The Healing Power of Friendship by R. Murali Krishna, M.D. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA, noted and well respected Oklahoma City psychiatrist, has recently published his first book, VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to Oklahoma City which he coauthored with Kelly Dyer Fry, president of news at OPUBCO. For more information visit http://www.drkrishna.com.

1. The Healing
Power of
Friendship
By R. Murali Krishna, M.D.
www.drkrishna.com

2. Laura is a new sales representative
with a growing company.
Although she doesn’t have to work in an office
environment and maintains a home office
instead, she’s seen her work hours nearly
double in just the past few months. Her close
friendship with a college roommate has
dwindled to a once a month lunch. She feels
terrible about it. But what can she do?
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3. Chad is a busy attorney with a
growing practice.
He finds himself spending his days – and nights –
meeting deadlines, preparing for trials and
engaged in lengthy telephone conferences. Over
the past year, he’s had less and less
time to spend with a group of
golfing buddies.
Barbara was promoted to director
of her department six months ago.
She’s found herself at the office at least one day
each weekend. She also brings work home,
while her husband takes of care of the evening
rituals of feeding, bathing and tucking in their
two young children. She’s often at her
computer monitor until bedtime.
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4. >> It seems to be a growing conflict in many professions (a recent survey of
lawyers in Boston, for example, found that 43 percent of new associates
quit within three years because they believed they had to choose
between a career and a family).
>> Not only are families and jobs increasingly at odds, friendships are also
often falling victim to the busy workplace our superheated economy has
created.
>> While the fictional characters of the NBC hit sitcom “Friends” continue to
lounge on couches at a New York coffee shop, the rest of us are finding it
more difficult to fit friendship into our busy lives.
The consequences may
be more than just a lack
of a social life. Our health
and well-being are at
stake too.
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5. Blame it on longer work hours, more insulation in
the electronic cocoons of our homes or even the
wall that e-mail tends to place between us
Whatever the cause,
The Wall Street Journal recently felt compelled to ask,
“Whatever Happened to Friendship?”
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6. >> As a culture, we may be abandoning friendship at our own
peril.
>> Medical research is showing the more healthy relationships
you have, the better off you are.
>> True friendship and sound health are inextricably linked.
Having friends not only
gives you more meaning
and purpose, it also
lessens your stress level
and may even add years
to your life.
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7. In my own experience,
I’ve found there are three levels of healthy
relationships central to fulfilling that most basic of
human needs – connection:
>> Friendship with yourself
>> Friendship with a higher power
>> Friendship with others
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8. In our present society, we have a lot of “hi-and-goodbye”
relationships. Few are able to develop long-term, nurturing
and supportive relationships.
>> In the United States, a quarter of our population moves every year.
>> We pack our bags and move somewhere else, establishing new contacts.
>> We may be better off in terms of salary and jobs and stature, but we’re
lacking in something else.
>> We humans have a need to connect, and that need is artificially taken
away from us by modern culture and modern technology.
>> Even the bravest of our explorers throughout history had a need
to connect with other people.
Christopher Columbus
wanted to discover the New
World so that he could
return to the Old World to
share the news.
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9. When we deprive ourselves of connection, we rob
ourselves of a key component of healthy living.
You need to look no further than the latest science for
proof of this.
Medical research on the positive effects of friendship is striking:
>> Researchers at Yale University surveyed death rates among 10,000
seniors with different degrees of social contact. They discovered a 50
percent reduction in the risk of death over a five-year period.
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10. >> A study last year at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center looked at
the health status of 2,800 seniors. Seniors with friends had a lower risk of
disabling health problems and recovered faster when they became ill.
The more friends, the
greater the health
benefits.
>> Researchers studied 7,000 people in Alameda County, California over a
nine-year period. People with the most social support and connectedness
had the best health and long life. People with poor ties died two to five
times higher than people with solid social ties.
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11. More research is also turning up the dark side.
Isolation is bad for you:
>> Researchers studied the impact of living alone after a heart attack. They
tracked about 1,200 heart-attack patients for an average of two years.
In this time, the patients who lived alone, compared to those with
companions, had twice the risk of a second heart attack and twice the
risk of dying.
>> Connecticut researchers tracked for six months nearly 200 men and
women over age 65 who had a major heart attack. During this time,
nearly 40 percent of the patients died. Taking into account the usual risk
factors, lack of emotional support was deadly. Compared to those who
had close friends, men and women who said they had no emotional
support were three times as apt to die.
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12. >> Emotionally-abandoned babies develop a syndrome called “failure
to thrive.” As a result of severe loneliness, the babies’ pituitary glands
fail to produce sufficient growth hormone. These children literally
wither away, despite having adequate nutrition. Many of them die
before reaching toddler hood. Those who survive are emotionally
damaged.
It seems clear that maintaining healthy ties to other people
can have a significant impact on our health. But how do we do
it in today’s super-fueled Information Age?
>> We should focus on having a handful of quality relationships.
>> It’s also valuable to maintain a few healthy relationships in different
spheres of life.
>> An obvious friendship can be had with your spouse, another with
one or two colleagues, and another with one of your neighbors.
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13. >> Many urban professionals who want to foster friendships often face the
constant twin challenges of deadline pressure and competition. But to
experience close friendship, we must be willing to shed some of our
professional armor.
>> You should be willing to open up to this other person you call your friend.
>> It must be a mutual exchange, an interaction.
>> You must feel comfortable sharing opinions, ideas, feelings, hopes,
frustrations and dreams.
>> And you should offer feedback, advice and sometimes admonition.
Sharing is one of
the most important
qualities of genuine
friendship.
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14. In your friendship with yourself, this process can
work through keeping a daily journal, where you
share with your own spirit and heart the issues that
are most important to you.
>> In your relationship with a higher power, you can experience a similar
exchange through prayer.
>> In friendships with others, simply sharing a common activity can open
your relationship up to a deeper kind of understanding.
>> It can be something quite superficial, such as golf, tennis, fishing or
riding bicycles.
>> These common bonds act as a glue that keeps relationships together
until they mature and strengthen.
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15. Henry Adams once wrote,
“One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many;
three are hardly possible.”
He may have been right. But I tend to think we can find many
meaningful friendships in our professions, our communities and even
within ourselves.
Forging friendships is a powerful tool that can shape
your life and give your daily existence more
meaning. And it seems to be an almost magical tool for
improving your health.
www.drkrishna.com

16. Dr. Krishna is president and chief operating officer of INTEGRIS
Mental Health, that provides adult and child/adolescent mental
health services in inpatient, residential, outpatient & clinical
settings; an employee assistance program; and crisis intervention
services.
He is also co-founder and president of the
James L. Hall, Jr. Center for Mind, Body and
Spirit, an educational organization devoted
to improving health through raising
awareness of the healing power of the
connection between mind, body, and spirit.
www.drkrishna.com

17. Author of VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to
Oklahoma City, Dr. Krishna reveals the secrets to living a
vibrant life while overcoming:
• Anxiety
• Trauma
• Sleep dysfunction
• Stress
• Obesity
• Emotional dysfunction
• Depression
• Addiction
www.drkrishna.com
• Substance abuse
• Loss
• Anger
• Unresolved issues
• Relationship stress
• Mental illness
• Alcoholism

18. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA
>> Co-Founder & President, James L. Hall, Jr Center for Mind, Body and Spirit
>> President & COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health
>> President, Oklahoma State Board of Health
>> Founding President, Health Alliance for the Uninsured
>> Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Univ. of OK Health Sciences Center
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19. www.drkrishna.com