1. 101 Common Mistakes Women
Make That Sabotage Their Careers
by Lois P. Frankel
Presented by Ana Dison

2.  Student Success Director (Senior Program
Coordinator) in the Women in Engineering
Program
 Currently work with all current engineering
women, focusing on persistence, student
success, leadership and career development
 15+ years full time at UT in a variety of roles
 Presented „version 1.0‟ at ACA in 2007 and
2009, highlighting 14 mistakes

3. 1. Most people describe me as professional.
2. I have the reputation of being credible.
3. I am know for being assertive.
4. I have been told I am capable.
5. When I speak, others get the idea I am intelligent.
6. I am comfortable with being direct.
7. My way of speaking causes other to describe me
as articulate.
8. I would say when it comes to the workplace, I am
politically astute.
9. My middle name is self-confident.
10. My actions illuminate that I know how to self-
market.

4.  Equal Pay & the Gender Gap
 Women still only make about 78% of what
men are paid
 For women of color, the gap is significantly
wider

5. How You:
◦Play the Game
◦Act
◦Think
◦Brand & Market Yourself
◦Sound
◦Look
◦Respond

6. 1. Pretending It isn‟t a Game
2. Playing the Game Safely and within Bounds
3. Working Hard
4. Doing the Work of Others
5. Working Without a Break
6. Being Naïve
7. Pinching Company Pennies
8. Waiting to Be Given What you Want
9. Avoiding Office Politics
10. Being the Conscience
11. Protecting Jerks
12. Holding Your Tongue
13. Failing to Capitalize on Relationships
14. Not Understanding the Needs of Your Constituents

7. Discussion Topics
 Women have the tendency to take
responsibility for not only our own work but
also the work of others
 If you answer, “Well, if I don‟t do it, no one
else will” you will be doing it for a LONG
time
 While women are doing the grunt work,
men are building their careers
 Promotions are rewards for getting the job
done, not necessarily doing the job

8. Coaching Tips
 Stop volunteering for low-profile, low-impact
assignments
 Recognize when people delegate inappropriately
to you
◦ “You know, I‟d love to help you out with this but I‟m
just swamped”
 Don‟t let people delegate up
 Use self-talk to replace feeling guilty about
saying no
◦ “I don‟t have to feel guilty about seeing that my needs
are met”

9. Discussion Topics
 Taking people at face value, seeing the
good in people
 This characteristic is refreshing to see in
our students/young people
 In more seasoned people (like ourselves), it
is seen as an inability to read a situation

10. Coaching Tips
 If something doesn‟t make sense, ask for an
explanation; if someone downplays your need
for an explanation, BE SUSPICIOUS
 Solicit input from several reliable sources
 Think about what a person‟s motives might be
If you don‟t think people have motives…we should talk more later
 Trust your instincts

11. Discussion Topics
 Men rely on relationships to open doors for
them
 Difference between name-dropping and
using a relationship to help open a door
 Not guilt by association; success by
affiliation
 Connect the dots among people in your
network

12. Coaching Tips
 Ask for introductions
 Introduce people with like interests or
needs (model the behavior)
 Ask for referrals
 Ask to use a colleague‟s name; if offered,
USE IT!
◦ “I heard you mention XX name in past
conversations. I‟m trying to schedule a meeting
with her and wonder if it would be alright to
mention that I know you?”

13. 15. Polling Before Making a Decision
16. Needing to Be Liked
17. Not Needing to Be Liked
18. Not Asking Questions for Fear of Sounding Stupid
19. Acting Like a Man
20. Telling the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth
21. Sharing Too Much Personal Information
22. Being Overly Concerned with Offending Others
23. Denying the Importance of Money
24. Flirting
25. Acquiescing to Bullies
26. Decorating Your Office Like Your Living Room
27. Feeding Others
28. Offering a Limp Handshake
29. Being Financially Insecure
30. Helping

14. Discussion Topics
 Telling the truth to an inappropriate degree
 Most people really don‟t care about the
intimate details of your personal life
 Things you share can be used against you
later…like not dealing well with stress may
prevent you from getting an assignment in
the future

15. Coaching Tips
 Be selective about the personal information you
share and with whom you share it
 It can backfire into appearing too secretive or
dishonest…sharing appropriate amounts enable
others to see the human side of you
 Use “I have an appointment/meeting/commitment”
vs. explaining the dirty details
 Be honest but be brief
◦ “I‟m going through a rough time right now but my job is
important to me. I‟ll work on paying closer attention to the
details.”

16. Discussion Topics
 Women frequently want to create a warm,
comfortable setting
 Creating a home like workspace can work
against you
 Balance between a space that has nothing
(too cold) and a space that has too much
 Emphasizing your femininity can diminish
credibility

17. Coaching Tips
 Décor should be consistent with the culture you
work in
 Tasteful and understated
 Choose accessories that reflect your personality
without overly emphasizing the feminine side of
you
 Keep your visible work space neat and clean;
conveys the impression of being organized and on
top of things

18. Discussion Topics
 It‟s part of that first impression and says
something about you before opening your
mouth
 You do want your handshake to convey the
message,
◦ “I‟m someone to be taken seriously.”
 Don‟t forget solid eye contact

19. Coaching Tips
 Let‟s practice with your neighbor!
 V to V
 Offer your hand first; it‟s a sign of
confidence

20. 31. Making Miracles
32. Taking Full Responsibility
33. Obediently Following Instructions
34. Viewing Men in Authority as Father Figures
35. Limiting Your Possibilities
36. Ignoring the Quid Pro Quo
37. Skipping Meetings
38. Putting Work Ahead of Your Personal Life
39. Letting People Waste Your Time
40. Prematurely Abandoning Your Career Goals
41. Ignoring the Importance of Network Relationships
42. Refusing Perks
43. Making Up Negative Stories
44. Striving for Perfection

21. Discussion Topics
 Lose the notion that meetings are supposed
to be valuable, interesting or worth your
time
 See Mistake #6 (Being Naïve)
 Lose the inclination to stay at your desk and
work all the time
 Meetings are to see and be seen, to
network, to show and tell

22. Coaching Tips
 Don‟t skip meetings
 USE meetings to showcase, network, build
relationships
 Figure out a way to be included, invited
 Offer to present

23. Discussion Topics
 Go Ahead-Waste My Day…Do I have this
written on my forehead?
 Your time is one of the most precious
commodities you have...once it‟s gone, you
never get it back
 Biggest time waster for women…wanting to
please everyone and not be able to say no

24. Coaching Tips
 Differentiate when people NEED to talk verses
when the WANT to talk
 Repeat after me:
◦ “You know, I would love to talk more but I‟m on a
tight schedule today. How about if we continue this
conversation tomorrow?”
 Use tricks of time management, like keeping
a (neat) pile of papers on the extra chairs in
your office; not putting your pencil down
when someone walks in; answering your
phone, voice mail, email only during certain
times of the day

25. Discussion Topics
 Common with our female students
 We go there when we feel insecure or less
than competent (imposter syndrome)
 Limits you personally and professionally if
you are known as someone that can‟t let go
of the small stuff

26. Coaching Tips
 Ask for feedback
 Relinquish the need to be seen as perfect and
settle for being human
 Ask yourself
◦ “Is this a valuable use of my time?”

27. 45. Failing to Define Your Brand
46. Minimizing Your Work or Position
47. Using Only Your Nickname or First Name
48. Waiting to Be Noticed
49. Refusing High Profile Assignments
50. Being Modest
51. Staying in Your Safety Zone
52. Giving Away Your Ideas
53. Working in Stereotypical Roles or Departments
54. Ignoring Feedback
55. Being Invisible

28. Discussion Topics
 Call attention to the ways your strengths
play to the requirements of the work
 Sell yourself
 Don‟t be modest
 Forget the notion that all your hard work
will get noticed
 See #6 again

29. Coaching Tips
 Talk about opportunities out loud and make
your wishes known
 Let people know you are ready for the next
challenge
 Continually showcase your achievements in
subtle ways – monthly accomplishment
reports, best practices

30. Discussion Topics
 Giving away ideas erodes your self-respect,
self-confidence
 Find ways to SELL your ideas
 Don‟t whisper your ideas
 Don‟t be afraid of appear selfish, territorial,
etc.

31. Coaching Tips
 Take a risk and voice your idea
 Speak loudly enough to be heard
 If someone proposed the same thing you did,
say something like…
◦ “It sounds like you‟re building on my original
suggestion and I would certainly support that.”
 Get in the habit of asking a question after
expressing an idea…
◦ “My recommendation is to implement…. Are there
any objections to getting to work on this
immediately?”

32. Discussion Topics
 Take the lead
 It‟s ok to be in the spotlight
 Volunteer to present
 Market your brand (yourself)

33. Coaching Tips
 Submit a proposal to present at a conference
 Write articles
 Seize the opportunity to present to managers
 Voice your ideas
 Stand for office and get involved

34. 56. Couching Statements as Questions
57. Using Preambles
58. Explaining
59. Asking Permission
60. Apologizing
61. Using Minimizing Words
62. Using Qualifiers
63. Not Answering the Question
64. Talking Too Fast
65. The Inability to Speak the Language of Your Business
66. Using Non-words
67. Using Touchy-Feely Language
68. The Sandwich
69. Speaking Softly
70. Speaking at a Higher-than-Natural Pitch
71. Trailing Voice Mails
72. Failing to Pause or Reflect Before Responding

35. Discussion Topics
 Examples:
◦ “What would you think if we…?”
◦ “Have you considered…?”
 Often used to avoid sounding too direct or
too pushy
 By asking a question rather than making a
statement, we relinquish ownership of it
and the outcomes for our ideas

36. Coaching Tips
 Start making statements
 Save questions for those times you
legitimately need information or are
interested in someone‟s opinion
 Put ideas out in the affirmative
 Add “I‟m interested in your thoughts”

37. Discussion Topics
 Counterpoint to the preamble
 Undermines the point made
 Used in fear of having not been complete or
thorough enough – to be “perfect” we keep on
talking
 Done in an effort to get feedback
 Done to overcompensate for insecurity

38. Coaching Tips
 Shorten explanations by 50-75 percent
 Once you‟ve gotten to your point, follow up
with no more than 2 or 3 pieces of
supporting information…then stop
 Resist the internal message that says,
“incomplete”

39. Discussion Topics
 Variation on asking questions to play it safe
 Diminishes stature and relegates one to the
position of a child
 Less likely to be viewed as a confident risk
taker
 You are entitled to take independent action
within a given set of boundaries

40. Coaching Tips
 Inform others of your intentions; don‟t ask
for permission
 Assume equality
 Assume that if people have a problem with
what you‟re saying, they‟ll let you know
 If using affirmative declarations is difficult,
soften your message with a follow-up phrase

41. 73. Smiling Inappropriately
74. Taking Up too Little Space
75. Using Gestures Inconsistent with Your Message
76. Being Over or Under Animated
77. Tilting Your Head
78. Wearing Inappropriate Makeup
79. Wearing the Wrong Hairstyle
80. Dressing Inappropriately
81. Sitting on Your Foot
82. Grooming In Public
83. Sitting in Meetings with Your Hands under the Table
84. Wearing Your Reading Glasses Around Your Neck
85. Accessorizing Too Much
86. Failing to Maintain Eye Contact

42. Discussion Topics
 Have you ever seen a man do this? Ever? In
a meeting?
 Conveys the impression of being a little girl
rather than a professional woman
 It may be cute, but it‟s not professional

43. Coaching Tips
 It‟s a simple fix: sit with both feet on the
ground, knees together
 PAY ATTENTION to your body language;
being “grounded” requires both feet on the
ground

44. Discussion Topics
 Meetings are not the same as the dinner
table
 Observe how men sit at the meeting table
 How do you sit? Where are your hands?
Elbows? Feet? See #81

45. Coaching Tips
 Lean forward slightly (this shows interest)
resting your forearms on the table with hand
lightly clasped
Bonus Tips:
 When possible, choose your seat next to the
most powerful person in the room
 Don‟t be afraid to sit at the head of the table

46. 87. Internalizing Messages
88. Believing Others Know More than You
89. Taking Notes, Getting Coffee, and Making Copies
90. Tolerating Inappropriate Behavior
91. Exhibiting Too Much Patience
92. Accepting Dead-End Assignments
93. Putting the Needs of Others Before Your Own
94. Denying Your Power
95. Allowing Yourself to Be the Scapegoat
96. Accepting the Fait Accompli
97. Permitting Others‟ Mistakes to Inconvenience You
98. Being the Last to Speak
99. Playing the Gender Card
100. Tolerating Sexual Harassment
101. Crying

47. Discussion Topics
 Frequently find ourselves in positions where our
needs come second
 Taking care of children, parents, spouses
 Do you do anything to perpetuate this?
 In the workplace, this manifests when there are
limited funds, perks or opportunities
 We want to play fair, be kind
 We lower our expectations
 Can you see a male colleague doing this?

48. Coaching Tips
 Know what you want, by asking/reflecting
frequently
 Stop each DAY and spend 20-30 minutes doing
something for YOURSELF
 Learn to negotiate; people who ask for more,
get more
 Avoid giving in because it‟s easier or you don‟t
want to make waves
 You are NOT being selfish to have your needs
met
 Make sure you have a life OUTSIDE of work

49. Discussion Topics
 Those who speak early and often are seen as
more credible, greater risk takers, and
possessing more leadership potential than those
who speak later
 The longer you wait to speak, the more likely it
is that someone else will say what you‟re
thinking – and get credit for it

50. Coaching Tips
 In a group, be among the first two or three
people to speak and speak every ten to
fifteen minutes thereafter
 If you can‟t be among the first to speak,
make sure you are not the last
 You don‟t always have to give an opinion
when you speak

51. Thank you!