejected, you got embarrassed again. You did not fail! Stop beating up yourself, you
just got the motivation you needed to pursuit even deeper. Commitment is the courage to continue against
the odds, to push from level 2 to level 3, to beat that addiction from 1 month to 4 months. Be committed to
continue your journey toward greatness and remember in every fight, you gain the skills to face the next enemy.
Lastly, be persistent. Have the stubbornness to continue forever. Self-discipline is not a seasonal practice, you
need self-discipline to manage your future millions, your future marriage. Now that self-discipline practice have
put you on the right map, let it be the management approach to your mapping. If you have disciplined yourself
to loose weight, then continue disciplining yourself against another odd of uncontrollable weight gain. If
you have discipline yourself to work hard and make your first million, then continue disciplining yourself to make
that million into 5. I have disciplined myself into respecting time, into writing more often and working on new
ideas every time, now I use that same self-discipline to manage all the dreams and ideas I want to bring to life.
Changing your live is not this dramatic thing that suffocates you, the secret is just to start and staying
determined to win the battle against yourself.
STEP 1. SELF DISCIPLINE
WHEN IT IS TIME TO GET UP, IT IS TIME GET UP. NO COMPROMISE
IT IS COLD BUT I AM GETTING UP

6. It is actually very true, attitude is everything. If you start your day with a sad face, chances you will experience
a sad day, things won’t work out for you and that will even stress you more. Attitude is the energy that drives
your conscious, it either bad or good and that will reflect in your day. But the best thing about attitude is that
you are fully in control, it is a personal will. You choose it and also decides how you are going to embrace it. If
you wake up and you do not want to go to school, you are not going to enjoy school, simple. But if you choose
to say hey! You know what, I am looking forward to learning today, with no doubt you will enjoy every lesson at
school. Your attitude also determine your hard work, your motivation to come back.
I myself have always had an attitude of ignorance, it was an attitude. I will ignore the alarm, I will ignore making my
bed, I will ignore advices and corrections from people who actually cared about me. So I started blaming people
for leaving me, for not caring for me, for pointing at me as unfocused and lacking seriousness but deep down to
reality, I carried that sadness with me. I know they were right, I needed to show just a little bit of seriousness
in my life, I needed to be focused and act in supreme to my education level. When I realized I was hitting that
low, I started working on my attitude. I would wake up and write down my daily goals and I will work my
way through it. Things actually started changing for me, during my sleeps, I could not wait to wake up and get
more things done. My attitude was pushing me to work hard because it felt so good to have things completed,
to develop things, to design and have people embrace your creation.
I started working my mothers garden, I started cleaning the house and getting rid of piled staff around the
house. Outside, I was going around cleaning the environment, picking up plastics and bottles. Not did I only
gained respect and love from my family, I also connected to the environment and saw how my littles steps were
habituating it. That I called an attitude of change. Maybe you have done it on some occasions were you felt the
need to do somethings and you pursued toward them until they were done accordingly. When you were doing
that, you had the attitude toward making those things work because you probably valued them. Your attitude
tells you about the important things in your life, I need to get up early so I can motivate my little sister/brother, I
need to save money so I can have a good holiday end of the year, all that is built up by a good attitude. When you
postpone things in your life, that is also an attitude, it is the attitude of going nowhere. Overtime it eventually
becomes something that defines you, postponing things, unable to complete something, reckless over important
things. Access your attitude today.
I will to do this or die trying! That is an excellent attitude. What you need to note about attitude is that it is the
goal to a better habit. An attitude to get up in the morning and get things done is a habit that will bring
you success. If you committed in watering your garden as to say your attitude is toward growing health food for
yourself, that is a habit that will keep you motivated to improve your garden and achieve a great harvest. Start
today, challenge yourself to getting up early, clean the house, prepare breakfast for others, water the trees, feed
the dogs and just complete all choirs that allow other people to rest for today. And smile to them when they wake
up, make them a joke and start their day energized. Wake up to a good music that activate the happiness in your
mind, then write down what you want to complete today and just face the day a different happy individual.
If you do not challenge yourself for a better attitude, you will never change your habits.
STEP 2. INNER ATTITUDE
I LEARNED SO MUCH WHEN I FAILED. I WILL COME BACK STRONGER
I WAS BEATEN BY A CHAMPION, IT IS A HONOR

7. I got the inspiration to change my life from listening to Jim Rohn, Les Brown and Denzel Washington. The words
of this paper are summing up what I have learned from their seminars. These words are no more mine alone but
yours too, use them the same way I used them to shape my life. I was dealing with changes even when I was
writing this paper, the feeling of writing to someone else motivated me even more.
My secret is writing, always write something that you know will work for your life. Write down your daily goals
and put them on the wall. At the end of the day you marks out those that you have completed. Also write down
things that have limited you from completing all goals, things like spending so much time on the cellphone, working
slowly or taking long breaks. If you know what is hindering you from achieving your goals then you can make
adjustments in your life that will direct you toward a better you.
The secret is just to get started.
GET STARTED
AND STAY STARTED
‘‘Don’t wish things to change, wish for you to change’’
Vilho Royal Kanyiki
Founder, Olebby Brothers Group
email: royalkanyiki995@gmail.com
Tel: +26481 3934633
OBOlebby Brothers Group
@2020