1. Death
3:58am Sat. July 19th
, 2014
Death is one of the strangest concepts to think about. I don’t know why it’s so eerie how you could see
someone one day and the next they’re gone, but something about that thought makes my mind go
crazy. Maybe it’s the word “gone” that I can’t grasp 100% - gone forever, gone to heaven, gone where
exactly? Is it true that Heaven is a place where the ones who were out of time in this life now reside?
And everything we’ve been told about it being a place of absolute happiness, all you could ever want, do
everything you’ve always dreamed of doing…is it true? I can’t get myself to believe it. It seems so made
up or too good to be true; too easy. If heaven is that great and our loved ones are there waiting for us,
then why would people waste their time getting fucked over and hurt on Earth? If I knew heaven really
existed I wouldn’t waste my time on my life. I’d die so damn willingly and sprint to heaven and tell my
Dad how fucking hard it was without him. But killing yourself is looked at like you gave up, and I guess
you go to hell. Why? Is it “giving up” because the way people treated you was barbaric as if you were
not even a human being capable of feeling, or because your life was hell and daily gave you a reason to
shrink into yourself a tiny bit more, or when you reach out for help and support you’re called an
attention seeker, fake, and told it’s just a phase you’re going through; that your life isn’t that bad so just
get over it? If wanting to be happy and not afraid of others harassment is considered “giving up,” then
living is one sick fucking game. Why is it unacceptable to seek happiness for yourself but it’s acceptable
for people to do whatever they possibly can to make a person feel worthless, pushing them to the point
where suicide becomes their only escape? Why wouldn’t those people, the murderers if you think about
it, get sent to hell instead of the ones who just wanted to be seen as a person; an equal in society? It’s
reasons like these that make me doubt a place so perfect could be real. The people who deserve eternal
bliss after enduring what they have aren’t even allowed in heaven, but the people that made death
sound like a good idea are carried to heaven’s gates because they lived such honest, good lives. How
fucked up was the person that came up with those fucking rules? Clearly, they don’t have a very open
mind and refuse to understand pain and hurt and sorrow and misery in all the thousands of ways they
are expressed and revealed. Too much effort for such a mighty God to accept each and every flaw he’s
manifested into his own “children?” Suicide can’t be forgiven but those who have sinned, tortured, and
mutilated others until they had enough of the pain are not blamed for the crime they have committed.
Sure, they may not be the reason someone puts a gun to their head, but they can definitely be the
reason they pull the trigger. And those people are forgiven? Or is the murder just overlooked;
irrelevant? I don’t care how this almighty man in the sky that people blindly worship has carved such
idiot rules into his followers souls, but I’d be highly disappointed if my message was NOT to accept the
differences between human to human. At least we’d all be treated as if we’re just that – humans. All
created differently to be cherished, not ridiculed on a daily basis until we mold ourselves into false
identities. Now we’re all filed under specific labels like weird, freak, popular, pretty, ugly, etc that the
world assumes tells everything about a person they have never even met before. I think a higher power
that millions of people are trying to live their lives according to shouldn’t induce self-consciousness
because a book claims it’s a sin. Proof behind this God and this book is nonexistent yet we cling to it’s
existence. Love is love, regardless of gender, and I disagree with living a certain way because a book tells

2. me to then threatens to send me to hell if I don’t. Why should I want to live my life according to a man
that’s imaginary? I feel like it’s a crutch people use to feel like they have something in their lives that
makes them feel like they’re a good person because they can’t tell themselves that they are. So they do
as they’re told like a puppet and suddenly alienating anything you’re not familiar with and don’t
understand and isn’t in the bible becomes okay.
Death is inevitable. An experience you’ll be clueless about until the day you’re time has arrived. It’s hard
not to be afraid of dying when you don’t know where you’ll end up, how it feels, if you’ll be aware of the
fact that you’re dead, or if you simply just become extinct…just end and that’s all there is to it. I’ve
always wondered if death is a topic we’re considered weird for questioning because of this fear of an
assumed eternity; having a destination that no one knows about being people’s biggest hidden secret
they push out of their mind and only reveals itself in nightmares. We act like our own mind isn’t a safe
place to question what we’ve grown up being told, like allowing ourselves to think about the faults in all
these theories, religious or not, that are force fed to us since day 1 would get us into some sort of
trouble. Why not question everything? How should we even know which one to believe if there are so
many theories about life and death and the “right” way to go about them? Reincarnation, heaven, hell,
getting inbetween & being stuck in the place you died….who REALLY knows? Why are we not given the
chance to figure out on our own what we believe when this is our life, body, and mind? I see all these
ideas of what happens after and higher powers to obsess over and I can’t help but think to myself that
they’re all made up stories to make us feel better about ourselves, make the unknown seem less
unknown, make us have hope that there is someone up there guiding us, making it feel less suffocating
to us when we think our future is up to “god” and not ourselves, making time continue on consistently
after we’ve had an event we thought would stop time all together and destroy us – thinking that trusting
an invisible man or assuming we know why it happened will make everything better. We subconsciously
teach our minds to react to things in positive or negative ways based on the thoughts that follow
traumatic events in our lives. I personally don’t need assistance from anyone or anything else. I know my
mind better than anyone and I am the only one who can chose how I perceive my life and what happens
during it. I don’t need religion to distract me from seeing how cruel the world really is or mask what’s
morally right and wrong. Distract yourself from life as much as you please because it’ll eventually erupt
right in your face, all over the illusion you’ve created, poking holes in all your beliefs. Faith can fail you
sometimes, and if it does who will you be? Without your reasons to be who you thought you were,
you’re left defenseless. This whole time you thought you were your own person when really, you were
following someone nonexistent and trying to create a person whom you are not. To live your life, it’s
going to involve pain and you have to let yourself feel every goddamn ounce of it, it’s going to involve
happiness that you’ll learn to open up your arms wide enough to let it consume all the cells in your
body. Living, genuinely living, requires every emotion to be embraced, no matter how raw it is. You’ll
thank yourself those last few days of your life as you can stare death in the eyes and grin, no longer
scared of what comes after, but ready for a new adventure you can’t wait to experience. After taking off
a mask that tries to show life as it isn’t, and overcoming a fear of living in a world overpopulated with
unknowns, you’ll be addicted to the rush of letting the world enter you and acknowledging it’s every
emotion. To take in and actually allow yourself to be vulnerable instead of shoving all your feelings aside
so you’ll never know the power they have to engulf you will save you.

3. Life is beyond full of opportunities that’ll make you think you’re on top of the world, as well as under it.
Isn’t that beautiful though? It’s not meant to be easy. It’s not meant to be a path you follow behind
someone in. It’s meant to be rough, a terrain so dangerous yet breathtaking that no one has ever
explored before, because it’s YOUR life; you take it where you want it to go. The best rollercoaster ride
you’ve ever experienced, the ride that made you feel something, the one thing you can say you fucking
conquered even when you were scared shitless to get on. Question everything you can and find the
answers that make sense to YOU, not to someone else. Don’t look back at the mess that may be behind
you because it’s not going to change so there’s absolutely no reason to beat yourself up about what will
forever be cemented there. Just let go. Challenge what’s ordinary to show the world you could care less
about what they have to gossip about because one day you’ll die and the memories that remain of you
in every life you’ve touched will be all that’s left of you; make sure they’re good memories. People will
wonder how someone could be so damn brave, carefree, fearless…well?
You stopped being afraid of not knowing what life has in store for you, aware it can be ruthless. You
finally let life trickle into your bloodstream and be the reason your heart pumps; you finally realized that
you were the driver in charge of where you were going.